Tips for turbo-charging motivation?

[Ruby Slippers]

So, one of the things I noticed in my last relationship is that being with a guy I like a lot fires me up in my life like CRAZY. Dating someone I like even somewhat fires up my motivation quite a bit.

 

I've thought a lot about why this is, and I think what it comes down to is the motivation of the mating drive. I never saw anyone I dated before as better husband and father material than this guy, and being with him drove me to rise to my best like hardly anything had before.

 

I was driven hard and had fun doing even the most mundane of things, like cleaning my house and making it sparkle, because I saw my place as a playground for all the fun we would be having here.

 

I'm over the breakup now, and back to normal motivation and productivity levels, which are still pretty good. But I'm quite an idealist, and I'm always striving to reach my lofty ideals, or at least get closer.

 

Until I meet another guy I'm crazy about, how can I get super fired up again?

 

The only other example I can think of is moving to a new place and getting totally out of my element (especially the two times I moved to another country). And I'm considering a few options for trying something totally new, throwing myself into brand new territory again (not geographically, but behaviorally).

 

What are the things in your life that have fired you up the most?

 

When you were most productive and on fire, what was driving you?

[tbf]

The underlying summarization is that you require external motivation to drive you. To superimpose this concept onto your love life and sense of self, is that to feel worth, someone has to provide you with a sense of worth, that external opinion matters.

 

This isn't to hack you down. It's an observation that can be rejected or accepted.

[Ruby Slippers]

The underlying summarization is that you require external motivation to drive you. To superimpose this concept onto your love life and sense of self, is that to feel worth, someone has to provide you with a sense of worth, that external opinion matters.

 

This isn't to hack you down. It's an observation that can be rejected or accepted.

OK. I'm not rejecting your assertion - but I will note that in discussing this with several friends of mine, they've pretty much all agreed that love/a crush/infatuation has a similar hyper-motivating effect on them as well. Surely not all of my friends are the same when it comes to internal vs. external motivation?

 

Assuming your assertion is correct, how does one adjust to deriving all motivation from within?

[tbf]

OK. I'm not rejecting your assertion - but I will note that in discussing this with several friends of mine, they've pretty much all agreed that love/a crush/infatuation has a similar hyper-motivating effect on them as well. Surely not all of my friends are the same when it comes to internal vs. external motivation?

 

Assuming your assertion is correct, how does one adjust to deriving all motivation from within?

So that you understand, there's actually nothing wrong with requiring external motivation. It's the degree of requirement that will define debilitation or reasonable level.

 

There's a theory about introversion and extraversion, that extraverts require external stimuli to activate cognition, thus get dopamine from their reward center, where introverts motivate from within by sourcing internally and getting sufficient dopamine rewards from doing so. That's why introverts can get overstimulated from external stimuli, while extroverts recharge from same.

 

This BBC article explains how it's possible to test for introversion and extraversion using lemon juice. Introverts will produce 50% more saliva.

 

Scientists now think introverts have increased activity in their RAS (Reticular Activating System) and therefore increased production of saliva. The theory is that the RAS in introverts has a high level of activity, even when it isn’t being stimulated. So it only needs a small stimulus to produce a large response. This means that introverts are likely to produce a large amount of saliva in response to lemon juice. But because the RAS also reacts to social contact, introverts react more strongly to meeting people too.

 

In extraverts, on the other hand, there is a low level of activity in the RAS when it isn’t stimulated, so they require a much larger stimulus to generate a response. So they usually produce less saliva in response to lemon juice than introverts, but are more comfortable with social contact.

 

So, in conclusion, I'm not sure if it is healthy to derive all motivation from within if you're an extrovert. But it is possible to adjust motivation to a more balanced approach by attempting to source from within for the most important issues and then let things happen, for the rest.

 

One way is to find something you're passionate about so instead of requiring external stimuli, you actively research and then put it into action, for interest's sake.

[Ruby Slippers]

So that you understand, there's actually nothing wrong with requiring external motivation. It's the degree of requirement that will define debilitation or reasonable level.

I don't think I require much to be moderately to very motivated and productive - but to get into my turbo-charged zone of genius, it seems like I need outside inspiration of some kind. But I would really like to learn how to generate this from within.

 

Maybe I should try the lemon test. I am sometimes very introverted, and sometimes the most extroverted person in the room, depending on my mood. When I tell people I'm an introvert by nature, they often balk. I used to respond that I just know how to fake it to make it, when I must. But maybe that's not giving myself enough credit.

 

One way is to find something you're passionate about so instead of requiring external stimuli, you actively research and then put it into action, for interest's sake.

I'm good at that. I've devoted myself to creating a business that draws upon my core talents and passions - almost all of them wild and creative - and does the same for other creative people, and we are quite simply kicking ass

 

A friend gave me a good tip last night. This friend met my ex and saw us together many times. He absolutely saw how on fire I was when we were together, how happy and alive I was. He's been following up about our communication since, and keeps asking me if I'm open to a second chance, or where I stand with it. He said just remember how you felt with him, write about it, recall the sensations. All that was a gift that can stay with me as long as I want. It's a good way to look at it.