Had Enough

[Karina]

a little over a month ago now, my boyfriend left me for someone else. i was in total shock and i still am. i had no idea there was even another person involved, and up until the moment he broke it off, everything seemed to be going along as wonderfully as it always had.

 

i still love him, but i hate him for what he has done to me. this has broken my heart, and now i'm at the point where i am sitting here wondering if he takes her to all the places we used to go to, if he is as affectionate towards her as he was towards me, if he does things for her that he used to do for me etc etc. his parents never wanted to meet me because they heard something that was defininelty NOT true about me, and judged me. now i wonder if he thinks this is great having a girlfriend he can introduce to his parents, all because he didn't have the balls to prove to them that i am a very decent person, and nothing like what they heard.

 

the reason i can't stop thinking all these things, is because he gave me so much love and attention and i was so incredibly happy.

 

now i feel like he has taken away my happiness as though i didn't deserve it, and given it to someone else, and i am so hurt by this. i never, ever thought he would do something like this to me, because he was so attentive from the start, would have done anything for me, and was very much in love me. then he dumped me. i don't know how people can do this to others and only think of themselves and hurt someone like this so much.

 

it all feels so raw and i feel like i am in limbo. he was the only person i have ever trusted like i did, and then he abuses that. i am so worried about having trust issues in my next relationship. i have had 2 serious relationships, where my trust has been abused like this.

 

i just don't get it. my male friends tell me they won't let their mates near me because i am too good. i can honestly say i have never done anything wrong in a relationship - i am not possessive, i am not a nagger, i am not controlling, i do not put someone 'under the thumb'. i think a guy would be lucky to have me, so what's the deal then?

 

i do everything right in a relationship, yet everything goes wrong. i am now scared to trust after giving this man the benefit of the doubt and then being hurt. trust means a lot to me, and i just don't know why when i give love, space, attention and happiness to a person, it still doesn't seem to be enough and they have to think with their trousers and hurt me like this. why do so many guys feel the need to hook up with another chick when they had everything they have ever wanted in their girlfriend?

 

i am really cynical now. i wonder why being the happy go-lucky, loving person i am (except for right now) isn't enough?

[kimmi]

a little over a month ago now, my boyfriend left me for someone else. i was in total shock and i still am. i had no idea there was even another person involved, and up until the moment he broke it off, everything seemed to be going along as wonderfully as it always had. i still love him, but i hate him for what he has done to me. this has broken my heart, and now i'm at the point where i am sitting here wondering if he takes her to all the places we used to go to, if he is as affectionate towards her as he was towards me, if he does things for her that he used to do for me etc etc. his parents never wanted to meet me because they heard something that was defininelty NOT true about me, and judged me. now i wonder if he thinks this is great having a girlfriend he can introduce to his parents, all because he didn't have the balls to prove to them that i am a very decent person, and nothing like what they heard. the reason i can't stop thinking all these things, is because he gave me so much love and attention and i was so incredibly happy. now i feel like he has taken away my happiness as though i didn't deserve it, and given it to someone else, and i am so hurt by this. i never, ever thought he would do something like this to me, because he was so attentive from the start, would have done anything for me, and was very much in love me. then he dumped me. i don't know how people can do this to others and only think of themselves and hurt someone like this so much.

 

it all feels so raw and i feel like i am in limbo. he was the only person i have ever trusted like i did, and then he abuses that. i am so worried about having trust issues in my next relationship. i have had 2 serious relationships, where my trust has been abused like this. i just don't get it. my male friends tell me they won't let their mates near me because i am too good. i can honestly say i have never done anything wrong in a relationship - i am not possessive, i am not a nagger, i am not controlling, i do not put someone 'under the thumb'. i think a guy would be lucky to have me, so what's the deal then? i do everything right in a relationship, yet everything goes wrong. i am now scared to trust after giving this man the benefit of the doubt and then being hurt. trust means a lot to me, and i just don't know why when i give love, space, attention and happiness to a person, it still doesn't seem to be enough and they have to think with their trousers and hurt me like this. why do so many guys feel the need to hook up with another chick when they had everything they have ever wanted in their girlfriend? i am really cynical now. i wonder why being the happy go-lucky, loving person i am (except for right now) isn't enough?

well , i have thought the exact same things as you are right now. it is too funny. it happened 2 years ago and the guy of my dreams walked out, after 12 years i thought that it would never happen , i also thought that i could not live without this guy in my life.

 

i thought about the same things, does he take his dates out to the same places, does he have more fun with her then he did with me, then always came the big question, what does she do that i never did? well after thinking about it for some time i thought, no he would not take her to the same places, he might see me there and that he would not want, even if he does do the same things as he did with you, it is different the reason would bebecauseit is not with you.

 

after sometime a man wants something different, you could be the most caring person giving all the space and not attacting when he walks in the door when he is late ,until a man is really ready to settle down he will explore his options.

 

the best that i can say through experience is that you can be all that a relationship need/wants but until they only have eyes for you they do not see it all..

 

best of luck

[Tony T]

Unfortunately, love works in strange ways. But I can assure that when the RIGHT person enters your life, he won't hurt you.

 

Your problem, as I see it, is that you are too nice, too accomodating, maybe a bit too perfect. Men want a challenge. That edge of aloofness, unpredictability and uncertainty keeps a man interested.

 

I know you are hurting now. You gave your love to a man who didn't appreciate it. The fact that he left you suddenly for someone else tells me he does not have a great deal of honor or ethics and you are a lot better off without him.

 

You have got to stop screwing your mind up with all kinds of thoughts trying to analyze what went wrong. The answer is nothing. It was just not the right relationship for you and this man did not deserve a lady like you, plain and simple. Accept that as fact. You can absolutely drive yourself insane wondering about him and this chick he's seeing now and what they are doing. Stop thinking about not being introduced to his parents. Hey, they are the people that raised this scumbag...why would you ever want to meet them anyway??? It is totally irrelevant to your life now and you should delete him from your hard drive. He does not exist in your world anymore.

 

The fact that he could line up another lady without you even getting a hint of it tells me a lot about this two-timing morally corrupt butthole of an ex you have here. In time you will see just how lucky you are to be rid of him.

 

I think you need to review how you conduct yourself in relationships. While it is rational that most men would want a lady just like you, an absolute dreamgirl who gives them love, space, attention, and happiness, many guys are just screwed up in the head and don't know what they want. But they do respond to a challenge...they do respond to someone who isn't so willing to give so much so soon.

 

You will find the absolute perfect man for yourself in time. You must never give up...just have patience. You need a mature, open minded, intelligent, mature man who can appreciate you...not one of these immature, childish dorks that you've had in your past.

 

You may still be in love with your ex but I think he stinks...I can smell him from here!!!

[kimmi]

Unfortunately, love works in strange ways. But I can assure that when the RIGHT person enters your life, he won't hurt you. Your problem, as I see it, is that you are too nice, too accomodating, maybe a bit too perfect. Men want a challenge. That edge of aloofness, unpredictability and uncertainty keeps a man interested.

 

I know you are hurting now. You gave your love to a man who didn't appreciate it. The fact that he left you suddenly for someone else tells me he does not have a great deal of honor or ethics and you are a lot better off without him. You have got to stop screwing your mind up with all kinds of thoughts trying to analyze what went wrong. The answer is nothing. It was just not the right relationship for you and this man did not deserve a lady like you, plain and simple. Accept that as fact. You can absolutely drive yourself insane wondering about him and this chick he's seeing now and what they are doing. Stop thinking about not being introduced to his parents. Hey, they are the people that raised this scumbag...why would you ever want to meet them anyway??? It is totally irrelevant to your life now and you should delete him from your hard drive. He does not exist in your world anymore. The fact that he could line up another lady without you even getting a hint of it tells me a lot about this two-timing morally corrupt butthole of an ex you have here. In time you will see just how lucky you are to be rid of him. I think you need to review how you conduct yourself in relationships. While it is rational that most men would want a lady just like you, an absolute dreamgirl who gives them love, space, attention, and happiness, many guys are just screwed up in the head and don't know what they want. But they do respond to a challenge...they do respond to someone who isn't so willing to give so much so soon. You will find the absolute perfect man for yourself in time. You must never give up...just have patience. You need a mature, open minded, intelligent, mature man who can appreciate you...not one of these immature, childish dorks that you've had in your past. You may still be in love with your ex but I think he stinks...I can smell him from here!!!

too cool Tony, you said it right to a t.

[maree]

the best that i can say through experience is that you can be all that a relationship need/wants but until they only have eyes for you they do not see it all..

First of all, to the lady that is in so much pain, let me say, that my boyfriend just broke up with me, I have really received wonderful hearwarming advice and comfort from this board.

 

You are so right. Until a man is ready to settle down, you really can be All that he would want, but he will not see that whatsoever. I feel that we had such a wonderful relationship, yet, I know in my heart that I was never number one for him. Now after our breakup, he informs me that he will be dating right away. I feel that I shouldn't be that easily replaceable.

 

I have the same thoughts about whether he would take her(whoever she will be) to the same places, and etc. So I guess those thoughts are normal.

 

I got through my first weekend. I did not call him and feel confident that I will be able to not contact him at all.

 

My question is: What are the signs that a man IS ready to settle down. Why do we have to invest so much of ourselves in a relationship before we khow he is NOT serious?

[kimmi]

First of all, to the lady that is in so much pain, let me say, that my boyfriend just broke up with me, I have really received wonderful hearwarming advice and comfort from this board. You are so right. Until a man is ready to settle down, you really can be All that he would want, but he will not see that whatsoever. I feel that we had such a wonderful relationship, yet, I know in my heart that I was never number one for him. Now after our breakup, he informs me that he will be dating right away. I feel that I shouldn't be that easily replaceable. I have the same thoughts about whether he would take her(whoever she will be) to the same places, and etc. So I guess those thoughts are normal. I got through my first weekend. I did not call him and feel confident that I will be able to not contact him at all. My question is: What are the signs that a man IS ready to settle down. Why do we have to invest so much of ourselves in a relationship before we khow he is NOT serious?

i think that everyone knows within them selves when things are serious, when they suddenly break up with you it is not ever just out of the blue, there are always signs that things are not going the way that they were, the shock of hearing that he is dating someone else already is what shocked you.because it all happened so fast you put everything together.

 

what i do when i meet someone new i listen to what they are saying to me on the first date. what is the conversation? is he still addicted to his past? is his conversations on his ex relationships.and i make sure that there are things in common.

 

you will just see it in them where they are in life. that should tell you.all i can say is listen to there words and believe what they say.

 

good luck

 

kimmi

[Deejette]

You can tell when a man is serious because he is the one who brings up marriage or commitment. He talks about it and lets you know. He does not keep you guessing. He has to arrive at the idea that he wants to settle down with you.

 

This man was not kind to lead you on the way he did and just dump you. This lack of kindness can help you get over him. You can almost be thankful that if he is that fickle, it is a good thing you did not get married and have kids with him. This experience is actually helping you to move towards someone who will be the right one for you.

 

When I look back over some relationships that caused me agony beyond belief, I am always grateful that they did not end in marriage. Over time I could see how wrong they were for me. Have faith that this man was not right for you and that the right one is moving towards you when the time is right.

i think that everyone knows within them selves when things are serious, when they suddenly break up with you it is not ever just out of the blue, there are always signs that things are not going the way that they were, the shock of hearing that he is dating someone else already is what shocked you.because it all happened so fast you put everything together. what i do when i meet someone new i listen to what they are saying to me on the first date. what is the conversation? is he still addicted to his past? is his conversations on his ex relationships.and i make sure that there are things in common. you will just see it in them where they are in life. that should tell you.all i can say is listen to there words and believe what they say.

 

good luck kimmi