Sociopath

[Puddle]

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, citing that my attitude changes for the worst after playing cards at the casino if I don't win. That may occasionally be true but this particular time he had said things that pissed me off , so I became moody. An argument ensued, & the next day he broke it off, blaming my "bad attitude" for our problems. Now I'm not a person who takes things out on other people when things aren't going right for me. With this guy, he was always saying or doing something, pushing my buttons, and he knew all of them. I never snapped at him for no good reason, it was usually a reaction to something he had said or done to inflame me. He is a cocaine addict/alcoholic in recovery and is doing really well with that. I thought maybe his personality was the way it was because of the drugs and alcohol, but I'm not noticing any change as far as the troublesome parts of his personality, so I'm beginning to think that maybe that's just the way he is, drugs or no drugs.

 

My best friend told me that my now ex-boyfriend sounds like a sociopath. After researching the traits of a sociopath, it appears that he possesses many of them. He is a self admitted narcissist; however, I am quite sure he would deny being a sociopath, were he confronted with it. Here are the things that I've noticed about him over the course of our relationship, in retrospect: in addition to being addicted to gambling, cocaine, alcohol, and sex, he is impulsive, lies easily; blames me for most of our problems; seems to have a lack of empathy for many things; his emotions seem shallow and insincere, he has that predatory stare that I read about; lack of adherance to common laws and rules of society, such as stopping at stop signs; lack of financial responsibilty (shirking off credit card bills as he believes he shouldn't have to pay them); family issues since childhood (has no respect for his mother as he blames her multiple marriages for their family problems-I believe this has caused him to be a misogynist as well): exaggerated sense of self/grandiosity-he thinks he is better than others & smarter; sense of entitlement; blatant disregard for my feelings; unstable employment; lacks common manners like please & thank you...and so on.

 

It's hard to imagine that he was just giving me shallow emotions & love these past few months. But seeing how easily he discarded me over something so ridiculous makes me think that, like a sociopath, he used me & is done with me. His recovery has put him on some kind of sobriety high horse & he is now blaming me for our problems & making me feel like I'm getting in the way of his sobriety, because I am not perfect. Any fly on the wall could see that the vast majority of our problems were his fault. I was the best girlfriend I could be considering the circumstances, and I tried very hard not to give him reasons to be pissed off at me. Unfortunately, he did not give me that same consideration. Because he just can't stop himself from irritating me, I'm almost inclined to think that he gets off on it.

 

Does his behavior sound sociopathic? I'm tired of blaming myself for his behavior, when in retrospect he just seems like a jerk who doesn't feel real emotions.

[ForeverHopeful1]

I think you should also look into narcissitic personality disorder as well. It may be spot on. Drugs and family life are usually tied into this one. What was his family life like?

[dreamingoftigers]

Wow, sounds like a real winner.

 

Marry that boy before someone else snaps him up

 

LOL!

 

OP,

 

I suggest perhaps realizing that WHATEVER his potential diagnosis and issues were, that instead you screen potential mates by behaviour. Regardless of a mate's internal workings their behaviour is what you would be dealing with in a relationship.

 

A lot of women get together with men that they try to "help" or "change."

 

You got together with a man in active addiction.

 

Active addicts are going to present as narcissists, sociopaths, ADD/ADHD, bipolar, borderline personality disorder etc. Because the chemicals have been messing with their brains for so long that their neural patterns and behaviours somewhat alter until the drug is removed. Any addiction would of course exacerbate any underlying diagnosis.

 

Truly, your ex-bf sounds resoundingly immature and has an incredibly immature mother as well. Given the data presented I would guess that he wasn't a "sociopath." I've met and dealt with the genuine sociopathic article. That's a place I don't think you want to go. I would also say that you and your

friend aren't anywhere near qualified to make such a diagnosis.

 

Heaps and heaps of people on here try to "diagnose" their ex. It's almost a joke, "everyone on Loveshack has a Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disordered ex. They suffered so much with this crazy person. And now they want to know when they are coming back so they can pick up where they left off!"

 

A dating relationship is generally NOT a good place to start when trying to objectively diagnose someone. You don't TRULY know their history, most of us don't carry around batteries of psychiatric tests with us to a dinner & movie night.

 

My husband was an alcoholic /sexual addict. I was aware if the alcoholic past. He was also completely sober four years. The sexual addiction he hid incredibly well from my 22 year old eyes. Anyhow, in the third year of our marriage he resumed active addiction. Holy Hell, he would fit 6 different diagnoses any given month. I couldn't understand how someone so loving and in-tune became an outright, virtually monstrous person in such a short span.

 

And honestly, if you want to find a moody sonofabitch, look no further than someone in the first year of recovery or someone who just quit smoking. Recovering addicts are going through withdrawal and then they are readjusting to other coping mechanisms, usually bringing up a whole bunch of emotional baggage they didn't realize was there. For alcoholics in particular, their sleep doesn't straighten out for about six months.

 

My husband had PAWS. (Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) and he wasn't informed for quite awhile. So he just kind of freaked out and crashed in a continuous cycle until his system sorted itself out.

 

Do I suspect he has an underlying diagnosis: YES. I even have a couple theories. BUT I know that there's no way for me to know for certain unless we get down to an Amen Clinic for a Brain Scan. And honestly, there is most likely something up with me too for meeting, mating and staying with someone who has this smorgasbord of issues.

 

Regardless of your ex's diagnosis, I suggest you review yourself and all of the big red flags you missed on the way.

 

Best of luck:)

[blindotter]

Whether he is or not, you are no longer involved with him, so let that be someone else's problem. Shift the focus back to yourself. You are the only person you have control over.