J_L_C Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Does anyone feel like not engaging in the dating world again because of a really devastating breakup? I was with someone I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Since we split, I have zero interest in ever getting back into the dating world. Not for fear of getting hurt again, but simply because I have no care in the world. We broke up over 8 months ago and I honestly don't believe I'll ever find that type of connection with someone again. Nor do I care. I want to reiterate that I am not fearful of getting hurt again. I just couldn't care less about having a significant other in my life anymore. At one point, it was all I wanted, but this experience has changed me. Is there anyone else out there in this position? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 You've expended and invested a great deal of emotional energy and time to the last relationship. You're burned out... for now. It's understandable and happens to many people. I won't be surprised when you feel differently after some more time getting over this break. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRysing Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 I can relate. When I was much younger I had "the defining love" and believed once it was over that I would never feel that way again. As a result, I dated men I was friendly with (and broke a few hearts along the way) and finally married a man who was a great friend believing I would never find that kind of connection again. As you can imagine, that led to divorce when that part of me that could be connected woke up again and could not find it with my husband - though god knows I tried. One failed marriage later I wish I had known then what I know now - that connection is possible, is available, and is worth waiting for. At this point in my life, I am enjoying being single while I look for a man I connect with like that. I am grateful to my past "one" for showing me what I am capable of feeling. I only wish I had let the numbness be and sat with it, learned from it, and moved on, rather than giving up hope since I had lost "the one." Learn from my mistakes - sit with numbness, learn what it has to tell you about what was missing, and don't date again until you can feel like you aren't settling. When you are ready, that part of you will wake up renewed and something even better will enter your life. Until then, it isn't a bad thing to be OK alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 PhoenixRysing, How old are you, may I ask? Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRysing Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 PhoenixRysing, How old are you, may I ask? A lady never tells...of course, I'm no lady and I've already outed myself in other posts so I might as well do it again here. I'm 35 fabulous years of trial, pain, wonder, and exciting experiences rolled into the body of a 21 year old (ok so that last part might not be true). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 A lady never tells...of course, I'm no lady and I've already outed myself in other posts so I might as well do it again here. I'm 35 fabulous years of trial, pain, wonder, and exciting experiences rolled into the body of a 21 year old (ok so that last part might not be true). Thanks. I pegged you to be about this age... Link to post Share on other sites
Author J_L_C Posted April 1, 2013 Author Share Posted April 1, 2013 Is your lack of caring or interest in ever dating again what brought you to a dating and relationship forum? Just curious If you read my other posts: Sherlock Holmes and Dilemma, you will see why I no longer have any interest Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 At the moment i feel EXACTLY that way. I'm hoping i won't always. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 You've expended and invested a great deal of emotional energy and time to the last relationship. You're burned out... for now. It's understandable and happens to many people. I won't be surprised when you feel differently after some more time getting over this break. I agree with this completely...I feel like I can't date right now for some reason, and it's not that I'm still in pain from my BU, but because i am emotionally exausted from trying to keep up a relationship that ended up failing in the end due to the dumper..it gets really tiring sometimes and I think we deserve a break and need to step away from the dating world even if we are the dumpee going through some pain..it all comes out worth the wait later in the end because instead of struggling to stay in relarionships while we were still upset from the previous BU we can have time to ourselves to heal and think and when we actually ARE ready we can find a better, healthier commitment 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AwptiK Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I feel the same right now. Not going to date for a very long time. All the more reason to focus on yourself right now... Do things you want to do or things you've been putting off. The best relationships happen when you're not looking...like my last one that put me into feeling this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 It also makes me curious how some dumpers start dating right out of a LTR...like aren't they emotionally tired as well? They gave up something big..I don't see how some people do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 It also makes me curious how some dumpers start dating right out of a LTR...like aren't they emotionally tired as well? They gave up something big..I don't see how some people do it. I think our dumpers were emotionally rested and recharged the day they ended it with us. They're exhaustion is now over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I think our dumpers were emotionally rested and recharged the day they ended it with us. They're exhaustion is now over. But you would think that even them too would rest up and take the time to be alone. At least that's what I would do if I were a dumper...I would be too consumed with thoughts still. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SendHope Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 It also makes me curious how some dumpers start dating right out of a LTR...like aren't they emotionally tired as well? They gave up something big..I don't see how some people do it. Before me and my ex ended, she had actually just gotten out of a relationship of two years before we started heading towards a relationship. She said she was really in love with me and that her ex didn't treat her right for the longest time and that's why she could go on ahead and embark on another relationship. When I don't feel confident, I feel like I've been used as a rebound. Though she has stated multiple times that no one has ever made her happy as much as I did. Thanks to NC, I have no idea what's going on with her life. I'm afraid that I'll find out that she's already with someone else. It's part of what makes me stick to NC I mean why not, she has been able to before. Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Before me and my ex ended, she had actually just gotten out of a relationship of two years before we started heading towards a relationship. She said she was really in love with me and that her ex didn't treat her right for the longest time and that's why she could go on ahead and embark on another relationship. When I don't feel confident, I feel like I've been used as a rebound. Though she has stated multiple times that no one has ever made her happy as much as I did. Thanks to NC, I have no idea what's going on with her life. I'm afraid that I'll find out that she's already with someone else. It's part of what makes me stick to NC I mean why not, she has been able to before. I'm sorry about that :/ how long were you two together? And I know I treated my ex right...he even stated I acted like a mom to him (it was insulting, but at least it told me that I took good care of him)...I've been NC for a while now too..I stopped stalking him like a month ago online and I have no idea what's become of his new RS I know they are still together 5 months later, but I don't know how things are and I don't plan to know. I will keep Nc and stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
singme2sleep Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Does anyone feel like not engaging in the dating world again because of a really devastating breakup? I was with someone I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Since we split, I have zero interest in ever getting back into the dating world. Not for fear of getting hurt again, but simply because I have no care in the world. We broke up over 8 months ago and I honestly don't believe I'll ever find that type of connection with someone again. Nor do I care. I want to reiterate that I am not fearful of getting hurt again. I just couldn't care less about having a significant other in my life anymore. At one point, it was all I wanted, but this experience has changed me. Is there anyone else out there in this position? Yes, I totally feel that way!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SendHope Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I'm sorry about that :/ how long were you two together? And I know I treated my ex right...he even stated I acted like a mom to him (it was insulting, but at least it told me that I took good care of him)...I've been NC for a while now too..I stopped stalking him like a month ago online and I have no idea what's become of his new RS I know they are still together 5 months later, but I don't know how things are and I don't plan to know. I will keep Nc and stay strong 9 months. And I hear you on the mom/dad thing. "I'm your boyfriend not your father." I've had to restrain myself from telling her that a few times when we have an argument. She's just so immature for a 20 year old. Doesn't own up or have any responsibilities. She's just not a responsible person. Knowing all that, you would think it should be easy for me to move on but no, I very much love her still. It's quite the blessing that she's left me alone but I guess it's that easy for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 9 months. And I hear you on the mom/dad thing. "I'm your boyfriend not your father." I've had to restrain myself from telling her that a few times when we have an argument. She's just so immature for a 20 year old. Doesn't own up or have any responsibilities. She's just not a responsible person. Knowing all that, you would think it should be easy for me to move on but no, I very much love her still. It's quite the blessing that she's left me alone but I guess it's that easy for her. I exactly know what you mean...my ex was the same. Of course he's younger than your ex, so I guess it's expected. Link to post Share on other sites
lilacwine Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Does anyone feel like not engaging in the dating world again because of a really devastating breakup? I was with someone I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Since we split, I have zero interest in ever getting back into the dating world. Not for fear of getting hurt again, but simply because I have no care in the world. We broke up over 8 months ago and I honestly don't believe I'll ever find that type of connection with someone again. Nor do I care. I want to reiterate that I am not fearful of getting hurt again. I just couldn't care less about having a significant other in my life anymore. At one point, it was all I wanted, but this experience has changed me. Is there anyone else out there in this position? I'm going through the exact same thing at the moment. What a coincidence it is to read this since my break-up was also over 8 months ago. And I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life alone as I don't see myself with anyone else but him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sheilalou008 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Girl, you need to get it together. I am not saying rush out and get into another relationship right now, but you will love again...you just need to emotionally let this douche bag go! Stop responding to him, stop waiting with baited breath for his text, call or email with some great declaration of love. This is why you need to heal and get this man off of your brain and out of your heart or you will be stuck. Take your time and heal, ALONE. It will come for you, but you have to let it. I am no where near ready myself to date but it isn't cus I am pinning away over my lost love. I am enjoying being single and not having to answer to anyone. To be able to come and go and hang out with whomever I choose. Try looking at things from the other side of the window, you may be surprised what you see. Do not be so short sighted cus you are selling yourself short. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 i have a fear about getting serious with someone who isnt serious not a real fan of the dating pool.......i am over my last relationship it isnt coloring my decision not to date what is coloring my decision is possibly meeting players and the fact i wont have sex.....is enough to keep me away from dating i do have a fear fo getting hurt and being only good enough for one thing, i have heard ti enough...i really dont need to hear it anymore...ill just wait....till i am ready and i meet a nice guy...not interested otherwise.deb Link to post Share on other sites
ballycastle Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 i have a fear about getting serious with someone who isnt serious not a real fan of the dating pool.......i am over my last relationship it isnt coloring my decision not to date what is coloring my decision is possibly meeting players and the fact i wont have sex.....is enough to keep me away from dating i do have a fear fo getting hurt and being only good enough for one thing, i have heard ti enough...i really dont need to hear it anymore...ill just wait....till i am ready and i meet a nice guy...not interested otherwise.deb Ditto that! The dating pool (which is not really a pool but a puddle) seems to be full of those not serious! There must be a site called, 'For the serious ones out there not just for a shag.com surely? Or, unless, they, like us are just not dating as they got hurt? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misswillow Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 I am feeling this way right now myself. I thought I had finally found the right person, after soooo many years of trying, but I was wrong. I'm just exhausted by it now. I feel like I missed the boat when everyone else got on, and now I'm just stuck here by myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Jingle14 Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Yes, 100% and I'm 22 months post BU. Not interested, better being on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
AKisBaked Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Right now im also that phase.. I just don't care about dating right now... or anything.. I guess for me I never really knew the truth and everything just feels like its incomplete still. I feel that there is still unfinished business and talks to be done, but there's nothing I can do.. Right now i just don't care about anything.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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