Overcoming social anxiety and shyness

[Zulnex]

Hello.

After long and very careful consideration, I have decided to tell my story and ask for your advice.

Due to shyness and social anxiety, I have never made any friends in life and I have never been in a relationship.

In college, I was told many times by my classmates that I was living in a "bubble". They really cared and wanted me to become more open. Unfortunately, I just couldn't overcome my shyness.

I remained shy when I was working as well. My co-workers would invite me to go for a drink after work and I always politely declined. I would make excuses why I couldn't go and join them.

I am already taking some small steps to overcome my shyness and social anxiety. For example, it used to make me very nervous going to a shopping mall and seeing so many people inside. After 10 minutes, my breathing would change and I would quickly start to look for the closest exit. Now, I am not feeling as nervous as I used to, but I still have lots of work to do.

Since I can't find a job in my field (medical lab.) and similar jobs, I have no choice but to drive a truck and be away for long periods of time. This doesn't help in overcoming my shyness but for now, I have no choice.

I am currently in the process of finding a counselor.

If you have some suggestions, they will be greatly appreciated. Please accept my apologies for the long post and if I was boring anyone.

Thank you very much.

[NewPerspective93]

Why don't you join local groups that do stuff together; i.e. photography, meetups, etc.

 

I would suggest you make small talk with people, start with small steps, increasing with propensity as you go along.

[Silly_Girl]

I think you would benefit from really small goals that you set yourself. How many minutes can you be in a mall for? Can you increase it by 2 or 3 or even 5 minutes next time? Can you ask someone for directions to something (even though you know where it is)? Can you ask a stranger what the time is?

 

All very small interactions that require no investment from either party and you can simply move on and get on with your day.

 

Do you speak (make a little smalltalk) to the person serving you in shops or restaurants? That was a big deal for me. When I realised that was happening I knew I had broken through a barrier.

 

There are many suggestions on where to go and what to do to make friends but I think first you would be better focusing on getting more proficient with basic interactions and I bet you would see some progress really quickly. You could make a progress thread on here and get support if you find you struggle or congratulations if something goes well. Good luck

[Zulnex]

Thank you so much for your replies.

 

Last time I was in the mall for 15 minutes. Next time I go there, I will increase it by at least 5 minutes or more.

Also, when I went to a store the other day, 2 nice clerks came up to me and asked if I needed help. I was blushing a lot, but I smiled and managed to control my shyness and also talk to them for a bit.

There is still a lot of work to be done but I am happy with my progress so far.

[Divasu]

Social anxiety is a phobia = fear = irrational thought process.

 

I used to have to do presentations at my job and speaking in front of an audience terrified me. I took a few acting lessons for fun, and it helped immensely. So, maybe try that?

 

This is a good book I read, it doesn't really deal with social anxiety per se but it helps bring things into perspective and can provide clarity to your overall thought process:

 

Change Your Thoughts

 

Also, doing things that make you uncomfortable can help (IE: facing your fears). If you have a fear of something, try to place yourself in a situation where you face it head on. Like, if someone is afraid of heights, do something that involves heights. One thing at a time though, start off small and work/build your way upwards.

[Silly_Girl]

Thank you so much for your replies.

 

Last time I was in the mall for 15 minutes. Next time I go there, I will increase it by at least 5 minutes or more.

Also, when I went to a store the other day, 2 nice clerks came up to me and asked if I needed help. I was blushing a lot, but I smiled and managed to control my shyness and also talk to them for a bit.

There is still a lot of work to be done but I am happy with my progress so far.

 

That does sound good. And some days will be harder and progress will be difficult to come by, but moving in the right direction is fantastic!

[adelia]

Google Midwest center. They have a great program for this. Also psychologists can help greatly. I used to get panic attacks around large crowds but am over it now. A lot of breathing through the discomfort from your diaphragm and thinking your way out of the scary moments and they do pass. Small goals and knowing it's not win or fail. If you make it in the mall that's a success. You need the tools to work with so look at midwests website. They have mentors on there as well that will talk to you and guide you. It's overcomable. I was the most shy person you'd ever meet now I'm out and very social always around people. Shyness and social anxiety are an inward prison and if you allow those prison walls become smaller and smaller. Some become agoraphobic. You have to feel discomfort to escape it. The goals will involve facing your fears but you can overcome it pm me anytime

[Zulnex]

Wow, thank you so much for your replies everyone. I am very touched. Your amazing suggestions are greatly appreciated.

This is such a wonderful community.

[SpiralOut]

You're doing great. Getting started is the hardest part. Feel good about your progress.

 

I used to have problems leaving my apartment. I still have days where it's hard, but I'm mostly over it. You can learn to overcome, or at least manage, your fears. If you haven't done so already, make a list of things you've been wanting to do but haven't done due to this social anxiety/shyness. It sometimes helps to have a major end goal in mind.

Edited April 2, 2013 by SpiralOut