Facebook issues w/me and my bf

[sandrawg]

1st, a little bit about my background. I've had a checkered past w relationships. Every guy I've been with has either been flirting w girls behind my back-mostly ONLINE--or have actually cheated on me (my exhusband..didn't find out til AFTER the divorce.)

 

With 2 of my exes, I had to snoop to find out they were engaging in inappropriate behavior..one of them, it was with his ex. The same ex he told me was "crazy", "stupid", etc.

 

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for almost a year. We've had a lot of issues, which I think are due to compatability. He used to be heavy into drugs and still has a little bit of that party boy side to him. He can be impulsive and not have good judgment. We hadn't been together long when he drove home drunk once. I almost left him for that, but he said he would never do it again, and he hasn't.

 

We are both somewhat kinky and from the beginning he said how much he'd like to see me with another girl (I'm bi.) We would try to do the threeway thing but it got to be a big mess because he'd want me to just set something up with anyone..I am picky. I actually try to think AHEAD and be careful about whom I get involved with. Inevitably, I would start to feel pressured, then I'd feel insecure because he would get disappointed 3ways weren't happening..eventually, he told me if it happens great, but he won't expect it anymore. So..that sort of got resolved.

 

The latest thing has been my issues with his facebook usage. He had a profile since 2008..he wouldn't friend me on it. He told me he had posted some things he was embarrassed about. He comes from a small town where there's a lot of Jerry Springer stuff going on, and he used to sort of poke fun at those people. He also said he didn't want them "knowing his business" and didn't want me tagging him all over the place. I was not comfortable with him having this profile that was locked from me, so he said he would delete it and start a new one. He did start a new one, which he said he was going to ONLY move over the people he was close to, from that old profile. But it took FORVER for him to delete the old one.

 

I actually had to bug him about it, because it was making me so uncomfortable. Whenever I'd ask him about it, he'd get defensive and go "ok ok I'll friend you" but then he never did. He finally deactivated it, like 3 months after telling me he would.

 

Lately, there's been issues with his NEW profile. Girls from his hometown, who he claims he hasn't seen in 20 yrs, are posting things that I think are overly familiar given how long it's been since he's seen them.

 

One girl called him "love"..these girls just keep doing shout-outs on his page saying things like "hey love! I heard this song and it reminded me of you..hope you're well"; another one said "How's my favorite guy doing today? Miss you, buddy"

 

I..don't get this. I don't go on my male friends' pages and call them love, or tell them they're my "favorite guy." My BOYFRIEND is my "favorite guy."

 

His profile says we're in a relationship, so that is even more puzzling. I would not post that kind of stuff on a male friend's profile, if he was clearly in a rel'ship.

 

(Oh, and that was another thing..for the longest time he didn't have our relationship status on his page. He accidentally set it up so only HE could see it. ?!)

 

When we discussed what these girls post, he always shrugs as if he's mystified as to why they would be so familiar and overly friendly with him. That just fuels my suspicion. He points out that he hasn't responded to their posts, which is true.

 

This latest girl..he says she is a trainwreck heroin addict (she is also a penthouse model). It puzzles me as to why he brought her over from his old profile, if she is so lame. Why keep tabs on her on facebook? UGH.

 

Also, he has exgfs on his friend list, and some girl he had a "thing" with right before we met..she had sent him sexy photos . He claims he friendzoned her and that's why he friended her on FB, but..I've been wtih him almost a year and he never mentioned this girl.

 

It's not like I think he's physically cheating. He's with me most of the time. when he's at work, we talk a lot. I just wonder if there's some flirtatious stuff going on, on these girls' profiles, and this is why they are ok posting all this familiar "hey love" stuff.

 

In my past, online flirtation has led to seriously painful consequences to me.

 

Sometimes I don't know if this is all my past issues, triggering a lot of current jealousy..or if these are all signs of shady online behavior.

 

I need advice. thanks.

[Treasa]

Huge red flags of shady behavior. Besides, he's making you feel uncomfortable. Don't you want to be with someone who doesn't cause you this level of anxiety, and someone who is more compatible with you?

 

****, your boyfriend shouldn't even be YOUR "favorite guy."

[sandrawg]

He's arguing that he can't control what these women post.

 

Well, he CAN control who he brings onto his profile. :/

[sandrawg]

As far as anxiety goes, guys have always been really good at convincing me, my anxiety is all my own fault.

[Treasa]

As far as anxiety goes, guys have always been really good at convincing me, my anxiety is all my own fault.

 

You're letting them control you and what you do and how you feel. Stop that.

 

If you have a gut feeling about something, listen to it.

 

He can do something about FB if he knows it really bothers you. He's choosing not to, and making it sound like it's all your fault. To a point, it is. You're choosing to stay with him. But he sounds like a douche.

[sandrawg]

You are smart to stay off of it.

 

I'd love to just have the 2 of us delete our accounts but I doubt he would, and I am at the point where I feel like I HAVE to have it, because nobody will freakin pick up the phone anymore! lol

 

I had to log into facebook today just to find out my nephew and his wife went to the hospital to have their baby!!!

 

Yawn...

 

Another Facebook drama / horror story.

 

Why do people who use Facebook tell me all their Facebook drama and horror stories and then try and convince me to start using it? I guess "that" is what appeals and enjoyable to them.

 

In my youth, people who wanted me to try drugs / drinking didn't "push" that as hard as Facebook users "push" Facebook on me. I swear, it's like they are drug pushers or something.

[veggirl]

Have you met any of these women he is such great friends with?

 

I bet he has his relationship status set so ONLY you two can see it. I bet no one else can.

[sandrawg]

Nope. I've been to his hometown with him. I only met the girls who it's clear, would never post that kind of stuff to his page.

 

Have you met any of these women he is such great friends with?

 

I bet he has his relationship status set so ONLY you two can see it. I bet no one else can.

[sandrawg]

I have one of his very good female friends, on my friends list. I've met her..she likes me a lot.

 

She also knows these women from his past.

 

I'm tempted to write her on FB and just kinda be like, uh..whaddup with these girls..

 

Maybe that's a bad idea tho.

 

I hate this. I just want to run away. I'm tired of mulling over whether or not he is doing something shady. We have 3 cats and he has a son whom I've gotten close to. I have nowhere to go right now..we live together. I'm trying very hard to make things work but this is the 2nd week now, that some dumb chick has posted something on his page that's made me uncomfortable.

[2sunny]

He's arguing that he can't control what these women post.

 

Well, he CAN control who he brings onto his profile. :/

 

You can get rid of him!

 

You can't control him!

 

You can only control what YOU do or don't do.

 

I can't see one single reason to communicate with this douche any longer!

 

You should want and expect more for yourself!

[2sunny]

I have one of his very good female friends, on my friends list. I've met her..she likes me a lot.

 

She also knows these women from his past.

 

I'm tempted to write her on FB and just kinda be like, uh..whaddup with these girls..

 

Maybe that's a bad idea tho.

 

I hate this. I just want to run away. I'm tired of mulling over whether or not he is doing something shady. We have 3 cats and he has a son whom I've gotten close to. I have nowhere to go right now..we live together. I'm trying very hard to make things work but this is the 2nd week now, that some dumb chick has posted something on his page that's made me uncomfortable.

 

Drama. You're helping to create more drama.

 

Step away!

 

Save yourself from the chaos!

 

Find out why you love this - it's very unhealthy!!!

[loversquarrel]

Two thumbs up to all those fellow FB haters!! I swear, FB causes more g-damn problems than anything before or since. It definitely suits the drama crowd.

 

I have made a policy for myself that I -

 

1. Don't have it

2. Won't look up my Fiance's profile

3. Don't want her to post anything about me or anything to do with me. Ever.

 

Well, enough of my rant....You have every right to feel anxious, and if your BF doesn't care enough about respecting your feelings then he isn't good enough for you. FB is not and should not be as important as you. If you were my SO and you were being reasonable about it, I would give it up without hesitation if I was in love with you.

[sandrawg]

Thank you all for the feedback.

 

I am so over all of this.

 

Tonight, he publicly liked some page that had hot girls on it, with links to their facebook pages.

 

I am so freakin' embarrassed by all of this. The messages from girls..and now this.

 

I don't know what he was thinking, when we were already on shaky ground with the whole FB thing..

[Leigh 87]

Facebook is not the problem; plenty of people use facebook as means to keep in contact with overseas friends, and to keep in contact with say, fellow college/uni students who they are friendly with but not enough to chat to on the phone(and where they can talk about assignments)

 

There are many great uses for facebook. I would not have the time to keep in contact with my good overseas friends, if it were not for facebook!

 

Facebook is only drama when you create it! I have enough brains to not go writing inappropriate things on guys walls, when I know they have a girlfriend!

 

Some people have morels and integrity, and they are also too busy in their lives to make drama online.

 

Importantly; facebook has clearly played a key role in SHOWING EVIDENCE to this women, that her boyfriend IS in fact a JERK.

 

IF it were not for facebook, he may have not alerted her to his dubious behaviour.

 

COME ONE is all I can say!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is NEVER OKAY for a dude to gp making separate facebook accounts so his GIRFRIEND canot tag him in pics!

 

All this is SO dodgy, SURELY no one would actually believe this douche?

 

This women obviously has issues with attracting bad men who do not respect her and who cheat and lie to her.

 

I strongly recommend therapy, to help you figure out WHY your always drawn to these men!

 

You deserve better!

[loversquarrel]

Leigh87, you make a good point. I am very opinionated when it comes to FB and they are far more reaching than relationship drama.

[Flier]

As far as anxiety goes, guys have always been really good at convincing me, my anxiety is all my own fault.

 

That is what manipulative people do. Blame you for being upset over shady crap that causes you understandable anxiety.

 

My ex-fiance pulled junk like that...acted shady, then would try to make me feel like my upset was due to my paranoia etc. He kept up a dating profile when we were engaged and got irritated when I asked him to take it down. Claimed he tried to take it down but it was not true. There was more stuff than that, but basically I lost sleep and got extremely anxious and angry, and he blamed me. Look up "character disorder" online.

[leedlee1]

Same old story of a woman who cant break the habit of getting into a relationship with a bad boy