My good days and bad days

[cavalier99]

Ha. Happy 6 months! I guess it is a type of anniversary to celebrate. lol

 

Mine was a week or so ago. Woohoo. Anyway i hope you are doing better! Im A OK and seem to be moving on. Rock On! Cav

[blindhope]

Seems like you've hit a rough patch and your mind keeps wandering down a path of what you've lost and could have been. But when you're hurting on this oddly enough your mind isn't helping you. You romanticize about everything. The good times stick out and the future full of bliss and excitement is what you envision.

 

But remind yourself what was tough as who he really is. Not who he acted like when everything was great, but who you saw him for at his worst. Don't just write it down, say it out load. Tell friends and family. Pick him apart for what his flaws are. Go back and read the post of when you had those moments of clarity. Then realize there are so many people who you haven't met yet, that will be better friends, boyfriends and more. Enjoy this time when you don't have a relationship responsibility to someone else. Find thing you enjoy, try new things and expand who you are.

 

Hope today's a better day.

[RiceaRoni]

Ha. Happy 6 months! I guess it is a type of anniversary to celebrate. lol

 

Mine was a week or so ago. Woohoo. Anyway i hope you are doing better! Im A OK and seem to be moving on. Rock On! Cav

 

We need to buy cake lol

 

Im doing a little better and im happy for you Cav

 

I think I read im Na's post that you're with this lantina girl now? How is it going with her?

[RiceaRoni]

Seems like you've hit a rough patch and your mind keeps wandering down a path of what you've lost and could have been. But when you're hurting on this oddly enough your mind isn't helping you. You romanticize about everything. The good times stick out and the future full of bliss and excitement is what you envision.

 

But remind yourself what was tough as who he really is. Not who he acted like when everything was great, but who you saw him for at his worst. Don't just write it down, say it out load. Tell friends and family. Pick him apart for what his flaws are. Go back and read the post of when you had those moments of clarity. Then realize there are so many people who you haven't met yet, that will be better friends, boyfriends and more. Enjoy this time when you don't have a relationship responsibility to someone else. Find thing you enjoy, try new things and expand who you are.

 

Hope today's a better day.

 

 

Not only a rough patch, but yesterday I read a thread somewhere on here about what a real relationship is like...how at first its the excitement, butterflies, always wanting to talk to them, etc; and at a certain point the excitement goes down, the butterflies disappear, and now you're left with your best friend and the person who you should continue to learn to love...

 

But forbthe most part when some people start to feel the loss of excitement thats when infidelity starts or when people leave one another for someone else..

 

Reading that hurt me for some reason...because it all made sense to me and it was how I was going about in my RS..yes the butterflies went away, but I still wanted to learn to love him and be with him..even without the excitement...but as for him he didnt understand thay, and decided to leave...

 

Im still upset, and sad...I almost wanted to contact him yesterday; but its been so long...I wouldnt know whay to say, and I remembered..he hasnt tried for me at all..

 

How have you been doing BH?

[RiceaRoni]

The type of pain ive been feeling is that pain/numbness when you feel like your stomach has dropped...when after its dropped, you then feel anxious or start to feel numbness throughout the body...almost yearning...

 

Then all my thoughts start to jumble through my mind, and I become sad because I know I would have been able to work on things with him and have something beautiful and successful..but the sad truth is that he didnt want the same, and I have to remind myself that...

 

It also hurts to know that after the BU he was hurting as much as I was...which led me to belive that we did have something real and he did still love me, but its also hard to belive that he still loved me when he got with someone new and they began confessing their love for one another.

[cavalier99]

We need to buy cake lol

 

Im doing a little better and im happy for you Cav

 

I think I read im Na's post that you're with this lantina girl now? How is it going with her?

 

Its going pretty good and it is scaring me. i just started to feel indifferent and now i have these love butterflies. i havent felt this in along time and the emotions are nice but im concerned that all my defenses are going to come crashing down and ill end up posting here about her.

 

I wasnt expecting this and was just getting used to being single. i guess im scared of getting hurt again. Im just going to try to keep an even keel and see what happens.

 

At least this has totally blown thoughts of my ex out of the water. they were going away anyway and this seems to be the knock out punch to that RS.

 

Anyway i guess i cant complain. It is better to feel this way than all effed up over my ex. i bet now is when she tries to contact me now that i dont care or want her back. lol Cav

Edited April 12, 2013 by cavalier99

[blindhope]

Not only a rough patch, but yesterday I read a thread somewhere on here about what a real relationship is like...how at first its the excitement, butterflies, always wanting to talk to them, etc; and at a certain point the excitement goes down, the butterflies disappear, and now you're left with your best friend and the person who you should continue to learn to love...

 

But forbthe most part when some people start to feel the loss of excitement thats when infidelity starts or when people leave one another for someone else..

 

Reading that hurt me for some reason...because it all made sense to me and it was how I was going about in my RS..yes the butterflies went away, but I still wanted to learn to love him and be with him..even without the excitement...but as for him he didnt understand thay, and decided to leave...

 

Im still upset, and sad...I almost wanted to contact him yesterday; but its been so long...I wouldnt know whay to say, and I remembered..he hasnt tried for me at all..

 

How have you been doing BH?

 

There is sooo much truth there. And know where you're coming from with the pain of separating that which you very committed to, when they weren't. It's like you were ready for the reality of a true and loving relationship, rather than that of the passion and lust of the "revelation" stage for lack of a better term. Both or ex's found that they were no longer in it for the love, the work and all the good that comes from that. They traded the future for the excitement of the future.

 

Something I'd guess that fights you is the same that pains me, timing. If our timing was on it would have been great and life long relationships. If we were just in the same place right now, and they didn't need to mature yet. Move past the superficial for the real.

 

It made me insane and try to rationalize how this would work in the end. But that can't be the mind set. As cliché and worn out as it is, you need to work on yourself. Get somewhere that you’re happy to be, and although your motivation HAS to be for you, but get to a place where they look back and realize how stupid they are, what they gave up. And when your there you’ll be strong enough to KNOW if they are worth it, or how much better you can and hopefully have done!

 

Thanks for asking about me. I am doing much better, and all I can call it is progress. I hope you can take something form this and helps you too!

 

A big turning point was talking out loud. I had kept most fact from my close friends and family. I had said my ex was having issues, went a little crazy etc. And sadly I feared if they knew the truth if (and at moments when) we got back together I'd forgive her but would they. So I withheld the big issues. I wanted to protect our future still. But I realized the more I talked and the more I actually began to blame her and call her on her faults the better I felt. I felt happiness if not for a few moments for the first time since she left. I felt hope in future relationships. That I no longer have to be with that girl I gave everything I had to. I can take that love back now; My heart was broken, but just like a broken bone it will heal.

 

I hope there is something in there that helps. And from your posts you have a lot to give someone else, so don't waste it on someone who can't return the favor. Don't wait around waiting for someone to become worthy of it.

 

Here's a little on my new point of view after being able to say things out loud to people. May help to try this too

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex-534.html#post4787310

Edited April 12, 2013 by blindhope

[na49]

I think this can help you RR. It helped me. I read it last night on facebook and just had to post it here.

 

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

 

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

 

Here's the answer.

 

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

 

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

 

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

 

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

 

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

 

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

 

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

 

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

 

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

 

Because (listen carefully to this):

 

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

 

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know

WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

 

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

 

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

 

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥

[RiceaRoni]

I think this can help you RR. It helped me. I read it last night on facebook and just had to post it here.

 

This is the article I was referring to in a previous post! Haha yeah..

 

The butterflies were gone in our relationship, but I still wanted to learn and love him...because I truly did.

[RiceaRoni]

Prom is tomorrow ..

 

I think my ex is going with his new gf...

 

He and I never even went together..

[McDonald]

Ew prom lol.i really disliked prom in highschool and am glad that phase is over haha

[RiceaRoni]

I feel bad tonight..

[blindhope]

I feel bad tonight..

 

Hate how it seems those moments will never completely disappear. The hold someone can have on you without saying a word. But it is not true. It will be overcome, it will fade slowly and eventually disappear. Life will replace the pain with good memories created with others.

 

He was a big part of your life and it will take time for your mind to relearn life without. But no one can take who you are away from you. And someday you'll be with someone who can't live without that you. Then you'll realize how lucky you are. How much this pain was worth moving on. How it made you a stronger person.

 

Get that mind occupied because the silence can be torture. Hope your night gets better.

[McDonald]

I feel bad tonight..

 

I cracked and looked at her fb today....

 

RR as long as you are not doing anything to set yourself back.. then let your emotions come, then let them go. They are natural. Dont make it harder on yourself like I have though by creating things that will add to the emotions.. like checking fb.

[na49]

Prom wasn't all that it was cracked up to be anyway. Blew way too much money on tuxedos that I wore once.

 

Anyway, like McDonald said, as long as you aren't doing anything to set yourself back, you're really in good shape. Hell even looking at his/her facebook isn't as bad as actually contacting them. The emotions will really come and go.

[RiceaRoni]

I feel better today thank you everyone who has been helping me

[AKisBaked]

RR you can still have a fun night regardless if you dont go with anyone or not. Not everyone who goes to Prom has a date. Obviously it would be more memorable but you shouldn't feel unhappy about going to it.

 

Just stay positive and ignore the negative things =)

[RiceaRoni]

Oh I graduated last year haha and my ex is still in hs...and my senior year I wanted to take him, but my mom didnt like him so she said no and wouldnt let me....I was crushed.

 

And I never got to have that experience with him and I was upset his new gf was able to experience it with him..

 

I still feel sad, but I think ill be oka

[RiceaRoni]

Do you think its true....that over time, exes try to come back?

I know I shouldnt obsess, but just a general question

[ThatJustHappened]

Mostly, no.

[blindhope]

I think it depends on the situation. But don't go there. When you lay out all the facts, is he worth it? Did he treat you like you deserve?

 

I know where you're coming from, and it's seems a given to think that. YOu know my story and I still hope that too. But I think most of that has to deal with the rejection.

 

It's like someone saying "Don't look down" and everyone always does. Except they say "I no longer want you and you can't have me" And all the sudden that's just what we want. Sorry didn't mean to sound harsh. But sit back, enjoy life. I suggest trying something new, something that will keep your mind occupied and it's nothing you have memories with him.

 

Time will pass and you will realize those who weren't worthy of your love aren't worthy to be thought of. It's very cliche but someone better will come along and you'll wonder why you ever gave him a second thought.

[AKisBaked]

Do you think its true....that over time, exes try to come back?

I know I shouldnt obsess, but just a general question

 

Oh I graduated last year haha and my ex is still in hs...and my senior year I wanted to take him, but my mom didnt like him so she said no and wouldnt let me....I was crushed.

 

And I never got to have that experience with him and I was upset his new gf was able to experience it with him..

 

I still feel sad, but I think ill be oka

 

Well there's not point in reminiscing on what happened a while ago and thinking about it. Because its just going to make you feel bad. What's the point now? RR sometimes theres things that you should just leave it alone and not overthink these things like this as an example. Like you over thinking how much "fun" your ex is having at prom with his girl is just going to make you feel like ****.

 

And how do you know that if he really enjoyed prom? Did you ask him? If you did, than that's probably why your feeling this way. Because your trying to keep tabs on him when you shouldn't But that is just an assumption on my end.

 

Listen... if its meant to be then the person will return to you... if its not then I would really just move on and not dwell on this person anymore because there's more important things, new things in life and experiences still awaiting you. Unless you want to hold onto this guy forever hoping he will come back then by all means hold onto that hope... but if you get disappointed, your only yourself to blame and your own actions that was keeping you in the past.

 

What im saying may sound a bit harsh, but its better to put your eggs into many baskets instead of just one...

[RiceaRoni]

Well there's not point in reminiscing on what happened a while ago and thinking about it. Because its just going to make you feel bad. What's the point now? RR sometimes theres things that you should just leave it alone and not overthink these things like this as an example. Like you over thinking how much "fun" your ex is having at prom with his girl is just going to make you feel like ****.

 

And how do you know that if he really enjoyed prom? Did you ask him? If you did, than that's probably why your feeling this way. Because your trying to keep tabs on him when you shouldn't But that is just an assumption on my end.

 

Listen... if its meant to be then the person will return to you... if its not then I would really just move on and not dwell on this person anymore because there's more important things, new things in life and experiences still awaiting you. Unless you want to hold onto this guy forever hoping he will come back then by all means hold onto that hope... but if you get disappointed, your only yourself to blame and your own actions that was keeping you in the past.

 

What im saying may sound a bit harsh, but its better to put your eggs into many baskets instead of just one...

 

No you're abosolutely right...and no I havent seen or talked to him in a long time..

Thanks for the tough love AK.

 

And thank you BH. You guys are both right...

 

Theres so much more to life to look forward to

[thefooloftheyear]

 

Theres so much more to life to look forward to

 

CHERISH that thought....You dont realize how lucky you really are...

 

Stay strong, kid..

 

TFOY

[AKisBaked]

The worst thing you can do is hold onto "false hope" and when you realize what you've been thinking all along is not what you were expecting, you will feel so disappointed and feel even worse. So the best thing is to not "hold on" when things have already been done.