Meeting offline...

[SiaLv82]

I am meeting a match this Saturday off of e-harmony. As most know, it is a pretty lengthy process before even getting to the "open communication" stage.

 

Problem is --I think I gave my number out to soon. We had one e-mail and then provided phone numbers. E-mail turned into short text with no phone call.

 

Tonight I realized he has closed my profile out. BUT we are definitely meeting this Saturday. How odd.

 

All of this is giving me second thoughts. How much time do you put into pre-dating to determine if you should meet up? Would you expect at least one phone call?

[Poppy fields]

Yes, I would expect a phone call before meeting someone for a date. The pre dating thing has me confused as I don't do OLD. I would think an email, then text, then a phone call to confirm the date. I don't know all the ''rules" though. And I am glad I don't.

 

But, yes, one stinking phone call prior to meeting sounds completely normal and for me would be expected.

[SiaLv82]

I think at this point I am going to decline meeting up. I think this type of communication is far more acceptable if I were younger than 31 yrs of age. He is 36 btw.

 

I am only on OLD due to it becoming so difficult to meet a decent catch nowadays. In real life either they are already married or in a long term relationship. I am letting my membership run out in another month and probably won't return to OLD.

 

Hopefully picking up some new hobbies will give me better luck

[SunsetRed]

At least one phone call should be expected. You can judge a lot about the way someone communicates on the phone. Do they sound positive, negative, needy, normal..also what they talk about is imp.

 

I like for men I met online to tell me something about themselves, so I can get to know them. If they talk about sex, love, lonliness or soulmate bs on te first phone call, then I know that I don't want to meet them in real life.

[SunsetRed]

I think at this point I am going to decline meeting up. I think this type of communication is far more acceptable if I were younger than 31 yrs of age. He is 36 btw.

 

I am only on OLD due to it becoming so difficult to meet a decent catch nowadays. In real life either they are already married or in a long term relationship. I am letting my membership run out in another month and probably won't return to OLD.

 

Hopefully picking up some new hobbies will give me better luck

 

I'm about done w OLD as well, for the same reasons you are. I'm now trying Meetup as maybe that will create some real life opportunities for me to meet people.

 

BTW, I do think you should decline meeting this particular guy. If he cant even offer a phone call to prove he's a decent guy then he's not worth your time.

[KatZee]

Everyone seems to be focusing on the fact that he hasn't called you...

 

Did everyone miss the part where she said he blocked her profile? I think the lack of phone call is pretty obvious here. Not interested? Especially if he's blocking you online?

 

I would assume he'd stand you up or bail last minute. Not sure what the point of blocking you is.

[Gottabestrong]

I am not sure what 'closing your profile out' means. Does it means he blocked you? In that case I would totally not meet him. That is fishy.

 

About the not calling before the first date thing, did you mention that you would like a call? In my case, I am not a phone person, and I especially don't like talking to a guy I have never met before. Therefore I never expect or ask for a call and usually just give out my number after we have made firm plans for a date, so we can send texts in case one of us gets stuck in traffic or something. I've been on dozens of first dates over the last few years, a few of which resulted in relationships and only in maybe 5% of the cases did we have a phonecall prior to the first meeting. So not getting a phonecall is no red flag in my book.

 

To answer your question about how much time I put into pre-dating. It depends, but if I have a good feeling about a guy from his profile and the messages we exchange, I often meet for a coffee after a handful of messages and maybe a week after we started talking. My first dates are usually meeting for coffee during the day in a public place and they rarely last longer than an hour. So I don't spend too much time 'pre-dating' but rather get to know them in person and see how we get on. If there is no connection, I just shared a coffee with another human being, which is not a waste of time in my book.

 

I don't use eharmony, so not sure how it works, but my advice is to not focus on just one guy too early on, but talk and plan dates with a few guys. That way if a date doesn't pan out you are not too disappointed.

 

Good luck and have fun!

[CryForNoOne]

I think at this point I am going to decline meeting up. I think this type of communication is far more acceptable if I were younger than 31 yrs of age. He is 36 btw.

 

I am only on OLD due to it becoming so difficult to meet a decent catch nowadays. In real life either they are already married or in a long term relationship. I am letting my membership run out in another month and probably won't return to OLD.

 

Hopefully picking up some new hobbies will give me better luck

 

I think it's nuts to decline to meet up for no good reason. If you want to talk on the phone with him THEN ASK! What's the big deal? I think that type of communication is far more acceptable at any age, then just backing out of the date. I've been on 5 OLD since joining about a month ago and only spoke with one on the phone before meeting, so it's not "the norm". She asked me to call her before agreeing to meet and it was no big deal at all. But if she silently expected me to call, then I didn't, and she cancelled - that would have been annoying and I would have viewed her as a flake...

[Cutiepie1976]

Everyone seems to be focusing on the fact that he hasn't called you...

 

Did everyone miss the part where she said he blocked her profile? I think the lack of phone call is pretty obvious here. Not interested? Especially if he's blocking you online?

 

I would assume he'd stand you up or bail last minute. Not sure what the point of blocking you is.

 

Actually, closing out your match's profile is a fairly standard practice on eHarmony once you've moved to off-site communication, especially if the person is somewhat organized.

 

OP, you've gone through an extensive communication process before you can email, so most people just want to meet if they're still interested. The point of OLD, is an introduction. Dating takes place in real life, and most people quickly learn that extensive emailing, texting, calling, etc. ends up being a waste of time. You figure out whether there is potential for a connection in real life. Not uncommonly, a person who keeps delaying a physical meeting often has no intention of ever meeting and/or is hiding something pertinent that would be a deal breaker.

 

Most of my friends don't bother with a phone call (regardless of dating site). I like one. For me, it's an effective screening tool, so I simply ask for one before agreeing to a date. A stranger can't be expected to read my mind.

 

My advice: if you want a positive experience and success (for me that was defined as a long-term relationship with a great guy), then:

• Use common sense.
  
• Don't immediately jump to conclusions based on minutiae that don't matter. Focus instead on the criteria that actually determine whether your match can give you what you are hoping for out of dating.
  

 

I got what I sought without all the horror stories everyone seems to tell.

Edited March 29, 2013 by Cutiepie1976

[SiaLv82]

I did a background search through use of Google and was able to come up with a LinkedIn profile along with some information concerning his family.

 

With no other plans, I have changed my answer to yes for tomorrow. If all else fails at least it can be coined as a practice date and an hr or two out of the house.

 

We will see...I suppose