Raging!

[TheOW]

I have to agree.

 

After all the turmoil it is hard to believe MM paid a visit to TOW and that she had the guts to open the door. It is surreal. Maybe there is such a thing as the fog.

 

MM s incredibly dense or he simply does not care.

 

He's a stupid old fool and better start buckling up before he loses the one thing he's petrified of losing, his wife!

[dreamingoftigers]

Dreaming, thank you for sharing your story. That is the type of thing that DOES happen, more often than people realize and as I think most people realize, a call made out of vengence or spite has a huge potential for destruction and isn't at all the mild inconvenience some want to think it is.

 

I'm glad things have begun to return to normal for you and hope that you all continue to heal.

 

We both really thought that they'd never take her. They'd come and see that we weren't completely drunk/stoned/violent/living in filth and that we both really did some awesome things for our little daughter. Yes we had issues but nothing like what was suggested.

 

I felt the tide change right before she was taken (although I didn't know how they seizures). I called my husband and begged for him to have everything together they asked for right NOW because there was something up. We were separated at the time and he had already gone to the city he was living in at the time and he basically told me to eff off. They weren't going to do that, you're being ridiculous blah blah. Don't tell me what to do blah blah. You sound like my mother.

 

Then she got seized. He just came apart. I was at the office at 6 am the next day watching all of the staff go in. (I even memorized the door code, they have really crappy security and if I was as crazy as they made out....wow. Frankly after I got my daughter back I showed one if the social workers all of the searchable stuff many people in her office had left on the net. It used to be part of my job to look for that stuff so it wasn't just cyberstalking. It's only a matter of time before someone smarter than they realize does something awful down there.)

 

Anyhow, he just fell down to rick bottom and lived at Occupy Edmonton for two weeks dealing with the grief. He couldn't believe they wouldn't even let him visit. Then he was allowed to visit twice. Then the original assessor found out and had him shut out of the office for two months after our daughter had already seen him. She was so sad. She started saying "Daddy's not here because he's still sleeping."

 

Sorry I keep rambling on this these. Sorry TheOW.

 

It just hit like bricks and it took so long to find footing. Don't sign a damn thing. Get a lawyer yesterday. You don't know what's been said. When I finally saw legal disclosure, I nearly threw up. Plus the assessor did not follow any kind of due diligence by interviewing T's day-to-day people, like her dayhome provider who saw her around 35 hours a week since she was 4 months old.

 

TheOW, it may seem like nothing. But take no chances. A lot of them are very manipulative. VERY. Start getting letters of references from school etc about your parenting ability. Treat your hone like Martha Stewart lives there. If you drink, even a glass or two. STOP. Dont use any drugs without a prescription. You need an aspirin? Get a script for it. You don't know whet the original allegations were. (because I have been alcohol/smoke/drug free for over ten years, I was not asked to take a follicle test or random urine. My father had to take random urine. My husband didn't, which was odd. It was part of his terms but his was "on request." as stated above, my mother (who does not drink/smoke/drugs AT ALL (!) was asked to submit to follicle testing. Buy they beat CPS to the punch and had it done privately before the request date. This is because SOMETIMES they will wait past the 90 day mark to apply the testing. The testing is only good for 90 days and so they can claim that when they first intervened that there was substantiated evidence of substance abuse but the person had since cleaned up. Which is just crap.)

 

Get references. show that you are accessing sone kind of supports. Perhaps start seeing a personal counselor, then release permission for them to speak to her. Counselors (both personal and marital) were a HUGE asset for us with CPS.

 

Is there any chance your husband is pulling for custody?

 

And personally I think your MM made you out to be sole pursuer and a dangerous whackadoo.

 

 

Wow DOT. What a horrible and amazing (in a bad way) story. Thanks for sharing it I don't think that could have been easy on you. I hope your D continues to make progress. She's lucky to have you as a mom and all the support around her that you had when fighting for her.

[HopingAgain]

I have to agree.

 

After all the turmoil it is hard to believe MM paid a visit to TOW and that she had the guts to open the door. It is surreal. Maybe there is such a thing as the fog.

 

MM s incredibly dense or he simply does not care.

 

I agree. If there is such a thing as karma, maybe some dashing gentleman will come along and sweep his wife off her feet, and she can leave MM in the dust and find some happiness!

[Got it]

Actually, I'm pretty sure she is on topic. PA isn't talking about the BS' kids, she's talking about TOW's kids.

 

If you read her post, it says: "they are not BS' kids..." as in they are TOW's kids....

 

I think PA was just making a point about the BS/whoever calling in CS' on TOW and applying the logic of many OW to that situation.

 

Which you and PA and others would slam as poor logic and not true. So why on earth would you trot out the same logic in which you adamantly disagree with?

[Summer Breeze]

Sorry that your ex-husband was such a coward. I think it is great that your daughter was able to overcome such a devastating blow to her young life. He might not have said I think I will have an affair to hurt my daughter or hurt my wife, but he knew that having the affair would.

 

Just like I don't think the BS in this situation is saying I think I will hurt OW kids today. No, she wants to hurt OW. Regardless, BS crossed the line here.

 

I don't agree with Tit for Tat. OW was wrong. What she did was hurtful. It hurt her kids. It hurt BS and her family. MM was wrong. He hurt his wife and OW's family. BS was wrong. She hurt OW and her kids. There is a whole lot of wrong here that the kids never asked for. The kids have been hurt. It is time to stop hurting them. It would be great if OW took the lead here. Opening her door to MM even after CPS was called was not a good start. MM coming to visit OW was not a good start. BS leaving the country for a little while, that is probably a good start.

 

I agree with so much of what you said here but I disagree that my xH knew this would hurt our D. He was like so many who never considered the fact he could get caught. To this day I don't believe his intentions were to hurt anyone and I don't think he considered it would get that far. Calling CPS is pretty direct and there really isn't any hiding the fact the intent was to put the kids in the line of fire.

 

I'm ok to disagree with you on that though Awkward. I can see a lot of what else the BS has done is exactly as you and PA say -- designed to hurt TOW but boiled over to the kids inadvertently. I get your point but think calling Child Protective Service was too directly aimed.

 

Thank you Awkward.

[Decorative]

Which you and PA and others would slam as poor logic and not true. So why on earth would you trot out the same logic in which you adamantly disagree with?

 

Because it shows that both processes are completely screwed up thinking?

 

It's not an endorsement of EITHER action.

 

It's showing how screwed up and selfish both positions are.

 

That's why it was said.

[sweet_pea]

Which you and PA and others would slam as poor logic and not true. So why on earth would you trot out the same logic in which you adamantly disagree with?

 

Decorative explains it. Not even worth the argument.

Edited March 31, 2013 by sweet_pea

[Got it]

Because it shows that both processes are completely screwed up thinking?

 

It's not an endorsement of EITHER action.

 

It's showing how screwed up and selfish both positions are.

 

That's why it was said.

 

No, it was said to defend the BW's actions. Many are saying the same premise arguing how because she was betrayed it is understandable and to some, seemingly reasonable and justifiable that she has acted in the manner that she has. I think Pierre's post speak to that directly. She is broken; she is not responsible for what she does.

[Decorative]

No, it was said to defend the BW's actions. Many are saying the same premise arguing how because she was betrayed it is understandable and to some, seemingly reasonable and justifiable that she has acted in the manner that she has. I think Pierre's post speak to that directly. She is broken; she is not responsible for what she does.

 

I've explained what it means.

 

Even crazy behavior can be explained without being defended.

 

It was not being defended. It was being explained. It's an important difference.

[sweet_pea]

I guess you could use the OW logic, they are not the BS's kids, she has no obligation to make sure what she does doesn't hurt them. She didn't give birth to them so it is not her responsibility to worry if her selfish action will hurt them, after all their mother wasn't worried about it, so why should she. Yeah, see how dumb that sounds.

 

If you take the time to read this post, Got It, you would see that she isn't defending the BS' actions in any way. She's just applying the same logic that many OW use to the situation and shows how dumb/silly/selfish it sounds.... just as Decorative states.

[2sunny]

TOW needed nc so much that she's willing to open her door and sit with OM for a long chat...

 

Her words don't match her actions = no wonder the BS (wife) gets mad. Her H is a liar and still deceives her - and this OW goes along willingly with his gameplan.

[seren]

DOT, I am so sorry for your experience, I hope all has settled now and that your children aren't affected in the long run. Not all social workers are bad, IME we have to follow up allegations, no matter how small, for far too often they prove to be warranted and the protection of the child has to be paramount and there will be times when the reporter has given false accusations but until they are investigated there can be no way of knowing. Sounds like you had a very rough time (understatement). x

 

TOW, you have said how you thought the BS had rung SS to get an assessment of your children, the catalyst (if it was her) is that you had an A with her husband and no matter how wrong it was of her, it will not help matters if you let him into your home. If you wanted to call the police to say she was harrassing you, you might have a hard time getting action if it was shown you were continuing to inadvertently rattle her cage. If he comes again I hope you tell him to go away and come back when he has left his marriage. If it was her, I would do nothing to provoke retaliation, given you have said she is unstable.

 

I remember more than a few cases where anonymous calls were made by people saying that children were being put at risk emotionally and it turned out to be a person who believed that all adultery was morally damaging to children. We had no option than to investigate, if we don't investigate CPS cases and something is wrong, then the children are at risk and we are prosecuted. While it is unfair to those who have done nothing wrong (DOT and yourself) to those who have, it is only apparent once every stone has been unturned. SW's have to follow guidelines and the law, and if the law says removal is the best outcome, then that's what they have to do. If I had a pound for everytime we have argued against I would be wealthy, equally for everytime it was the right thing I would be rich too.

 

I hope it all calms down for you all and you can get on with your lives.