monochromedragonfly Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 this was corrected btw So i had this guy friend ive been friends with for about a year almost two years. Pretty much throughout our entire friendship i always had feelings for him but never got a chance to make a move because he had always had a girlfriend. We did have a three month falling out at one point. After an argument we had we did talk things out but in hopes of making myself get over him and forget about my feelings i didnt contact him for 3 months until i felt i was over him and i could just be friends. Which happened and we were back to normal. I hadnt known he had been single for months until he told me and wanted to go on date with me. I think all my feelings for him came back the minute he kissed me. near the end he wanted things to go further but i told him no. But it didnt seem like a big deal and he told me later that night dont think i wasnt disappointed. Well we pretty much stayed in touch and had a flirtationship lol he knew i was so into him but being BF and GF never came up.I didnt want to rush anything. Oh yeah we do go to different universities so distance would had been a slight problem. I just remember one day logging into facebook and noticing my friends relationship status change with someone at his university. I was instantly heartbroken. my good friend lead me on knowing how i felt about him. I thought him and i would be together. Its sorta what i always wanted. I cant believe he wasnt honest with me at all, i had such respect and trust for my friend before but he like ruined everything not too long after we came out of the first falling out. The thing that sucks is he said said a sincere apology or anything, after trying to see if we could talk this whole thing out he refused and ignored me. I just wish i had real sense of this. I wish we could talk things out or maybe be friends. He even blocked me on Facebook which really broke my heart. I never thought my friend could ever be so cold and heartless. Im just having a hard time moving on from this. Its all i think about. I feel so stupid missing him ... more like who he was even after he made me look like an idiot and broke my heart. im one of the nice girls. how could he do this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monochromedragonfly Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) correction i meant *"He told me later that night not to think he was disappointed at all and glad things didnt go further than it did. I didnt want to rush things no matter how long i knew him. *The thing that sucks is he never said a sincere apology or anything" If i left some things out just know he showed interest in return all along and flirted with me back up until his relationship status changed. and your probably like " why would you want to be friends after this" i just think our friendship before was so good id rather have that than nothing i guess. Or my feelings for him are making me stupid. I cant believe he could ever be "this" guy. I trusted him. I lost my friend all at the same time. Now all i do is cry and feel so depressed. even when i have a good day, usually that ends and i think about this again and my heart sinks and i cry Edited March 30, 2013 by monochromedragonfly Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Unfortunately, not all of us view matters of the heart the same. If he did not care about your feelings, is he really worth shedding another tear for? As cliche as it sounds, (I find it true) would you REALLY want to be with him after knowing he could do this? Bottom line is people often do show their true colors early on and we miss it or dismiss it for some other thing or even make excuses for a person we believe better of. I had a real hard time getting past my ex fiance...long behold looking at it later down the road objectively, I was more upset about how he had treated me in the end than actually him. I have now been with a great guy for 4 years and am so happy and much better off. The other guy was 'poison', toxic if you will and will always be that way. Try keeping busy (Forums, books, hobbies, friends(true ones), shopping, day at the spa, manicure, pedicure, etc and realize your true worth and what you actually deserve. Sorry he made you feel that way. I spent 2 solid months in tears. Noone deserves that. Edited March 30, 2013 by ON MY OWN Link to post Share on other sites
Author monochromedragonfly Posted March 30, 2013 Author Share Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) Unfortunately, not all of us view matters of the heart the same. If he did not care about your feelings, is he really worth shedding another tear for? As cliche as it sounds, (I find it true) would you REALLY want to be with him after knowing he could do this? Bottom line is people often do show their true colors early on and we miss it or dismiss it for some other thing or even make excuses for a person we believe better of. I had a real hard time getting past my ex fiance...long behold looking at it later down the road objectively, I was more upset about how he had treated me in the end than actually him. I have now been with a great guy for 4 years and am so happy and much better off. The other guy was 'poison', toxic if you will and will always be that way. Try keeping busy (Forums, books, hobbies, friends(true ones), shopping, day at the spa, manicure, pedicure, etc and realize your true worth and what you actually deserve. Sorry he made you feel that way. I spent 2 solid months in tears. Noone deserves that. thanks for your response, i'll work on myself and treat myself good like i deserve. Just bought another sketchbook so i can do some drawing i took a hiatus from it but its time to get back into it.It always helped when i would ever not feel the best. Edited March 30, 2013 by monochromedragonfly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 thanks for your response, i'll work on myself and treat myself good like i deserve. Just bought another sketchbook so i can do some drawing i took a hiatus from it but its time to get back into it.It always helped when i would ever not feel the best. Your very welcome! This forum also helped me when I needed it. So on those sleepless, tearful, late nights, we are here! It isn't easy, and it may seem like forever, but it will get better, I promise. It is very good you even had an idea after reading my response. Pamper yourself! It also helps after some time has passed to be able to look at it more objectively. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lani Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 The guy sounds like he's not worth your time, to be so instantly dismissive if you after he got into a relationship isn't fair. One lesson I think you need to take from this is that unless you both know where you stand in a 'flirtashionship' situation, you can't assume someone feels the way you do. For him, this was probably a casual thing, and although you having more feelings than just that is fine, he can't know that unless you tell him. It's a tough time, but you will get past this. Learn from your mistakes, it's part of growing up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 If he truly cared about you, he would have heard you out, and not cut you out of his life. And being led on is very manipulative and gave you a better insight into who he really is. As much as it hurts, you need to move on. There are FAR better individuals out there who don't care too much about childish gameplay that want a relationship. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I do agree and the coping thing is part of the healing process...just be sure he does not come back and turn your world upside down again. (Many will do that when things arent going like they want in life etc, to gain feeling better about themselves at the cost of someone else's feelings...so beware of that too.) A good peice of advice I got later down the road that took me years to really 'get' is that you are treated the way you allow yourself to be treated.' I found this to really be true when you think about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author monochromedragonfly Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) The guy sounds like he's not worth your time, to be so instantly dismissive if you after he got into a relationship isn't fair. One lesson I think you need to take from this is that unless you both know where you stand in a 'flirtashionship' situation, you can't assume someone feels the way you do. For him, this was probably a casual thing, and although you having more feelings than just that is fine, he can't know that unless you tell him. It's a tough time, but you will get past this. Learn from your mistakes, it's part of growing up Theres no question, he definitely knew how i felt throughout our friendship. i let him know. I couldn't help falling for my friend, i thought he would be perfect for me. He gave me the idea he was into me after he finally asked me out. Our flirtationship went on for like a month and a half. up until i found out his relationship status changed on fb. it was a slap in theface. I still cant believe my own friend could do that to me. The only explanation he told me was he didn't know what was happening with this girl and that their relationship happened so quickly, he didn't know they were real until he got the relationship status change. He could have just told me he was talking to another girl all along. but anyways i won't go back and think about this over and over. it wont help trying to understand why my own friend lied to me and lead me on when he knew how deeply i felt for him. i feel that im finally making progress though. Today was the first morning i didn't wake up and immediately think about this or felt upset or feel like i still miss my friend so badly Edited March 31, 2013 by monochromedragonfly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) Theres no question, he definitely knew how i felt throughout our friendship. i let him know. I couldn't help falling for my friend, i thought he would be perfect for me. He gave me the idea he was into me after he finally asked me out. Our flirtationship went on for like a month and a half. up until i found out his relationship status changed on fb. it was a slap in theface. I still cant believe my own friend could do that to me. The only explanation he told me was he didn't know what was happening with this girl and that their relationship happened so quickly, he didn't know they were real until he got the relationship status change. He could have just told me he was talking to another girl all along. but anyways i won't go back and think about this over and over. it wont help trying to understand why my own friend lied to me and lead me on when he knew how deeply i felt for him. i feel that im finally making progress though. Today was the first morning i didn't wake up and immediately think about this or felt upset or feel like i still miss my friend so badly Im glad your healing is starting. How is the drawing coming for you? I always thought of the arts as being pretty therapeutic. Edited April 2, 2013 by ON MY OWN 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 As' in my own' said he is not worth shedding tears for. I hate to say this, but I feel he wanted sex later in your friendship while you wanted relationship. Knowing that it's not going to be easy to get what he wanted, he backed off. He never cared for you. Forget him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author monochromedragonfly Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Im glad your healing is starting. How is the drawing coming for you? I always thought of the arts as being pretty therapeutic. It's great , i still want to do even more but my schedule has been busy lately. I've been meeting new good people and getting out more. Grades have been improving as well in school. I honestly feel so much better than before. I feel dumb for wasting a month worrying and crying over someone who's....nothing. All the advice and encouraging words from everyone finally stuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monochromedragonfly Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) As' in my own' said he is not worth shedding tears for. I hate to say this, but I feel he wanted sex later in your friendship while you wanted relationship. Knowing that it's not going to be easy to get what he wanted, he backed off. He never cared for you. Forget him. i know your right :/...im just glad i wasn't stupid and went through with it. My feelings for him were strong and I was probably crushing on him for a little over a year. i would have felt so much worse if the outcome was the same after going through with it. i dunno, i just still can't believe he was one of "those" guys who only wanted to use me. I still can't believe he did this to me and ruined ...killed our friendship. but he obviously never cared about that either... and yes, i will forget him. Edited April 2, 2013 by monochromedragonfly Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 It's great , i still want to do even more but my schedule has been busy lately. I've been meeting new good people and getting out more. Grades have been improving as well in school. I honestly feel so much better than before. I feel dumb for wasting a month worrying and crying over someone who's....nothing. All the advice and encouraging words from everyone finally stuck. I felt stupid before also. But, dont. You are a caring person and dont ever apologize for being the amazing person you are! I am glad to hear your grades are improving...sounds like your getting stronger. This is a great place to be when you are confused/sad about a particular predicament. It helps also to know your not alone. You have come a long way in a relatively short period of time, be proud of yourself! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author monochromedragonfly Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) I felt stupid before also. But, dont. You are a caring person and dont ever apologize for being the amazing person you are! I am glad to hear your grades are improving...sounds like your getting stronger. This is a great place to be when you are confused/sad about a particular predicament. It helps also to know your not alone. You have come a long way in a relatively short period of time, be proud of yourself! yeah its weird to me too how fast things came around. I guess after a month of crying and feeling sorry for myself..something just clicked and like i said before, everything that everyone has said to make me feel better and to encourage me finally stuck. Over my easter break i got to hang with friends, had fun and spent time with my family which helped soo much especially my mom. Sunday was the first full day i didn't wake up feeling sorry for myself and didn't feel like crying at any point throughout the day. my days up until now have been the same too. Im focusing my thoughts on other things and not him and this situation. and if i do happen to think about him, i don't become really down. I still see the whole situation as unfortunate but i don't cry. Edited April 3, 2013 by monochromedragonfly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author monochromedragonfly Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 (edited) hey guys. .. had to post again because i feel like im not making any progress. after not crying for only a week and a couple days i feel as though all the emotion that didnt come out then has been coming out the last 2 days. I feel as though i cant stop thinking about my ex friend and i cant help but cry. My eyes are filled with water just thinking about this again. so far its pretty much been a little over a month since this stuff started and when he stopped speaking to me. And the way i feel its as if it happened last week. I miss him so much you have no idea. All i think about is how could he do this to me. Why he would rather be with her. Why he completely cut me off so fast. I think i slowly fell in love with him through our friendship and maybe thats why im still so emotional about this. i just want to talk him again. Im so miserable;( Edited April 8, 2013 by monochromedragonfly Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Do you still meet him or see him? This will make your healing very slow. If it is so get rid of even the sight of him. Link to post Share on other sites
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