MarcoInaros Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Hi, I am not having any success with the online dating thing. I have been on Match.com for the past few months, and have been trying to refine my profile so that I seem like an interesting and good guy to know. I am starting to wonder if my initial contact messages are off. I would like to share a few I have sent - I have tried several different approaches, some with compliments, some without, most asking a question about their profile. Please feel free to critique. Also, if you have any good examples of initial messages that you have sent to a girl that were successful, please share. Ok, here goes. Feel free to tear me apart! LOL ----------------- Hi there If you could go back to school, what would you study? I think going to Grad school was one of the best decisions I ever made. -Jeff ---------------- Wow, you have a great profile! I like all the action shots. What is your favorite vegetarian dish? I am not that familiar with that kind of diet but I was always intrigued. -Jeff --------------- You have been to some amazing places! I read a few books on Nepal and Tibet. Did you see the Himalayas, or the Portala Palace? -Jeff --------------- Wow, I think you have a great profile! I am a little envious how you get to travel around the country for your work, since I have an office job. Have you gone skiing yet this year? I am going to go later this month most likely. -Jeff Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Okay, I dont and never have online dated, so I dont know how much help my advice is but I'll have a crack! I thought the first one about school was a tad, err, like you wanted her to be more than she was. you know? But that was the only one I didnt like, I thought the other 3 were good!! And theres no reason any of those would put a girl off replying if she half wanted to! So with that in mind do you really want to say anything different? Otherwise you could just be attracting a girl who wont like you for you. The only thing i would say is there all a little bland, a little average. If you want to try a different approach then maybe do something, that makes your message stand out. Something that no other guys will of said to her. That makes her wonder about you! God im not on top form at the moment but something like "Hey, Just wondered how my 3rd favourite girl on match.com is?" That stands out from all the guys asking her about her travelling or whatever. And 99% of girls wont be able to help themselves form the "how come im not your first" reply. and once she replys your in!! plus thats a great opener cause you can take that anywhere: "do you want to be", "Im never sure if you can trust people who eat Quorn", "Cause im so darn jealous you get to travel around the country and im stuck in an office". Yeah? Also you seem to maybe focus on there work or there travel. These are things that probably all other guys are picking out to base there messgae around as well! Read her profile carefully and look for the bit that no one else will be picking out and use that! Hope i helped, good luck buddy! Edited March 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Apolodor Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 OP, your experience is not unusual. You need to understand that most of the women on OLD are looking for well above average guys, so if your pics don't get that across instantly, chances are that you'll be wasting your time like thousands of other desperate guys. Your writing plays a little part in securing a response. Women have infinitely more opportunities to date guys, when they go online looking for "love" it means that they want to be able to pick the "crème de la crème". Stop wasting your time and go out there in the real world -- your chances will increase exponentially..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarcoInaros Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 Thanks Shepp. That's a good line I'll try. I guess I shouldn't assume that my question is unique. Instead look for the tidbit that no one else is asking about and surprise her. Women love surprises and drama. And as for that one opener I used, she said in her profile that she was considering going back to school, so I asked about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Sorry to hear it hasn't been as successful as you had hoped so far. Both men and women experience disappointment during their search. My suggestion would be to make sure your profile and photos are good. By that I mean that there is nothing off-putting in either. What I've noticed is that what guys find appealing or think works is often at odds with what actually works in effectively presenting a realistic but appealing picture of yourself to women. Have a few women in your target age range help you with your photo selection, and have them provide feedback on your profile. Make sure you are smiling, look warm, and appear approachable in your photos. Ditch the sunglasses and baseball caps. Honestly, your profile and photos should be your biggest priority. I wouldn't spend a lot of time crafting unique, detailed messages to each person. You have to send out so many messages to get a response that it's an impractical route to take. Keep it short and sweet (as you did). Allude to something that's in her profile to show you read it, and give some indication of why you might be a match. Give her something to respond to--e.g. a question. Proofread the message to make sure there are no typos or grammatical errors, then move on to the next. What will prompt her to respond will be your photos and profile, not your message. The only purpose your message serves IMO is to let her know you exist and are interested so that she clicks on your profile out of curiosity. In terms of specific feedback: ----------------- Hi there If you could go back to school, what would you study? I think going to Grad school was one of the best decisions I ever made. -Jeff If she wrote about wanting to go back to grad school in her profile, then it's fine. ---------------- Wow, you have a great profile! I like all the action shots. What is your favorite vegetarian dish? I am not that familiar with that kind of diet but I was always intrigued. -Jeff FWIW, I'm vegan. This message was a total turn-off for me. It came across as you're so strange/have such odd choices. Perhaps that's my personal idiosyncrasy. At any rate, your goal is to highlight commonalities with a complete stranger, not to point out how she is so unusual and different that it's outside your realm of experience. Save that sentiment for exotic zoo creatures, not the women you're trying to convince to date you. (See above where I mentioned touching on why you might be a match. Focus on compatibility. Basically, why should she talk to you?) --------------- You have been to some amazing places! I read a few books on Nepal and Tibet. Did you see the Himalayas, or the Portala Palace? -Jeff This was perfect IMO. I travel extensively, and it featured in my profile when I did OLD. I got a lot of emails around that. You worded yours very well. Nice approach. --------------- Wow, I think you have a great profile! I am a little envious how you get to travel around the country for your work, since I have an office job. Have you gone skiing yet this year? I am going to go later this month most likely. -Jeff My feedback on this one is similar to the second. In addition, the bolded part was a turn-off. Why aren't you doing what you love for a career? It's a little passive "victim" for me, so even if the profile picture associated with the message showed Brad Pitt, I would pass. Again, that might be my personal idiosyncrasy since I go for take charge guys and am a big believer that we are responsible for what happens in our lives and for our own happiness. Other women may have different reactions. We aren't a monolithic group after all. Hopefully they'll be along to comment. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 BTW, a lot of people on Match aren't paid subscribers. Not everyone can message you back. Then there are the folks who've found someone and aren't using the site any longer, but never bothered to hide or close their account. You can't really tell who is who. If you focus on profiles that have been active within a few days, you have a better chance of messaging folks who are actively looking at the moment. That might help too. Link to post Share on other sites
MsSmurf Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 Hi, ----------------- Hi there If you could go back to school, what would you study? I think going to Grad school was one of the best decisions I ever made. -Jeff ---------------- Wow, you have a great profile! I like all the action shots. What is your favorite vegetarian dish? I am not that familiar with that kind of diet but I was always intrigued. -Jeff --------------- You have been to some amazing places! I read a few books on Nepal and Tibet. Did you see the Himalayas, or the Portala Palace? -Jeff --------------- Wow, I think you have a great profile! I am a little envious how you get to travel around the country for your work, since I have an office job. Have you gone skiing yet this year? I am going to go later this month most likely. -Jeff As a gal who has online dated off and on I would say the only message that I dislike is the first one that mentions school. I simply think it has more potential to rub women the wrong way. Perhaps school wasn't for her, she had to drop out for unfortunate reasons and doesn't want the reminder, or she went and feels it was a waste. Also she could interpret your mention of grad school as you trying to say you're somehow "better" than other people. I think school is a great topic for when you are face to face because you can use her body language to determine how to direct the conversation. The other messages I thought were great and are exactly the type I have responded to. You clearly read her profile, found it interesting, and asked more questions to continue the dialogue. That is exactly what I think you should be doing. Unfortunately some women get a ton of messages and just get overwhelmed so you just have to keep trying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trevzilla Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I wrote a pretty good message to a woman Friday and she replied with she only dated guys that she felt a spark for. Code for I didn't like your pictures. Online dating sucks bad for guys. Agree with the other poster, just ditch it and try the real world. It takes more courage but face to face is far superior. Even moderately cute girls don't give me the time of day, so that leaves the ones I'm not interested in and why would I waste my time with that. Link to post Share on other sites
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