Does anyone dread the weekends at this stage?

[lop98]

I hate holidays. Everyone's gone, the gym is closed, I want to die. The only available person right now is him and I'm this close of pushing that button.. which can either result in him ignoring me (smack) or me getting hopes up (double smack). Oh god..

[iouaname]

Ugh, yes, weekends are miserable. I try to keep as busy as possible but I just end up so depressed every weekend

[RiceaRoni]

For me not all weekends are bad per say...as long as I can keep busy or just remind myself that I deserve better...

 

Today just really sucks though. Yesterday I had so much fun at a party, but today I just feel really down like I was just pushed back a step. I started crying too while getting ready for the day...I just don't know why. I thought I was done with this.

 

But yes weekends are hard I think because we have more time on our hands and aren't overloaded with work,school,etc.

 

Just gotta remind myself from the previous post I put on this thread and the support that's been given to me

Stay strong everyone..one day at a time. Weekends too. Lol

[singme2sleep]

So far this weekend I'm doing ok, but since tomorrow is his bday...I prob shouldn't speak too soon. Just been trying to keep busy and focus on other stuff.

 

How's everyone else doing?

[Compromize]

How's everyone else doing?

 

Not good I had the what I believe to be final communication with my ex. I broke NC to respond to some comments that were for her benefit only and hurt me and it ended on a final goodbye. On the positive side, I can finally kill hope and cry myself to sleep for maybe the final time tonight. Not sure if I have anything left inside me. Very thankful that my kids are with me tonight.

 

I had a great night last night too. She must have somehow sensed it.

Edited March 31, 2013 by Compromize

[Am4Real]

Not so good, I'm afraid.

 

Sadness comes and goes. Out last night with friends -- they were asking if I was tired because I was so quiet. I spared then the details, well actually I spare everyone the details. Perhaps more than not, this is a major contributor to my sadness.

 

Thanks for asking.

 

 

So far this weekend I'm doing ok, but since tomorrow is his bday...I prob shouldn't speak too soon. Just been trying to keep busy and focus on other stuff.

 

How's everyone else doing?

[misswillow]

Not doing that great myself this weekend. I seem to never have the energy to do the things I plan on doing, and instead just dwell. I'm resisting the urge to contact my ex because I know it will only make me feel worse. And it's such a nice, sunny weekend...which is also making me feel worse.

 

I did go for a long walk yesterday and will do the same today. I just wonder when everything will get easier.

[coralie]

Been an awful weekend here as well. The only two highlights of my entire weekend were having a random pleasant dream about a complete stranger and the almost 45 min walk I took later on that same day. The rest of yesterday after I got home after the walk was horrible though, and I didn't go out at all today.

 

I know I've got to pull myself together and try something (anything!) to bring myself out of this funk and start getting my life and myself back. Every day I'm literally screaming at myself internally to get off my butt and do something to help myself move on and try to make myself feel better.......but I end up not listening to that voice and staying in and obsessing and getting depressed. What is wrong with me?

[RiceaRoni]

Been an awful weekend here as well. The only two highlights of my entire weekend were having a random pleasant dream about a complete stranger and the almost 45 min walk I took later on that same day. The rest of yesterday after I got home after the walk was horrible though, and I didn't go out at all today.

 

I know I've got to pull myself together and try something (anything!) to bring myself out of this funk and start getting my life and myself back. Every day I'm literally screaming at myself internally to get off my butt and do something to help myself move on and try to make myself feel better.......but I end up not listening to that voice and staying in and obsessing and getting depressed. What is wrong with me?

 

There is nothing wrong with you. You loved someone very much and lost them on their own accord. You can't help that you lost them while loving them. You are strong C. That walk was good for you I remember you posting about how well it worked for you keep it up and don't lose sight to moving on. It's very very hard trust me. I feel like I'm on the verge to moving on yet I still clutch onto hope and still hold on to the comfort of the pain and loneliness I've been feeling and I know sooner or later I gotta put it behind me. You will reach that point too and I know you can make it through this rough patch.

 

Don't ask what's wrong with you because there's nothing wrong with you at all. You are human and you have the capacity to love fully with everything you've got. Stay strong

[coralie]

There is nothing wrong with you. You loved someone very much and lost them on their own accord. You can't help that you lost them while loving them. You are strong C. That walk was good for you I remember you posting about how well it worked for you keep it up and don't lose sight to moving on. It's very very hard trust me. I feel like I'm on the verge to moving on yet I still clutch onto hope and still hold on to the comfort of the pain and loneliness I've been feeling and I know sooner or later I gotta put it behind me. You will reach that point too and I know you can make it through this rough patch.

 

Don't ask what's wrong with you because there's nothing wrong with you at all. You are human and you have the capacity to love fully with everything you've got. Stay strong

 

Yes, that walk was definitely good and it felt good to get away. I just need to find more moments like that to squeeze into my free time and weekends!

 

Right now I do feel a little like we're our own worst enemies when it comes to moving on though. I have to remember and try to do things that'll help make me feel better and move on instead of somehow holding on to and obsessing over the things that make me feel worse. And you too! I'm hoping for you, this is your subconscious' last ditch effort to try to make you cling onto the pain before you make that breakthrough to get on ahead to a much better place! Thank you, RR.

[singme2sleep]

I am having a bad bad day! Tried my best all afternoon to distract myself with Easter stuff and not think about him...didn't work out so well. Just cried my eyes out and hyperventilated (does anyone else do this when upset?)

 

Just can't stop from wondering how he's spending his bday. What's wrong with me????

[Am4Real]

That was me on Saturday night when I went to bed -- funny thing is I woke up strong, confident and sure of how I was wronged etc. Tonight. I'm right back to where I was yesterday and here on LS. It sucks.

 

 

I am having a bad bad day! Tried my best all afternoon to distract myself with Easter stuff and not think about him...didn't work out so well. Just cried my eyes out and hyperventilated (does anyone else do this when upset?)

 

Just can't stop from wondering how he's spending his bday. What's wrong with me????

[singme2sleep]

That was me on Saturday night when I went to bed -- funny thing is I woke up strong, confident and sure of how I was wronged etc. Tonight. I'm right back to where I was yesterday and here on LS. It sucks.

 

I feel like I need to be sedated on the weekends or something! smh

[coralie]

And here we go again...heading into another weekend. How are you all doing? Any plans?

 

I went out for dinner with a friend tonight to prevent a completely meltdown from the aftermath of my train wreck 3-days of breaking NC. Decided not to write about it here and just do everything in my power to focus on the fact that I'm restarting NC as of now. I can't stray from that thought right now or I'll break down and drown in my tears and fall into a hole that I might not be able to dig myself out of.

 

I'm scared about making it through this weekend. No plans yet except forcing my butt out of bed early tomorrow so I can decide what to do.

[Am4Real]

How did you break NC, what happened???

 

 

And here we go again...heading into another weekend. How are you all doing? Any plans?

 

I went out for dinner with a friend tonight to prevent a completely meltdown from the aftermath of my train wreck 3-days of breaking NC. Decided not to write about it here and just do everything in my power to focus on the fact that I'm restarting NC as of now. I can't stray from that thought right now or I'll break down and drown in my tears and fall into a hole that I might not be able to dig myself out of.

 

I'm scared about making it through this weekend. No plans yet except forcing my butt out of bed early tomorrow so I can decide what to do.

[coralie]

How did you break NC, what happened???

 

It's too long to get into the full details, but has to do with what he thinks might be cold feet (just about 2 months before his wedding) and him doing everything in his power to break down my weak defenses with emotional blackmail. He cried on the other side of my door. I broke down and opened it. Cue 3 days of emotional outpouring and torture which finally ended this afternoon. In the end, neither of us are happy, and he's still getting married, and I'm sure his unhappiness is probably like 0.0000001% of what I'm feeling.

 

So...anyone want to come skydiving or bungee jumping or do some sort of extreme sport with me this weekend?

[Am4Real]

Sorry for your pain!

 

If I am to understand, he had a fiancee and you too 'on the go'? Correct?

 

Without all the emotional breakdown you were referring to, you had a confrontation a few days ago, perhaps an ultimatum, and he chose his fiancee over you? Is this right?

 

If it is - count your lucky, lucky, lucky stars. I could go on, but not sure I'm on the right track based on the minimal details.

 

Again, sorry you're hurting so bad.

 

 

It's too long to get into the full details, but has to do with what he thinks might be cold feet (just about 2 months before his wedding) and him doing everything in his power to break down my weak defenses with emotional blackmail. He cried on the other side of my door. I broke down and opened it. Cue 3 days of emotional outpouring and torture which finally ended this afternoon. In the end, neither of us are happy, and he's still getting married, and I'm sure his unhappiness is probably like 0.0000001% of what I'm feeling.

 

So...anyone want to come skydiving or bungee jumping or do some sort of extreme sport with me this weekend?

[misswillow]

Sorry for your pain!

 

If I am to understand, he had a fiancee and you too 'on the go'? Correct?

 

Without all the emotional breakdown you were referring to, you had a confrontation a few days ago, perhaps an ultimatum, and he chose his fiancee over you? Is this right?

 

If it is - count your lucky, lucky, lucky stars. I could go on, but not sure I'm on the right track based on the minimal details.

 

Again, sorry you're hurting so bad.

 

I'm just going to jump in here to explain that Coralie was with her ex first, and then he left her and quickly got engaged to the new woman. I've been following the story, so just wanted to point that out in case she doesn't get a chance to.

[misswillow]

Coralie,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your ex is really putting you through the wringer these days. He's being very selfish, only thinking of his own feelings and emotions and seemingly not aware of how all of this is hurting you even more. It is very manipulative to show up at your door crying...I know I would not be able to resist such a ploy. When is he moving? Maybe that will give you some sense of relief since he won't be able to just show up at your door like that anymore.

 

Have you considered talking to a therapist or counselor? I have started seeing someone and, while it's not a cure-all, it is nice to have someone to talk to who is experienced in relationship issues, and who can give me tips for trying to stay strong and heal. At my last visit, she told me that I should write my ex a letter (not send it) -- and get everything out in this letter, no holds barred. And then at the end, tell him all the reasons why I am going to be ok. I'm not sure if this type of thing really works, but I'll give it a shot.

 

I've also been having a very, very rough week. Not because of any contact with my ex, but just from missing him, not understanding why we couldn't work on things, wanting to talk to him some more about it, yada, yada, yada. But I have to remember the last time I talked to him, he cried, told me how miserable he was, that he will never recover from this, but that he was making the right decision. All that conversation did was leave me with more confusion and pain, and probably some false hope. So I can't open myself up to that again. Or even worse, have him tell me he is now doing fine.

 

And here we are at another weekend. So here are my plans, let's see how many I actually follow through on:

 

2 long walks with my dog

errands

taxes (must do this!)

yoga class

write the letter to my ex (not sending)

not call my ex

[targaryen]

to be honest for me it's the opposite...my friends are more accessible in the weekends so it's in the evenings between monday - thursdays that my loneliness feels the worst...

 

I take this back...my friends were only making themselves accesible during the weekends because they felt guilty. now that almost two months have passed i guess they figure it's ok to leave me to my own devices. most of them are couples so im spending saturday evening tonight at home playing videogames. what a comedown from the great romance i thought i had

[coralie]

Misswillow, thanks for stepping in to explain my situation. I'm seriously considering a counselor/therapy at this point. I need all the help I can get. If you do try writing the letter, let me know how it goes. On the one hand, it sounds like it might be helpful, but on the other, I'm kind of afraid of the feelings it might drag up to do something like that.

 

I can relate, the missing him and wanting to talk to him about the whole thing, even if we know it doesn't help. That false hope thing is a killer too. All those declarations of love and tears from them yet they're still choosing not to be with us. It's a horrible feeling. So we have to keep reminding ourselves that they chose not to be with us, so to stop hurting, we have to do everything in our power to try to move on.

 

I like your weekend plans. I'm gonna do some retail therapy this afternoon (got a coupon to use) and then a couple new recipes to try out. Not sure about tomorrow yet.

 

Am4Real, thanks for the support, and here's a summary of my situation, as brief as I can manage. We were together for almost 3 years in a loving and normal relationship heading towards marriage, but somewhere 2.5 years into it, he must have fallen out of love. GIGS, end of honeymoon phase for him, general unhappiness, who knows what? Then along comes random online girl at just the right time (over a decade younger than me, I might add) who he fell for instantly a few months back yet only met once for a couple weeks in person since she's on the other side of the country. Most of their relationship has been online and over the phone. They got engaged just a little over 2 weeks ago and he literally just up and moved yesterday to go live with her, with their wedding coming up in less than 2 months. My head is still spinning from the speed of it all.

 

Here's to a good weekend for all of us!

[AKisBaked]

yep.. I dont enjoy weekened.. I work on the weekends.. I hate working sundays and I wish I had it off so I can spend it with friends or something but I can't... and sometimes when at work its not busy I cant help but start to think about my ex.... sigh...

[iouaname]

I'm sorry coralie That must be so difficult. Hang in there!

 

The weekends are tough for me. I always want to reach out and speak to him. It takes all of my strength to get from Friday morning to Sunday night without cracking Once Sunday night rolls around though, I tend to feel much better...

[misswillow]

I'm really having trouble with NC this weekend. I just want to contact him so badly and talk about things some more. We've only spent about a total of 10-15 min talking about the breakup after 2.5 years together (most of which was living together), with all our plans for marriage and the future just down the drain.

 

Am I crazy to even consider doing this? Last time we talked he was so miserable about this breakup, so I don't think he's convinced that this is the right decision. I think that's what is making this hard for me. He left it by asking if we could talk again in a few weeks, and I said ok. That was 2.5 weeks ago. So I just don't know what to do now. Why can't I get rid of this feeling of wanting to call him?

 

I know everyone would tell me not to do it, and that's fine because I'm sure that's what I need to hear. If he wanted me back, he would be coming for me, right? Ugh, I just miss this man so much I can barely stand it.

 

OK, so far this weekend, I did a short workout video, ran an errand, and finally did my taxes. Got a pretty good refund, so that's nice. Is anyone else having the NC breakdown I am having??

[Compromize]

I'm really having trouble with NC this weekend. I just want to contact him so badly and talk about things some more. We've only spent about a total of 10-15 min talking about the breakup after 2.5 years together (most of which was living together), with all our plans for marriage and the future just down the drain.

 

Am I crazy to even consider doing this? Last time we talked he was so miserable about this breakup, so I don't think he's convinced that this is the right decision. I think that's what is making this hard for me. He left it by asking if we could talk again in a few weeks, and I said ok. That was 2.5 weeks ago. So I just don't know what to do now. Why can't I get rid of this feeling of wanting to call him?

 

I know everyone would tell me not to do it, and that's fine because I'm sure that's what I need to hear. If he wanted me back, he would be coming for me, right? Ugh, I just miss this man so much I can barely stand it.

 

OK, so far this weekend, I did a short workout video, ran an errand, and finally did my taxes. Got a pretty good refund, so that's nice. Is anyone else having the NC breakdown I am having??

 

Hang in there misswillow, it does get better! I know that you had much more than I did with living together and actually spending time together but I now feel like my ex was a ghost. Something fleeting and never truly grounded in reality. I have had the final closure that you are lacking though I think, with him stringing you along.

 

DO NOT CALL OR CONTACT HIM.

 

Try to let him go. Visualize your love for him and hope for getting back together as an object slowly sinking from the surface of the water to the unseen depths. The hope is what is making you so miserable. Once you kill that hope and actively try to fall out of love with him it does get better. You start to go numb.

 

I'm close to 2 months since I last saw her or talked to her (with a few text interchanges in that time including the final goodbyes and her trying to justify the BU as what I needed) and I don't want her back. Wouldn't take her back. Everything that reminded me of her is gone.

 

I am not saying that I don't love her anymore, because I do, very very much. I just know that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. She came into my life for a season. I think all of us on here can say, if they truly look at the relationship and it's demise, that it was only a reason or a season, otherwise we wouldn't be on here right?

 

Don't cave on NC, it will make it worse. Find strength in what you are and finding the person that wants to be there for a lifetime, don't waste your energy on the man that was there for a season. If he wanted to contact you he would, if he wanted you back he wouldn't just say it, he would do it. Let his silence be the spear that drives the point home to your hope and let it die. You will not find any solace otherwise and will linger in this misery if you do not kill that hope.