jaykayelle Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I've been with my partner for a year and a 1/2 (I'm 29, and she's 43). She asked me to marry her October 2012, and I said yes! I immediately texted my friends and told them our good news. I even began looking on the market for a house to buy for us. Fast forward to a couple of weekends ago (March 2013). My partner invited me to a family function of hers. When I arrived, I noticed that she was wearing the engagement ring I gave her, on her right ring finger. I asked her why, and she said, "Because this isn't the function to announce or engagement. My family will see that we're wearing our rings and will question me." I told her that I felt disrespected and hurt. I'd rather her not wear the ring at all, if she feels that she can't wear it on her left finger. Still, she wears it on her right hand when she's around her family. And the day that she proposed to me, she didn't call and tell anyone about it. When me and her are out in the public, she wears it on the left, and checks to make sure that I'm wearing mine. She says she hasn't told her family yet because she is waiting until she can offer me more stability (meaning, her job and financial situation), and so they won't think less of her. I don't understand the logic. How can you ask someone to marry you if you don't feel secure enough? Since this, I feel like some dirty secret. I don't know if its because she may feel ashamed that we're lesbians (by the way, her family is very accepting of our lifestyle), or what. I no longer desire to buy a house for us, or feel an intimate connection with her because I feel like she's just playing a game with me. Any advice?? Am I overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 I would explain to her exactly what you have explained here. Literally word for word. You are wondering why you feel like your engagement is a secret while around family. You are feeling differently about things, don't feel like buying a home and you feel differently about her in an intimate way because of this. Really let her know how she has made you feel, Hun. She may not know exactly what you're feeling here or how offended you are. I'm sure she would break if she knew you were hurting this way over things. She may surprise you with what she says. Family, can be an extremely hard one to crack. I hope you guys can work through this and move forward continuing to love one another, make future plans together and just continue where you left off before this happened. Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 "Staged" is a horrible word. It's just private. Like Forever said, just tell her exactly what you are thinking and get your answer. For me personally it'd be really hard to tell my parents I am planning on getting married to someone, but just because it's not the right time to share my plan with my parents doesn't mean that I don't want to share my plan with my future spouse. It could be simple as that. This is a little issue you can talk about easily now. Don't let it brew resentment! Link to post Share on other sites
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