RomanceLow Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 My exe cheated on me not once, but twice. Yet, still said they cared for me and i believe him. Is it possible that sex and a romantic connection are two separate systems in the brain? Could it possible that he actually loved me and desired sex just to get off...with that said i'll never get back with him...But i'm thinking of being friends. Even now i hold no grudge or hatred towards him. When I see him it's like nothing ever happened and there is no sexual desire anymore. Do you think I could be friends? and i do respect myself I left him and will never go back, but it'd be nice to be friends with a person who was in my life for over a year.I want to be the exception not the rule. Need advice. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Here is the thing about being "friends" with an X. I don't think its 100% possible...to be JUST friends. And being friends with an X isn't exactly what future boyfriends or girlfriends want to happen. There aren't alot of people that would want their significant other to be "friends" with someone they boffed, and have the potential of it happening again. "Friends" as in cordial to each other, sure. But the kind of friends that hang out and do stuff together? You'd both be asking or future relationship problems. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 IMHO - stay away. Do you really want a person who betrayed you lingering? It's not an ideal situation for future relationships to have a past BF/GF in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Yes, it is possible that sex and romantic connection are separate system, especially for guys. I expect there will be others that disagree. If you're done with this relationship then the best thing to do is give each of you plenty of time to dissolve the attachment before trying to interact as friends. Otherwise it's going to be complicated when one or both start feeling the urge to merge. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 If you no longer have feelings for him in any way, there's no reason not to be friends. But I do question why friendship with him is important to you. The ex-husband who cheated on me is part of our social circle and is also a business contact. It was worth my while to remain friends. In retrospect, there was also a subconscious ego element to it. The power seat, continually tapping back what he took from me until I felt recharged. Self-admittedly not a kind person if you mess with me. So, evaluate why you wish to be friends. If you can live with your reasoning and are truly over him, then there's no reason why not. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 Perhaps think of it like this. Lets say you have a boyfriend in the future that you really like. And you tell him that you are going to go to the bars with your x-bf and hang out at his place later on. Because after all, your JUST friends right? So after telling your boyfriend this, he says,"So you are going to go party with your x? A guy you had intimate relations with? And you are going back to his place after a night of bar hopping to crash? Tell me why you think I'd be ok with this?" I guess there needs to be clarification. Are we talking about "friends" in the sense that you are cordial and polite to one another when you see each other. Or "friends" that you can hang out with alone and expect a significant other to be ok with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted April 1, 2013 Share Posted April 1, 2013 My exe cheated on me not once, but twice. Yet, still said they cared for me and i believe him. Is it possible that sex and a romantic connection are two separate systems in the brain? Could it possible that he actually loved me and desired sex just to get off...with that said i'll never get back with him...But i'm thinking of being friends. Even now i hold no grudge or hatred towards him. When I see him it's like nothing ever happened and there is no sexual desire anymore. Do you think I could be friends? and i do respect myself I left him and will never go back, but it'd be nice to be friends with a person who was in my life for over a year.I want to be the exception not the rule. Need advice. Thanks. How can you be the exception? You are the norm..or more normal than you think. Everybody thinks they can be friends with exes. Some can do it and others can't. Thing is, this is a guy who had no qualms about cheating on you, he has no boundaries in that regards. There is nothing to stop him from trying to cross those boundaries again once either he or you are in relationships. Are you going to stop seeing him once you enter a relationship with someone else? Will you continue to be friends and risk what you have with your current beau. Up to you. Best to call it quits and move on IMO Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomanceLow Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 NoFool4u- I see what you're saying, but i'm friends with other exes...This one just hit me the hardest Loversquarrel- It's hard staying away...I know i Should, but my heart says other wise. SalParadise- You see what i'm talking about. I know i'll give it time before i actually act like a friend. Tbf- I meant romantic feelings...I'm sure every exe will bring a feeling out...I hope I make the right decision. Darren Steez- You're right he has no boundaries, but can't people change if they're willing? I just want to be friends not close friends, yet distant friends. I'll never be with him again sexually or in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 In your response to me you admit the feelings you harbor for him. I don't know....I honestly think you pretty much have to move on. How are you going to feel when he starts seeing other people? - I don't imagine very good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RomanceLow Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Lovesquarrel- He has seen other people...and i'm fine with that....I don't want him in that sense..i want to talk to him like a best friend like we use too..Not a relationship in any way Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 I understand. Been in that situation before and it is difficult. Just remember, best friends don't betray. You should reserve best friends status for your "one" when you find him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 NoFool4u- I see what you're saying, but i'm friends with other exes...This one just hit me the hardest But when you say you are friends with the X's, is it a cordial treatment of each other kind of friendship, or would you hang out with them in the same manner as other female friends? Would you go on a weekend getaway with one of your male friends? Point is, if you are "just" friends, then you should be able to do everything you could do with female friends. But then wouldn't that pose a problem with any current significant other? Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Tbf- I meant romantic feelings...I'm sure every exe will bring a feeling out...I hope I make the right decision.Something doesn't resonate true. You still have feelings for him. Back off. Link to post Share on other sites
Mantha03 Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 It's only okay to be friend afterwards in rare circumstance. 1. If you are really over it, you don't want to hurt yourself. 2. If there has been a considerable amount if time between the break up and now. I am friends with 2 of my exes, one of which I have a child with. You have to be able to handle them dating other people and maybe even hear about it. It is possible but not worth it if you still have feelings. It doesn't matter how much they want to be friends you need to put yourself first because if your not over it your in for a world of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 I have 5 ex-partners/husbands. The last, married to for 26 years, and had 2 children with. Not many, is it, considering my 56 years? I am absolutely not in any form of contact with any of them. No point. What's the point? to do what? Why is there any reason whatsoever to actually establish a continued connection with someone who so blatantly disrespected and ignored your exclusivity? None. I'd let it go if I were you, unless there's a clear, good and valid PRACTICAL reason for not doing so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 It wasn't until I knew the feeling of love and had it snatched from me that I could respect what I did to the people I was sneaking around on, although I was never caught. And that's also when I knew I didn't really love those people. Now I look for open relationships if that is what I want at the time. The mentality of the two people should be on the same path, consisting of a mutual respect for each others wish for exclusivity or ... inclusivity? Link to post Share on other sites
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