Got this new email today - Don't know if I can resist her and want to take her back!

[AloneInParadise]

Hi All,

 

Some of you have read my current situation, and although she broke up she has still been sending me breadcrumbs or other emails with stupid questions to get me to respond. She hasn't heard from me in 9 days and I get this email today:

 

"Babe, PLEASE call me. I need to talk to you. I am absolutely miserable without you.

 

I made a huge mistake and I realize it now. I love you so much and I can't even function without you. I miss you so much it hurts.

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE call me. I am begging you. I am not going to give up getting you back. I don't care how long it takes to get back to where we were or how long it takes to convince you that we're meant for each other. I will wait because I will always love you and because we're right for each other.

 

Please call me. I need you sweetie, I am dying here without you."

 

She has been so back and fort I don't know if I can trust her.

[ThatJustHappened]

So..you do want her back, or you don't?

[AloneInParadise]

I do but I don't know if I can trust her to changer her mind again. She seems awfully confused and I don't want to keep tormenting myself.

[thefooloftheyear]

You got THE email that is a dumpees dream..But I can understand your hesitancy/apprehension.

 

How long was it that she broke up with you?

 

TFOY

[ThatJustHappened]

So tell her that. Tell her that you're confused and that she needs to earn your trust back.

[CorridorE]

 

I am not going to give up getting you back. I don't care how long it takes to get back to where we were or how long it takes to convince you that we're meant for each other.

 

If you don't know whether you can trust her, I'd say don't respond just yet even if you want to try and work things out. She stated that she's not going to give up and doesn't care how long it takes. Well, wait another week to respond and use that time to think over what you want and also to see how she reacts. I don't know your background story, but maybe whatever she left you for isn't working out anymore and she wants you back just because she can't have you--because you have cut her off, not responding in 9 days. She thinks you've lost interest and might want you back because she's lonely.

 

Wait a week and see if she still wants you so badly. The emails/texts might get stronger, they might fade away, or they might angry, like "I can't believe you're doing this to me, you're so horrible," etc. If that happenes, just remember you didn't do anything wrong; she broke up with you and you're just trying to cope. In the end do what you think is best, but if you choose to wait use the time to think about what you want and what is best for YOU.

[Sososad]

That's the mail most here check there emails

20/30 times a day for ..

Take your time clear your head and decide

What's best for you .. Good luck !

[2sunny]

No. She JUST moved out.

 

She had reasons why she just left you - she's just scared and needing you as her safety net.

[Minneloa]

If you don't know whether you can trust her, I'd say don't respond just yet even if you want to try and work things out. She stated that she's not going to give up and doesn't care how long it takes. Well, wait another week to respond and use that time to think over what you want and also to see how she reacts. I don't know your background story, but maybe whatever she left you for isn't working out anymore and she wants you back just because she can't have you--because you have cut her off, not responding in 9 days. She thinks you've lost interest and might want you back because she's lonely.

 

Wait a week and see if she still wants you so badly. The emails/texts might get stronger, they might fade away, or they might angry, like "I can't believe you're doing this to me, you're so horrible," etc. If that happenes, just remember you didn't do anything wrong; she broke up with you and you're just trying to cope. In the end do what you think is best, but if you choose to wait use the time to think about what you want and what is best for YOU.

 

I second this advice. Take your time in responding; it sounds like she is panicking in reaction to your silence rather than sending a well thought-out and rational bid for reconciliation. I would proceed with caution.

[Sexy Teddy Bear]

If i got something like that from my ex, i would probably respond to her. I wouldn't do it right away though, i would make her wait. And when i did respond to her, i would be EXTREMELY cautious. I would make it clear that i don't trust her anymore and it will take her ALOT of work to get that trust back. I would also make it clear that i won't wait for her, i i wasn't feeling it with her this time around and i met someone else, i would probably start dating that other girl.

 

Basically, i would make her work....HARD for my love again.

[AloneInParadise]

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to apply to this. They are all great answers and I have some thinking to do.

 

You guys are great!

[Limbo21]

It's a trap...

 

I have first hand experience ...

 

I have had exactly the same worded emails in the past ...

 

She needs you (to massage her ego, validate her decision, comfort her, fill that void you left, friend zone, back burner yadda yadda)

 

She wants what she can't have ...

 

Contact her = back to square one

 

Odds are 99% - rejection leading to anger and depression

1% all goes smoothly for a week then bam!!

 

This comes from a voice of experience

 

Good luck

[AloneInParadise]

Right or wrong I wrote her back and this is what I wrote.

 

 

You keep sending me emails, asking that I call you. Honestly, I’m not ready to call you yet. When I wanted to talk to you, and find out what in the world was going on with you…you didn’t want to talk to me. You just kept saying that you were “confused”, AND that “you needed to be on your own for a while”, AND that you “loved me, but weren’t in love with me”, AND that “we’re just not meant to be” AND that “you wanted your independence”..blah, blah, blah. Just a bunch of excuses that didn’t make any sense. You know what? I’m just tired, and would like for you to leave me alone for right now. Now, I’m the one that needs to do some thinking, and re-evaluate what’s important to me.

 

I loved you so much, and you broke my heart. Plain & simple. You wanted out…you’re out. You got what you wanted. If this isn’t what you wanted, then you should have given it a lot more thought before you decided to act. I’m not ready to get back together, just to have you pull this stunt on me again.

 

What happened, what change of events, what transpired, etc. to where you want me back?

 

I feel that there is NO WAY that you (A 25 year old girl in such a short amount of time got the (Grass is Greener Stage) out of your system

 

As it stands now, I need to focus on myself and finding a job so I can get some stability back in my life. If you honestly love me you will wait, but you must respect my wishes to not speak until I am ready.

 

 

Now I will ignore any response and move on to focus on me. If she loves me she will wait....I don't expect her to and she'll have a change in heart again. Regardless I don't feel bad by sending this to her and I don't feel it totally breaks NC. I will not send her another email and she will not hear my voice.

[Minneloa]

Well-done! Strong, articulate, and full of self-respect.

[McGriff]

That was an awesome response! You took total control away from her, and put her in a position of waiting/chasing you. Bravo. Now she may not wait around, but if she doesn't, then you exposed the wolf in sheeps clothing. Again, great job.

[iouaname]

Very dignified. I know that it must have been tough for you, but focusing on yourself is the right step. Best of luck with things!

[Mack05]

Really impressive stuff...Amazing how you can think so clearly when your heart wants this girl.

 

Now that she is out in the big bad world, she doesn't have her safety net and doesn't like this lonely feeling. She is engaging in pull-push behaviour, something I have been guilty of doing myself in the past. If she moves back in and you get back together its very likely she will leave for the exact same reasons as she did before. She is a very emotionally immature girl, who is not decisive or consistent in her words/actions. Unless she acknowledges all this and works on this, she simply cannot be trusted.

 

If you wants you back she is going to have to earn it. Trust takes PLENTY of time to rebuild. I wouldn't ever go back there. If they leave you once far more often then not, they leave you again. I'd like a new start in this scenario..

[ThatJustHappened]

Initiate slow clap...

 

That email was amazing. Good for you!!!!

[geegirl]

Refreshing to read a dumpee taking the reins back. I bet she's reading like a deer in headlights.

 

You took control of the situation. I have a feeling that she's feeling the discomfort of not having you around, in the sense that the familiarity of knowing she has a soft spot to lean on isn't there, is what's causing her to have a little reality jolt. So, she's reaching.

 

I would not take someone that keeps doing this seriously. Even if she came back, I have a feeling once she settles into the normalities of the relationship with you, she'll be soon running the other way.

[AloneInParadise]

I got my reply from her and this is what she says.

 

Thanks for emailing me back. I understand you don’t want to talk yet, that is fair. Let’s just see how things go and I will 100% leave you alone until you’re ready to talk. I probably do need more time to 100% figure everything out. Let’s not commit to anything right now. It’s not a bunch of excuses, what I said, it’s how I felt.

 

I’ll leave you alone. I’m sorry for breaking your heart, and I’m having a really hard time getting over you.

 

I know that you don’t trust me anymore, which is understandable. What’s meant to be will be, so let’s just trust that whatever happens, happens. Let’s see how things turn out when you have had more time to think about everything and hopefully we’ll talk when you’re ready. I think you’re right that we both need to figure out exactly how we feel before we make any more decisions. You know how to get a hold of me whenever you’re ready.

 

It looks like I have my time to focus on me. Thanks everyone for making me feel like I'm making the right decision by not running back like a broken sissy boy

[Mack05]

Her letter is basically saying 'Can I keep you on the back burner just in case things don't work out for me'. The good news is, if she doesn't respect your need for space then you know you can't trust her. If she does respect your need for space, at least that gives you time to work through everything..

[McGriff]

Her response is considerably colder. She is an emotional mess right now. All over the place. Notice she used the word "felt", not "feel". Ie-her feelings are changing every hour it seems. Now you have to be congruent with what you said in your awesome email. Space---at least a couple weeks, maybe even a month. If she is still there and the feelings are strong MAYBE you guys can start to talk about things. It sounds like she kinda wants reassurance that you are not moving on, for her peace of mind, and is looking for a response to ease her mind. Don't give it to her. Her uncomfortability is good right now, and her actions from this point will give a clue as to where her heart is really at. If she loves you like she says she does, she'll wait. She started this ball rolling, and now she must deal with the consequences of uncertainty. If nothing else, she'll understand that you are not playing games, either she's in or she's out.

[fancy feast]

You handled that like a champ, props to you sir.

[Minneloa]

Her response is considerably colder. She is an emotional mess right now. All over the place. Notice she used the word "felt", not "feel". Ie-her feelings are changing every hour it seems. Now you have to be congruent with what you said in your awesome email. Space---at least a couple weeks, maybe even a month. If she is still there and the feelings are strong MAYBE you guys can start to talk about things. It sounds like she kinda wants reassurance that you are not moving on, for her peace of mind, and is looking for a response to ease her mind. Don't give it to her. Her uncomfortability is good right now, and her actions from this point will give a clue as to where her heart is really at. If she loves you like she says she does, she'll wait. She started this ball rolling, and now she must deal with the consequences of uncertainty. If nothing else, she'll understand that you are not playing games, either she's in or she's out.

 

Nice catch! I agree about the tone shift--all of a sudden more calm and formal instead of near-hysterical. All the more reason for the OP to take as much time as he needs.

[TaraMaiden]

This, Ladies and gentlemen - is how it's done!!