How could my own friend lead me on and break my heart. Why cant i move on.

[monochromedragonfly]

Its weird for me coming on a forum but i feel as though i just cant vent to my friends any longer without annoying them from how hurt, angry, confused and stupid i feel about this unfortunate situation with my former "friend". Ill try and explain it briefly

So me and this guy first became friends through mutual friends at the community college we were attending. We became friends and everything was good. But i shortly found myself crushing on him, who happened to have a girlfriend. Of course it was hard for me to deal with but i appreciated our friendship and just dealt with it. I did let him know because i just couldnt hide how i felt but he didnt freak out on me or anything but he saw me as his friend and he had a girlfriend so yeah...nothing i could really do about it, I didn't mind just being friends. So thats what i accepted. To speed this up maybe a year later we both graduated and received our associates degrees and both transferred to universities in the same state but maybe like no more than 2-3 hrs away. i always made an effort to keep in touch since i considered him a good friend. He was always a nerdy and funny guy and always just made me happy. We had similar senses of humor and everything. Even though i wasnt a nerd we still made some connection and were good friends and going to different schools, i made sure to keep in touch . You know facebook and texting. Problems began to arise over the summer when he brought up that i was texting him too much and i sorta mentioned to him that "what if i still sorta had feelings for him." it made things awkward and he did get angry and wouldnt speak to me but after apologizing so many times and even sending him a picture of his favorite comic book superhero i drew for him he finally came around to speak to me. After talking out the situation he said it would take some time for us to be friends again and to just have things normal again. and yes i know it was stupid but my feelings for my friend were just so strong and i just couldnt keep it in anymore. But after that mistake i tried to move on even after our conversation so i just didnt contact him at all. Maybe 3 months after not talking to him i sent him a text only because i felt i was over him and was ready to be friends. Which happened. We only texted each other for maybe another two months and it felt like things were normal again. our christmas break was coming up and we would both be going home from school and we dont live too far away from each other. So knowing i was home he texted me and asked if i wanted to go out some time. I was assuming he just meant to hang as friends but later he started being flirty and i eventually stopped him and asked him that his GF wouldnt mind us hanging. So he finally made himself clear and told me he hasnt had a GF for months and now it made sense to me so it was pretty much a date. To speed this up even more the date was fine and at the end he even kissed me. Of course i was so happy that i was finally getting the guy ive been crushing on throughout our entire friendship and after that night all my feelings just came back. We madeout for a while and he even brought up the idea of going further, he said he knew i wanted to but i told him no, and that im not that "girl" I couldnt sleep with him that way. But he was fine with it and told me not to think he was really disappointed. We cuddled and later we ended the date and i couldnt be happier. So after our break we still kept in touch through exting and facebook. But really wanted is to become something more. I made sure to show him i was interested and flirted with him heavily. He showed interest but we still never talked about becoming bf/gf. I wanted to actually talk to him by phone and to change our text heavy friendship. So that was fine the first time i called but after that he missed my calls and didnt call back. Id text him and that was beginning to get old because he started to either not respond quickly or id get a reply a day later and i was bothered by that because he made me feel like the biggest afterthought. He soon told me that school had been just crazy busy and were both in our junior year of college so i understood. So i just sorta dealt with the ling replies and less communication but our flirtationship continued up until the day i logged on facebook and saw his relationship status changed with a girl at his university. I was instantly heartbroken. Soon after i texted him and pretty much told him im sorry for ever being so stupid for ever flirting with him and giving me the idea he liked me more than a friend and instead of him being too busy or not replying to my texts he should have just told me he was talking to another girl. I told him id never speak to him again because im so hurt. He gave me the lamest excuse or explanation telling me he didnt know i really really liked him. And he didnt know what was happening with this girl and it just developed so fast and didnt know anything was real with this girl until he got the relationship change request. I just didnt understand and wanted to talk about this whole situation by phone because texting this was just ridiculous. Talking would make it so clear but he didnt want to, but through text he pretty much told me theres not much to say after i asked him why did he lead me on knowing how i felt and that i wanted to be with him. Ive been obvious and honest with how i felt through our whole friendship and he just said sorry and told me we're so far way anyway. After that he would just ignore my texts and facebook msgs because i just didnt understand how he really just did this to me. I didnt even think he was that guy that would just play girls. He was friend and i trusted him and didnt think he would ever hurt me this bad. even though i was hurt i wanted to talk to him about this whole thing and at least get a sincere apology but he didnt even do that. Now after this you would think i wouldnt want anything to do wit him but because i didnt have alot of friends to begin with and we were always such amazing friends i thought we could talk this out and fix things so we could be just friends because i valued our friendship and cared about him so much. I couldnt believe how cold he was being towards me not even wanting to talk things out like normal people. What really hurt me was when he blocked me on facebook. No one has ever done that to me before no matter how bad of fights with friends i had in the past. Then i tried to get my other friend whos friends with him to try and talk sense into him and convince him to speak to me. But after venting about this with other friends we decided its best to just do nothing. I cant try to fix a friendship when the other person doesnt care. Ive been ignored for a month and thats when i gave up. I even deleted his number last week so i wouldnt be tempted to call or text him anymore.But during this month ive been nothing but depressed. Lonely. He was always the one person that i couldnt wait to talk to everyday, and only guy to make me feel amazing and happy. He was a close friend and i dont have that anymore. I wonder why even after I cried so much about this and left so heartbroken by him why i even want to speak with him or want to be friends. Its now a month and about a week since this whole thing started and i feel like i made no progress moving on from this. I got so much advice and encouraging words from friends and i just feel like even trying to take there advice and moving on i cant let him go in my heart. I was thinking maybe i had fallen in love with him throughout our friendship because why else would i feel this upset and heartbroken and depressed for not having him in my life anymore. How could your own friend that you trusted do that and hurt you so bad and then be so cold and not even be sorry. so heartless. Even though he wasnt sorry ive been trying to forgive him in my heart but the fact that im still crying about this after a month and a week, i know i havent and i just want to let this go and let him go since i cant do anything else to fix anything anymore.i apologize if there are lots of mistakes i typed this via mobile web. i know its alot. But alot of this is on my mind everyday and i cant just forget this and move on. Even when i have fun with friends and get my mind off of it later at night i always get down and feel sorry for myself and cry about this. i just miss my friend.Am i stupid for missing him still. Or wishing he would just talk this out and speak to me.Or at least apologize.

[NewPerspective93]

There's nothing wrong with venting on a forum.

 

I hate to be "that" guy, but maybe structuring your post into paragraphs will make it easier on the reader. My eyes had quite the work out, lol.

 

Anyways, onto your situation. I feel that you valued the friendship more than he did, hence why you tried so hard to stay in contact.

 

During this whole time, did he ever text you, message you randomly asking how YOU were? It feels as if though you were the only one interested in sustaining this friendship you two had. Why do I say this? Well, after he gets with someone else you say he becomes cold. Here, I feel that he didn't have the decency to even apologize, and rather doing that, he is all confused about what happened. WTF is that?

 

Also, I think you overdid it with the contacting him. When only one party tries to keep the conversations alive, that may not be a swell idea. Even when you met up, maybe you went a little to fast as you kissed right then and there. He might've done so as a spur of the moment thing, while you thought it was a genuine, heartfelt response.

 

I think you need to move on from this. Go out, DO something rather than think about how things could've gone differently.

 

Hope things get better for you.

 

Cheers.

[monochromedragonfly]

There's nothing wrong with venting on a forum.

 

I hate to be "that" guy, but maybe structuring your post into paragraphs will make it easier on the reader. My eyes had quite the work out, lol.

 

Anyways, onto your situation. I feel that you valued the friendship more than he did, hence why you tried so hard to stay in contact.

 

During this whole time, did he ever text you, message you randomly asking how YOU were? It feels as if though you were the only one interested in sustaining this friendship you two had. Why do I say this? Well, after he gets with someone else you say he becomes cold. Here, I feel that he didn't have the decency to even apologize, and rather doing that, he is all confused about what happened. WTF is that?

 

Also, I think you overdid it with the contacting him. When only one party tries to keep the conversations alive, that may not be a swell idea. Even when you met up, maybe you went a little to fast as you kissed right then and there. He might've done so as a spur of the moment thing, while you thought it was a genuine, heartfelt response.

 

I think you need to move on from this. Go out, DO something rather than think about how things could've gone differently.

 

Hope things get better for you.

 

Cheers.

 

 

 

he did text me. Not just me. I left out so many specific details of the whole date but just explained how it ended. He initiated the date and the kiss and everything else. We havent seen each other in so long at the time, so we were both happy to see each other. I only felt like i was feeling like the only one putting any effort into our friend towards the end when i wasnt hearing from him much. But he just said he was busy with school. sorry i feel like i could have explained way better. And by cold i just meant i never would have thought he could be this cold to me after things went bad. He always was such the nicest guy to me.

Edited March 30, 2013 by monochromedragonfly

[Gottabestrong]

Sorry, couldn't read it, my eyes started hurting after a few lines. Can you break your post up into paragraphs?

[monochromedragonfly]

Sorry, couldn't read it, my eyes started hurting after a few lines. Can you break your post up into paragraphs?

 

i tried to edit it but it wont let me for some reason, ill make a new thread thats short and simple.

[stillafool]

Please use paragraphs so we can read this.

[Charlotted29]

Darlin, i'm in the same situation as you, and it is tough. I'm not going to lie, but I am still struggling 1 year later.. but i'm a slow healer.

 

I'm 27 now, but at 17 I started seeing a guy in my class, he was cute and we dated for around 10 months. We really formed a close bond until his Dad died.. and he had to 'grieve' then started dating another girl a few months later.

 

Fast forward 2 years and we were both a bit lonely and broken hearted from other relationships. A friendship formed and we were so silly and very close, he made me smile everytime I saw him. However after a year feelings started coming back...and we formed a 'casual relationship' and these grew and grew until I had completely fallen in love with him. However he wasn't sure about his feelings for me but still.. this went on for another 2 years. By this stage I was so in love and just waiting for the moment he would change his mind and realise he loved me in the same way, after all... he called me his soulmate.

 

Soon after he started seeing someone and I knew, but he denied it until the very end. When he finally admitted it months later he said 'yeah but we were only ever friends'. I told him that we were 'done' and I walked out his life.

 

I can't tell you how broken hearted I was.. but I had a nervous breakdown which took 6 months to recover from. I had known him 10 years and he was my best friend and someone who made me incredibly happy.

 

It will take time but i'm sure your heart will heal quicker than mine. Just don't make the same mistake I did and go back... never go back because he won't change.

[monochromedragonfly]

Darlin, i'm in the same situation as you, and it is tough. I'm not going to lie, but I am still struggling 1 year later.. but i'm a slow healer.

 

I'm 27 now, but at 17 I started seeing a guy in my class, he was cute and we dated for around 10 months. We really formed a close bond until his Dad died.. and he had to 'grieve' then started dating another girl a few months later.

 

Fast forward 2 years and we were both a bit lonely and broken hearted from other relationships. A friendship formed and we were so silly and very close, he made me smile everytime I saw him. However after a year feelings started coming back...and we formed a 'casual relationship' and these grew and grew until I had completely fallen in love with him. However he wasn't sure about his feelings for me but still.. this went on for another 2 years. By this stage I was so in love and just waiting for the moment he would change his mind and realise he loved me in the same way, after all... he called me his soulmate.

 

Soon after he started seeing someone and I knew, but he denied it until the very end. When he finally admitted it months later he said 'yeah but we were only ever friends'. I told him that we were 'done' and I walked out his life.

 

I can't tell you how broken hearted I was.. but I had a nervous breakdown which took 6 months to recover from. I had known him 10 years and he was my best friend and someone who made me incredibly happy.

 

It will take time but i'm sure your heart will heal quicker than mine. Just don't make the same mistake I did and go back... never go back because he won't change.

 

Charlotted29 thankyou so much for reading this even though it wasn't written well and hard on the eyes. You understand exactly how i feel. I feel so stupid that i still care about him as my friend, i should want nothing to do with him but its like i still want to talk things out. My feelings for him are making me think so stupidly. I shouldn't want to be friends with a person like this. He was never a real friend if he treated me this way and doesn't care

[Charlotted29]

I often think the same... he must of never cared about me if he treated me this way, how can I miss someone who treated me with such disrespect... I don't have an answer for these questions and the fact that I can't move on may have something to do with not having them answered.

 

What you have to do is to accept what has happened. I'm sure he cared about you at some stage, but men are fickle and they do as they please.

Even now, I want to write a 100 page document to him on everything that I have gone through over the past year because of him, but you know that this won't change things, and he won't read it. He would read the first few lines and think.. I don't have to read this crap.

 

My guy is still in a relationship with this girl, and he has even gone abroad with her even though I brought us a plane ticket and he wouldnt go because he was 'scared' of flying.

 

We just didn't mean as much to them as they did to us unfortunately.. and it bloody sucks and hurts. All you can do is live through it, carry on, and eventully you will come out the other side. I'm not there yet myself but someday I hope I will be!

 

You seem younger than me? Use this time wisely as your social life will be more prevalent at this age, then when you get older! More opportunities to meet new people (and guys). Many people I know now are married/engaged/cohabiting and it's really hard to meet someone new. Walk around with a smile and you never know who will notice. Good luck.