Drama on the horizon, I fear...

[The_Face]

Alot's gone on in the last week. I decided to go through with initiating the child support. I did bring it up when I went to visit our son last week, but as always, my ex stuck by her feelings that she does not want it. She'll accept money and things, but still doesn't want it to be made official or legalized. That was pretty much the end of the conversation. That was my last attempt. I figured I don't have much of a choice but to just go for it.

 

As for visitation and such... I don't want to spend the next 18 years just "winging it". Those were never her words but that's pretty much what she wants to do. Now I understand, as the boy is only a little bit over a month old, that it's not easy to just let me take him overnight. He needs to spend the majority of his time, if not all of it, with his mother for a while. I can respect that, an infant needs it's mother alot more than it's father at that stage in his life. But at the same time, I don't think it's unreasonable to want to etch out a gameplan for the future, even the near future. I'm not asking for something unreasonable either, pretty standard things. It's not like I'm storming into the courtroom trying to blast her character and gain custody. I'm merely looking to set something up that's fair for me and our son, something to always count on. That doesn't mean we can never tweak things during special occasions if we are being civil and agree to sudden or temporary changes. She said in the past that whatever is determined to be fair is what we have to stick to and we will be locked into it, when she says that it does seem like she's trying to scare me out of getting a plan, but I know she's wrong. There is nothing illegal with two civill parents getting along better than their outlined parenting plan.

 

The point of that overlong rant is that I don't think my baby's mother should look at me initiating this as such a horrible, evil, controlling thing to do. I want to have some of my rights, that's it. I would never want my son to be torn away from his mother, for christssake. Again I just want a safety net. There's nothing wrong with being cautious, especially considering our troubled past, and the way things went during the pregnancy and first month of our son's life.

 

I know **** is going to hit the fan when she gets the letter in the mail from my lawyer. The thing is, we're not going to court. It's just a proposal, something to mull over, to talk to me with. My lawyer and I are both on the same page when we say we do not want this to have to go to court. It would be great if we could look at the outline and talk to eachother about our concerns and whatnot, come to an agreement. The lawyer is just a safety net, too, as of now. We want to stay civil, BUT we do want to agree to something. I have a laywer but it's more of a person to back me up only if need be.

 

Am I wrong for this? What am I really supposed to do? Do exactly what my ex says, when she says it, or risk being denied the right to see our son? And to do that for next 18 years? That's a risk I don't want to take. And as for the child support thing, I will never understand that. That is one thing that's never made the least bit of sense.

 

I just wish things were different. It's understandable things would be difficult. So many different, big things are going on in both of our lives now. But it's been a lot harder than I ever imagined this could be.

[amaysngrace]

She is refusing child support because she wants complete control over visitation.

 

What she doesn't realize is that one has nothing to do with the other. You can refuse to see your child but are still required to support that child the same way that if you fall behind on your payments you still will have a legal right to see him during that time.

 

This is about her having control and is not in your son's best interest at all.

 

Being involved as his father and supporting him as his father is in your son's best interest. You're doing the right thing....she is not.

 

As parents your first priority is to do right by that baby.

 

So what if she gets pissy with you? This isn't about her. Getting arrangements established and in writing seems like exactly what you should do to protect your rights considering the type of person she seems to be. Hopefully she will outgrow it and become more motherly by putting your son's needs before her pride.

[venusianx13]

You are putting forth a lot of effort. Quite clearly, you want to be a part of your son's life, and that's commendable. If mediation does not work, which is essentially what you are hoping for, you may very well end up in court and it will be for the best, believe me. Unfortunately, I've taken my ex to court several times in regards to our son, but it was the only way to get anything solid, because he behaved much like your ex, although I was the primary custodial parent. My ex talked a great game and I relented to allowing for an amicable agreement regarding child support. The amount was agreed on in court, but because I did not have it go through probation, he has not been reliable with it. I am still waiting for this month's money, and aside from that, the amount has been reduced to half of what it was decided on (because, again, my ex is just not reliable). I'm preparing myself to take him back to court. It is not a pleasant process, but once it is over, you at least have something solid to hold on to. Since your ex is being so wishy-washy, I don't believe you can rely upon any loose agreements you come to, unfortunate as it is. And to protect your role as your son's father, you need to be proactive, or she may end up denying you the right to be a part of your son's life.

[TigerCub]

She might be against getting Child Support because she knows you're good for it and will provide for the child but it will never be on record and then later in the future when she wants to use that against you - she can.

 

So no - cover your ass and your rights as a parent and get everything done officially and legally and have it on record to protect yourself as a father.

[turnera]

It's not your job to make her happy any more. Make yourself happy. And do the right thing by being in your son's life.

[Art_Critic]

Of course you want to have a legal document as that becomes the baseline for what is expected of both parties, however... if she was smart she would also hire her own attorney rather than use yours.

So if she does hire her own then expect your deal to change some as the negotiations happen. Many things will need to be nailed down including who gets the kid on which holidays, health and life insurance.. etc etc...

 

Good Luck.. hope it goes well without a court battle, but if it comes to that don't shy away.

[The_Face]

Of course you want to have a legal document as that becomes the baseline for what is expected of both parties, however... if she was smart she would also hire her own attorney rather than use yours.

So if she does hire her own then expect your deal to change some as the negotiations happen. Many things will need to be nailed down including who gets the kid on which holidays, health and life insurance.. etc etc...

 

Good Luck.. hope it goes well without a court battle, but if it comes to that don't shy away.

 

She doesn't even know I am going through with this yet. But like I've said, its not like I haven't tried talking about it with her first, many times. So I don't know how shell react exactly. As for her using my attorney, again she doesn't know yet. I hope mediation is where this ends. I'm not asking for anything out of the ordinary.. all really standard parenting plan stuff.

 

Should I give her a heads up about this? I'm going over to see our son today. I don't think it will make a huge difference whether I tell her or just let her get the letter and call me. Just wondering what others think.

Edited March 28, 2013 by The_Face

[pink_sugar]

It sounds like you've already told her and she's being difficult as usual about it. No need to tell her again to create more drama...let her receive the letter in the mail. She should already know where you stand.

[ana0pera]

I firmly believe that people who want to stay out of the courts in child support cases have ulterior motives.

 

My dad was a total deadbeat until I enrolled in a really good college (I am pretty sure he thought he could ingratiate himself with me and that way when I became successful I'd support him in his old age, but the flaw in his plan was that he forgot I was smart enough to get into an Ivy League so I could see through his feeble attempts, and I went NC with him as soon as I could).

Anyway, when I was younger my mom was told by everyone in our family to seek child support from him through the courts, but being the smooth talker that he is he said he'd just give her money and there was no need to go through the courts. Well of course he didn't keep his word, and she didn't start getting child support for me on a regular basis until I was like 13 or so. And because the ******* did a lot of work under the table, he was only required to pay a small amount each month, even though he was really making twice as much as my mother.

 

I think that in some states you can sue for child support not paid...not exactly sure how it works, if it's that you were court-ordered to pay and didn't or if they can seek money you should've been paying before the court order. I feel like if an issue arose later in the line and custody came on the table, she could use the fact that child support wasn't paid on the books to get back at you and make you look like a deadbeat. Do you see what I am getting at?

 

There's no reason not to have court-ordered child support unless you are trying to exert control over the other parent by doing it under the table... It will cover your ass to pay it through the courts. It benefits her to have you do it through the courts because if you do go deadbeat you'll get in trouble with the law. You can always go above and beyond the amount the court orders too, if you feel it necessary. I would keep a paper trail though because this girl seems crazy. Write her checks instead of giving her cash, for example. I think she just wants control, don't let her have it!

[CC12]

But like I've said, its not like I haven't tried talking about it with her first, many times.

 

Have you tried talking to her about it since paternity was established like ten days ago? Because any conversations you had about visitation prior to that were really just hypothetical so kind of irrelevant now. Have you since asked for certain things and she's said no?

 

In your other thread you said she seemed pleasant and you were optimistic that you could work together. Getting lawyers involved is not really "working together." The whole point of lawyers is to settle disagreements, basically. Has there really been a big disagreement you can't work through yourselves? After ten days?

 

I'm all for protecting yourself legally, but I feel like you might be jumping the gun again. Remember that you were once considering applying for a court mandated paternity test when she was completely willing to grant you one. You saw a fight when there wasn't one. Be cautious that you're not doing that again.

 

You will be starting a fight if your lawyer sends her a letter. And what actually is the point of the letter? You said, "It's just a proposal, something to mull over, to talk to me with." You're acting like it's no big deal, but it will be. She is going to be pissed off about it. It might make things really ugly. So at least if you're going to send her a scary lawyer letter, make it mean something, not just a way to say, "Hey, we really need to talk about things. Here's what I propose. You cool with that?" Like, why do you need a lawyer to do that for you? Especially after only ten days? (Also, off topic, but how are you able to afford hiring a lawyer for all this stuff? Lawyers are expensive.)

 

The_Face, I like you. I think you're a good guy who tries to do the right thing. Please don't think I'm disagreeing with you just to give you a hard time. I just think you might not have thought this through all the way.

 

Also, you're a dad! Congrats! This is a happy time for you. Enjoy it!

 

 

 

Edit: Child support is a separate issue, and you should probably take that through the proper channels.

Edited March 29, 2013 by CC12

[The_Face]

Have you tried talking to her about it since paternity was established like ten days ago? Because any conversations you had about visitation prior to that were really just hypothetical so kind of irrelevant now. Have you since asked for certain things and she's said no?

 

In your other thread you said she seemed pleasant and you were optimistic that you could work together. Getting lawyers involved is not really "working together." The whole point of lawyers is to settle disagreements, basically. Has there really been a big disagreement you can't work through yourselves? After ten days?

 

I'm all for protecting yourself legally, but I feel like you might be jumping the gun again. Remember that you were once considering applying for a court mandated paternity test when she was completely willing to grant you one. You saw a fight when there wasn't one. Be cautious that you're not doing that again.

 

You will be starting a fight if your lawyer sends her a letter. And what actually is the point of the letter? You said, "It's just a proposal, something to mull over, to talk to me with." You're acting like it's no big deal, but it will be. She is going to be pissed off about it. It might make things really ugly. So at least if you're going to send her a scary lawyer letter, make it mean something, not just a way to say, "Hey, we really need to talk about things. Here's what I propose. You cool with that?" Like, why do you need a lawyer to do that for you? Especially after only ten days? (Also, off topic, but how are you able to afford hiring a lawyer for all this stuff? Lawyers are expensive.)

 

The_Face, I like you. I think you're a good guy who tries to do the right thing. Please don't think I'm disagreeing with you just to give you a hard time. I just think you might not have thought this through all the way.

 

Also, you're a dad! Congrats! This is a happy time for you. Enjoy it!

 

 

 

Edit: Child support is a separate issue, and you should probably take that through the proper channels.

 

I don't know what to do, I admit. The child support thing is a must, no matter what. My lawyer is going to get that set up. As for setting up a parenting plan, should I wait until my ex denies me the right to see him before initiating that?. The time will come eventually, I know. I'm sure I can still tell him to hold off on that part, at least. I just don't like this undefined thing were looking at for the next wighteen years. And the fact my ex NEVER wants a plan set almost makes me want one that much more.

 

It may be early for this, but whether its early or not, it will need to be made official at some point. That much I know for sure.

 

And yeah, I just got the results last week, but she's put me through hell the last year. I'm trying to be cautious now. That doesn't mean I'm trying to be uncooperative, I just want something to fall back on. But maybe I should tell my lawyer to wait on the parenting plan for now? I don't know what to do. My fear of making waves with her has always been what stops me from standing up for what I thinnk is right.

 

I think ill call him and ask to hold up on the letter for the parenting plan. I just hope I don't regret that decision later.

 

 

As for the lawyer fees, I make good money. While I might not NEED him right now, I know I will later at least. My ex has lied about a lot of things, a lot of important things. Call me pessimistic or paranoid, I just don't want to get burned any more by her. ****

[The_Face]

Have you tried talking to her about it since paternity was established like ten days ago? Because any conversations you had about visitation prior to that were really just hypothetical so kind of irrelevant now. Have you since asked for certain things and she's said no?

 

In your other thread you said she seemed pleasant and you were optimistic that you could work together. Getting lawyers involved is not really "working together." The whole point of lawyers is to settle disagreements, basically. Has there really been a big disagreement you can't work through yourselves? After ten days?

 

I'm all for protecting yourself legally, but I feel like you might be jumping the gun again. Remember that you were once considering applying for a court mandated paternity test when she was completely willing to grant you one. You saw a fight when there wasn't one. Be cautious that you're not doing that again.

 

You will be starting a fight if your lawyer sends her a letter. And what actually is the point of the letter? You said, "It's just a proposal, something to mull over, to talk to me with." You're acting like it's no big deal, but it will be. She is going to be pissed off about it. It might make things really ugly. So at least if you're going to send her a scary lawyer letter, make it mean something, not just a way to say, "Hey, we really need to talk about things. Here's what I propose. You cool with that?" Like, why do you need a lawyer to do that for you? Especially after only ten days? (Also, off topic, but how are you able to afford hiring a lawyer for all this stuff? Lawyers are expensive.)

 

The_Face, I like you. I think you're a good guy who tries to do the right thing. Please don't think I'm disagreeing with you just to give you a hard time. I just think you might not have thought this through all the way.

 

Also, you're a dad! Congrats! This is a happy time for you. Enjoy it!

 

 

 

Edit: Child support is a separate issue, and you should probably take that through the proper channels.

 

I forgot to add, yes I did bring this up since getting the results. She hates the idea. Again, let's wing it for 18 years, of course she is the final decision maker on that stuff, too.

 

I should also add, there WAS a fight about the pat test. It was hell. Psychological hell. And she pissed and moaned when it was time to do it. So it hasn't ALL been in my head.

 

Thanks everone.

[pink_sugar]

Have you tried talking to her about it since paternity was established like ten days ago? Because any conversations you had about visitation prior to that were really just hypothetical so kind of irrelevant now. Have you since asked for certain things and she's said no?

 

In your other thread you said she seemed pleasant and you were optimistic that you could work together. Getting lawyers involved is not really "working together." The whole point of lawyers is to settle disagreements, basically. Has there really been a big disagreement you can't work through yourselves? After ten days?

 

I'm all for protecting yourself legally, but I feel like you might be jumping the gun again. Remember that you were once considering applying for a court mandated paternity test when she was completely willing to grant you one. You saw a fight when there wasn't one. Be cautious that you're not doing that again.

 

You will be starting a fight if your lawyer sends her a letter. And what actually is the point of the letter? You said, "It's just a proposal, something to mull over, to talk to me with." You're acting like it's no big deal, but it will be. She is going to be pissed off about it. It might make things really ugly. So at least if you're going to send her a scary lawyer letter, make it mean something, not just a way to say, "Hey, we really need to talk about things. Here's what I propose. You cool with that?" Like, why do you need a lawyer to do that for you? Especially after only ten days? (Also, off topic, but how are you able to afford hiring a lawyer for all this stuff? Lawyers are expensive.)

 

The_Face, I like you. I think you're a good guy who tries to do the right thing. Please don't think I'm disagreeing with you just to give you a hard time. I just think you might not have thought this through all the way.

 

Also, you're a dad! Congrats! This is a happy time for you. Enjoy it!

 

 

 

Edit: Child support is a separate issue, and you should probably take that through the proper channels.

 

This is a woman who refused to let him see his child, because he wanted a paternity test and has proven to have many mental issues and mental instability here. She seems very manipulative...she could even be bi-polar or something, but she has given the OP enough reasoning not to trust her. Each time he tries to discuss something with her calmly, she throws a tantrum. Court ordered custody and visitation is the best option IMO.

[CC12]

As for setting up a parenting plan, should I wait until my ex denies me the right to see him before initiating that?

 

Yeah, pretty much. I think you should play nice with her for as long as you can. There's been a lot of hurt feelings (on both sides, I'm sure) and you've got to try to move past all that. New beginning, and all. Give her a chance.

 

And I think you need to learn how to confront her and ask for the things you want on your own. What about asking her to set up a parenting plan yourself? Tell her you're very uncomfortable just leaving it up in the air, that you want to set up a schedule, that routines are important for a child, that it's your right as a father to have consistent visitation, etc. She's probably not going to agree with every single thing you suggest, but if she makes an attempt to compromise, you can try working with her. If she pouts, cries, refuses to talk about it, then you can have your lawyer follow through. At least you'll have tried sorting it out.

[pcplod]

You sound very level-headed and mature about all this to me. Maybe almost too level-headed, but that is a potential topic for an altogether different occasion.

 

The real problem is that she sounds as far from being on the same page as you, which is all very unfortunate and problematic.

 

As a minimum, I would suggest that you follow up by explaining yourself as lucidly and as candidly as you have here. Whether she accepts that as genuine and valid is entirely in the lap of the gods.

 

Wanting to establish minimum ground rules from the get-go is perfectly understandable but it is also entirely valid to think of a constantly evolving situation longer-term.

 

Her attitude may well be about control, but it also could be as much about freedom. You can look at the same thing from two different perspectives and come to two different conclusions about what it is that you are looking at.

[blindotter]

I have been through family court WRT custody/child support. The most expensive and hellish months of my life. A friend who began her custody negotiations 3 months before I did is still embroiled in a lengthy, expensive legal battle, 2 years later. In support groups I have attended there were some who were still battling it out - 10 YEARS LATER. ugh.

 

So I am likely biased. My partner and I ended up reconciling, I think in part because managing our 3 year old autistic son was too much for him on his own. He is, like you ex, a wing it kinda guy. We maintain separate households. I actually chose to not ask for child support. I even fought with my lawyer about this because he thought I should secure it 'just in case'....this is my perspective, unusual thought it may be - we both share custody (which is kind of true, but not really because I do end up with our children about 85% of the time) - we both provide households and resources for them, and I am quite able to manage financially on my own because I am lucky enough to have a home with a paid off mortgage and my car is paid off as well, and I also provide insurance for the children because I am the one who is good at doing paperwork and following up and planning things, taking them to the doctor, therapies, etc.

 

So, quite frankly, I don't understand (in my case) the necessity for child support.

 

At this point, my partner has said that if we split up in the future he will not make any attempt to secure custody or visitation or child support for our second child because he doesn't want to go through the hell of family court again.

 

We didn't go to trial, we just did mediation, but there were court appearances with a judge required along the way, financial affidavits, and all in all I ended up spending about $4,000 for only 3 months of negotiations! And my lawyer was cheap because he is a law professor who has a part time practice on the side because he just enjoys trial work. My partner had to spend more money because he shelled out to get a high profile family/divorce lawyer.

 

Anyways, my unconventional family setup notwithstanding, if it would be possible to do mediation with a family therapist who would give you both a safe space to work things out with a referee present to even things out that would be great.

 

Also consider that the first few months of a child's life, often referred to by developmental psychologists and pediatricians as "the fourth trimester" is a very emotionally volatile time for the mother as well, because her body is healing, her hormones are still evening out, and if she is exclusively breastfeeding this can also contribute to emotional volatility.

 

It took 9+ months for you guys to get to this point. The situation cannot and will not be resolved overnight and quite honestly, from my experience, the legal system does NOT speed resolutions up. It throws obstacles in the path towards resolution by its very design.

 

And I know, I know, I have an MS in psychology and am working on my second MS in psychology and public health, so I am probably one of the most pro-therapy people you will meet, so I am biased in that regard, too. But I couldn't read your post without sharing my experience. It was a valuable one, that catalyzed a huge amount of emotional growth and self-reflection for me, and inspired my current graduate research but....I wouldn't wish that hell on anyone else.

 

Good luck. Remember, parenting is an endurance race. The best quality you can cultivate is patience, and the best quality to eliminate is that impulse to have everything set in stone and ironed out. Heck. Having a baby is the best lesson in that. Just when you get a routine going, they have a developmental leap and change it up.

[whichwayisup]

If she continues to balk with the child support, just open another bank account and put that money away for your child. Let her know you're doing this and your lawyer too.

 

She has control issues and needs to understand that you just want to be a part of your kids life and she has to respect that, do what is best for the little guy and not make it about her. It won't be easy, shared custody ( as time goes on) but, that IS the situation. you two are ex's who have a baby together. MAKE IT WORK.

 

YOU be calm one, the level headed one. If this DOES end up in court, you will know and so will your lawyer that you've been there, patient, understanding and doing all that you can for your child.

[The_Face]

If she continues to balk with the child support, just open another bank account and put that money away for your child. Let her know you're doing this and your lawyer too.

 

She has control issues and needs to understand that you just want to be a part of your kids life and she has to respect that, do what is best for the little guy and not make it about her. It won't be easy, shared custody ( as time goes on) but, that IS the situation. you two are ex's who have a baby together. MAKE IT WORK.

 

YOU be calm one, the level headed one. If this DOES end up in court, you will know and so will your lawyer that you've been there, patient, understanding and doing all that you can for your child.

 

I'm just trying to play ball with her for now. That means, if she's willing to let me come over and stay with our son on the weekends until he's older and can come for weekends to my place, then I will just try to go with that. My lawyer even agrees, if she's being civil and not denying me currently, let's just enjoy the moment for now. Because if we were to get a parenting plan made up as of right now, there's no way I would be granted weekends with my son staying at my place, I'd get a few hours visitiation at best. In a sense, I'd be robbing myself of extra time I could spend with our son NOW. Once he's old enough to where the courts would agree our son can stay with me, we can move forward with making a legit parenting plan.

 

It seems a lot easier for the time being, in that my son's mother isn't financially in the greatest position to up and move anywhere, she doesn't have a car, either. So for now, she seems to be pretty much grounded in one spot. Once that changes, say, she moves in with this new boyfriend of hers, things will be way different and I think at a point like that, if not sooner, we should work something out and make it official. Let's be honest here, how realistic does anybody think it is for me believe I can just go with the flow of things and do whatever my ex says, her way or the highway, for the next 18 years? As I said, it may be somewhat easier now. But it's stupid to think it will be this way all the time.

 

Seriously. Maybe now is not the time to lay down the law about getting a parenting plan set up. But the time will eventually come, as our situations change. I don't want to be pessimistic, I just think that's a realistic assumption to make that things won't always be this convenient. When I say convenient I mean, convenient for my ex. As soon as something doesn't work out for her, our little wing-it plan will change. That's why it's good to have some backup, if/when needed. I was ready to jump the gun before, out of paranoia and fear, but I'm taking a step back. Going to make the most of this.

 

Like I said before, as soon as my son's mother has a reason to get pissed off at me our plan will conveniently change. And I figure that will be the time to move along with this, call the lawyer. Next time nobody's going to talk me out of it. Until then, I'm trying to absorb as much time with my son as possible and treasure the experience.

 

As for child support, that's been calculated and my ex should receive a letter about it. I'm ready to to pay it and feel more comfort that my son is being provided for. I really don't have a clue how my ex acquired so many things and still seems to be scooting by purely off of what her mom makes at her job.

 

Anyway things are good for now. Taking it one day at a time.

[whichwayisup]

Once she stops breast feeding, that's when you bring up more visitation and time with you alone at your place.

Let's be honest here, how realistic does anybody think it is for me believe I can just go with the flow of things and do whatever my ex says, her way or the highway, for the next 18 years? As I said, it may be somewhat easier now. But it's stupid to think it will be this way all the time.

 

You make sure she and her new boyfriend can't push you out of your sons life, that you want to be involved and have a custody arrangement that is fair. She can't call the shots and tell you when you can/can't see your kid.

[ASG]

I do think you should have a parenting plan. It just protects everyone!

My parents had what ca only be described as the most civil of divorces (I don't kow the ins and outs, but they kept it civil, for me and my brother) and the custody was still agreed in court. I think they arranged it outside of court and then went it to make it official.

 

So it was set that my dad would get every other weekend, plus however many holiday days when we weren't in school.

That was the official agreement!

In reality though, they were quite loose with it. The weekend and holiday things were set, but my dad would pick us up from school most days, as my mom didn't finish work until much later and would have dinner with us. He still spent xmas with the rest of our family (as he didn't have much family of his own) and whenever we were out of school, due to the flexible nature of my dad's job, he would stay with us, at home or take us into his work.

 

So this worked out great for everyone. Not only did my dad have complete access to us, my mom knew she could count on him if anything arose (like us being ill). But, if they'd fallen out, they still had the court set every other weekend/holiday thing, so that my dad would still be able to see us.

 

And even if you plan on being civil and even if there were no reasons for you to think that it might not be civil (which is not the case), you should still, most definitely, have a court ordered custody arrangement.

[2sure]

I was not married to my daughters father. Weeks after she was born we split up.

I did not initially need or ask for child support because he intimidated me & he gave me monthly whatever he felt like. About 200 a month. Eventually, I needed to get her health insurance as I had lost mine. In applying for the state health insurance program I had to list the father in the event that he could cover her and because it was based on income I had to prove that I was getting child support. The only acceptable proof was court ordered child support.

 

So, I had to take him to court. They made it retro , so he had to pay me for all of the months it had not benn court ordered. I declined it.

BUT that's what happens. Eventually, she will need or want the support for a variety of reasons and unless it is a court ordered plan, you will be screwed.

[whichwayisup]

So, quite frankly, I don't understand (in my case) the necessity for child support.

 

B_O, you should still take the money and put it away for your kids, their future.

 

Face, hope all is going well. Do an update soon.