Relationship with girlfriend acting weird

[thinking_guy]

Hi everybody first time posting about this and i need help. I think i'm over thinking it.

 

Here's my story

 

I been dating my girlfriend for 5 years since we were seniors in highschool we both are 22 years old and we never had a problem til last month. Im her only boyfriend that she ever had. I was over at her house one night watching movies and i was going to make a joke about a picture i saw that she posted on twitter and i gave her a playful slap on the cheek, but she actually thought i actually slapped her. Im not that type of guy that hits girls i hate it when my friends mistreats their girlfriend. She got upset and i quickly realized what i have done was wrong so i apologized, but she got mad and told me she needed time to think about what she needs to give her a week with no contact. she works 37.5 hrs a week and goes to school For myself i work 40 to 50 hours a week and i got classes at night We both are going to College. Little bit of her background her father abused her mother when they were younger and now her mom is single mother. From there on she said to herself if a guy ever hits her even playing around she would leave him and never go back with him even she loves him a lot. So 3 days passed by and i texted her that i lover her and miss her a lot she replied i need my space and think whats good for me so talk to you in 4 days. The day came when i was going to see her i texted her good morning and that i was happy to see her today but she didn't texted back so i called her and no answer so i called and she answered that she was still mad and to stop bothering her and she doesn't wanted to see me for another week. I was heartbroken so i agreed. When all this was happening i couldn't eat or sleep. During this fight she went clubbing every weekend and she looked like she didn't miss me like i did. The day came when i saw her i was excited i thought it would be all tearful and joyful but that didn't happen she just walk by me and said hi like nothing happen i was heartbroken. I asked her if we still together she said yes we are and i still love you. When we got back together i feel like she changed it feel like she doesnt love me like she used to she doesn't cuddle with me she says that she hates cuddling and it feels like she cheated on me. She has this guy friend that she calls him her best friend at first i didn't like that idea but then i accepted him she said he is like a brother to her and that he is her bestfriend that is a guy she tell him everything even about her father abused her mother and she doesnt tell that to anybody. Should i be worried because i thought i was her best friend? Her friend used to talk to me, but after the fight we had he stopped talking to me. I told her about it and she says that he feels like i hate him. She texts him a lot and it feels like she started to like him and i think she cheated me with him i told her about this and she said no i will never do that to you if i wanted to be with another guy why would i go back with you. So i felt better but that thought still there i dont know why i trust her a lot and shes not like that she always been shy to see her naked and i doubt that she would show that to another guy. She likes going to clubs with her girlfriends and i told her if i can go so she said no girls only but when she takes pictures her guy best friend is with her. She says that her guy friend is already there because he goes to that club all the time. I just relized i have abandonment issues because my father left us when i was 5 years old and my mother went clubbing every night and my grandmother took care of me so i been by myself for a long time. i never felt that till she left me so it i think that triggered that fear that she will leave me. I fear that she will leave me for anther guy at the club. She not like that she's is church girl and goes to church every sunday. I dont know why i feel like she's cheating on me she never gave me any reason to think that. I asked her if she sees me in her future as her husband and the father of her kids and she tells me all the time yes of course i dont see myself with another guy. She also said if we ever broke up i still see us together in the future. I love her with all my heart she fills the emptiness i had all this years. She stop showing affection to me and our conversations are short and im the first one to text her, but with her guy friend she texts him all the time even when im with her and she works with him so shes with her everyday of the week but when i want to hang out with her 2days in a row she freaks out and tells me she needs space and we only hang out at night at her house at 9pm and we hang out for 2 hours and i sleep with her till 3 in the morning then i go home. I think im over thinking this relationship i dont want to lose her can you guys help me out. I proposed to her 3 years ago so thats not an issue we talked that when we have a stable career we can start planning the wedding. I'm becoming a correction officer and she's becoming a CPS.

[russellfitch1980]

From what I have read I highly doubt she is cheating on you, you are focusing on all the negatives man. Your girl is in pictures with the same guy, her best friend, thats no problem because you know him and he knows you. She has told you that she would never cheat you on and that she wants to be with you and only you. If she was in pictures with other guys then I would consider that a red flag. I allow my girlfriend to hang out with her friends and we have no problems. When she is with them she doesn't text me as often because she is with them and doesn't want to be rude. I don't worry that she is going to cheat on me because I know she loves me and she communicates with me when she can. She also tells me before and after what her plans are and when she is home. Communication is key, and thats the most important thing in a relationship. 5 years is a long time and thats something special, keep at it and focus on the positives. Also a little word of advice, pretending to slap a girl even if its a playful manner can be taken the wrong way about 90% of the time. I would never do that and don't really consider that a joke, especially if your girl has an abusive father. Cheer up and talk to her if you need to...let her know how you feel. Tell her your sorry and you want to work things out and make things like they were. Romance her, take her out, buy her things, surprise her! If nothing changes and you still suspect something, then do some spying if you think she is cheating. A little won't kill anyone. But I mean if nothing changes and you still have a gut feeling...just wait a few weeks and see how you feel and if her sudden distance goes away.

[Darren Steez]

firstly with respect to Russell I think that advice is BS...respectfully

 

First off this slap..truthfully did you hit her? You say it's a slap, then you connotate a certain amount of force. If I was "playfully" going to smack someone on the face it would be as light as possible, it's the face playfully or not you do not raise your hands to someone elses face.

 

regardless..

 

If you did do it playfully then her reasons for breaking up just don't marry up. Looks like she needed a reason for you guys to take a "break" and she found the perfect opportunity to do so.

 

So she's going out on Girl's night only but her guy friend is there? What about you her boyfriend, do you ever go out with her? You do know there is a reason why her friend was talking to you before the fight and not talking to you after? His reasons don't marry up either..he feels you hate him all of a sudden when you used to talk like friends..

 

I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before the truth comes out, either way it looks like she's slowly detaching herself from you. She wanted to have a taste of single life, she had it now it's hard to fake the affection she used to have..you still have it because mentally you're still at the same place, but she's moved on.

 

Talk to her about what is going on and whether or not she truly wants to be with you. If this relationship is going to move forward you need to also talk to this other guy about why he's acting the way he is. Also when she's going out on one of these GNO's, find out where she's going and invite yourself along, it's not really a GNO if the other guy is there is it?

[GorillaTheater]

1. You "playfully" slapped her, but may well have triggered issues she has, same as recent events have triggered your adandonment issues.

 

2. This friend of hers probably IS moving in for the kill. She may well be letting him.

 

3. She's young, but has never dated anybody but you. She probably IS wondering what it would be like with another guy.

 

4. Your abandonment issues have probably led to alot of clingy, needy behavior on your part, which is a big turn-off.

 

Let her go. You know the old saying:

 

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, change the door locks".

 

Seriously, you've screwed up, and so likely has she. Time to step away from the trainwreck and assess the situation from 50,000 feet.

 

"But I luuuuv her" is not going to work. It never does. Detach the emotional hose, man. Sorry.

[Chi townD]

Gorilla Has it right.

 

Look, she's cheating on you. She may not be physically cheating, but she is emotionally involved with someone else. Look, you even stated that when you call her or text her, your conversations are short and to the point. Yet, she'll spend hours texting and talking to this other guy. That's cheating. She's emotionally invested in this douche rocket. And all the time spent on the phone and texting this douche is taking away from time spent on the relationship. Thus, she's cheating on you and cheating on the relationship.

 

And don't you find it kind of odd that you can't go with her on "girls night out" but they just HAPPEN to arrive at the SAME club this guy goes to EVERYTIME?

 

Time to cut her lose. Time to cut her out of your life. I have a feeling she won't be too broken up about it. She's putting more value in this other guy than you. So, how is that fair to you?

 

Also, I might add that I think it would be wise for you to seek individual counseling to deal with the abandonment issuses that you've had and also to help you heal from this.

[GorillaTheater]

Gorilla Has it right.

 

Look, she's cheating on you. She may not be physically cheating, but she is emotionally involved with someone else. Look, you even stated that when you call her or text her, your conversations are short and to the point. Yet, she'll spend hours texting and talking to this other guy. That's cheating. She's emotionally invested in this douche rocket. And all the time spent on the phone and texting this douche is taking away from time spent on the relationship. Thus, she's cheating on you and cheating on the relationship.

 

And don't you find it kind of odd that you can't go with her on "girls night out" but they just HAPPEN to arrive at the SAME club this guy goes to EVERYTIME?

 

Time to cut her lose. Time to cut her out of your life. I have a feeling she won't be too broken up about it. She's putting more value in this other guy than you. So, how is that fair to you?

 

Also, I might add that I think it would be wise for you to seek individual counseling to deal with the abandonment issuses that you've had and also to help you heal from this.

 

Yep. And I want to add that it hurts, and it's going to hurt for a while. No two ways about it. But work through it. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will pass. If you're like most of the rest of us, it won't be the last time it happens to you. But the first time is hardest, I know.

 

Work out hard; release those endorphins and get looking sharp for the next woman. A coach used to tell me that "pain is weakness leaving the body". Always sounded like BS to me, but maybe he was on to something.

[Chi townD]

A coach used to tell me that "pain is weakness leaving the body". Always sounded like BS to me, but maybe he was on to something.

 

LOL! I always thought that pain is your body telling you that something's f*cked up and to stop what you're doing!

 

You can also look at it as that you are one more heartbreak away from the person that you are truely meant to be with.

[thinking_guy]

From what I have read I highly doubt she is cheating on you, you are focusing on all the negatives man. Your girl is in pictures with the same guy, her best friend, thats no problem because you know him and he knows you. She has told you that she would never cheat you on and that she wants to be with you and only you. If she was in pictures with other guys then I would consider that a red flag. I allow my girlfriend to hang out with her friends and we have no problems. When she is with them she doesn't text me as often because she is with them and doesn't want to be rude. I don't worry that she is going to cheat on me because I know she loves me and she communicates with me when she can. She also tells me before and after what her plans are and when she is home. Communication is key, and thats the most important thing in a relationship. 5 years is a long time and thats something special, keep at it and focus on the positives. Also a little word of advice, pretending to slap a girl even if its a playful manner can be taken the wrong way about 90% of the time. I would never do that and don't really consider that a joke, especially if your girl has an abusive father. Cheer up and talk to her if you need to...let her know how you feel. Tell her your sorry and you want to work things out and make things like they were. Romance her, take her out, buy her things, surprise her! If nothing changes and you still suspect something, then do some spying if you think she is cheating. A little won't kill anyone. But I mean if nothing changes and you still have a gut feeling...just wait a few weeks and see how you feel and if her sudden distance goes away.

 

Thanks! Yes i been thinking all about negative thoughts and not thinking about the positiveI know that she wouldnt cheat on me but it felt like she was, but shes not that kind of women she told me if i was cheating on you why would i go back with you i would never hurt you like that. I know i'm pushing her away because every time we hang out i keep on bringing it up idk why i do. I do take her out every saturday to romantic places and we both have fun. We talked last night about this because i brought it up again (stupid me) and she told me that we need time apart because you're killing this relationship i think it was to soon to be back together and you dont trust me and i don't want to a relationship without trust. We both agreed on this because we both want to work this out because we are going on a trip together for a whole week in 3 weeks. We both agree not to talk to eachother or see each other till then. Now i dont feel like she's cheating on me or anything i think we just needed time apart. For that slap i know it was wrong of me even a little tap isn't good with her issues. Thanks this the only post that actually had a positive response.

[thinking_guy]

firstly with respect to Russell I think that advice is BS...respectfully

 

First off this slap..truthfully did you hit her? You say it's a slap, then you connotate a certain amount of force. If I was "playfully" going to smack someone on the face it would be as light as possible, it's the face playfully or not you do not raise your hands to someone elses face.

 

regardless..

 

If you did do it playfully then her reasons for breaking up just don't marry up. Looks like she needed a reason for you guys to take a "break" and she found the perfect opportunity to do so.

 

So she's going out on Girl's night only but her guy friend is there? What about you her boyfriend, do you ever go out with her? You do know there is a reason why her friend was talking to you before the fight and not talking to you after? His reasons don't marry up either..he feels you hate him all of a sudden when you used to talk like friends..

 

I'm thinking it's just a matter of time before the truth comes out, either way it looks like she's slowly detaching herself from you. She wanted to have a taste of single life, she had it now it's hard to fake the affection she used to have..you still have it because mentally you're still at the same place, but she's moved on.

 

Talk to her about what is going on and whether or not she truly wants to be with you. If this relationship is going to move forward you need to also talk to this other guy about why he's acting the way he is. Also when she's going out on one of these GNO's, find out where she's going and invite yourself along, it's not really a GNO if the other guy is there is it?

 

No i didn't slap her like that it was a light tap to her cheek, its still wrong. The Reason i didn't go with her to the clubs is because i never like going that wasn't my thing. My thing was going to parties and playing beer games with all my friends. Now that i started going to the clubs i liked it we only been to the clubs twice together and it was fun she loved it. We talked last night about this topic because i brought it up cause i thought about it and tells me all the time "babe i swear to god and my mother im not cheating on you why would you think that. i text him because we always talk smack about eachother he is like my brother and he is still in love with his ex gf. He has been with her for 7 years thats why i talk to him i want adivice to make you happy he tells me dont act like cold hearted person to him because he truly loves you i never seen a guy that in love. I bet he doesn't like going out because he like spending time with you even though you guys just sit around watching movies and not doing anything to him thats fun." and all that is true. I think i was just getting jealous of this guy getting all the attention. We also talked about being with me she said " yes i do want to be with you i dont see myself with another guy i dont want to lose this special thing that we have. Your insecurities are killing it" Thanks for the help.

[loversquarrel]

You are being played. She is quite literally ****ing with your head. The first thing I learned about women who lie - when they say things like "I swear", "I would never", "Your insecurities are killing us", "He's like a brother to me". She didn't miss you during the break. She went clubbing quite a bit. She would meet up with another guy on nights she basically said were girls only (to keep you sidelined). Use your head. You are young and this should be a lesson in what not to deal with in relationships.

 

BTW - Don't raise your hand and "playfully" slap a woman - it is disrespectful. With that being said, don't put up with her **** either.

[ChessPieceFace]

This girl is messed up in the head. Move on.