My brother gets EVERYTHING - now it's crunch time

[BigSis]

My brother, the youngest, has always been my mother's favourite. I've grown up despising him as a result, to the point where I am now 23 and can barely conceal my rage whenever I see him. I know it's not his fault but he laps up the attention and loves rubbing her bias in my face.

 

Anyway, for my 21st 2 years ago my mother gave me $1000, which I spent on university fees. I have since found out that for my brother's 21st last week my mother gave him $3000 (which he is using to travel in Europe next year).

 

I am going to Thailand for 3 weeks in January before I start full time work and I am having trouble getting all of the money together. I want to ask my mother if she can help me out. Should I use the fact that she gave my brother triple the amount for his 21st as an argument if she refuses?? It all seems so petty but I am so upset and angry that she has always given him so much more. I feel like if she refuses to give me any money for this trip of mine that I'll end up never speaking to either of them again.

[Moose]

Boy do I know what you're talking about!!! I went through the same thing. I wouldn't bring it up. Do what you can by yourself. Don't stop talking to your Mom and Brother either. Rather, whenever he rubs her bias in your face, simply get back at him by letting him know that, "Oh well, at least I know how to take care of myself without any hand-outs".

 

What comes around goes around. My brother and I get along just fine even though he's been getting help from Mommy dearest all of his life. He has the best of everything and if it were ever come to a head, well, I don't think he'd be able to handle not having his precious possesions.

 

It's better to be self reliant rather than depending on help. I know it's hard not to be a little jealous, but just remember, you're the bigger person for doing it all alone.

 

Good Luck to ya!

 

Moose

[Papillon]

It's not fair! My brother gets everything! Bah!

 

Last year he got braces! And then corrective shoes. This year he got spectacles! Mommy is always buying him stuff for his pimples!

 

It's not fair! I never get nuthin'!

[Moose]

Come on Papillon, I don't think that $3,000.00 to take a trip is going to improve his pigeon toe, eyesight or crooked teeth.

 

The guy is getting freebies for his enjoyment and entertainment. It's a clear cut case of favoritism, and I can emphasize with the poster......instead of implying that this guy NEEDED that money to better his health, can you come up with something more constructive?

[Papillon]

My mom had to scrape to put my brother and I through university. We were poor, and we rarely got the things we really wanted.

 

Now this little ungrateful f*ckin BRAT wants to piss his/her pants because his/her little bro got more cash than he/she did, and blackmail his/her mother with it??

 

Gimme a f*cking break

[tokyo]

Now let´s start disagreeing. I would be pissed off if I had to pay for my university fees and my brother spend the triple amount of money for nothing. I would say, if your mom is unfair, you can´t help it. I have a younger brother and sometimes I think my mom spoils him, too, but then again I usually manage to take care of myself alone and I´m doing well. Be a sissy who needs mommy´s money or be a man.

[Papillon]

What pisses the hell outta me is the threatened emotional blackmail if he/she doesn't get his/her way.

 

 

 

[color=red][size=20]GROW. THE. F*CK. UP.[/color]

[tokyo]

Originally posted by Papillon

What pisses the hell outta me is the threatened emotional blackmail if he/she doesn't get his/her way.

Yeah, I just read it, you are right. Your mailbox is full.

[Moose]

Originally posted by Papillon

What pisses the hell outta me is the threatened emotional blackmail if he/she doesn't get his/her way.

 

 

 

[color=red][size=20]GROW. THE. F*CK. UP.[/color]

 

Hey, she only asked if she should use that as an excuse or not, it's not like she's doing it on a regular basis. And I also am sorry that you grew up in that shape. Not to brag, but I helped my little brother through his college, AS I was going through mine. Still, my mom treated him like a king and gave him whatever he asked for.

 

We all had a tough time in one way shape or form. She is being grown up by asking for advice. She doesn't need someone like you telling her to grow up.......

[Papillon]

It's a rant, not a request for advice.

 

Quite right, she doesn't need me to tell her to grow the f*ck up. What she needs is to

 

[color=red][size=20]GROW. THE. F*CK. UP.[/color]

[Moose]

Should I use the fact that she gave my brother triple the amount for his 21st as an argument if she refuses??

 

This, to me, looks like a request for advice......did I miss something? Sure she's ranting, I would be and I have in the past. Just because you didn't have it the way you wanted it, doesn't mean that others should see things from your view.

 

There are more constructive, more polite ways of explaining to a person that he/she is being immature, if that's the case.

 

Did you know that every time you curse, or use foul language, others automatically bump your intellect down several points????.......

[Papillon]

Well goddamn jeezus H kee-rhist, then I gotta f*ckin start cussin' and swearin like a piss-angry muthaf***kin sailor, cause I have a looooong way to go down

 

 

I'd rather be a foulmouthed wiseguy than an stupid moron who disrespects his/her mother because of money.

[tokyo]

Couldn´t you try to be a nice polite son?

[Papillon]

*Sigh*

 

Ok, kooky. Just for you.

[dreaming4ever]

Wow, I wish I could've gotten $1000 as a present for MY 21st birthday. Can't u just be happy with that??

[tokyo]

Originally posted by dreaming4ever

Wow, I wish I could've gotten $1000 as a present for MY 21st birthday. Can't u just be happy with that??

Man, I´ve been just realizing, I think I never got that much money on any birthday and I am nearly 28!!!!!!!!!!!!

[annelizly]

honey....i have so been in your shoes. My little brother was spoiled rotten! I didn't hate him for it though. It continues to this day!!(i'm 35, he's 30) The examples got more extreme as we aged. for instance. when i was 22 and hubby was 24 our only child died suddenly of sids. we lived pay check to pay check and couldn't afford to bury her. My parents were very comfortable financially but mom said they wouldn't help. Miraculously the card money from friends and family was enough to pay for it almost to the penny. But when my brother and his g/f wanted to buy a house she gave them $15,000.00 for a down payment and they never payed her back and lost the house.

Fact is, as much as it stinks to suck hind tit, I am self sificiant and he isn't. He can not make it in life on his own. She crippled him with her babying and I don't need help from anyone and am doing fine. But now that mom is elderly and ill and needs help in day to day living guess who is there for her? yep, me!! brother won't so much as call and see how she is. She is now seeing how rotten a son he is and is being grateful to me. Its better late than never that she realize she bet on the wrong horse.

I wouldn't ask for the money. You have no right to it whatsoever. If you can't afford the trip, don't go. Wait till you can pay for it yourself. nobody ever said life was fair.

[Moose]

My parents were very comfortable financially but mom said they wouldn't help.

Maybe she knew and had confidence that things would work out for you?

Miraculously the card money from friends and family was enough to pay for it almost to the penny.

Is your mom a spiritual person? How do you know her prayers didn't have anything to do with this, "miricale"? Even if she isn't, and didn't, she was right in assuming things would work out.

But when my brother and his g/f wanted to buy a house she gave them $15,000.00 for a down payment and they never payed her back and lost the house.

She obviously believes that you brother isn't capable of taking care of himself and his girlfriend, so she tried to help him along like a mother should. She's not worried about you, she knows you're capable.

She crippled him with her babying and I don't need help from anyone and am doing fine.

This is closer to the truth, but you should be careful about self-righteousness, it could wind up biting you in the butt.

She is now seeing how rotten a son he is and is being grateful to me. Its better late than never that she realize she bet on the wrong horse.

How do you know what your mom is feeling? I'd feel more like a failure as a mother rather than admit I have a dead beat son. I'm not trying to beat you up. I just look at things a little differently and thought I'd share what I thought about your post.

[Mz. Pixie]

I went through this and I feel for you completely.

 

My little brother had 4 wheelers and mopeds before he was 10. I didn't get any clothes purchased for me the last two years of high school. He had two cars that they made the payments on right out of high school. I had a full scholarship to college but yet they wouldn't help me get a car to go back and forth in. He has never worked a day in his life and he's almost 30. I had to go to work and pay my own way and help with bills. Once he took $3,000 cash from my mom and wrote $3,000 worth of bad check on her checking account and she wouldn't procecute him.

 

My mother died and guess who had to pay for her burial? You got it me. He was suposed to be living at home rent free caring for her during her illness but he never did the first thing. He left it all to my grandmother who was in her 90's.

 

Now, they are all gone. He's still living off my stepfather. Guess what? He's been married for years but didn't live with his wife past 8 weeks. He had a baby he doesn't take care of. He's never held down a job.

 

He's a drug addict now, without a pot to piss in who I haven't spoken to in two years. His drug deal regularly beats the crap out of him- he will either end up dead or in jail. I've offered to help him into rehab and he would never go.

 

My point is that I've had a successful life. In the beginning I used to think "All that they have done for him" now I think "Boy, look at how they ruined him with all they did for him"

 

It wasn't right and yeah, it used to piss me off. Still does sometimes when I think about it. It's not fair, honey, but neither is life. Once you get used to that fact you'll be able to manage alot better.

[MightyMouse]

I understand where you are coming from.

 

My siblings have gotten quite a bit over the years.

 

I have just tried to ignore it and move on. I have always done things on my own and I think that makes me a better person.