My wife has serious anger issues.

[lbeach]

My wife and I have been married for about 8 months now but have only been together for a little over a year. We're way past the honeymoon stage. Our relationship took a real fast pace since we've because we're both active duty. When we first started dating she was so nice and passionate. Our relationship was really hot and heavy when we first started out. Then we were separated for about six months. Over the course of this separation my wife had start to develops extreme anger issues and a lack of control over her emotions.

Despite the hiccups we had we were able to get married and stationed together. We've been living together for the past five months and her anger issues have worsened. She gets so drastic and irrational that during our really bad fights she threatens to leave and file for divorce. We've had about six fights where she has done that. Me being very passive, am always forgiving of my wife's mistakes. Of course some of the reasons she gets mad are my fault. I'm a really clumsy person but the smallest things can take her from 1-60 in seconds.

Recently she has started seeing a therapist. The therapist strongly recommends that my wife seek mental help and possibly medicinal help but she refuses because it would affect her job. There hasn't been any significant progress and I feel like the fights are getting worse. Especially with our totally separate work schedules. She works during the day and I work during the night. So we only see each other on the weekends. I feel like we're really drifting apart. I will try anything to save our marriage. I honestly do love her a lot and only wish for her to be happy. I guess this is more of a vent rather than a thread asking for advice.

[JJ72]

RUN and don't look back. being with a angry, irrational, koo-koo is no way to live. it'll only get worse with time. Do it now before you guys have any kids.

[CC12]

Recently she has started seeing a therapist. The therapist strongly recommends that my wife seek mental help and possibly medicinal help

 

Kind of a strange thing for a therapist to say, right? What does that mean?

 

How long has she been seeing this therapist? If it's been a significant amount of time and nothing has changed, maybe she needs to try a new therapist.

 

Also, what about couple's counseling?

[Radu]

My wife and I have been married for about 8 months now but have only been together for a little over a year.

Why buy the cow when you don't know how the milk is ?

 

We're way past the honeymoon stage. Our relationship took a real fast pace since we've because we're both active duty. When we first started dating she was so nice and passionate. Our relationship was really hot and heavy when we first started out.

Point nr 1.

Remember this one.

 

Then we were separated for about six months. Over the course of this separation my wife had start to develops extreme anger issues and a lack of control over her emotions.

I doubt she developed anything.

It was just hidden from you.

That's why they call it the honeymoon phase.

That's why ppl don't get married during the honeymoon phase.

 

Despite the hiccups we had we were able to get married and stationed together. We've been living together for the past five months and her anger issues have worsened. She gets so drastic and irrational that during our really bad fights she threatens to leave and file for divorce. We've had about six fights where she has done that. Me being very passive, am always forgiving of my wife's mistakes. Of course some of the reasons she gets mad are my fault. I'm a really clumsy person but the smallest things can take her from 1-60 in seconds.

Stop it.

a) - D threat during an argument is akin to dropping an A-bomb, it can never go back to the way it is; that's because it can be used as emotional blackmail. Someone using it like this easily, cannot be allowed to use it again. This needed to be stopped by you the first time she did this by filing.

b) - you say you are passive, and you forgive. I have a better choice of words considering everything else you posted ... enabler. Remember this one.

c) - weather or not you are clumsy is irrelevant. Normal ppl work with it, you don't have to walk around on eggshells around them. You wrote this in an attempt to 'defend' her, which gets me back to point b.

 

Recently she has started seeing a therapist. The therapist strongly recommends that my wife seek mental help and possibly medicinal help but she refuses because it would affect her job.

Is the therapist from the military ?

She has had firearms training and it wouldn't be hard for her to get one.

Be carefull you don't end up an 'abuser who abused a poor woman who couldn't take it anymore and took the gun to protect herself'.

 

There hasn't been any significant progress and I feel like the fights are getting worse. Especially with our totally separate work schedules. She works during the day and I work during the night. So we only see each other on the weekends. I feel like we're really drifting apart.

Off-course there has been no improvement, you can't force someone to fix themselves.

Why do you think the prisons are full of innocent ppl ?

 

I will try anything to save our marriage. I honestly do love her a lot and only wish for her to be happy. I guess this is more of a vent rather than a thread asking for advice.

And this is why i believe you are an enabler.

That and all those points i mentioned you should remember.

 

When you are stuck in a relationship with abusive ppl you either end it in weeks/months [high self-esteam], end it in around 1.5yrs [normal self-esteam], or they end it for you after more than a decade of pain and misery [low self-esteam] with some kids brought on to share the 'happines'.

Keep chasing that initial high when everything was perfect, she will continue to show it to you from time to time while keeping you locked in.

She will either leave you ... and i hope this happens instead of the more awefull suggestion i made about that gun.

[pcplod]

What is the formal services attitude to personnel with mental health issues? Is it a complete "no-no" or is there some sort of conditional accommodation of it?

 

At least it seems like your wife accepts that she has an issue but is not fully committed to dealing with it.

 

She may have to accept that if she does not do what she needs to do in order to address this that her job/career may be under threat anyway. It is possible but unlikely that she can contain this anger solely within the containment of your personal relationship. As it is, if you ultimately decide that you can no longer put up with it, the bird will be out of the cage at that point anyway. Not that I would advocate that as any form of leverage. However, she really needs to come to terms with the issue in that potential context.

[lbeach]

Why buy the cow when you don't know how the milk is ?

 

 

Point nr 1.

Remember this one.

 

 

I doubt she developed anything.

It was just hidden from you.

That's why they call it the honeymoon phase.

That's why ppl don't get married during the honeymoon phase.

 

 

Stop it.

a) - D threat during an argument is akin to dropping an A-bomb, it can never go back to the way it is; that's because it can be used as emotional blackmail. Someone using it like this easily, cannot be allowed to use it again. This needed to be stopped by you the first time she did this by filing.

b) - you say you are passive, and you forgive. I have a better choice of words considering everything else you posted ... enabler. Remember this one.

c) - weather or not you are clumsy is irrelevant. Normal ppl work with it, you don't have to walk around on eggshells around them. You wrote this in an attempt to 'defend' her, which gets me back to point b.

 

 

Is the therapist from the military ?

She has had firearms training and it wouldn't be hard for her to get one.

Be carefull you don't end up an 'abuser who abused a poor woman who couldn't take it anymore and took the gun to protect herself'.

 

 

Off-course there has been no improvement, you can't force someone to fix themselves.

Why do you think the prisons are full of innocent ppl ?

 

 

And this is why i believe you are an enabler.

That and all those points i mentioned you should remember.

 

When you are stuck in a relationship with abusive ppl you either end it in weeks/months [high self-esteam], end it in around 1.5yrs [normal self-esteam], or they end it for you after more than a decade of pain and misery [low self-esteam] with some kids brought on to share the 'happines'.

Keep chasing that initial high when everything was perfect, she will continue to show it to you from time to time while keeping you locked in.

She will either leave you ... and i hope this happens instead of the more awefull suggestion i made about that gun.

 

What is an enabler?

[MidwestUSA]

What is an enabler?

 

Look it up, because Radu is right on the money.