LEFT me 4 days before moving to MED SCHOOL... HOW TO GET HER BACK!?? THANKS all!

[head/heels]

already posted once but only 1 reply I am dying inside just like most of you and would really benefit from your experience and advie on a situation like mine....thanks in advance !ok here is the rundown...4 years-head over heels in love for me until end, her not the last 4-6 months but kept trying to love me b/c she knew i was her greek god and she was my angel..she couldnt believe it was happening but she was falling out of love...I see now, even though she never told me or show it, that she was unhappy with me because i began to neglect her...I never realized it ...until now....First said she needed time but when i pushed her she said that she doesnt see us getting back together and i just am not the man for her....i know she is confused (she said so) and I know i can change since i just found out about what she didnt like ( i basiccalyy had to do this myself b/c she really didnt tell me too much) I have hope b/c we were each others life for 3-4 years and i know that she has a tinsy bit of feeling left for me...somewhere...i know i sound desparate but arnt we all in here? So the relationship was great and then got stale, i didnt see it then but now i do...she just didnt try to work on it with me but instead tried only herself...She did mention things in passing about what she disliked, but i didnt register it because she never made it a point to really let me know how much it was killing her...and i am a dumb male who always prided himself on not being a dumb male but turned out to be one anyway...Now i just want to show her that i am changing and if she would have sat me down and said this, this this is causing me to fall out of love with you I would have changed immediately and for good, that is how much she meant to me (means still) But now it is too late for that and I have to hope that absence makes her heart wonder about me and hope she will call me ..i might call her in a coulple of months to wish her happy thanksgiving...Our anniversary is sept 30 and her bday is oct 29 and i am not going to call or write on those days either...to throw her a curveball...maybe it will take and maybe she wont care...Please read the rest and OFFER ANY SUGGESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I CAN DO OR SHOULD DO....I LOVE HER MORE THAN THESE WORDS CAN DESCRIBE.! She said she wouldnt change anything and that i spoiled her rotten...She told me 4 days before i left for med school about 2 hours away...she is back at our old university finishing up her degree...we had planned on marrying after my first two years and moving to indy together after our school was over..she really was needy and that didnt stop even at the end...She told her mom that she will probably not find another who will love me as deeply as i did.. and that she might be making the biggest mistake of her life...i asked why she didnt tell me what i was/wasnt doing for her and if why she didnt try to make it work by doing that....she said that she didnt want to make it work and that she wasnt happy...For 3 years + she said she would love me til the oceans dried up, now we havent spoke in 2 weeks and we wont if it is up to her i believe.. I let her see i was devastated the first 2 weeks with a phone call here or there and an email...She had problems with the fact that i didnt work a real job the year between school- but i sold clothes on ebay and saved up 7000 for the ring i put down $ on- i was going to propose on our anniversary sept 30 2004 (4 years).. she knows this now but hasnt replied since receiving this message...3 days before this i pushed her for answers on the phone and the next day i (ashamedly) left a mean message on her phone... I left 2 apologies and one in my proposal email....hope she forgives me for that.. she knows i love her , she knows i would die for her, she knows that i treated her like a princess...but it got too comfortable and there was no real communication....i looked at her when she talked but i didnt HEAR what she was saying...I have 10 pages of things i need to change and want to for me, just wish we were more experienced and saw this at the beginning...now i lost the love of my life...she really is a great girl, christian honest, gorgeous fun and sexy to the 10th degree..kicking myself that i forgot how i treated her for first 3 years...got complacent.. Now she is 150 miles away and not going to accept my phone calls i assume....wish i just tried to be friends with her...now i am stuck waiting for something that may never happen....please help!

[johan]

She sounds a LOT like my ex. You can also check out some posts by 'mont13'. You and he have things in common.

 

It may not be clear to you right now, but you should expect more from a woman. She really let you down. If things were getting so bad that she was falling out of love, why couldn't she say something? Some people think relationships should be easy, but serious ones aren't. They take a lot of work and communication. She chose to allow her love to die, instead of having the courage to stand up for it and say something to you about it.

 

I think this is a mistake a lot of young people make in relationships. Going through something like this teaches you what they are really about.

 

My ex did pretty much the same thing to me. We lived together. I was in grad school, she was finishing undergrad. She let her love die without a word, and then she left after 4 years. I thought she was happy, because she didn't have the courage to say anything else until the end. I had to come up with all the explanations myself. I had to tie up the loose ends and figure out who was really to blame all by myself. It took years and I only really figured it out after I met the girl I'm with now.

 

Believe me, you need more. She was too passive and she stored up all her negative feelings. You can't expect to have a successful relationship with someone like that. They will leave you every time.

[prevch]

I'm sorry for your loss man. But if you want her back fight for her!

[head/heels]

Prevch i cant fight for her i dont want to push her away...but i really need some answers from her so here is what i am thinking about doing (havent talked to her in 17 days...) I am not doing well in med school because i am going crazy...so i wanted to do NC and build myself back up and make a better man of myself...I have written down 15 pages of things i would like to change about myself and change about how i act in a relationship...i bought MEN ARE FROM MARS WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS and am 1/2 through ( it is eye opening) and now i am ready to move on but i really need to find out if she left me for someone else or if it is because of the reasons she gave me (now that i have thought about it and talked about it i think she needed to come up with some untrue or at least borderline ones so that she wouldnt feel guilty about dumping me or doing it to see someone else). I think i want to ask her in person the truth of it all and then i can go on....I have to know that there is no hope so i can concentrate on School and not ways to get her back or thinking of crazy scenarios as to why she dumped me really (i think coming to school down here might have been some of it too)...PLEASE ADVISE>>> she may not even want to see or talk to me since the last thing i did was leave her a mean message....i called her trashy and i felt so horrible (still do) b/c she isnt but i knew that would hurt her...anyway i left 2 more apology messages and then when i told her (in email) i had saved up 7000$ and was going to propose to her on sept 30. SHe hasnt written or called since i sent that 2 mondays ago...I dont know how she took that, but after thinking of everything, i cant imagine she would tell me she needs some time, and that she isnt thinking of us getting back together right now and she has already been talking with other guys (i want to see if there is a specific one she left me for)... Or should i go NC, buck up and study and move on and date (when i am ready) and make myself one heck of a man and call her back if she hasnt called me by the December break (dec 10)... or will she have connected with this guy (if there is a specific one -i would guess he is from her work) or another guy she has met,... and become intimate, i would just die if that happened. On top of it, IF she left me for a guy when she was falling out of love and didnt tell me her problems, should i even want that back? I love her but i do know she is immature and i am hoping she comes to that on her own...me telling her would only make things worse. PLEASE HELP PREVECH YOU ARE GREAT- should i just go on and buck up (really hard and dont know if i will pass med school) or see if she will meet me and get all of the answers i need and then be ok for school (i hope) I dont know if the latter will work either since if she tells me there is someone else i would be sad more than now (not knowing) but at least i would know that i cant want her back... Finally, when i meet her should i tell her i am wanting to see someone else and dont want to do anything to hurt her if taking time away from us...SHE TOLD ME TO GO ON AND DO WHAT I WANTED BC SHE WAS GOING TO DO WHAT MADE HER HAPPY- she said she wasnt happy with me... and I am not the man for here now or in future! i couldnt believe it but i was pushing her for answers when this happened.

thanks

d

[prevch]

yah sounds like she was pressured. I say do NC give her space. Then after awhile contact her and try to be her friend.

[head/heels]

SO i shouldnt try to meet with her and tough it out and hope for some contact later... I was going to use the excuse of getting her stuff back to her and vice versa to meet.... What should i do...? Wait to do it when i am stronger and more change in me has occured?

thanks, you are a big help my friend

d

[head/heels]

thanksgiving break or XMAS break? and what is the latest with you and your ex...i have been checking up on it but i am new here and cant find all of your post...just the one you started last few weeks..