New GF while still 'together'

[patronum7]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. After showing up unannounced to his house discovered him eating with another girl.(my signature dishes!) His male roommate tried to stall me, and at the point realized something was up.

 

This entire time, my boyfriend continued to eat and converse with the girl. They ignored the fact I was standing there. When I asked if he was planning to get up and say hello to me, he said to wait til he was done. After he walks me to the side hallway and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and asked what was going on and all he said was 'it is what it is'.

 

Come to find....this is apparently his new GF. He has been with me all this time while having a new girl on the side for the past 3 months! I would have never thought he was doing something like this because he was always saying he loved me/going places/spending time/future plans:mad: WTF

 

When I told her I was his girlfriend and under the impression we were still together, my boyfriend and his roommate look at me like I am insane and make a gesture to the girl. So she basically stops paying attention to me. It almost feels like they have given her the impression I am some crazy ex!

 

I am so angered by this. The fact that he would do something like this, WTF. I can even really put into words:mad:

 

Since he was borrowing my iPad, I took it back. When I got home realized he was still logged into his Facebook. He had customized all albums so that this new girl doesn't see any of the albums that include me...yet I can still see all our photos, like nothing has happened. That is how I also found out she is his considered his 'GF', because his roommate had sent him a message :: "don't forget to invite your new girlfriend to my sisters promotional event....juggle the old one, haha"

 

INFURIATED. Mainly because I am being made out to be some crazy ex!! He had no explanation really. As I am grabbed some of my movies I have there, he asked if I got everything I needed and he heads towards the door and opens it for me to leave! Feels like this is a completely different guy than the one I spoke to on the phone yesterday.

 

I feel so lost. I am dying to compile all the recent pics and texts and send it to the girl to prove he is a liar!! Anyone experience this before? It's like he found a new chick and now I no longer exist...he didn't have the courtesy to break it off any other way, except put on this show in front of her.

This was my first boyfriend. What a joke.

[Leigh 87]

Wow. Just wow.

 

I am so sorry for what you going through, this guy is a the biggest idiot.

 

First of all - sorry to say, but this guy is not a very nice person. You need to re assess what you consider a decent man that has integrity and who acts kindly to others, and treats other women with respect.

 

A decent man who has good values will NOT get another girlfriend, without informing the two women that he is juggling them:sick: This is a terrible sick and disgusting thing for a man to do; it involves lying to two women, as he is not giving them to chance to leave him and find a guy who is crazy about them and only wants THEM.

 

There ARE guys out there who would be crazy about you, and who would ONLY want YOU in their lives. It sounds like your the type of women who needs this from the men you date and spend years with, and plan to build a future with.

 

I strongly recommend that you leave this guy immediately, and go no contact; then go straight to make an appointment with a therapist/ psychologist, because your views and your perception of how this person is, is totally WRONG.

 

It is going to take you some time and support to get your head around the fact your whole reality has been challenged; you thought this guy loved you, when really, he did not like you nearly as much as you thought he did.

 

Just keep repeating to yourself; I deserve a guy who will love me for me, and who only wants ME

 

Remind yourself DAILY that: there are guys who will only have room in their hearts for ME.

 

Guys who are really in love and who are crazy about a girl DO NOT have multiple girlfriends! Not unless they are polygamous, and there are people who are more wired that way and have the tendency to thrive better with multiple partners.

 

Your guy is either strongly geared towards liking more than one women at once, in which case it probably is not the guy for you (you are probably NOT okay with men who want multiple partners, as your boyfriend!)

 

The second option is: he will commit fully to a girl who he truly loves, but he does not feel strongly about you to have you as his only girl.

[Leigh 87]

:sick:Ugh, some people really disgust me, seriously, some people are just born and/ exposed to life in such a way, where they end up being SO unfeeling! What the heck is wrong with these people? I seriously doubt if they have the capacity to truly love a women, because they are such callous and uncaring people when it comes to YOUR feelings, or when it comes to his CURRENT new girlfriends feelings (not telling her about you:sick:)

 

You know what? Even if he DOES fall truly in love with a women, she is VERY UNLUCKY! She is with a guy who treats people he does not love, like total cr@p!

NO decent women who is a genuinely nice person and has values, would WANT anything to DO with man like this guy, never mind date him!

Decent women who are kind people would be DISGUSTED at a guy who is so uncaring towards people, that he would lie to them this badly.

 

Here are your options:

 

- stay with this guy, who is not satisfied by just having you as his partner, and needs other women to be intimate with regularly.

 

- stay with a guy who will never put your needs first, and will always have another women/or several other women, to consider

 

- stay with a guy who is not totally madly in love with you

 

-or stay with a guy who could be into poly relationships, and therefore will not give you what you need in a relationship

 

-------------------------------

 

BEST OPTION is: - leave this guy to his new girlfriend, and go no contact, because the only way to get over your feelings for a person is to NOT TALK TO THEM. The fastest way to get over him is to delete him of facebook, and have NO CONTACT with him whatsoever.

 

Go through he temporary heartbreak of losing a long term lover, and go and find a who falls in love with you and is crazy about you, enough to not want ANY other women in his life

 

Don't you want to find a guy who feels so strongly about you, that he wants you by his side always?

 

Don't you want a guy who never looses interest in you, and wants to have a future with you?

[spice4life]

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. After showing up unannounced to his house discovered him eating with another girl.(my signature dishes!) His male roommate tried to stall me, and at the point realized something was up.

 

This entire time, my boyfriend continued to eat and converse with the girl. They ignored the fact I was standing there. When I asked if he was planning to get up and say hello to me, he said to wait til he was done. After he walks me to the side hallway and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and asked what was going on and all he said was 'it is what it is'.

 

Come to find....this is apparently his new GF. He has been with me all this time while having a new girl on the side for the past 3 months! I would have never thought he was doing something like this because he was always saying he loved me/going places/spending time/future plans:mad: WTF

 

When I told her I was his girlfriend and under the impression we were still together, my boyfriend and his roommate look at me like I am insane and make a gesture to the girl. So she basically stops paying attention to me. It almost feels like they have given her the impression I am some crazy ex!

 

I am so angered by this. The fact that he would do something like this, WTF. I can even really put into words:mad:

 

Since he was borrowing my iPad, I took it back. When I got home realized he was still logged into his Facebook. He had customized all albums so that this new girl doesn't see any of the albums that include me...yet I can still see all our photos, like nothing has happened. That is how I also found out she is his considered his 'GF', because his roommate had sent him a message :: "don't forget to invite your new girlfriend to my sisters promotional event....juggle the old one, haha"

 

INFURIATED. Mainly because I am being made out to be some crazy ex!! He had no explanation really. As I am grabbed some of my movies I have there, he asked if I got everything I needed and he heads towards the door and opens it for me to leave! Feels like this is a completely different guy than the one I spoke to on the phone yesterday.

 

I feel so lost. I am dying to compile all the recent pics and texts and send it to the girl to prove he is a liar!! Anyone experience this before? It's like he found a new chick and now I no longer exist...he didn't have the courtesy to break it off any other way, except put on this show in front of her.

This was my first boyfriend. What a joke.

 

Wow. This guy sounds like a total a**. You dodged a bullet!

[dasein]

Wouldn't bother with sending her proof, she likely knows the deal full well, and is just feigning ignorance to avoid discomfort. You shouldn't concern yourself further with her.

 

What have the last three months and before been like in your relationship? Have there been fights? if so over what? any clues as to his cheating? Has your relationship been happy generally?

[loversquarrel]

That's awful. I genuinely feel sorry for your situation....a wasted 4 yrs....be thankful you weren't married to him. This guy is a real a-hole and has something wrong upstairs to be able to hurt you like this.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Damn, that's messed up. I'm sorry he did that to you.

 

At least you found out now and not after you married him.

[JennaMax]

whoah! sorry to hear you had to go thru that. Trust me, you're not alone on this. The amount of guys who 2-time on the side is unbelievable but this guy surely takes the crap because of the way he treated you like you were nothing.

 

I feel your pain and the need for revenge but there's no point in trying to prove to the new girl he's a liar because you already have. If his new GF has any brains, she would've realized by now he's a cheat and a scumbag. What I'd do now is to let it breathe until you get yourself together. Then, you can think of clever ways to get him and make him pay. Girl, she deserves everything he gets!

[Alia_alia]

I feel so lost. I am dying to compile all the recent pics and texts and send it to the girl to prove he is a liar!! Anyone experience this before? It's like he found a new chick and now I no longer exist...he didn't have the courtesy to break it off any other way, except put on this show in front of her.

 

I would do it. I would feel too bad about the new girl.... She was probably lied to as much as you were...

 

My 2nd bf was seeing me and his ex at the same time when we first started dating. I invited the girl out for a coffee and him at the same place and told her how he was my bf. You should have seen his face:laugh:

[Treasa]

After reading your other two posts, as well as this one, I'm just sorry that his roommate and new girlfriend were around as witnesses so you couldn't hide the body.

 

Don't give him the time of day again, don't contact her, don't do anything. Just accept it as having dodged a humongous bullet (come on, he told you almost two years ago that he wanted to cheat on you) and move on.

[Treasa]

Since he was borrowing my iPad, I took it back. When I got home realized he was still logged into his Facebook. He had customized all albums so that this new girl doesn't see any of the albums that include me...yet I can still see all our photos, like nothing has happened. That is how I also found out she is his considered his 'GF', because his roommate had sent him a message :: "don't forget to invite your new girlfriend to my sisters promotional event....juggle the old one, haha"

 

It's a shame you didn't change his password, the email to send the password to, and start systematically screwing him over.

[patronum7]

Wow. Just wow.

 

I am so sorry for what you going through, this guy is a the biggest idiot.

 

First of all - sorry to say, but this guy is not a very nice person. You need to re assess what you consider a decent man that has integrity and who acts kindly to others, and treats other women with respect.

 

A decent man who has good values will NOT get another girlfriend, without informing the two women that he is juggling them:sick: This is a terrible sick and disgusting thing for a man to do; it involves lying to two women, as he is not giving them to chance to leave him and find a guy who is crazy about them and only wants THEM.

 

There ARE guys out there who would be crazy about you, and who would ONLY want YOU in their lives. It sounds like your the type of women who needs this from the men you date and spend years with, and plan to build a future with.

 

I strongly recommend that you leave this guy immediately, and go no contact; then go straight to make an appointment with a therapist/ psychologist, because your views and your perception of how this person is, is totally WRONG.

 

It is going to take you some time and support to get your head around the fact your whole reality has been challenged; you thought this guy loved you, when really, he did not like you nearly as much as you thought he did.

 

Just keep repeating to yourself; I deserve a guy who will love me for me, and who only wants ME

 

Remind yourself DAILY that: there are guys who will only have room in their hearts for ME.

 

Guys who are really in love and who are crazy about a girl DO NOT have multiple girlfriends! Not unless they are polygamous, and there are people who are more wired that way and have the tendency to thrive better with multiple partners.

 

Your guy is either strongly geared towards liking more than one women at once, in which case it probably is not the guy for you (you are probably NOT okay with men who want multiple partners, as your boyfriend!)

 

The second option is: he will commit fully to a girl who he truly loves, but he does not feel strongly about you to have you as his only girl.

 

 

Thank you for your advice. I really hope to find the right man someday and hope by that time I am able to trust again.

 

It's so hard to wrap my mind around all of this because of the things he would SAYYY. It feels as if he were brainwashed. This is the first guy I have ever been with and possibly the worst thing that could've happened to end the relationship. I think he also needs to see someone, because there is something very wrong.

 

I have initiated no contact, but he has been texting me! Asking me to drop off a research proposal document I have been editing and helping him with...as well as some books. He said it would be a shame if I made him lose his chance to get a research grant.

I did all of the work!! I am not giving it to him. It's no longer my problem. & if anything HE should be the one to go out of his way to pick up his books.

 

He also sent me another message saying he wasn't sure about our ability to be successful and that he is sure about it now and that our connection with each other is undeniable.

 

I really just don't understand what is going on in his mind.

[todreaminblue]

I stayed in a relationship with a serial cheat,I believed that most men cheat anyway and it was my poison i picked ,in that being ,better the devil you know.I dont believe that anymore, i do believe there are faithful monogamous men ....

 

 

 

i do however believe there are a lot of game players out there and most likely, i will meet some of them as I going to start dating soon ,as will you meet more players probably, when you move on from this guy, but your ammo now is you know the signs, don't lower yourself by contacting the girlfriend you arent going to feel any better, and most likely she will have already been told you are mentally ill.....yes that happened to me i believe........i do have a mental illness he was not lying about that ....but i am harmless, he probably made me out to be a total psycho she was pretty scared of me....she should have been she was sleeping with my ex......who wasnt my ex at the time...i didnt have the luxury of knowledge....

 

 

 

the truth is I dont know what lies or what truths were told .....so i didnt speak to her.......bar once when she denied knowing my ex........so....

 

what she was told by my ex was probably not good....she lied because she was scared maybe...or maybe she was justa liar....doesnt really matter now..i will never do that contact thing again....i would just have the grace to leave with my chin up.......I am sorry that it happened to you ......you are now free to find someone who has as much love to give as you should get back.....love someone who loves just you,not many.........dont waste any more of your heart or time on an undeserving male..love is a risk.....his love is not worth that risk nor is it evidence of what you deserve to have.........deb

[Leigh 87]

DO NOT listen to his bullsh*t about the undeniable connection!

 

Yes you may have a "connection" but man, there are MANY people you can have a "connection" with; it does not make them the "one". A connection is normally chemistry and just getting along with someone and enjoying being around them, and being comfortable.

 

There are LOTS of bad men out there that you will have a "connection" with!

 

Wouldn't it be stupid to pick a bad man that you have a connection with, opposed to picking a decent man whom you ALSO have a connection with?

 

You can find "connections" with both decent men, and terrible men. Your smart enough to know which one you need by now.

 

You sound like you may leave this guy - many on here before you don't have the strength to leave, and rather take the scraps these vile men can give them- to break their ties after the shared history they have had hurts the girl too much and she wants to believe that things could "work out"

 

PLEASE do not be the usual girl on here who talks about a guy who clearly does not love or respect her, only to go running back to him.

 

This matter his CLEAR - he is not in love with you, unless he is a poly guy who likes multiple relationships, regardless of how much he is in love with a girl.

 

Guys that are seriously in love do not see more than one girl at a

time.

 

PLEASE remain no contact, and DO NOT give him back his research paper!

 

LOL - man, he wants the research paper that YOU did for him?

 

This guy is a joke and if I were in your position, I would be like:

 

" oh, you think it is a shame to not get a grant, when your too lazy and probably not smart enough to write your own research paper?"

 

" in my opinion, they are better off without you; only dedicated hard working guys who don't rely on their girlfriends to write their papers deserve a bloody research grant. You idiot"

 

LOL. Seriously, this guy is something..

[dreamingoftigers]

If you are still logged into his fb,

 

Change the photo customizations to "public, friends"

 

Then share with her. Then change the password and log out.

 

Not really provable that you messed with his stuff.

 

Thank you for your advice. I really hope to find the right man someday and hope by that time I am able to trust again.

 

It's so hard to wrap my mind around all of this because of the things he would SAYYY. It feels as if he were brainwashed. This is the first guy I have ever been with and possibly the worst thing that could've happened to end the relationship. I think he also needs to see someone, because there is something very wrong.

 

I have initiated no contact, but he has been texting me! Asking me to drop off a research proposal document I have been editing and helping him with...as well as some books. He said it would be a shame if I made him lose his chance to get a research grant.

I did all of the work!! I am not giving it to him. It's no longer my problem. & if anything HE should be the one to go out of his way to pick up his books.

 

He also sent me another message saying he wasn't sure about our ability to be successful and that he is sure about it now and that our connection with each other is undeniable.

 

I really just don't understand what is going on in his mind.

[dreamingoftigers]

And by the way, this guy would havevto have a brain in order to get brainwashed.

[loversquarrel]

Thank you for your advice. I really hope to find the right man someday and hope by that time I am able to trust again.

 

It's so hard to wrap my mind around all of this because of the things he would SAYYY. It feels as if he were brainwashed. This is the first guy I have ever been with and possibly the worst thing that could've happened to end the relationship. I think he also needs to see someone, because there is something very wrong.

 

I have initiated no contact, but he has been texting me! Asking me to drop off a research proposal document I have been editing and helping him with...as well as some books. He said it would be a shame if I made him lose his chance to get a research grant.

I did all of the work!! I am not giving it to him. It's no longer my problem. & if anything HE should be the one to go out of his way to pick up his books.

 

He also sent me another message saying he wasn't sure about our ability to be successful and that he is sure about it now and that our connection with each other is undeniable.

 

I really just don't understand what is going on in his mind.

 

Can I be your big brother for a day and kick this guys ass in backwards for you??

 

What a classless A-HOLE!!! Believe me - it won't be difficult for you to find someone better than this. Get mad, don't give him the time of day and wipe your ass with his document after you **** on his books.