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Lost love and never want to date again


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Right now im also that phase.. I just don't care about dating right now... or anything.. I guess for me I never really knew the truth and everything just feels like its incomplete still. I feel that there is still unfinished business and talks to be done, but there's nothing I can do..

 

Right now i just don't care about anything....

 

I feel that too. That there are so many unsaid words.

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I feel that too. That there are so many unsaid words.

 

There are still so much unanswered words.. I think if I knew the truth I would have had a better approach on moving on. Instead of some coward just thinking that she could just let me hang to dry and ignore me and move on to someone new without giving an explanation of any sort....

 

When you get someone doing that you, so much unfinished business and all you can do is just rerun the whole scenario in your mind... and it's annoying..

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I'm completely not in the right frame of mind whatsoever to even think about dating, and I can't imagine I will for a while. Thinking of another man turns me off in so many ways right now. I'm so emotionally exhausted and painfully raw everywhere.

 

My problem though, is that I really want to get married and more importantly, have kids, and I'm already verging on the age range where that'll be impossible or very unlikely, and that's if I get started now. I'm curious if anyone else is in this situation? I feel so hopeless about the whole thing, yet I couldn't ever rush myself to get back to dating just because of this either, because I know that would lead to nothing good at all.

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There are still so much unanswered words.. I think if I knew the truth I would have had a better approach on moving on. Instead of some coward just thinking that she could just let me hang to dry and ignore me and move on to someone new without giving an explanation of any sort....

 

When you get someone doing that you, so much unfinished business and all you can do is just rerun the whole scenario in your mind... and it's annoying..

 

 

Yeah I hear you on that one.

I stopped doing all of that though...trying to figure out why things happened the way they did...I was going no where with it. So I just assumed the worst with the facts and information I DID have.

 

Hey if he wants to tell me what's up he will, and so far he hasn't so what's done is done I suppose.

 

I just really imagine a day where both of our exes could have a long talk with us...so we could figure out things and work thing out, but that's just hoping and a dream.

 

We'll get it together without them.

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I'm completely not in the right frame of mind whatsoever to even think about dating, and I can't imagine I will for a while. Thinking of another man turns me off in so many ways right now. I'm so emotionally exhausted and painfully raw everywhere.

 

My problem though, is that I really want to get married and more importantly, have kids, and I'm already verging on the age range where that'll be impossible or very unlikely, and that's if I get started now. I'm curious if anyone else is in this situation? I feel so hopeless about the whole thing, yet I couldn't ever rush myself to get back to dating just because of this either, because I know that would lead to nothing good at all.

 

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you C? :0

 

And I would still take your time with healing. You can't rush it, and I believe you will reach that point of healing and find someone worth the marriage and kids. It might take a lot of work, but just keep going with the flow of the things, and it's okay if you aren't ready to date, but if you run into the opportunity to go out for dinner with someone, I'd say go ahead and take the chance :) you don't specifically have to date them, but get to know them and start to open up again to opportunities like this. To meet now people and socialize.

 

I hope for the best in your healing.

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I'm completely not in the right frame of mind whatsoever to even think about dating, and I can't imagine I will for a while. Thinking of another man turns me off in so many ways right now. I'm so emotionally exhausted and painfully raw everywhere.

 

My problem though, is that I really want to get married and more importantly, have kids, and I'm already verging on the age range where that'll be impossible or very unlikely, and that's if I get started now. I'm curious if anyone else is in this situation? I feel so hopeless about the whole thing, yet I couldn't ever rush myself to get back to dating just because of this either, because I know that would lead to nothing good at all.

 

I was kind of in this situation after my last breakup. I think I was 36 at the time. I decided to just let what happen, happen...and if I was meant to have kids, I would. I considered doing it alone, but decided against it. A couple of years after that, right before I met my current ex, I learned that I had a medical condition that would make it difficult for me to get pregnant. Then I met my current ex who had two kids and didn't really want more, and by that time I learned it would have been too risky for me to try to get pregnant. I'm 41 now and it sometimes makes me sad that I don't have, and never will have, a family of my own.

 

So, although I'm not in this position now, I know how it feels. I feel less pressure now to get back into dating than I used to when I was in my 30s and thought I could still potentially have a baby. It's so hard to feel like you're not ready to date, but also feel like the clock is ticking. But if you don't take time to heal, the likelihood of another relationship working is probably pretty small. And maybe it won't take too long before you start to feel like meeting someone might be nice.

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Oh, I definitely will take my time to make sure I heal properly. What would be the point of rushing to start something potentially unstable just to have it all come crashing down on me in a few years? Especially if kids were involved! No matter how much I dream of kids, I would never do that and I wouldn't put myself in that position. I'll be 37 this year, ahh, how time flies. So I'm facing the same as you went through, misswillow. But yes, I still have to be healed and in the the right emotional/mental place to date again. And once I do feel better, I'll make myself more available and get out there.

 

Of course even knowing all of that and doing what's right doesn't stop that little voice inside that keeps rushing me and adding stress. Arg! I have to remind myself that if it's meant to be, I'll get there.

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The sad part about things like this is that if you want to let it beat you. It can kick your @ss.

 

As for not wanting to date again. I know that I want to date again. After being cheated on, you'd think I would have trust issues. I really wouldn't say that I have trust issues, but I will be much smarter in my next relationship and know what to look for. If she's getting too friendly with other guys, or if I keep hearing about other guys I'm going to call her out on it.

 

I know how being in love with someone felt and I would give anything to feel that way about someone again just because of how awesome it felt. If I could have someone make me as happy as my ex made me, this whole BU would have been worth it.

 

Why give up? the world isn't going to stop for you. We aren't owed anything in life, so if you want to fall in love again, it's up to you to go out and find it. To become somebody that someone else will fall in love with.

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Yeah I hear you on that one.

I stopped doing all of that though...trying to figure out why things happened the way they did...I was going no where with it. So I just assumed the worst with the facts and information I DID have.

 

Hey if he wants to tell me what's up he will, and so far he hasn't so what's done is done I suppose.

 

I just really imagine a day where both of our exes could have a long talk with us...so we could figure out things and work thing out, but that's just hoping and a dream.

 

We'll get it together without them.

 

 

The good thing that you did was whatever you already had its best to just leave it as it is because sometimes when you don't know things it helps prevent further stress and emotional pain. If you were to find out more than what you already had... I dunno if we would be talking about the same scenario :confused:...

 

Ya same I wish my ex would just one day come to me and say "Let's talk about us." Wishful thinking on both of our ends..

 

One day we both will be better and hopefully both of our ex's will regret what wonderful people they gave up.

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But you would think that even them too would rest up and take the time to be alone. At least that's what I would do if I were a dumper...I would be too consumed with thoughts still.

 

I think that, in some circumstances, the dumper has already started to withdraw emotionally from the relationship before it's actually finished. They stop putting the emotion in so there's not as much to be exhausted with when the time comes to take the emotion out.

 

Looking back I can see that my ex's emotional investment began to change about 5 or 6 months before the relationship ended and reached its lowest point 2 months before the end. I now see those last 2 months as her working up to making the physical separation having already made the mental one.

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ballycastle
I was kind of in this situation after my last breakup. I think I was 36 at the time. I decided to just let what happen, happen...and if I was meant to have kids, I would. I considered doing it alone, but decided against it. A couple of years after that, right before I met my current ex, I learned that I had a medical condition that would make it difficult for me to get pregnant. Then I met my current ex who had two kids and didn't really want more, and by that time I learned it would have been too risky for me to try to get pregnant. I'm 41 now and it sometimes makes me sad that I don't have, and never will have, a family of my own.

 

So, although I'm not in this position now, I know how it feels. I feel less pressure now to get back into dating than I used to when I was in my 30s and thought I could still potentially have a baby. It's so hard to feel like you're not ready to date, but also feel like the clock is ticking. But if you don't take time to heal, the likelihood of another relationship working is probably pretty small. And maybe it won't take too long before you start to feel like meeting someone might be nice.

 

miss willow, I really feel for you, especially reading your desire to have a family. I imagine its a dull ache inside. I am 45 in a few months, and had many years of confirmed infertility. I went through months of feeling like I think you, esp about the clock ticking. Plus like you say, you need healing time and also knowing a potential partner wants to try for a family. Parents in their mid forties is not frowned upon at all, many parents i know are my age with children in primary school. I had a suprise pregnancy with someone not suited to me but we have co parented our child successfully.

 

Reading so many posts on this site makes me feel glad of the support of everyone has given everyone during these sad times, so I'll be thinking of you today.

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I posted early on in this thread, but the more time that passes the less and less I ever want someone again.

 

My most recent bu has me hurting worse than I ever have. I spoke to my mom yesterday who said, "it doesn't just show how much you loved her, but how capable you are of providing that much love. It can be a dangerous thing."

 

I take some respite in realizing that I do have a huge capacity for love, but I never want to feel the off-end of it again. What if my relationship was twice as long? Oh, I can't imagine my state at that point.

 

That same brilliant woman said to me once after my previous bu, "I'm afraid you'll hurt and hurt, until it changes just how genuine, sweet and caring you are. I'm afraid your future someone won't see that side of you."

 

That's about how I feel today.

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I posted early on in this thread, but the more time that passes the less and less I ever want someone again.

 

My most recent bu has me hurting worse than I ever have. I spoke to my mom yesterday who said, "it doesn't just show how much you loved her, but how capable you are of providing that much love. It can be a dangerous thing."

 

I take some respite in realizing that I do have a huge capacity for love, but I never want to feel the off-end of it again. What if my relationship was twice as long? Oh, I can't imagine my state at that point.

 

That same brilliant woman said to me once after my previous bu, "I'm afraid you'll hurt and hurt, until it changes just how genuine, sweet and caring you are. I'm afraid your future someone won't see that side of you."

 

That's about how I feel today.

 

 

Somtimes when you love too much it gets that other person leaving you...

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