Cleancut Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 My wife had an affair with her boss in which she had sex with him. When she told me about it, I got aroused. I didn't show her my arousal but inside I felt it. It turns me on to think of her having sex with another man. I don't know why this is though. When I masterbate I fantacize about her and another man. But afterwards, a guilty feeling comes over me. Can anyone help me to understand this dark side of myself? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I think it's because the idea of her pleasure and abandon appeals to you. It's a kind of blind, selfish sense of "giving", if that makes sense. I guess you feel guilty because you've been told you're supposed to be pissed and angry at your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 There are lots of different sexual fantasies and fetishes and yours is a common one. There are a lot of swingers and some of them do it because they enjoy the thought/sight of their partners getting it on with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 There is a thread started by "shareher" on the same subject, or similar to it. You should check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Ever notice how the emotion, Love, and the emotion, Hate, tend to make us feel the same way physically? Your heart starts to beat hard and fast, you can feel your blood racing through your veins......I think that people like you and shareher are confusing your anger with arousal. Just my opinion. I can't see or understand how someone would be ok or even provoke their spouse to have sex with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 there have been a few times when i was having sex with my bf and i had thoughts of him with other women (for anyone who is aware of my obsessive compulsive thoughts about his past) and where normally these thoughts send me into hysterics and depression, while we were having sex and i thought the same things, i was actually kind of aroused, and that totally weirded me out. I hate the idea of him ever having touched another women so I can't even begin to comprehend it, until I saw this thread, and now it doesn't necessarily make any more sense but it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only weirdo in the world. =) How often that is the conclusion of some many LS topics...we're all weirdos. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I often masturbate to the thought of my wife with other men or of her servicing 2 or more men at the same time. But if she had an affair behind my back I probably wouldn't be too happy about it. If she was willing to swap partners or do a threesome with another man or woman I couldn't probably handle that. Our bond is strong and alittle sexual adventure wouldn't break it. We have talked about this and have tried to pick up women for a threesome but it never went down. My wife has a girlfriend that has come on to her and would like to do a threesome but my wife has known her for over 20 years and says it would be too weird. It would have to be a stranger; but then you have the STD factor to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Honesty Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by loveregardless while we were having sex and i thought the same things, i was actually kind of aroused..........I hate the idea of him ever having touched another women so I can't even begin to comprehend it, until I saw this thread, and now it doesn't necessarily make any more sense but it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only weirdo in the world. =) How often that is the conclusion of some many LS topics...we're all weirdos. Ditto. I would be devastated if I had a bf and he cheated on me, but there have been times that I have been aroused by the idea of my man (when I had a bf) being with someone else. I guess the idea of him being wanted or with someone else but only being mine is what turns me on. mmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmm Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I've always believed that our minds turn animalistic when we're angry or passionate. My opinion is that human monogamy is a social restriction, and that jealousy and posessiveness are artificial emotions. When we're in the midst of passion, we revert to that animal state, and throw off most of the shackles of our inihibitions, push aside feelings of jealousy and ownership. When the passion is over, we kind of "come back to our senses", and give a little shiver at what we fantasized about. That's my take on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cleancut Posted September 15, 2004 Author Share Posted September 15, 2004 This morning I got up enough courage to tell my wife that if she wanted to have sex with another man, that I would let her. She has a lot of stress recently and so I told her she needs a stress relief. When she said she could release her stress by playing with another man, I said why don't you then. She thanked me which makes me think that she actually will. I can hardly wait. I am so glad I could finally tell her. Yippee! Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Cleancut, I'll say it straight - I think you're sitting on a time bomb. You have a"unique" situation here, and you have to be very very very careful that your sexual fantasy does not turn into a miserable hell. You have now given your wife a license to f*ck around with other men, and she IS going to compare. Trust me on this. You didn't say it's ok because you care about her stress, you gave her permission because it excites you. There's a difference. What if your wife thinks that you don't care about her anymore? What if she decides to leave you because she prefers the fruit of another orchard? I'm not judging you in the least, I genuinely hope that the two of you find this arrangement stimulating and fulfilling. I just had to caution you a little. Go into this with your eyes open, because if it blows up in your face, it's going to be UGLY. Good luck! (I have to admit that thinking about your situation is kind of kinky, it's aroused me a little ) Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Go ahead and add another couple into the, "Screw what marriage is supposed to be", catagory. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Each couple creates their own ideal marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Exactly. I didn't want to start an argument with Moose, but people are different like snowflakes, and I believe that often marriages are failures simply because people try and force it into the mold that society has made for it. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 well the only thing that i am going to say is that it is not "animal instinct" to just have sex with lots of different "animals", it is "animal instinct" to have sex at "mating season" so that you can make more "animals". thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 and not that i am making an opinion statement of any kind on this matter because now it has changed courses a little and i don't want to comment, but a question does arise in my mind when taking into account Pocky and Pappys response and that is... "What is the purpose of marriage then?" Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Humans have a 24/7/365 mating season Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Lower insurance premiums. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 well Steve Erwin you left that part our before. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Exactly. I didn't want to start an argument with Moose, but people are different like snowflakes, and I believe that often marriages are failures simply because people try and force it into the mold that society has made for it. Actually, you have it backwards. People, not society, such as this gentleman who doesn't care if his wife has sex with other men is reason why marriages fail!! Heck, you said it yourself. This woman may begin to compare her husband with these other men. When she finds the forbidden fruit, ( THERE IS A REASON IT'S CALLED FORBIDDEN ), tastes better, where does it leave him? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Ah, but it's not guaranteed to fail, see? It might actually be their "thing". It might bring them closer together, who knows? It's a big if, but it's not to say it won't work. I think it's dangerous, but that's because I can see the pitfalls. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Some people for many strange reasons got their systems to seek outlets at times of confusions and helplessness through false feelings of arousal. If they decide to follow through they will completely fail to make love and get satisfied or fulfilled. They need to figure out what they were really experiencing at the moment of a shocking discovery: Is it a real arousal or a mistaken rage, fear, confusion or any other negative feeling ??????!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Yeah, so can most people. I mean, I can see this woman coming home after getting some strange.....and then her husband getting turned on by it and now he wants some. Then they go at it, and she just lays there reading a magazine while he gets his jollies, then when he's done she just rolls over and goes to sleep. She can't feel her husband anymore because she's scouted out the most well endowed man, and now he's her regular. Plus, the guy earns more money than her husband, doesn't snore, takes better care of himself......"what am I doing here", starts going through her mind.......then her husband wakes up one morning and she didn't come home last night. Sad story......I Love my Wife too much to take such a dangerous chance. Not that my wife would ever want to do this....but geeeeezzzz where's the common sense?? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Moose, really, you sketch a hilarious scenario.... you wouldn't let your wife screw around because she might discover Mr. Big? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Nah....I'm not worried about that at all!!! They don't call me Moose for nothin'!!! Seriously, there is always someone better, maybe not at all things, but some things. That is simply reality. Link to post Share on other sites
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