Goodbye Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I'm on my second day of NC. I'm quite determined this time. I've been trying to stay busy. Of course this Easter my kids are with their dad so I'm alone..and in the recent past, alone time meant time spent thinking about, communicating with the MM. Today I'm playing online scrabble and sleeping to keep myself occupied. What has worked for you? Do you think that coming to forums such as this one is helpful or does it just keep the R at the front of your mind? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I do think there can be a time where talking about the person/relationship can be you being stuck in the mud. I experienced that with an ex. My bestfriend and I both broke up with our SOs around the same time, so fortunately and unfortunately, we were able to wear each other and ourselves thin going over it over and over and over and over and over again. After a while it wasn't healing, but both of us enabling each other to be stuck. The good thing about LS is that people are at different stages, so offer different perspectives and it isn't simply just a forum of APs who are heartbroken. I think the latter may be detrimental over time, although initially it can be usefully to have people who are in the same boat. You just started your process so you processing and thinking about this person is normal 2 days into NC. For weeks/months it will be normal and then over time it will decrease. After my A, I jumped into a rebound scenario...BAD idea! Initially it felt helpful, as when thoughts of my exAP came up I'd drown it in the arms and sweet talk of another, but eventually I ended it with him because I was in no way healed and he started to annoy me, bc the reality was, he wasn't even someone I would date for real, but in my pain and heartbreak, he seemed like a good option. That was my distraction. I wouldn't recommend it though. After that wore off, I turned to healthier things, like simply focusing on my life and the things I had to do day to day, hung out with friends, journaled etc. I wasn't on a forum like LS to process my A...but I did come here to process the former breakup I spoke about. You go with what feels helpful. Sometimes I'd be on LS daily and sometimes weeks would pass and I wouldn't. So I just used it as I felt it was helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I'm on my second day of NC. I'm quite determined this time. I've been trying to stay busy. Of course this Easter my kids are with their dad so I'm alone..and in the recent past, alone time meant time spent thinking about, communicating with the MM. Today I'm playing online scrabble and sleeping to keep myself occupied. What has worked for you? Do you think that coming to forums such as this one is helpful or does it just keep the R at the front of your mind? Hi 19 days NC...(shamefully admitting to a slight mishap yesterday and thursday) and I am...ok. Ish. Its hard. Its not as painful as it was at the beginning and I felt strangely optimistic about the whole thing and hopeful for the future...but it still hurts to be honest. I have been going to work. The job is rubbish but its there and you have to pretend to be happy and talk about other things... Reading. Listening to music. Applying for other jobs!!! I need to put some air in my tyres and go for a ride on my bike. It will help I went home. I am making plans to go out with friends more. I have a wedding next week...and my birthday is coming up The forum is helpful. If I could afford more therapy then I would see my therapist every day(!) he is too cool. I love talking to him! I think I will buy a journal though to write other thoughts and feelings down when I am not around others to talk to...anyone else do this? I need an outlet and when I am not near a computer or my therapist I need somewhere where I can let it out... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 My therapist has not been very helpful. He kind of just says "you did the right thing" about ending it. Yeah...I know that. It is dealing with all the crazy emotions. 19 days is good. What were the mishaps? Did you have contact? Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 My therapist has not been very helpful. He kind of just says "you did the right thing" about ending it. Yeah...I know that. It is dealing with all the crazy emotions. 19 days is good. What were the mishaps? Did you have contact? erm...on my part I wished him happy birthday...he responded but then I didn't. Then I went shopping yesterday and saw him and we spoke...but I haven't contacted him since. Its ok. My therapist asked how I would feel about ending it. He said that it might feel empowering if I did but didn't say "you must end it, it will be good". I guess he is quite neutral. And very supportive we are still talking about it because it does feel like a loss and because it was a secret really, I don't have many others I talk about it openly with(except with Loveshackers ) Initially it was a shock for me because of what he said(it was very mean!) then he got back in touch but I maintained my silence. Have you considered changing your therapist or...because of his "you did the right thing" attitude do you feel its ok and it might encourage you to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs.Dee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 For me it has helped, made it easier to see that it's just not the right thing for me to do, from all the stories of unhappiness in here. But then I kind of relapses back to square one... once in a while. What really helps thought is meeting new people . I think that always helps. If you can't get over this one person, it helps alot to start meet other people and soon your MM will only be a fainth memory - hopefully Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 Yes, I think that is part of the reason I became stuck. He loved me (obviously not enough to change his situation) even though I'm a single mom in my 40's...not a great place to be in to meet people. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs.Dee Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I don't know if it is always about "loving enought". I think for many people, love is just a part of life and not life itself. And most infatuations will end if only they were not restricted from beeing lived out fully. What I mean is that because there are so many restrictions in an affair, like you have limited time together, it's a secret, it adds to the attractiveness of the affair and the affair partner and if you could spend months living together 24 hours a day much of the passion will dissapear by itself. Link to post Share on other sites
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