Trying to Move On

[Tk123]

Hey there. These forums have been a great help to me lately and I appreciate it so much. As some of you may know who've read my previous threads, I have just come off of a Long Distance Relationship. She told me she needed to find herself and be alone (the usual BS). I finally think I'm past that but now I need some help.

 

I've always been a quiet/shy kid and I think that's always put me back. I can't believe I'm saying this but I guess the saying "Nice guys finish last" is true :/. I'm at a point in my life where I find myself stuck. I'm a 19 year old guy and I hate to say this but I've never kissed a girl and I'm still a virgin. It kills me inside when I think about it and really had hopes that this previous relationship I was in was going to solve that (we were going to meet this summer).

 

So now I'm single again. I'm a college kid and I know people say college should be the best 4 years of my life but I'm struggling. First of all, the particular major I'm taking makes it extremely hard for me to commit to a fraternity and for me to really enjoy my college life. I'm a music major taking over 18 credits and my plate is full with classes.

 

When I first got to college I figured I'd meet a girl in my class and get to know her well and take it from there but that was never the case. Just my luck, the music department in my school consists of mostly guys and the few girls that are in the program were gobbled up by the more confident guys within the first week.

 

I have a feeling that I'm never going to be in an intimate relationship with a girl. I still hang out with my ex from the high school days every couple of weeks but all I get is a hello and goodbye hug. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

It seems like every part of my life is in tact except the relationship aspect. I'm a good student (made dean's list last semester), I got a great and loving family and I stay out of trouble for the most part. I've always had an issue talking to girls because of my shyness and quietness and I can tell that some people think I come across as "stuck-up" because of this even though I don't mean to be that way at all.

 

Anyways, summer is just around the corner for me. My goal as of right now is to keep doing what I'm doing; finishing my spring semester strong and keep working out and looking/feeling good for the summer. I am almost over the whole long distance relationship break up at this point.

 

My problem is this: I've never been a big "partier". I know some would suggest me just going to a party this summer and getting completely ****ed up but that isn't me. Don't get me wrong, I've drank before but never to the point where I've been drunk and I've smoked weed before but I don't want to stoop down to that level to meet a girl and do a one night stand sort of thing.

 

I wouldn't say I'm a bad looking kid, I'm 6'3 and am skinny but in shape. (People say that height is a turn on for girls I think?) The thing that drives me down is my shyness and I know this. It takes awhile for me to open up to someone, and I feel like the only girl I'm confident around these days is my ex from high school that I still hang out with.

 

My question to you all is what do you recommend I do? Summer for me starts early May and I already have plans to start working when I'm out of school. I promised myself that this summer I will finally meet a girl and have an intimate relationship with her but I have NO idea how I'm going to do that with my shy attitude. What can I do to get out there more and try to live like a normal teenager? I'm always home A LOT for the weekends when I'm not going to class (I commute to college) and I'm starting to think my parents think that I am strange for not going out more even though they won't admit it. I just want to be with someone, it seems like every guy my age has that girl in their life. Any help or advice that I can get is greatly appreciated. God bless you and thank you for the help in advance.

Edited March 29, 2013 by Tk123

[Zelias]

"She told me she needed to find herself and be alone (the usual BS)."

 

I love that line, made me laugh so much that I started crying tears, don't know why, but brilliant.

 

Alright, now to your problem, here is what most people will say,

 

"oh you're 19, you have plenty of time"

 

"You're young, enjoy life as it is, and the right one will find you"

 

"Focus on what you want, and things wil shape up in your life"

 

"Blah, Blah, Blah"

 

you get the idea. Now let's examine the truth. I take these things a little serious, first off, if you continue having this problem now, it will carry into your later years, NO BS there good sir, you seem to play music, you have set goals for yourself, you're not a partier type of person (I salute you, good for you), you love your family and friends and you're not willing to step down your bar for something less, alright, good, this is a good start, here is my advice, don't do anything, let it all play out and see where it goes, yeah, I know, not much help, but......you're hanging out with your ex and all you do is hug and say goodbye, ditch that girl and move on. I am currently in a bigger BS load of S.h.i..t than you are my friend, I can only date women who are from my country and nothing else, and you have no idea how many girls that were gorgeous that I had to turn down. You're growing, learning, and acting, I don't believe in the "you're time will come", or "She'll find you" BS statements. It's not like that. There is no destiny, there is no someone special for you. However, there are many girls out there for you living in different parts of the world that could and potentially be your match, you just have not crossed roads with them yet. So, keep your S.h.i..t up with school, finish that, once that is done, start looking, use your friends to go out, if you have a facebook, look at some of your friends/cousins photos, maybe you'll spot a girl in one of their photos that you find attractive, if you do, contact them and tell them. Don't go to bars and other pickup places, the best you'll get is a one night stand, maybe not even that. Lastly, the whole idea of about being yourself is complete BS, listen to me, you are already yourself when you were born, end of story, anyone tells you some of these BS statements, well, they are all full of BS, continue on your path, if you don't find anything, you need to move to a new location, if you can't do that, try to accept that you might end up living and dying alone, but one thing that you must NEVER do, DON'T EVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS, not only will you feel like crap, but you'd be the biggest disappointment to your self as well. Oh and as for your friends having girlfriends, don't worry about that, they will eventually split and stuff will go down, and you'll be the one who made the right decisions in your life, believe me, you'll be getting the last laugh.

 

Good Luck and take care of yourself.

Edited April 2, 2013 by Zelias