motorace1 Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I've been friends with a guy from uni for about 7 years now. When we first met I was in a relationship, therefore our relationship was always platonic and nothing more. We stayed very good friends after uni, and now both of us are single living in the same city ( both 26). I broke up with my long term boyfriend around 3 years ago, and have been pretty much single ever since. He has also remained single during that time. We have travelled overseas together and we tend to see each other really frequently. We go on friendship dates alot, out to dinner, movies, festivals etc and he has cooked me dinner for just the two of us many times in the past. As I said, he is one of my best friends.i recall around a year ago, we went out with some friends and a girl both of us met that night said "how long have you been together". I laughed at how ridiculous that was and explained that we were friends. She said that we were so comfortable around each other that we just had to be a couple. Funny I didn't notice that at the time. However, over the past 2 months something has changed. All of a sudden I notice him more, in the way that my whole body is aware that his hand is just brushing my arm or thigh. This really shocked me at first because I had never seen him that way. I have this overwhelming attraction to him now, and it just won't go away, no matter how I try. I can't shake the urg that somehow he is meant for me? Even I can't believe how ridiculous I sound. I suppose what I need to know is, how do I know if he has deeper feelings for me too? I find us flirting sometimes and wonder how long that has been happening.. It's as though I've never seen him before. I feel like he must see it too, but how do I know? He compliments me when we go out, I know he is attracted to me on some level, but to what level I don't know?! I couldn't bear to lose him as a friend, but I can't wave off these feelings.. I have this horrible feeling now, when I think back to the outrageous laugh I gave when asked if we were a couple... I realise how that may have been interpreted by him if he actually did have feelings for me. Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks :-) Link to post Share on other sites
JamaisVu Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I find your story quite interesting because I am also in a situation in which my long time female friend of 4 years has suddenly been coming on to me/kissing me drunk when we have always been strictly platonic (long story, see my post if you like). Anyways, do you remember the exact moment at which you became aware that you had stronger feelings for him than just friendship? Was there something specific that you or he did or one moment that sticks out in your mind? Do you think if you had met him when you were both single that you two could have/would have gotten together? It seems to me that once one friend develops those types of feelings for the other, there's no going back. Can you still be satisfied just staying friends with him? Maybe you could try giving him some physical hints (neither too subtle nor too strong) that you into him instead of having to directly ask him--that way you will know on an instinctual level if he feels the same and there won't be any of that weirdness that could come from an unreciprocated confession on your part... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 OP, what gender are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author motorace1 Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 I am female. Obviously male/female friendships can become very complicated. Thank you for your advice on the matter. It's definitely difficult to know how best to approach the situation. I can't pin point the moment I know I felt this way about him, all of a sudden one day I realised how amazing he was, and how much of an amazing person he is. Although I already knew this, I all of a sudden wanted him to look at me in a different way. I have no idea how I'm going to give subtle hints. We were lying in his bed the other day watching a movie and I lent my arm against his and I literally could feel our chemistry. No idea where it has come from! I will try to drop hints in a subtle way, I don't want to lose his friendship but I don't know if I can stand being around him and it not being terribly obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
s-ss Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I am in a similar situation to you. I have also known my 'friend' for many years and have only recently began to see him in a different light. Albeit my situation is different in that I only became interested and noticed him as a potential boyfriend once he hinted at us being married in the future, and started being very obvious about having feelings/attraction towards me. I would say if you really like this person, you should make jokes about the two of you together and see how he responds (as that's what my friend did). If he responds favorably, that's great, if not you will know your answer and be able to move on. I think you should really show/hint how you feel because you don't want to regret this and wonder 'what if' later down the track. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author motorace1 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Thanks for all of your advice! Amazingly, One of our mutual friends told me that he has feelings for me too. She said that he has been too scared to act on it, for pretty much the same reasons I mentioned earlier. I know i should be over the moon, but now I feel even more nervous! Its as though I really know how life changing this going to be... I just need to tell him! Time for me to get some guts and actually say the words..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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