One text sets me back to start

[GreySkyMorning]

He had been trying to get an emt job in my city while we were together. At the time everything fell apart, he still didn't have final word on it. After 9 days of no contact at all from him, he sent me a text Thursday that just said "didn't get the job at metro". I went right back to square one. How the heck does that happen? It's a good thing actually that he didn't get it. My job requires me spending a lot of time hanging out in hospitals and the odds were high that we would have run into each other at some point. Plus, I can't imagine that his wife would have tolerated him working in my city half the week.

 

But still, just that one text brought everything out again. I had thought at one time that if he'd got that position, that would be when he'd choose me. This feels like a hit and run. I've been thinking constantly about him again. I'm sad and depressed again. My kids are getting ready to leave for their dad's house for the holiday and I'm lonely. I'm sure he's having a nice family holiday with his wife, watching his grandson hunt for eggs, etc. I'm positive he's not crying over me.

 

I realize it's probably not the best idea, but I've been talking to a man I met a year or so ago. We'd talked a bit back then, but I stopped having anything to do with him, even a friendship, because of MM. So when he messaged me a week ago to say hi, I answered him. It's very nice to feel like someone cares, you know? However, he asked me out last night and I found an excuse not to go. What seems stupid is that I almost feel like I'm cheating by talking to him. How crazy is that? I'm still feeling loyalty to this MM that I should hate!

[Goodbye]

I feel your pain.

 

Your aren't really back to "start" if you didn't respond to the text. It sounds like he texted and you didn't respond. By not responding, you didn't encourage him. By not encouraging him, you've given yourself spine and strength. I am also wallowing a bit in self pity with my own kids off at their dads and the exMM spending the day with his wife, son and family. Sucks. But, you didn't take the bait and therefore you sent the right message.

[GreySkyMorning]

I feel your pain.

 

Your aren't really back to "start" if you didn't respond to the text. It sounds like he texted and you didn't respond. By not responding, you didn't encourage him. By not encouraging him, you've given yourself spine and strength. I am also wallowing a bit in self pity with my own kids off at their dads and the exMM spending the day with his wife, son and family. Sucks. But, you didn't take the bait and therefore you sent the right message.

 

No, I responded. At first, I just said "sorry". Then a day later, I sent "I don't hate you. I really am sorry you didnt get the job if you still wanted it." Of course, not another word from him, which just made me feel worse.

[Goodbye]

Yes, now you know. I'm sure there will be a "next time," and you can plan accordingly. Texting is the worst because it happens so quickly when you are feeling down and needy. Hang in there.

[whichwayisup]

As much as this hurts, use this as a positive! So he didn't get the job and you are let down because this means things really are over between you two. You thought (hoped/expected?) that if he got the job, he'd choose you over his wife and family. OK, that didn't happen, you got a big reality check and it hurts... BUT this IS a good thing. You've been in NC and can easily go back in. Time to block him because there's no point in hearing from him again for obvious reasons.

 

The positives are, even though painful - Final pain, last nail in the coffin which means no more constant drama and wondering. You can truly begin to grieve the loss. Won't be easy and it'll probably hurt like hell but you WILL get through this and come out stronger. Rely on your friends and family to help you through it all. You are 'free' of the A, free of the rollercoaster, free of the crap, the ups and downs, confusion, pain, wondering when this or that is going to happen. That's a good thing even though it hurts now, it won't down the road. You'll be relieved and happier.

[georgia girl]

I know it hurts, but stay strong. You'll get through another 5-7-9 days and he will likely text again. Just ignore it. Once you ignore the first one, the rest actually get easier and easier to ignore.

 

You will get through this. And go ahead and keep talking to your male friend. There are no contracts in dating and even just talking. So, while you shouldn't lead him on, you should enjoy having someone to talk to.

 

Take care.

[RickFox]

Funny how one little thing can set you way back.

 

Xmw told me to get lost, then later on down the road sent me two messages via FB, then a few weeks later I responded and got the cold shouldered response as though I was the one bothering her...... The FB messages set me back a bit, the response to mine, that cemented it in me that I was done with it all.

[Turtles]

Why not block his number? No contact at all will be the quickest & easiest way to get him out of your mind. The text and cold/no response is a way for him to assert his control over you - just another mind game. If you can, make sure the texts are just ignored (not sending a "Your text can't be delivered" type of response), this way he'll just assume you moved on. Probably depends on your phone and/or carrier how you do that - I use Google Voice now which lets me mark a sender as spam, but I know when I blocked a number with Sprint the sender would get a message that said he was blocked.

[DelusionalOne]

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. IT SUCKS!

 

That is why I refuse to respond to any breadcrumb xMM throws at me. I don't want I start over. I don't want to be back at square one. I immediately delete them. I don't care if he thinks I hate him or I'm being immature. His thoughts and feelings are his problem.