Fear Of Being Alone Long Term

[Archgirl]

Just speaking for myself, I think it's a great trait because it seems to indicate that people have perspective. I find that more modest people have an easier time admitting their own faults and being honest with themselves. I also find it irritating when people are out to prove themselves to everyone they meet and sizing themselves up against everyone. It smacks of insecurity and a never-ending need to feel important and different. I think there's a time for telling yourself you're special but also a time for reminding yourself that you're also just a bag of meat and bones sitting on a rock inhabited by billions of other bags of meat and bones, many of whom are smarter and more accomplished than you.

 

I'm half of a "power couple," but, honestly, when I run into folks who have the "I'm hot sh-t so you better prove you're hot sh-t, too, or I won't give you the time of day" attitude, it's a massive turn-off.

 

 

Personally speaking, if someone were to think because of how I behave that I was insecure or had a never ending need to feel special it simply wouldn't matter to me in the slightest.

 

It says more about that individual's inferiority issues than it does about me.

 

I know who I am. I like who I am. I am special. I do think I am sh*t hot.

 

The world would probably be better if more people were happy in their own skin.

 

To pretend otherwise to protect people from their insecurities does them no favours and is better addressed through empathetic ad generous conversation. Not my general demeanor or by acting less than I am.

 

 

I will always strive to learn how to do things better, be better at being me and to leave the world in a slightly better state than it was when I got here.

 

But I don't believe that is going to happen through some Victorian era convention of approapriate public modesty.

[MrCastle]

 

But I don't believe that is going to happen through some Victorian era convention of approapriate public modesty.

 

Agreed. And I respect honesty more than modesty.

 

I respect the athlete who says "I feel very blessed to be doing what I'm doing. I realize the record I just broke is a big deal, and it's put me up there with some of the best and I'm very humbled for it," much more than the guy who says "you know what, I didn't even know I had broken the record. It was just good to get a team win, it's all about the team and that's it. I didn't even know there was a record."

[Archgirl]

Agreed. And I respect honesty more than modesty.

 

I respect the athlete who says "I feel very blessed to be doing what I'm doing. I realize the record I just broke is a big deal, and it's put me up there with some of the best and I'm very humbled for it," much more than the guy who says "you know what, I didn't even know I had broken the record. It was just good to get a team win, it's all about the team and that's it. I didn't even know there was a record."

 

Exactly honesty, real authentic self aware honesty is far more valuable. And rare. It takes more courage and effects more positive change.

[sweetjasmine]

If all you think you are is a "bag of meat and bones", then a bag of meat and bones is all you'll be.

 

Dude, you just missed my point entirely. It's about finding a balance between two points: realizing you're just another human being and that everyone around you is a human being, too, and recognizing that, yes, you are an individual and unique in your own way. Focusing solely on one or the other doesn't do most people any good.

 

I've been around gifted peers all my life. The ones who brag about their accomplishments and treat every social interaction like a dick measuring contest aren't any more successful than the ones who are more modest about their abilities and accomplishments. You can believe in yourself without going around telling everyone how awesome you are, and being a little more modest helps you actually connect with people who might otherwise be put off by your attitude.

 

Personally speaking, if someone were to think because of how I behave that I was insecure or had a never ending need to feel special it simply wouldn't matter to me in the slightest.

 

It says more about that individual's inferiority issues than it does about me.

 

So someone has inferiority issues if they're annoyed by the kid who's always talking about his/her perfect SAT scores and GPA and this and that and the other thing, just to make sure every single person in the room knows how smart s/he is?

 

I know who I am. I like who I am. I am special. I do think I am sh*t hot.

 

The world would probably be better if more people were happy in their own skin.

 

You can be happy in your own skin without being an arrogant braggart.

 

To pretend otherwise to protect people from their insecurities does them no favours and is better addressed through empathetic ad generous conversation. Not my general demeanor or by acting less than I am.

 

I don't act less than I am, but I don't rub my accomplishments in people's faces to put them "in their place," like a lot of arrogant people do. Being modest isn't about hiding who you are so people aren't threatened by you.

 

But I don't believe that is going to happen through some Victorian era convention of approapriate public modesty.

 

Why not? You can better yourself without saying, "Hey, guys, did you know I went to Harvard and graduated with honors?" every time you walk into a party. Say it enough times, and even the person with the physics PhD from MIT is going to roll their eyes and think you're a d-bag.

[sweetjasmine]

I respect the athlete who says "I feel very blessed to be doing what I'm doing. I realize the record I just broke is a big deal, and it's put me up there with some of the best and I'm very humbled for it,"

 

That doesn't sound immodest to me. That sounds like someone taking credit for what they did and putting it in perspective without being arrogant about it.

 

much more than the guy who says "you know what, I didn't even know I had broken the record. It was just good to get a team win, it's all about the team and that's it. I didn't even know there was a record."

 

That sounds like fake modesty and fishing for more compliments.

 

What I would consider cocky or arrogant would be the athlete saying, "Yeah, I totally destroyed that record because I'm the best. None of you can touch me. No one here comes close. You see that old record? I beat it by this much because I'm that awesome at this. Awww yeah."

[Els]

FWIW, I think it's entirely possible to be both honest and modest. You don't need to put yourself or your achievements down, but neither does that mean that flaunting them will grant you greater respect. Personally I have always respected those who were confident enough to allow their work, talent and reputation to speak for themselves, rather than those who felt the need to constantly mention it.

[Divasu]

Dude. This is not about your haircut.

 

 

Maybe this thread isn't actually about a fear of being alone but rather, a fear of having a bad haircut?

[Mr. Lucky]

I respect the athlete who says "I feel very blessed to be doing what I'm doing. I realize the record I just broke is a big deal, and it's put me up there with some of the best and I'm very humbled for it," much more than the guy who says "you know what, I didn't even know I had broken the record. It was just good to get a team win, it's all about the team and that's it. I didn't even know there was a record."

You've touched on something that occurred to me as I was reading this thread. And that is that many highly accomplished people - athletes, statesmen, actors, authors, business executives, those in a position to "change the world" - suck at relationships.

 

Could it be that the very qualities you prioritize in yourself - self-awareness, confidence, certainty, pride, hubris - are your enemy when it comes to meeting the right person? There's a certain humility involved in successfully making yourself open and vulnerable to love. You may not be quite there yet...

 

Mr. Lucky

[amaysngrace]

You have fear that you'll end up alone but give in to that fear. Be good no matter if you meet someone or not and then you're gold.

 

Being driven by fear is a crazy thing.

[bradybunch]

I'm currently looking at Russian women in the meantime and they sound more like the kind of woman that you want to date i.e. tons of hobbies, very attractive, wanting a family, educated, etc etc. Sure, their English is not that great but they have no issues learning the language.

 

Something to keep in mind. Perhaps my best match is not here in the U.S. If that's the case, I'm willing to accept that.

 

 

I know lots of women like that in the US. Where do you live? I cannot think of many women who arent educated and dont want a family. Tons of hobbies is debateable depending on your definition. Very attractive is probably where you feel American women fall short. You are probably thinking Russian women are hotter and are more likely to be submissive. Independent, smart women scare alot of American men because we wont tolerate your crap when you start being mean to us.

 

Please dont be offended, but all of those things you listed in a woman, do you have yourself? Are you VERY attractive (not just attractive, but very, like you stated), educated, lots of hobbies?

Edited April 8, 2013 by bradybunch

[ltjg45]

I know lots of women like that in the US. Where do you live? I cannot think of many women who arent educated and dont want a family. Tons of hobbies is debateable depending on your definition. Very attractive is probably where you feel American women fall short. You are probably thinking Russian women are hotter and are more likely to be submissive. Independent, smart women scare alot of American men because we wont tolerate your crap when you start being mean to us.

 

Please dont be offended, but all of those things you listed in a woman, do you have yourself? Are you VERY attractive (not just attractive, but very, like you stated), educated, lots of hobbies?

 

Jacksonville FL.

 

Since I don't have a car, my dating pool is very limited and very low quality too since I have to use public transportation. There is a only a handful of people I would even consider approaching since the rest has a deal breaker that I can't stomach like excess weight, smokers, foul language/cussing, and being filthy.

 

Secondly, I prefer not to be mean to anyone except to those that deserves it so, no, I'm not afraid of American women. I'm more concerned with how she acts in public and I tend to observe a little bit before approaching her. This gives me the opportunity to see how she normally conducts herself in public and lets me decide if I want to approach her.

 

To your last paragraph, I don't consider myself attractive (but I'm fine with an average-looking women. I'm actually afraid of truly attractive women and I doubt I can match up to them. This is why I look and don't touch.)

 

As for educated, I did get my HS diploma and is trying to clear off my default school loan so I can go back into college to be an accountant. It is being a royal pain in the backside to do that since finding work is complete hell.

 

As for lots of hobbies, unfortunately, that needs money and I barely got any. This leads back to the severely difficult 4-year period of not finding work.

 

So, no, I doubt I can measure up to these Russian women. I'm sure the OP can though.