singme2sleep Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Misswillow, thanks for stepping in to explain my situation. I'm seriously considering a counselor/therapy at this point. I need all the help I can get. If you do try writing the letter, let me know how it goes. On the one hand, it sounds like it might be helpful, but on the other, I'm kind of afraid of the feelings it might drag up to do something like that. I can relate, the missing him and wanting to talk to him about the whole thing, even if we know it doesn't help. That false hope thing is a killer too. All those declarations of love and tears from them yet they're still choosing not to be with us. It's a horrible feeling. So we have to keep reminding ourselves that they chose not to be with us, so to stop hurting, we have to do everything in our power to try to move on. I like your weekend plans. I'm gonna do some retail therapy this afternoon (got a coupon to use) and then a couple new recipes to try out. Not sure about tomorrow yet. Am4Real, thanks for the support, and here's a summary of my situation, as brief as I can manage. We were together for almost 3 years in a loving and normal relationship heading towards marriage, but somewhere 2.5 years into it, he must have fallen out of love. GIGS, end of honeymoon phase for him, general unhappiness, who knows what? Then along comes random online girl at just the right time (over a decade younger than me, I might add) who he fell for instantly a few months back yet only met once for a couple weeks in person since she's on the other side of the country. Most of their relationship has been online and over the phone. They got engaged just a little over 2 weeks ago and he literally just up and moved yesterday to go live with her, with their wedding coming up in less than 2 months. My head is still spinning from the speed of it all. Here's to a good weekend for all of us! Therapy is helpful. I have been going even before the breakup due to the grief from my grandfather. Anyway I kept going and it's been good for me, I talk a lot about Mr Ex...lol Link to post Share on other sites
singme2sleep Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I'm really having trouble with NC this weekend. I just want to contact him so badly and talk about things some more. We've only spent about a total of 10-15 min talking about the breakup after 2.5 years together (most of which was living together), with all our plans for marriage and the future just down the drain. Am I crazy to even consider doing this? Last time we talked he was so miserable about this breakup, so I don't think he's convinced that this is the right decision. I think that's what is making this hard for me. He left it by asking if we could talk again in a few weeks, and I said ok. That was 2.5 weeks ago. So I just don't know what to do now. Why can't I get rid of this feeling of wanting to call him? I know everyone would tell me not to do it, and that's fine because I'm sure that's what I need to hear. If he wanted me back, he would be coming for me, right? Ugh, I just miss this man so much I can barely stand it. OK, so far this weekend, I did a short workout video, ran an errand, and finally did my taxes. Got a pretty good refund, so that's nice. Is anyone else having the NC breakdown I am having?? I'm sorry you're struggling, so far I am feeling it too. Just got home from a day at the zoo with my friend and her daughter. Thought it would be a good distraction and I wouldn't think of him because we never went to any zoo together. But the whole time we walked around it was like his ghost walked right bedside me. Every time I saw a couple holding hands my heart sank in my chest. Hang in there misswillow, you're not alone! Link to post Share on other sites
coralie Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I'm really having trouble with NC this weekend. I just want to contact him so badly and talk about things some more. We've only spent about a total of 10-15 min talking about the breakup after 2.5 years together (most of which was living together), with all our plans for marriage and the future just down the drain. Am I crazy to even consider doing this? Last time we talked he was so miserable about this breakup, so I don't think he's convinced that this is the right decision. I think that's what is making this hard for me. He left it by asking if we could talk again in a few weeks, and I said ok. That was 2.5 weeks ago. So I just don't know what to do now. Why can't I get rid of this feeling of wanting to call him? I know everyone would tell me not to do it, and that's fine because I'm sure that's what I need to hear. If he wanted me back, he would be coming for me, right? Ugh, I just miss this man so much I can barely stand it. OK, so far this weekend, I did a short workout video, ran an errand, and finally did my taxes. Got a pretty good refund, so that's nice. Is anyone else having the NC breakdown I am having?? I know my situation isn't quite the same as yours, but thought I'd mention that it was exactly this type of feeling and false hope from my ex that broke me down and led to 3 days of breaking NC, and in the end, I feel worse than ever. Completely understand though. The more it seems to me that he's miserable and having second thoughts and cold feet or whatever, the more I feel anxious and unsettled and want to contact him. And every time I talk to him or think about this, I miss him more and more and the pain gets increasingly worse. But unless he actually does something about getting back together with you and proves that he really wants to be with you beyond a shadow of a doubt, all of this is still a false hope that does nothing but hurts us more and holds us back from moving on. I don't know how to break out of this either. I'm so sorry that you're hurting more right now. It's ridiculous because I honestly would not take this man back even if he came back showing true remorse and begged for a second chance and did everything "right". I can't take the possibility of another BU and the hurt, and the trust would never come back, so I wouldn't ever give him another chance. So why do I still react so strongly to this false hope??? singme2sleep, seeing lovey dovey couples on the streets is brutal. It always upsets me. I'm feeling worse than ever today as well. I just want the hurt to go away and nothing I try or do is working. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveB86 Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I'm struggling too! I'm alone for the first time this weekend since this time/space/breakup bs and I am thinking about him alot today. Wondering what he is going to do tonight considering he is going to be off of work in a hour a half. Like I am still keeping up with his work schedule. I just got to let it go! Am struggling. I have no plans tonight as my friends already doing their own thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am4Real Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 Definitely not alone!! Hang in there misswillow, you're not alone! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IT Geek Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I hate the weekends. I really have no contact with anyone from about 4pm Friday until 730am Monday. I get out to do things, but it's always alone. I did The Color Run (a 5k race - my very first) today and while it was fun, I just felt lacking. Everyone there was there in a group. I was a bit embarrassed when it was my turn to get my post-race picture made. Everyone was up there acting goofy with their friends and then me alone getting my picture taken. UGH. Link to post Share on other sites
AKisBaked Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Feeling a bit alone myself.. even tho my BU was about 4 months ago until this day I still feel lonely without her on the weekends because we used to see each other every weekend and more sometimes. And suddenly from a weekly routine to nothing and not looking forward to the weekends because I know that its the days when people go out and have fun where as I am stuck in a office, and losing my mind..... Link to post Share on other sites
jjjman Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 I have to agree, weekends does make the pain stronger. Sometimes, I just want to go to sleep all day and not think about anything. The night seems to be the most comfortable time for me. Every morning, I get this awful feeling which makes me not want to wake up. It has been 2 months and I still missing her so much..................... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Am4Real Posted April 7, 2013 Author Share Posted April 7, 2013 This paragraph and especially the sentence in BOLD is our struggle. I summarize it this way when I can: 'it's not the EX who I miss so greatly, it was the person I projected or wanted' For now, it's the way I can make sense of it. It's ridiculous because I honestly would not take this man back even if he came back showing true remorse and begged for a second chance and did everything "right". I can't take the possibility of another BU and the hurt, and the trust would never come back, so I wouldn't ever give him another chance. So why do I still react so strongly to this false hope??? . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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