NervisPervis Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 So how much else has she lied about durng your quaint little open relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodamnpragmatic Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Who don't read what they want to read and then have to clarify, change their OP and explain that we "Don't get it and are judging their choices". Well duh??? Of course we are. Yep, don't agree with your Hens & Rooster Weekends, but to each his/her own. You have a very specific set of rules and there is a razor thin line that one can't cross. A sexually charged, usually fuel induced aura and you are regardless of trust playing with fire. Good Luck.... Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I don't think that open marriage works well for you or your wife. Doesn't it worry you that you wife can't even keep her promises in a polyamorous marriage? She already has very loose sexual parameters than most spouses. She blatantly disregarded your boundaries by messing with her ex and then tried to hide it. Your wife is behaving in a very selfish and dishonest manner. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 This is NOT going to turn out well. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 delete-wrong thread. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeebean201 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 If you love her you will get past this. Sometimes the people we love make mistakes. Doesn't mean we love them any less. We just ask them not to make that particular mistake again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mickster1984 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Now this is the part where you say it was her friends talking and not her. No, I was her talking about it. But to put it in context it went something like: Friend 1: Oooo, why dont you get <strippers name> to strip for you again? Friend 2: Yeah, you really enjoyed that. Wife: You know full well I didn't enjoy it and I am still angry you organised it behind my back. Friend 2: Oh yes you did, you were right into it. Friend 3: Don't start it all again girls, you know how upset she was in the room after it happened. Friend 2: She could've walked away if she wanted. Friend 3: We were all caught up in the moment and you know we wouldn't have let her leave. Now yes that is paraphrasing but that is very close to the way the conversation went. I am not as concerned over the act as I am about the lie (omission) that followed. I have never had reason to believe she has lied before so until I know otherwise I will treat this as a one time thing. I figure we all make mistakes and I am willing to put it down to that until I know otherwise. I am not as concerned about the lie as I am about whether I can trust again. Even though I am willing to forgive I am still not sure I can fully trust again. This is what I am hoping we can work through together to regain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mickster1984 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 I don't think that open marriage works well for you or your wife. At the moment it certainly seems that way. But it has worked, without issue, for the last three years. I am certainly not going to discount all the positives because of one negative. Doesn't it worry you that you wife can't even keep her promises in a polyamorous marriage? Well we are not quite at that stage but of course the broken promise worries me. Hence seeing a counselor and seeking advice (however wisely) here. She blatantly disregarded your boundaries by messing with her ex and then tried to hide it. Your wife is behaving in a very selfish and dishonest manner. Exactly right and exactly why I am angry. But hardly a reason to blame it all on an open relationship. These same sorts of issues arise in "normal" relationships but some people are determined to draw the line that the only reason this happened is because of our lifestyle choices. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I will start out by saying I know nothing about your lifestyle because personally I think open relationships are stupid. With that said you seem to be in denial. You repeated a couple times that your wife acknowledges what she did was wrong but that is not what people here are trying to get you to see. They want you to realize that she is only admitting this after being caught. You don't want to admit that she is probably still lying to you, probably enjoyed having her ex strip for her (and has probably had more contact with him than she admits), and probably did more than what she is admitting. Its called trickle truth. Also, if she was ashamed of it or didn't like it she wouldn't be reminiscing about with her friends in your house. Now this is the part where you say it was her friends talking and not her. How did you get so many amazing points into one small post? And that last bold part was purely clairvoyant. How did you KNOW that? Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 You have NO IDEA what goes on when these gals all go out for a night of debauchery, do you? And I'm not just talking about this one incident. I'm talking about all of the cruising they do at meat markets without you. In "open relationships", do you keep score? Do you try to keep it at least even? If not, OK. If so, I can GUARANTEE, unless you are Brad Pitt, that she's WAY ahead of you. She's a chick after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mickster1984 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 You have NO IDEA what goes on when these gals all go out for a night of debauchery, do you? And I'm not just talking about this one incident. I'm talking about all of the cruising they do at meat markets without you. Well yeah I do. We have spoken of and shared the stories from such nights many times. She has no need to hide it. And yes I get that she did hide the one incident that started this thread. ONE INCIDENT. I have no evidence and no reason to believe it goes beyond that. That does not mean all is forgotten and forgiven, but it does mean that I acknowledge that there is no history of this sort of behavior. In "open relationships", do you keep score? Do you try to keep it at least even? Why would we keep score? It's not a game. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 We have spoken of and shared the stories from such nights many times. She has no need to hide it. But she...did...hide it. I guess you are sure that's the ONLY time she lied. OK. I'm out. I need to learn to stay away from threads I will NEVER understand. Good luck, OP. Maybe you'll rethink this "open marriage" thing with your next wife. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 It's not a game. No, it's not. I'll give you that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I think the most troubling part of this thread is that nobody is acknowledging that her friends are trying to split you up. I mean, they propably are not so stupid that they think hiring her ex as a stripper for her was a great idea. The fact that they have enough sway over her that she wouldn't walk away from this bad situation means her friends are more important than you. Your wife knew it wasn't a good idea to take part, as her hiding that truth is an admission of that. The fact that she lets her friends make her decisions, and they want her to be with her ex instead of you, doesn't bode well for you. I'd shut down the whole open nonsense for a while, and keep a close eye. What you're doing is allowing both of you to flirt with tempatation, but not being allowed to give in. IME temptation tends to drag people in, which is why most people don't want their spouse taking part in such things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Wow, Babble. That was...awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Babble, they aren't having sex with other people though. He explains the extent of their freedoms, and sex isn't one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
NervisPervis Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Babble, they aren't having sex with other people though. He explains the extent of their freedoms, and sex isn't one of them. I'm not sure I agree with that. There is a whole bunch of stuff included in this below description that would fit into most people's definition of "sex". And I'll get on babble's bandwagon by saying that him not allowing penetration, and having her explain how hard it was to withold, fits right into that cuckold scenario. we agreed that we would be very open about what we would allow each other to do, basically setting the line at no penetration but allowing almost everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'm not sure I agree with that. There is a whole bunch of stuff included in this below description that would fit into most people's definition of "sex". And I'll get on babble's bandwagon by saying that him not allowing penetration, and having her explain how hard it was to withold, fits right into that cuckold scenario. His definition is too ambiguous to come to that conclusion. It sounds like their deal is that they're allowed to behave like teenagers; kissing, groping, touching, but no penetration. From what has been said, it sounds like both of them like the freedom to enjoy a good time at a strip club, or grind up and make out with people. I would also agree that they both get off on sharing their stories with eachother. Babble could be right though, as the OP did mention that she set the boundaries, which means he may actually be cool with her going further, as it's exciting to him. However, until it does, there is no fetish being played out, and may never play out. As of now, it's more like flirting with disaster is exciting to them. Definitely on the cusp of delving into such a fetish though. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegameoflife Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 The funniest part of the whole thing is she is probably deeply in love with the stripper whereas to the stripper, Op's wife is just another cock-crazy married chick on a girls' weekend. I'll bet Stripper Boy was imagining the look on OP's face (since they already had the rivalry thing going on) as he was busting his nut on hers. No doubt at all that OP's wife regrets letting Stripper Boy get away and probably figures she settled for second, third, or fourth best when she married Cuckold Boy. (Who claims he "stole" her from Stripper Boy. Yah right.) OP lets other men do sexual things with his wife; whereas Stripper Boy is doing the sexual things to many other mens' wives. Obviously all women will find the stripper far more desirable and the cuckold is perceived as an undesirable disgusting weakling. No no, you've got it all wrong. She left the stripper because he was a bull. She's obviously a party girl, and a bull doesn't let his cow play with other bulls. Messes with their ego and percieved dominance. She wanted the freedom to go out and do whatever she wanted with whatever bull she liked. Do to this desire, she was drawn in by the OP as she saw that he would allow her to do what she wanted, but would still stick around. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 To the OP: you guys are building a relationship based upon 'testing' each other. Maybe you both get some erotic thrill out of it, that is, until someone gets hurt. I'd re-direct the relationship back to...Love. Link to post Share on other sites
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