giotto Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Your children likely know that their parents are unhappy. You aren't doing them any favors by modeling an unhealthy marriage. I am unhappy, wife knows, and I don't show it (I decided to stay). We therefore have a happy marriage. I could leave, if I wanted to. I don't want to leave a wife with issues with my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Why would a man marry a damaged woman with a lot of issues? In my case, being a 'cup half full' type personality, I preferred to focus on the positive and give 'benefit of the doubt' to the 'lot of issues'. So what is the appeal of a woman with so many psychological problems? IME, they tended to be 'out there', meaning more apparently demonstrative. As this path of attraction had proven to be unhealthy, I made a different choice when marrying, to marry someone who wasn't as 'out there', meaning more reserved emotionally. The long and short of it is that the issues, mainly FOO and rape/molestation, came out in other ways, even without demonstrative and/or wild emotional swings/behaviors. At my age, having lived it and being clear of it now, in more ways than just marriage, I wouldn't take it on again. Such dynamics just don't mesh well with my personality. I hope you and your husband can work through things and have a long and healthy marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Why would a man marry a damaged woman with a lot of issues? So what is the appeal of a woman with so many psychological problems? LOVE. Some men also feel that they can fix women, but this is, of course, not unique to men. To put it simply, there are "people" who seem to feel confident about their ability to be in a relationship with even the most "damaged" person. They are the romantics, the "glass is 3/4-full" not only 1/2 full thinkers. They're the type that believe that no problem is too large to overcome or at least tolerate. It sounds like your husband is like this. Love him and know that people like this are rare. Link to post Share on other sites
ffw Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Why would a man marry a damaged woman with a lot of issues? So what is the appeal of a woman with so many psychological problems? It reminds me of an quote: "we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly" ---- Sam keen. Maybe the key to loving other people is accepting that we're all the same and flaws and all are worthy. We really are all so similar. We’re all doing our best from day to day. We all mess up from time to time. We all want someone to accept us as we are, instead of lamenting what we aren’t. And we all deserve love, compassion, and understanding. Today, if you feel frustrated with someone you love, ask yourself: Can I empathize? How can I show it in action? Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 My therapist does say that I am too hard on myself. You are right that I have low self-esteem as well. In spite of all my problems, I do have some positive qualities. I think it is probably your intelligence and your fighting spirit. Great qualities to have in a person in a marriage 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Maybe it's because of your honesty and efforts to fix things. That's a lot different than someone who has issues and denies them. It's hard to resist someone who has that kind of vulnerability I think. This might sound weird but watching "Inside the Actor's studio" with Robin Williams, that was what they kept saying over and over that made him a success. Vulnerability. He takes risks by saying crazy things..that might not be funny at all. A musician shows a lot of vulnerability by exposing their raw emotion and sometimes very honest auto-biographical stories in song. People love it. You have a lot of bravery by saying what you really think about yourself. I think he admires that. It also means you are working on yourself. When my marriage fell apart I was super honest with my employers. I told them I should be fired (and I should have been), but instead they were more understanding with me than I could have EVER imagined. Honesty is a powerful thing. On a maybe related note, I've been browsing dating sites a lot lately and I notice that most women say they want a confidence man. I don't necessarily think this is a trait men look for in women, so it might be a little strange to try to put yourself in the opposite gender's shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts