who_am_i Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling pretty good. I thought I had totally come to terms with the ramifications of what I had done and it's outcome...until now. Now I haven't been able to keep it together for the last 3 days. I can't seem to keep myself from thinking about him. I've read enough on LS to know that its pointless to dwell on it. If he wanted me he would have chosen me...and he didn't. Now it's 100% up to me to get over it! Right? So why am I not able to do that? I think a lot of it has to do with the way I feel about how it ended. I'm so unsettled and have so many unanswered questions and I suppose the fact that they continue to go unanswered should be answer enough, but it's not. I feel constantly tormented. The more I read about other relationships here the worse I feel about the one that was so important to me for so long. I don't want to believe that he didn't care for me and I don't want to believe that he is having those...Ooph, glad I finally got rid of her...feelings that some BS say their husbands confess to having. I want so badly to be able to say...Nope, not my guy. I knew him and he'd never say those things about me...but I can't anymore. I'm replaying it all in my head and questioning everything I thought I knew. I'm just so sad about the whole thing. The only thing I know for sure is that my heart is broken. How can I make it all go away? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 How long ago did things end? There is no way to make it go away. You didn't get attached overnight so the process of detaching and being over someone whom you invested in emotionally will also be a process. It's also worse when it is not mutual and you feel "betrayed" by this person, ironically enough. It is not a fun process. It sucks. It seems like there is no end in sight when you're going through it....but it does get better! There are many many stories here and in the regular break up section detailing that people do live and love again after an A or ending of any other R. But everyone had to go through that horrible "withdrawal" period where you obsess over things, want "closure", are in denial, want to bargain with the person, replay every minute detail of every conversation, everything. It's crazy-making, but par for the course. Share here, journal, read good books and websites, investigate your own feelings and own reasons for being with him etc and overtime you'll feel more in control and gain more clarity. Everyone has to process their feelings and come to a place of peace for themselves before moving on. (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Do you really think he is having "thank god I finally got rid of her" feelings? I guess some MM would feel that way...if they actually wanted a fling and the OW was driving the relationship. I don't know the details of your situation, but chances are he isn't all that happy either. I know this shouldn't matter, but you can take some comfort in that. Hang in there. I'm in a similar place. I keep repeating "time heals all wounds." One of the hardest things about this kind of heart break is that people don't exactly comfort the OW. You have your happiness in secret, and then you get to grieve the end in secret too, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Do you really think he is having "thank god I finally got rid of her" feelings? I guess some MM would feel that way...if they actually wanted a fling and the OW was driving the relationship. I don't know the details of your situation, but chances are he isn't all that happy either. I know this shouldn't matter, but you can take some comfort in that. Hang in there. I'm in a similar place. I keep repeating "time heals all wounds." One of the hardest things about this kind of heart break is that people don't exactly comfort the OW. You have your happiness in secret, and then you get to grieve the end in secret too, I suppose. This is profound. That wasn't my experience really, but, I can imagine how for many whose As are indeed super secret, that it is painfully isolating when things fall apart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author who_am_i Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 Do you really think he is having "thank god I finally got rid of her" feelings? I guess some MM would feel that way...if they actually wanted a fling and the OW was driving the relationship. I don't know the details of your situation, but chances are he isn't all that happy either. I know this shouldn't matter, but you can take some comfort in that. I do. If I'm being honest with myself I know it's silly to compare...of all things...affairs. But when I read here about what some others were like I start to feel like what I had was a joke in comparison. I feel like it was so easy for him to give me up. That said, I can only assume that now that his wife knows he only feels relief that I am out of the picture. I feel like I fought so hard for something that he is content living without. Link to post Share on other sites
n1BB1t Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Do you really think he is having "thank god I finally got rid of her" feelings? I guess some MM would feel that way...if they actually wanted a fling and the OW was driving the relationship. I don't know the details of your situation, but chances are he isn't all that happy either. For my case and I believe there would be some mm that are not flinging around. Most of them feel oblige to stay at home and be oblige and committed for their child and marriage. They aren't feeling happy but they doesn't feel that hard to go back to their family either. This is what make OW ponder when breakup or NC kicks in. Mainly though they are not happy but they are not suffering much from the withdrawal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author who_am_i Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 How long ago did things end? Almost 7 weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I don't really think they have glad to be rid of you feelings. But I am sure that they would feel relieved that they no longer need to live a lie, and they can commit fully to something... and that something is usually their wife. I think they are torn about what to do, and when it all blows up they can at least get their lives back on track. And really, that is a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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