Author RiceaRoni Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 I think its also really hard trying to forgive them as well.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blindhope Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Funny you say that. I doubt even if she came back I'd ever be able to forgive her. I think to many times we look at them happy, us rejected that our brains or hearts only think of the good. A way of rationalizing we need to be with them. It's so hard to have built such a relationship over time and energy to just let it slip away, even if it's whats best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SendHope Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Yeah I have been able to celebrate with my friends especially.. I just miss him is all....I never knew it would be true, that when someone breaks up with you or when someone leaves your life its simialr to losing someone to death.. Im mostly proud of myself not getting into a new relationship very quickly like he did. It makes me feel strong and that I dont need a guy to depend on. I guess thats a plus for me.. I think things would have been easier if he stayed single, then again everything happens for a reason. It's not that easier if at all. My ex is single (or at least I think so, yay NC). On those days when I can't get anything going on with friends, the speculation runs supreme. Is she working on someone or no? Do you miss him as the person? I'm not sure if I miss my ex or what I had with her. It's hard for me to know because she was my first love so I have no past experiences to draw upon on. It really is true that break ups is similar to someone you love taken away by Death. I was just a kid when my father died but this break up hit me so much worse. All my mistakes keep popping into my head lately.. I wasnt the perfect gf and I grew insecure as I noticed him drifting and I became what he called clingy....I felt so terrible looking back at the things I did. Ive yelled at him, hung up on him many times when he frustrated me, etc... Im a fool, but ive learned from my mistakes and sometimes I feel like it was my fault for him leaving..I sometimes look and blame myself for many things... I've been doing this lately also. My ex was just so irresponsible and childish that it was hard for me to maintain my calm. She's always late on our dates (like hours late) or she would make last minute plans when a friend asks her to hang when she knew we agreed to spend time together at that time. It went on for months and months and that was just the tip of the iceberg. She just didn't make the effort to see me anymore and that's what frustrated me. I think she realized that a relationship requires effort and she ended it rather than try. I felt like a fool because I tried and persevere through it and work it out but she never tried. Oh well. I know it takes two to tango. Clearly, she didn't see anything with us worth trying for. Quite ironic, since she obsessively chased after me so hard when we met. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 I went to the gym today with my best guy friend and boy was I in for a rude awakening...with him was my ex... I tried to avoid him best I could, but I wanted to talk to my best guy friend...and my ex would follow him around.. I smiled best I could and laughed a lot with my friend..not looking at my ex at all...he and I made eye contact once but that was it.. My ex had dropped something...it happened to roll over to me and I picked it up for him..he looked down and said thank you..and I just said yeah.. I still have feelings for him, but I didn't feel very much pain..just longing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 I think I acted okay? It was weird...it was almost like my ex and I were comfortable with each other's presence.... I really miss him though... Damn it I wish he didnt get with that girl who cheated on her ex to be with him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 I also noticed that when I was talking to my guy friend from the side I saw my ex starring at me.... Like he was waiting for me to notice him and or talk to him... Link to post Share on other sites
blindhope Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Sounds like you handled it well. That had to be tough as I know all the second guessing going though your head and our minds can rationalize many scenarios and fill in the blanks as we secretly want. But it seems you were in control and acted confident and independent. And I'm sure he took notice and now it's his turn to have the regrets, second guessing and mind games. However a meeting like this will certainly pull at your heart strings so I'm sure it's going to be a tough night/day ahead. But it's just one more hurdle you will have overcome in the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Sounds like you handled it well. That had to be tough as I know all the second guessing going though your head and our minds can rationalize many scenarios and fill in the blanks as we secretly want. But it seems you were in control and acted confident and independent. And I'm sure he took notice and now it's his turn to have the regrets, second guessing and mind games. However a meeting like this will certainly pull at your heart strings so I'm sure it's going to be a tough night/day ahead. But it's just one more hurdle you will have overcome in the end. It already is pulling my heart strings... Its so hard for me sometimes to realize hes with another girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Im feeling terrible... Link to post Share on other sites
blindhope Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 I know that feeling. Moving on is that much harder when they seem to do it with such ease. I haven't had to go through seeing my ex face to face in about 2 months, and it's hard so I feel for ya. It sucks that even though I blocked her on facebook I see she looks great and all dolled up in her profile pic. Even has the really expensive jewelry I bought her(twice) since she lost the first, I think to rub it in. But what did see her in passing yesterday is I saw here in passing(we live on the same street) and she looked terrible. She was always naturally pretty, but just glimpse of her she has been caking on the make up and looked like a bloated clown. So that made me feel good. I hope you can find the same small victories to help you through this. Just remember we exaggerate the good and trivialize the bad in our minds. It wasn't as perfect as it seems in our heads. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 I know that feeling. Moving on is that much harder when they seem to do it with such ease. I haven't had to go through seeing my ex face to face in about 2 months, and it's hard so I feel for ya. It sucks that even though I blocked her on facebook I see she looks great and all dolled up in her profile pic. Even has the really expensive jewelry I bought her(twice) since she lost the first, I think to rub it in. But what did see her in passing yesterday is I saw here in passing(we live on the same street) and she looked terrible. She was always naturally pretty, but just glimpse of her she has been caking on the make up and looked like a bloated clown. So that made me feel good. I hope you can find the same small victories to help you through this. Just remember we exaggerate the good and trivialize the bad in our minds. It wasn't as perfect as it seems in our heads. Its good you can pick out her flaws and help yourself to feel better And it is terrible...yesterday I thought i was doing fine because I didnt feel any pain when I saw him so I was able to stay even when we stood next to each other as I talked to my friend.. But when I got home thats when all my thoughys started piling...and I already know he most likely isnt even thinking of me anymore...I mean why would he? Hes still with his gf and today is their 5 months...its so hard to take in... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 4, 2013 Author Share Posted April 4, 2013 Its pretty bad..every place my ex goes i try to avoid, but we always end up seeing each ither somehow and someway...unintentionally of course...I never expect to see him..it just happens Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 I know what that feeling is like. You sort of hope to see the other person but then you are relieved that you don't. And when you do, that sense of fear grips you and your body starts to initiate the flight response and you are edgy. I hated that feeling. Like you, today I'm feeling absolutely miserable. I am 4 months down the road and today I woke up and was missing so much having someone love me. Even if she truly didn't, she acted like it. Today is super hard and I'm not handling it well. I avoided places that I knew she would be. I avoided people she knew. I cut out everything in my life that she touched. It helps you heal but it hurts doing it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blindhope Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 Even if they hide it well they still think abuot you. Especially since he was trying to be nice to you. It's nearly impossible as you know to cut someone who was such a huge part of your daily life out and move on. He is most likely hiding in this new relationship as movig on so quickly usually means they can't be alone and are not strong enough to stand on their own. So they convince themselves that they are madly inl ove with their rebound, they become infatuated. But someday reality will sink in, and they realize this isn't what they thought it was. Andthey gave up something better. At that point he may come running back, or go through the pain of the break-up alone. At that point you'll have done the hardest parts of it and you'll be better off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 4, 2013 Share Posted April 4, 2013 I went to my counselor today and she gave me some advice that I think could help you RiceaRoni. I think that a lot of us beat ourselves up for thinking about them. We get so angry that they won't get out of our head because we don't want to think about them. I know that I do this. I do it a lot. Well she gave me a better way of looking at it. It won't make your day any better, I find that whenever I'm having a bad day I go to bed earlier and try to go forward the next day. Doing my best not to let it snowball. So how did she tell me to look at it? Let yourself think about him. Realize you're thinking about him and let the thoughts pass. They always do. It might take a while, but you do eventually stop thinking about him and move on to thinking about something else. I'm trying to do that now and it's worked pretty well. I was thinking of her on the way home. I said "Okay I'm thinking about her... I miss her.. I want her.. I love her.. and... Crap I have so much homework!" Have the thoughts and just let them pass. No pity parties, no feeling sorry for yourself. If the thoughts come back? They come back! They will come back. So let them pass again. It sounds much easier said than done. It's easy to think of them and wallow for hours by thinking how much we miss them. The thoughts do hurt, but I think it hurts more to beat ourselves up for thinking of them after we're done. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Try moving the spotlight off of him! It's not about him. It's about you! You're allowed to be selfish now! The only person you can control is you. We can't change other people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 (edited) I went to my counselor today and she gave me some advice that I think could help you RiceaRoni. I think that a lot of us beat ourselves up for thinking about them. We get so angry that they won't get out of our head because we don't want to think about them. I know that I do this. I do it a lot. Well she gave me a better way of looking at it. It won't make your day any better, I find that whenever I'm having a bad day I go to bed earlier and try to go forward the next day. Doing my best not to let it snowball. So how did she tell me to look at it? Let yourself think about him. Realize you're thinking about him and let the thoughts pass. They always do. It might take a while, but you do eventually stop thinking about him and move on to thinking about something else. I'm trying to do that now and it's worked pretty well. I was thinking of her on the way home. I said "Okay I'm thinking about her... I miss her.. I want her.. I love her.. and... Crap I have so much homework!" Have the thoughts and just let them pass. No pity parties, no feeling sorry for yourself. If the thoughts come back? They come back! They will come back. So let them pass again. It sounds much easier said than done. It's easy to think of them and wallow for hours by thinking how much we miss them. The thoughts do hurt, but I think it hurts more to beat ourselves up for thinking of them after we're done. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Try moving the spotlight off of him! It's not about him. It's about you! You're allowed to be selfish now! The only person you can control is you. We can't change other people. hmm. NA i told you about the whole obejectivley observing your passing thoughts impassionalty thing months ago! Like you are a 3rd person oveserving your mind and thoughts and emotions ..but not controlled or severly affected by these. PS it helps if you focus on your breathing while you have these thought. Eg. You say to yourself. I am thinking about X, i feel lonley, angry ecetera, it is ok. You are fine anger..it is A OK. Treat the emotion tenderly and they recede. Breath the whole time. Storm has been weathered! Damn i guess hearing stuff in person is different. Lol anyway good job! This is progress. Edited April 5, 2013 by cavalier99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 Im feeling pretty sh*tty today Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Sorry. You just keep on going day after day month after month. Your on the emotional roller coaster. Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blindhope Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Im feeling pretty sh*tty today You're feeling pretty sh*tty right now, in this moment. Today is still ahead of us and they're not worth giving the whole day away for. Sure it'll have it's ups and downs, but they will pass. Something that works for me is setting a goal or objective to focus on for the day. That way when you reach it you have that accomplishment, you've progressed, without them. Today I'm moving some things into storage so I can eventually get out of this house we shared for 4+ years. It's making me feel good just to move on that little bit. I feel good and energized but know at some point I won't be as positive. And when I'm not I'll remind myself this is what's best and it will pass. We will not let them take anymore than they already have. You're better than than and certainly deserve better than him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 5, 2013 Author Share Posted April 5, 2013 You're feeling pretty sh*tty right now, in this moment. Today is still ahead of us and they're not worth giving the whole day away for. Sure it'll have it's ups and downs, but they will pass. Something that works for me is setting a goal or objective to focus on for the day. That way when you reach it you have that accomplishment, you've progressed, without them. Today I'm moving some things into storage so I can eventually get out of this house we shared for 4+ years. It's making me feel good just to move on that little bit. I feel good and energized but know at some point I won't be as positive. And when I'm not I'll remind myself this is what's best and it will pass. We will not let them take anymore than they already have. You're better than than and certainly deserve better than him. Thanks BH...I was frustrated this morning on my way to work..I had a early release from work today so im going to try and visit a friend from a city close to my own. I havent seen him in a while and hes beeb asking for me to visit him and meet his room mates Im going to try and make today work as best as possible 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Damaged23 Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Thanks BH...I was frustrated this morning on my way to work..I had a early release from work today so im going to try and visit a friend from a city close to my own. I havent seen him in a while and hes beeb asking for me to visit him and meet his room mates Im going to try and make today work as best as possible That's the spirit!! Hanging out with friends ALWAYS does it for me. Last Tuesday i was feeling like crap, decided to call my friend, got out of the house, and that was it! Had a pretty good night. I hope you're feeling better!! Hang in there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 6, 2013 Author Share Posted April 6, 2013 Well I just came home from seeing one of my friends who lives in a different city... And man..it didnt really help like I thought..I mean I got to meet his roommates (one of them was very cute but he has a gf) and I got to catch up a bit with him.. On the way home though..I teared up while on the free way I swear i literally feel like im facing an internal battle..half of me wants to give him up and let someone better in, and half of me misses him and wish he would come back..it truly is painful and hard and confusing.. I know people are tired of my sadness, but im honestly really trying... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blindhope Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Damn freeways, I feel your pain. I was driving home tonight and just got hit with a ton of bricks worth of sadness. After I've been doing so well too. But it just goes to show you everyone has those ups and downs. And a good day can turn around quickly, but also a bad one can too. It is really annoying though being emotionally connected to these people who treat us like dirt. So if you ever find a cure let me know. Hope there's more good days than bad in your near future! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Damaged23 Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 We're not tired of your sadness, we're here to help. Trust me, all of us are going through the same or something similar. Feeling sad is natural, don't be upset cause you broke down while driving back home; it happens!! But you'll see how little by little it starts getting better. You will probably cry again, but as time goes by it'll be less. Have faith! Things will get better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SendHope Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 Well I just came home from seeing one of my friends who lives in a different city... And man..it didnt really help like I thought..I mean I got to meet his roommates (one of them was very cute but he has a gf) and I got to catch up a bit with him.. On the way home though..I teared up while on the free way I swear i literally feel like im facing an internal battle..half of me wants to give him up and let someone better in, and half of me misses him and wish he would come back..it truly is painful and hard and confusing.. I know people are tired of my sadness, but im honestly really trying... Right there with you. There's nothing else for me to add. This whole thing is just exhausting. Just remember that you're not the only one going through this. If they can make it, there's no reason why you can't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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