breakers Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 well i am going to try to make this short so people will read it and maybe help me with this problem. my bf of two years has decided to go into business for himself and i am happy for him that he is doing that. however i am not good with changes and this is a big change for all of us. he is a mortgage broker and has started his own company out of a friends office. he told me once that it would be "just him" that he was not going to higher anyone else and i was cool with that. so last night he says that he may hire steve, this guy we know who needs a job. i mentioned to him that he said he was not going to hire anyone and he swears up and down that he never siad and i swear up and down that that is exactly what he had said. i wonder if he had said that now to get me off his back. so what don't i like about him hiring someone else to work under him? well i guess part is the green eyed montster and feeling jealous of any women he might hire because he will have to work in somewhat of a close proxsimity with them, but not in the same office but just with them in general cuz they would not work out of his office cuz it is too small. so that is one reason and the extra stress it would place on him then on us. i know my motives are so selfish cuz they revolve around me and how this whole new adventure makes me feel. i know that is selfish and i am not thinking of him at all cuz i am too consumed with my own feelings about everything and i can not seem to pull myself out of this. he sooner or later always gets his way and i feel that each time he does i lose a little bit more of myself. maybe that is wrong to feel that way because i am not giving to him what he needs which is support and acceptance of his new company. has anyone been there before where i am now, if so please advise and many thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 he sooner or later always gets his way and i feel that each time he does i lose a little bit more of myself. maybe that is wrong to feel that way because i am not giving to him what he needs which is support and acceptance of his new company. Love is NOT 'gimme gimme what I want; gimme gimme what I need'. Love is 'what can I give you? What can I do for you?' Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 Moimeme that works for Max. if Max's partner's mission is to inquire of him,"What does Max need? What can I do do for Max?" Then Max will be relieved of the distastesful need to pester the s/o with "Gimme gimme what Max needs." as it will conveniently be provided already. And in the end Max gets what he needs. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 One hopes Max is asking his partner 'What can I give you?' as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author breakers Posted September 12, 2004 Author Share Posted September 12, 2004 i am so sorry but i do not understand either of these answers. my mind is not set up to unravel puzzles so please explain and thank you so much for the help! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 All you're thinking about is you. What YOU want. What YOU need. You are being unfair, unrealistic, and selfish. This is not how you're supposed to love somebody. Your bf is doing something very difficult - setting up a new business. Rather than thinking up ways to help him, all you're interested in is what it means to you. Love is not selfish. Love gives. Therefore, since you are not interested in helping him, you don't love him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author breakers Posted September 12, 2004 Author Share Posted September 12, 2004 oh that is bull crap! of course i do love him! i admitted or at least asked or said i felt i was being selfish. i at least realize that in myself. so then my next question would have to be: if you cannt agree on something or compromise on it and one is not happy with the out come and the other is, what then? do you split up for your differences, or does one suffer in silence so the other can have what he wants regardless of how it affects the other one even though she knows she is selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 One works very hard on oneself to eliminate selfishness. It is not a good trait and best gone. Read <URL removed> Link to post Share on other sites
manofmystrey Posted September 17, 2004 Share Posted September 17, 2004 breakers do work? If so are there guys there? Does he trust u working around these guys? You have to trust him if u love him. If he loves u he will trust u. Every business owner needs to have people that work for them, they need to find the best people regardless of gender. In the start it wont be easy for the guy opening his new business, building a client base, and tring to make ends meet. 80 percent of all business fail in the first year and u need to help support him and trust him that he will end up with another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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