b52srock Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Its been six months since we separated, and our 18th anniversary is Monday (13th). I am so depressed at this point its unbelievable. Fortunately, kids are spending the night at friend's homes so they aren't seeing their mother falling apart tonight. He is refusing to talk about anything, won't go back to counselling, and is so totally different that even his friends are asking me what the heck is up with him. I would like to say its midlife crisis, but I'm afraid its beyond that, and don't know what I'm going to do. Should I contact an attorney and have unofficial papers written up to get his reaction? Should I continue to wait another six months for him to make a decision? I think I've been extremely patient about all of this, but to be honest, I'm running out of patience and afraid I'm running out of love, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 YES, file for at least a legal seperation. Six months is a pretty long time for your husband to be sitting there doing nothing to either reconcile or let go of you. You can't and shouldn't be in limbo indefinately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author b52srock Posted September 12, 2004 Author Share Posted September 12, 2004 Its been a rough six months. Very hard to turn my back on loving someone for 22 years. That's more than half my life! So far he's been taking care of the financial things (I've been paying the bills, he just deposits the checks), but he hasn't been here for his children like I think he should and he's avoiding any talk about us. I've made it clear that this isn't about the children, that they will be fine whether we're together or not (I'll see to that!), but that it is solely about us. Does he want <B>me</B>? He asked me a couple of months ago if I even wanted him back, and I told him "not if you're going to act like this." He's a totally different person. He used to face everything head on (firefighter, former Marine), but when it comes to us he's running and hiding rather than talking. Just strange. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Ugh! A marine..... LOL sorry my bf is a marine and he isn't exactly the most fourthright guy! Although he has been helping you out financially, it doesn't really sound like that is the main issue for you here. You need to be able to move forward and not be suspended in time somewhere........... If he isn't willing to talk, and he isn't willing to work on this, then I really believe that 6 months more isn't going to get it done. I understand you've loved him most of your life....... BUT you've loved yourself your entire life and to stop doing what is best for you now would be an injustice. Seek legal help here....... IF he has any sincerity in working things out he will respond in kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author b52srock Posted September 12, 2004 Author Share Posted September 12, 2004 *hehe* Yeah, Marines aren't the easiest to live with sometimes. Rather ridgid individuals...not that that's a bad thing...but they see no grey areas. Its black and white or not at all! I've had friends tell me to go ahead and have papers drawn up. It will do one of two things, either make him realize that I'm not the doormat he thinks I am and that he's losing an awful lot...or, it will be the final nail in the coffin. I guess I know what I need to do, but that doesn't take the terror out of the decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 I know how you're feeling, I do. However you have to do what is right for YOU. Don't be to afraid to ask the question because you're afraid of the answer..... Regardless of what the answer is, it will be the right one and no matter what at least you are no longer frozen unable to get on with life if it's with him or not. Link to post Share on other sites
ready2moveon26 Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Wow...it SO much easier to give advice than it is to follow through with it. My husband and I have been seperated for 6 months as well and while I would love to be with the man I married (he isn't the man I married anymore either...TOTALLY different as well) I have my daughter and myself to think about. I can't put my 4 year old daughter through anything like that again. We will NEVER trust our husbands again just because they've hurt us. We both need to stop stalling and start talking (SERIOUSLY) to a lawyer. I have gone and seen one but didn't do anything about it. We need to be strong women and take care of ourselves and our children. I wish you luck...I know I'll need it. ***EX Army isn't the greatest either*** Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Advice always comes easier said then done. I wasn't married as long to my husband (who by the way is a cop, uuggghh lol jeez what is it with the guys in uniform anyway?) but we have two little people together...... I guess I was just more not willing to put up with his B.S anymore? We had talked for awhile about issues and when I decided to divorce him it was only a few months into things. Scary..... yeah it was. BUT it was far worse living in this kind of hell then to go forward with the divorce. My kiddo's are great, although it was hard on all of us (my babies are young) I know that it was the best possible thing for me and for them as well. I have no regrets over my decision, although my ex husband now kicks himself in the ass. Link to post Share on other sites
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