TheOW Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Ahhh where to start, I swear to god I'm going to rip that woman's head off from her shoulders soon!! She has "rented" a house 100 miles away for me and my children and thought she was doing me a favour. I closed the door on her face She then started rumours that her husband wasn't the only one I was seeing I phoned MM and told him to get her to stop before I got really really mad, he was sad about this and told me she had been struggling to come to terms with everything and she's not trying to hurt me but him ?? He apologised and said he will speak with her and this will stop once and for all. Yesterday I had a bunch of child services people at my door, there had been a complaint about the mess and dirt in my apartment and neglect for my kids. Once they came in seen the place, seen me kids (who by the way are very well cared for and have the best of everything, I'm not rich like MM and his wife but I am far from poor either) my apartment is a brand new build. They left satisfied that everything was more than fine with us and wished me well, they would not be following up. Obviously they could not say who made the complaint but I told them of my suspicions and the hassle I am getting from her, they advised me to gather information and send it to the police. If my mum was not present yesterday I would have went round to her home, not as if I can get into to it she has recently installed security gates!! Seriously ?! This is a small town and they may have one of the biggest houses in it but really ? Security gates ? I phoned MM again and told him he better keep her away from my sights I am now on the warpath Now I'm conflicted I should go to the police and file harassment charges against her ? I can't be bothered with it I can't be bothered with the hassle anymore Sorry I'm rambling and this is all over the place 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Now I'm conflicted I should go to the police and file harassment charges against her ? I can't be bothered with it I can't be bothered with the hassle anymore Sorry I'm rambling and this is all over the place Yes. Social services advised you to go to the police and they're impartial. They obviously know more than they're letting on to you and she's obviously out to get you. Let the police know what is happening and get them onside before she pulls her next stunt. If they caution her that her harassment is illegal and unacceptable and that it will have consequences for her, it may get through to her. Hopefully she won't waste the rent and will move to the house 100 miles away herself. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 By repeatedly calling the MM you are maintaining contact indirectly with her. You are giving her (from her perspective) the cause she needs to keep going after you. If she has got to the level of bringing in social services, you need to speak to the police. There is enough going with that (and the flat!) to give you a real argument for having an injunction taken out. But if that happens, you need to respect it in turn by calling the police if she breaches it and not the husband. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 By repeatedly calling the MM you are maintaining contact indirectly with her. You are giving her (from her perspective) the cause she needs to keep going after you. If she has got to the level of bringing in social services, you need to speak to the police. There is enough going with that (and the flat!) to give you a real argument for having an injunction taken out. But if that happens, you need to respect it in turn by calling the police if she breaches it and not the husband. Agree. If you involve the police, you will have no need to contact him, avoiding any further dealings with them. Let the cops handle it. It's what you pay taxes for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOW Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 Yes I suppose this is what I will have to do to get her to leave me alone. I didn't want to do this as it is partly my fault she is like this (she was not unstable before our A was discovered) and this has played on my emotions for a while. I just thought give her time to rant and rave and she will lose interest but she's getting worse. I've had my mobile and home numbers changed because the calls were becoming a real bother. I also thought by contacting MM and letting him know what is happening to he may be able to stop her, obviously hasn't worked. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blondie1 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 When she finds out you contacted MM, it will likely enrage her more. And, he probably cant stop her anyway. See a lawyer and get him to send her a "Cease and Desist from Harassing you" letter. If she shows up again, dont open the door. Call the police. Blondie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Filing a restraining order is your best option. Calling her husband to complain about her would just upset her more, and wouldn't help the situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 I would speak with a lawyer so that you get a better idea of what your rights are with this situation. Some do free consultations, or you may be able to get free advice from a law student by calling a local law school. Many law schools have programs like this to give students experience. Then, unless it contradicts what the lawyer tells you, I would speak to the police. Be firm and direct with them, because they sometimes do not take these types of cases seriously unless you have proof of her behavior. It is absolutely not okay for her to be calling CPS on you unless she genuinely suspects you are neglecting or abusing your children. There are children out there who are being abused and need those resources, and she is diverting time away from them by making CPS open up a case based on false allegations. Resources are already limited enough for those agencies. I agree with everyone else who says to go NC with him. He cannot control her behavior, and staying in contact with him is only hindering your ability to heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Sorry TheOW, I agree, lawyer first and then the police. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 This is the issue: The bw's life is destroyed, demolished, etc. All the memories of her long marriage now mean nothing. She is questioning every single instant she spent with her H for the last 30 years. She feels her entire life is meaningless. She has nowhere to go. Yes, she is in serious distress. She cannot take it on her husband because they are not divorcing. So the rage is displaced to TOW. IF she was divorcing then the rage would be directed at the H. I still believe TOW should remain under the radar. Responding is the worst thing to do. Poor women! So? Two wrongs don't make a right. It still doesn't give her the excuse to do whatever she feels like just because she feels like it. Same argument used against cheaters. Lawyer up, pursue legal actions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Woah! She needs to stop NOW. No-one, but no-one, questions my ability to care for my children! Yes to contacting police. And see what they advise re getting legal advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 At this point, I think moving is your best bet. Police, lawyers, and restraining orders can only do but so much once a person has decided they have a vendetta against you. Is staying in that town and saving face worth you and your kids safety and peace of mind? Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 TOW, Maybe calling an attorney & having draft a cease letter will help Both of you* It'll be Her wake up call that she legally cannot mess w/you and you'll feel no reason to further contact w/her H. I feel horrible that choices made placed you and all else affected in this place. Time to put it in the past by any means necessary (legally) for all to move forward. Best wishes, CIH* Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 This is all the fault of the cheating MM. He needs to come clean with his wife. It's all well and good saying that but he is not doing anything to stop this harassment. tOW's family is being dragged into this mess and that cannot be tolerated. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Get the cops involved now, tell them the situation, start from finish and all the things that has happened in the past bunch of months. And, stop involving exMM. There isn't anything he can do. I know you think by asking him to tell her to stop it might help, it won't. He can't make her stop. Only the Cops can with an RO. This sucks and I feel for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 It is against the law for CPS to divulge the identity of a caller who informs suspected abuse. But I would certainly go to an attorney and get a cease and desist. It really isn't an actual 'legal' document. But it will establish propensity of potential harassing behavior. It might deescalate her. I really feel for the wife's pain and hope she moves on soon. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Unfortunately a lot of people encouraged her TO call the xMM on one of her last threads. You've done it, he's aware, you know he's aware, and he's not helping. Next step because this woman isn't capable of stable right now. I keep waiting for the post where you say you're home from the hospital after she broke into your house. I was thinking the same thing. If shes that obsessed with ruining OW life, she may wipe her.butt on a restraining order and laugh OR just get someone else to do the dirty work for her. This is escalating to a Domestic Violence type of situation, and if it were me and my kids up against that type of rage and hatred I would GO. And sooner rather than later to a place where.neither she or MM would know about. Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) I'm a BS, and I have to admit I enjoyed reading about the hell theOW was going through at first. Hopefully the betrayed wife was also making her husbands life a living hell also. BUT, this has now gone on too long. The betrayed wife has crossed a line. theOW, please stop calling the exMM and making any comments that could be construed as a threat to his wife. Should you make any kind of physical contact with her, your phone calls can be used against you. You definitely need to get a third party involved whether it's a lawyer or the police. This is starting to sound like something we end up hearing about on the evening news. And not one of those happy, feel good stories. If you haven't already, start recording time, date, location, and the subject of any contact she makes with you.(phone calls, coming to your door, etc) Edited March 28, 2013 by 96nole Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Why are we assuming that it was the BW the one that called CPS? If it wasn't the BW that made the actual call, then she had someone else make the call. Link to post Share on other sites
Spotme Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 I don't believe getting the MM to assume 100% responsibility would be enough at this point. Everything else up until now has been obsessive and vengeful, but still sort of within the normal range of grief behavior. Thinking you can rent someone an apartment far away and they will go is a different kind of irrationality that incorporates outright delusion, in my completely non-professional opinion, different even than telling her to leave town. This poor woman needs to be away from him and the situation and in some intensive counseling and TOW needs to take legal steps to protect her family, emotionally draining though it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 You know...with all the strife between "factions" here on LS lately...I think it speaks VOLUMES about this situation that pretty much everyone is in agreemant that this has gone way too far for way too long, and that tOW needs to see legal/official assistance to have something done to put this to a stop. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 You know...with all the strife between "factions" here on LS lately...I think it speaks VOLUMES about this situation that pretty much everyone is in agreemant that this has gone way too far for way too long, and that tOW needs to see legal/official assistance to have something done to put this to a stop. Nicely said. NOBODY wants this to escalate into the next level and if something isn't done soon (visit to the Cop station asap and file a report and a restraining order) ... That's all I'll say on that. OW, stay safe and DO call 911 if you feel uneasy/threatened. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorative Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Why are we assuming that it was the BW the one that called CPS? That was my thought. According to TOW- many many people know about the affair, and could be angry. It does not necessarily have to be coming from the BS. That being said- for contact you can prove, a cease and desist letter is a good idea, as well as never speaking to the MM again. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 tOW This link may be of use to you Stalking and Harassment 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheOW Posted March 28, 2013 Author Share Posted March 28, 2013 Thanks everyone I contacted the police tonight, they have been round and taken details,times, dates etc. Of course since this is the UK they will not do anything unless she actually "does" something but they told me to contact my lawyer (my H was present also and has set up a meeting with our lawyer in the morning) It has taken me all night to prevent my H going round there, he is furious beyond belief. Pierre I wish you would stop insinuating that I was "thrown under the bus" MM was honest with his wife and she has even been in contact with my H asking for details which I told him (just found this out recently) maybe MM said I was a mistake etc but he didn't lie and sweep rug he done the opposite and told her everything from the moment we were caught. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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