Got this new email today - Don't know if I can resist her and want to take her back!

[Sugarkane]

Remember this how do they react when a dumpee contacts them? If they even react at all.

[Damsel in Distress]

AloneInParadise, I am so very impressed. Strong, dignified, and took control back from her. Wow. You are a model to us all.

 

Reading her response it's clear you did the right thing - all of a sudden she's lost the desperate "I'm not going to give up getting you back" and mentions twice now that she also needs to make sure of her feelings (uh, girl, if you were so desperate why do you now need to be sure?). Also, Í see her making a half-assed attempt to regain control "Let's not commit to anything right now", and talking about "before WE make decisions". Honey, AloneInParadise didn't offer to commit in any way, shape or form and there is no WE in this decision... he is calling all the shots now.

 

Very powerful example. And this is even more impressive considering your subject line is: "Don't know if I can resist her and want to take her back!" Standing ovation to you!

 

I'm curious to hear how you are feeling (emotionally). Are you feeling strong? or did having contact with her, even in this strong way, have a negative impact on you. I hope you are feeling strong!

 

BTW I am desperate to break NC today, and your shining example is helping me be strong.

[blindhope]

That is fantastic. You got ever dumpees dream, to turn the table on them. Let them feel the pain of loss, and wonder what if. And you get to see what they're made of.

[fabulousgal]

That was awesome man, I'm proud of you.

[Skalabanan]

Fantastic response

 

The response is made even better by her response, it showed she wasn't entirely convinced on reconciliation, she could have responded "I respect your wishes" but she chose to blow a ton of nonsense around the place.

 

Only you know how you feel but I'd walk away with my head held high now, she's not grown up emotionally, certainly not enough to be with you.

[AloneInParadise]

Once again thank you everyone. It makes me feel so much better knowing that the email I sent took the power away from her. Her response isn't what I wanted, or expected, though, and it shows that she doesn't really want me back.

 

I'm hoping she holds the email and rereads it over and over while I continue to distance myself from her.

 

With that said, it's 7a.m and I wake up with a broken heart and horrible dreams of her.

 

THe mornings are always the worst and I don't start to feel better until I get my work out in, take a shower, and start looking for jobs.

 

I really wish I was employed, for many reasons obviously, but right now simply to have something to focus on. Losing my job and her in 2 months has been difficult.

 

This site is a saviour and am lucky to have it here.

[geegirl]

Mornings are the worst. The dreams and the moment you open your eyes are debilitating. You're not alone in this as we have all gone through it. It's something you'll just have to bear with for a little while.

 

Don't linger in bed. Up and moving as soon as you open your eyes. Laying in bed is the best place to dwell.

 

One thing at a time. You took charge of her and now on to seeking employment. You'll get there. I believe everything will always work itself out, even when it's all crashing down at the same time. It won't always be this way.

[Renard99]

Well played my friend, well played!

 

I got the 'I want to try again email' but I didn't handle it anywhere near as clearly as you did!

[Minneloa]

I'm so sorry that you are hurting, OP. Even though you were strong and made the choice that was best for you, of course it's still painful to deal with the heartbreak of losing this person.

 

I feel I can speak for all participants in this thread when I say we are rooting for you and sending you good thoughts for both your recovery from the break-up and your job search!

Edited April 2, 2013 by Minneloa

[Thunderchild]

Once again thank you everyone. It makes me feel so much better knowing that the email I sent took the power away from her. Her response isn't what I wanted, or expected, though, and it shows that she doesn't really want me back.

 

I'm hoping she holds the email and rereads it over and over while I continue to distance myself from her.

 

With that said, it's 7a.m and I wake up with a broken heart and horrible dreams of her.

 

THe mornings are always the worst and I don't start to feel better until I get my work out in, take a shower, and start looking for jobs.

 

I really wish I was employed, for many reasons obviously, but right now simply to have something to focus on. Losing my job and her in 2 months has been difficult.

 

This site is a saviour and am lucky to have it here.

 

If you are not employed, job searching and looking for something to do - then try some volunteering work. It'll keep you busy, keep your mind off the f*ckw*t and you might even meet the kind of girl you're looking for through your volunteering.

 

More power to you.

[ThatJustHappened]

Are you insane? If you are heart-broken why? Did she let another man between you and her?

If not, then go back to her!!! Man are you out of your mind?

Be careful on this forum there are alot of people want to help everyone leave the love of their life cause they themselves still hung-over from losing what they thought was the love of their life.

 

With logic like this, you're going to be fooled many more times.

 

What you're suggesting is putting a band aid on a gushing wound. This chick ripped his heart out the first time around, and she's been tossing it back and forth in her hands ever since. I got my ex back 3 weeks after we broke up and you know what? Our second try failed, because the same problems that were there when we broke up..they were still there 3 weeks later. We were stubborn and we went through almost a whole year of h*ll before we gave up.

 

I finally let myself heal. We went very LC for a couple of months..I dated other people..I got my sh*t together and so did he. Now guess who's back in the picture. And things are going MUCH better than they did when we tried the first time, because we gave it some time and we started an entirely new thing. We really have started over. The bad stuff doesn't magically melt away, you have to work on it.

 

I have no idea if it's going to work out this time but I'll be ok either way. I learned that because I didn't take the easy way out this time and just jump back in without looking. I'm being careful about it. Reconciliation only works long term if both people are willing to work at it.

 

Just because you're bitter doesn't mean everyone else here is. Most of us are genuinely trying to help.

[AloneInParadise]

WOW! She just emailed me and I feel sick to my stomache. My heart is in my throat right now. This girls is confused and now completely in my past. WOW!

 

It took one day to break NC.

 

 

 

I'm sorry to email you again but I just wanted to tell you that I feel like I have been so back and forth and that I'm sorry for that. It's not fair to you when you're trying to figure everything out and I'm sorry. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions for me and I can't be emailing you all the time when my emotions are all over the place.

 

I don't know how we could get back together and have a relationship built on trust when i feel like you could never trust me again, for good reason. As much as I want to get back together with you, I think we have to face reality and realize that it probably wouldn't ever be the same, so I feel like we should both move on, as hard as that is.

 

I hope you can forgive me when all is said and done because I care about you so much. And you're one of the best and most genuine people I have ever met and I'm going to miss you terribly.

 

I won't email or reach out to you for a long time, because that's what you want and that's honestly probably what's best for me too.

 

I'm sorry for hurting you and please know that that was never my intention. I'm trying to make this as painless as possible, but I know that we're both hurting. I'm having the hardest time ever getting over you and it's been really, really, really tough.

 

I understand if you never want to talk to me again, though I hope that's not the case.

 

Let me know if you need anything because I will always be there for you.

[AloneInParadise]

I know there has to be someone else, but I won't call her on it or reply to this email. Why do I want to find out the truth? Just to be hurt more?

[Mack05]

Her letter is basically saying 'Can I keep you on the back burner just in case things don't work out for me'. The good news is, if she doesn't respect your need for space then you know you can't trust her. If she does respect your need for space, at least that gives you time to work through everything..

 

AloneinParadise, I didn't even read the latest mail and I'm not going to. I will let others advise you on that.

 

Please refer to the bolded above. This is all about her and her agenda. She is a VERY selfish girl..

Edited April 2, 2013 by Mack05

[ThatJustHappened]

Woah crazytown! At least you know that not responding to her last email was the best decision you possibly could have made.

 

I admire your strength and your ability to keep a cool head even when you're hurting. You should be very proud of yourself.

[fabulousgal]

Sounds to me like she is anxious/trying to save face since you didn't jump through her hoop like a circus poodle. It's just games man, take time for you and if it is meant to be, you'll know it.

[blindhope]

I think she may be getting emotional and desperate. I've been there and when your desperate you can't think straight or sit still. You try every angle, and then rethink those decisions.

 

She's trying to keep some dignity or try and put the pressure back on you. But if you leave it be you'll keep the control and see what this is really made of.

[AloneInParadise]

I think she may be getting emotional and desperate. I've been there and when your desperate you can't think straight or sit still. You try every angle, and then rethink those decisions.

 

She's trying to keep some dignity or try and put the pressure back on you. But if you leave it be you'll keep the control and see what this is really made of

 

 

I couldn't agree more. I have already deleted and blocked all her emails so I don't have to sit next to her on this roller coaster ride of emotions. I refuse to play games with this girl!

 

I get the feeling that this will be the last email from her, but I feel that would be stupid to think...She certainly hasn't proved otherwise.

[Damsel in Distress]

Wow, Alone, I am stunned she already sent a long emotional email when you asked her to respect your need for space. She respected your needs for what? Less than 24 hours? This girl has no self-control and certainly no empathy for you. It is driving her crazy that you are no longer under her spell, so she is trying every angle she can think of. I can just hear her manipulative thoughts "Too desperate before, must pull back." She tries to make this sound like she feels bad for hurting you, but she clearly doesn't care how this affects you - except that it's made you pull back and she can't stand that!

 

I'm sure this has been an emotionally crazy couple of days for you, and I'm so mad that she's selfish enough to jerk you around like this. But Alone, remember that through her crazy you maintained self respect, dignity, and managed to take control of your situation. Think how different the outcome would have been if you had jumped when she said jump. (and how badly you WANTED to jump!)

 

Keep the power, Alone!

[Skalabanan]

This was coming the moment she blew out all that nonsense in her first reply.

 

She doesn't want you but she also don't want you having anyone else, at least not before she finds someone.

 

Your response got you out of jail dude, be proud of yourself, hold your head high, implement NC and do whatever you have to for YOU.

[Noma]

I think her e-mail was her protecting herself. She put her heart on the line with the first e-mail, and was rejected!

 

The first e-mail was what EVERY dumped waits for, and if you wanted the same you should have just simply said, I love you and miss you too, please give me a few days to think. Or something like, hey I'd like to talk in a week, maybe we can start slow and see how things go. I think she felt completely shut down by your first response. The same way we as dumpers feel when we get broken up with. And communicating by e-mail is tough. Easy to feel one way, but be strong and "tell" the other person what they want to hear...

 

I too think some posters are too jaded and want to make the dumper "pay". They did what they thought was best at the time. Sometimes a break up and some space can really open your eyes to how to "heal" a relationship. If she wrote that she wants a second chance, I believe that that is what she truly wanted...

Edited April 4, 2013 by Noma

[SendHope]

I think her e-mail was her protecting herself. She put her heart on the line with the first e-mail, and was rejected!

 

The first e-mail was what EVERY dumped waits for, and if you wanted the same you should have just simply said, I love you and miss you too, please give me a few days to think. Or something like, hey I'd like to talk in a week, maybe we can start slow and see how things go. I think she felt completely shut down by your first response. The same way we as dumpers feel when we get broken up with. And communicating by e-mail is tough. Easy to feel one way, but be strong and "tell" the other person what they want to hear...

 

I too think some posters are too jaded and want to make the dumper "pay". They did what they thought was best at the time. Sometimes a break up and some space can really open your eyes to how to "heal" a relationship. If she wrote that she wants a second chance, I believe that that is what she truly wanted...

 

It's not about making a dumper "pay." It's about making a decision with clarity. They broke up for a reason. It would be foolish to just dive right back in the fray just because of words. It is no longer enough after a break-up. In the end she proves that she just doesn't even know what she wants and fails to respect his wishes.

 

See Coping Vortex's Final Indignation thread. It's the same situation handled oppositely. One poor soul was destroyed and the other got a reprieve from a woman can't decide what she wants.

[AloneInParadise]

That is a decent point, Senhope. But I know this girl and I know she is too confused to have a rational thought in her head, and I am not going to sit by and be pushed and pulled in every direction. No matter ho much I hurt, and trust me I am in pain, I am not going to let her do that to me. She just wants control, and If I begged and pleaded, told her how much I need her and love her, she would be happy and content for a minute and then as soon as she had me back she'd be feeling ready to toss me aside again.

 

Well, everyone, I am bak at my apartment now and she is out. I am lonely and it is cold here. Just me and my labby

 

I have 30 days to find a job or it's back to my brothers. Actually it's not too bad because I am lonely as hell right now. I hope she is happy and doing what she wants right now. Only thing I can do is sit here an think of her and what she is doing.

 

[Noma]

To each their own. No one knows how much time is enough for each individual relationship. Not "diving" back in is good advice. But take things slow and see what happens. I just feel that so much sometimes can be misconstrued by text/e-mail. Good way to initiate contact. NOT a good way to express feelings/

[AloneInParadise]

Nova,

 

It's too soon to "take things slow". I don't trust her and she is confused. We don't even have a solid base to start from again. I am broken and she is confused. There is nowhere to go from here other than worry about ourselves. Time will bring us back together if it's meant to be. But it's not! Otherwise she wouldn't have walked out.