What a mess I got into!

[gwennebe]

Hello everyone. It's been awhile since I've been posting reguarly but I have some new issues and I could use some opinions. I'm having major problems with my roomate and issues with the way I've been feeling and just don't know what to do anymore.

 

First off I just moved like 600 miles away from home about 5 months ago and it's a big lifestyle change and I think I'm still in the adjustment period or something. I love my job but I get so homesick all the time. I also have not lived with anyone else since I moved out of my parents house about 8 years ago and I feel a lot of the time that I am being smothered and that I am not getting enough space. My roomate also has a dog which I can not stand and he is constantly destroying something or barking all the time and I feel like she isn't taking enough responsibility for it.

 

My roomate is also about 20 years older than me and going through a divorce and although she is a sweet person she seems to be needy and clingy and acts like she can't ever be alone and I am the complete opposite and it hurts her feelings when I just want to lock myself in my room all day and not talk to anyone. I don't know if it is because I'm depressed I feel this way or not. I've been struggling with depression since I was a little kid.

 

To top it all off I've been gaining weight back after I lost 30 pounds, I've been drinking more and not handling my liquor and what I mean by that is getting mean sometimes when I drink which is what happened last night and my roomate and I got into a HUGE fight with broken glass and now I have a bruised knuckle. I just snapped finally because the other night I went out with a guy I have started dating and he ended up staying at our place on the Sofa because we didn't want him to drink and drive. Well it turns out the dog was in the living room bothering him and my roomate offers him to sleep in her bed so the dog doesn't bother him. Is it just me or am I wrong for thinking the dog is the one that should be put in the bedroom not the guy. Especially if your roomate is dating him and she's not even sleeping with him.

 

I know I should have handled this in a more mature way besides flipping out and starting a huge fight but I have been very discontent with things lately living with her and I haven't felt comoftable talking to her about them. So I don't know what to do. I guess we are going to try to talk about what happened but I just feel like giving up lately and just being alone and I don't know if feeling this way is normal or if I'm depressed again. I just can't tell this time.

 

So I guess I'm just looking for some opinions on my story. Thanks.

[EC]

The drinking is not good. Especially if your emotional and not able to handle your liquor. I really thionk you should ease up on that a bit. Sometime we want to be alone.

 

I dont think your so much depressed but homesick. Your living with this crazy woman and you miss being home. Hvae you visited since you moved? Do you have other friends where you live now besides your roomate?

 

I alos think that it was sooo wrong of her to ask the guy to go into her room. Shes going through a divorce and she is needy and clingy and looking for someone to fill that void and you brought a hunk over and she was all over that.

 

Did he go sleep in her room? Because if he did you need to get rid of him too. If your so unhappy there have you thought about moving out?

[gwennebe]

I have thought about moving out but we have a one year lease. I have visited home two times since I moved. It's just hard with the distance. I miss all of my old friends and it has been hard to make new ones where I am living now. The few people I have met just don't seem to be the type that would benefit my health and or well-being if you know what I mean.

 

The guy did sleep in her room and he told me about it the next day. I was asleep in my room and had the door locked and I didn't think I needed to be offering my bed to someone I hardly know yet ,so it was a little creepy for her to do it. She apologized and said she wasn't thinking straight and she was drunk and was only thinking of his comfort. WHATEVER. I did tell him I did not like that he did that and didn't want to see him anymore and he tried to make me feel like I was being stupid and irrational because nothing happened between them. I also found out she accepted a phone number of a guy that offered me his phone number the same night we were out one time. I was talking to him and then I went to the restroom and I guess the offered HER his number also. Yeah, he's obviously a creep but she could have told me right then or that night. It's been a month since that happened and I just found out yesterday! I would have told him to scr** himself.

 

She always bothers me 24/7 too. at work, at home. I mean she calls me at work on her days off about 3 or 4 times and sometimes stops in as often and I've even told her my boss didn't like it and she eased off for awhile but she's been doing it again now. She also holds it over my head that she has more money than me right now because of her settlement from divorce and she bought a computer and usually buys most of the groceries. I have never expected to eat any food she buys but she always cooks enough for two and I feel rude not eating and she usually gets pissed if I turn her down and say I will make something of mine. I don't know if I'm paranoid but I think she's trying to make me gain weight because she has gained 15 pounds in the last 5 months. I've gained 5 because I go to the gym reguarly.

 

She always buys me stuff too. Like clothes and little gifts and I think it's because she has 3 kids a son and twin daughters that are 18. Do you think she's trying to fill a void with me since I am young? I just feel it is unhealthy for me because I am in my late twenties and I don't feel comfortable when she does these things. Yet I am afraid to hurt her feelings. ughhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I told my boss what is going on and he was at least understanding and said he would help me out if I needed it. My mother tells me to just try to keep peace for now and save up some money so I can feel more secure.

[amerikajin]

Well, I know this falls into the no-s*** category, but you either need to find a way to live with each other or find a way to move.

 

The first thing you need to do is to control yourself. Drinking only aggravates the situation, so if you can't maintain control of your behavior when you drink, then don't drink.

 

You need to sit down and just talk about it. Maybe go out for a dr-- um, okay, go out for a steak dinner or something, and just have a meeting of the hearts and minds. Give her a heads up or something in advance and just tell her I think we should go out and get to know each other better and talk about some things. Do it in a non-threatening manner.

 

When you talk to her, just tell her what's on your mind, but do it in a way that is sensitive to her feelings. And when you're finished, give her a chance to speak, and listen.

 

If that doesn't solve the problem and you find yourself spinning wheels, then you two need to agree that one of you has to find a replacement roommate. If you get a replacement roommate, make sure you talk to the landlord and negotiate so that you get his/her name on the lease and take yours off. Otherwise, if they bail or destroy the apartment, you're still responsible for it.