ceres12 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 My husband is sadly been deployed to Iraq, that means i can go home for the holidays for as many months as i like to spend time with the family. My mother though is a very difficult individual, she always makes me feel inferior criticizes my every move, always idolizes my older brother (even though i am doing wayyyyyyyy better) and constantly undermines me. She does love me and wouldnt mind me going home but i just can't stand one more second of her treating me like the kid i am obviously not. I have done so well, my husband is amazing we have our home everything is great in my life. She is very difficult, also i absoloutely HATE my brother's wife, the whole family does but my parents obviously kiss my brother's ass till they can't no more and hers as well. I am very blunt i have no problem in telling the witch off in front of my brother when nobody else stands up for themselves sence my brother is the holy grail of the house and everybody pretty much worships him. I just feel like i would rather be alone for the holidays than deal with all this nonsense, but i really really want to see my grandparents i love them to death and they are the world to me but i can't take the fakeness. Should i just tell my mom i am not going home for the holidays because for one i do not want to even bump into my brother's wife (me and her had a bad history) and two i rather spend that tremendous expense of flying over 24 hrs and just stay home and wait for my husband to go on vacation after he comes home next year? I just got stationed here last november so i haven't been on this base that long away from home anyway. My mom will still criticize me and say am going to be alone depressed for the new years ect blah blah....agh she is so frustrating!! any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 what holidays are you refering to? you know it is April, right? If you don't like being around them, get a hotel for a few days, stop by for dinner and to see your grandparents and then do your own thing and come home. and yes, spending a holiday alone does suck. I spent the Christmas of '09 alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ceres12 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Share Posted April 3, 2013 I know it is early but i live in Asia and i have to plan ahead of time to get a cheap ticket back home otherwise it will be over 2,000$. I can't get it last minute and it is already certain that my husband is leaving to Iraq, so just planning months in advance to get a cheap flight. Also if am going to spend that money i will mostly likely stay for more than a month since it costs the same amount roundtrip regardless of a month or two weeks. I know it will be depressing spending new years alone specially with my husband so far away. But my mother is so difficult and critizes everything, my grandparents really want me to go, i spoke with my grandmother and she tells me "so we have to suffer for her actions", she really misses me and wants to see me. I dont know what to do. My mother is extremely difficult, and it seems like a burden for me to go because she always flaunts about how they will travel here and there and it feels as though i will ruin their plans or what not i honestly feel like am in the way obviously they wont say. But for instance if my brother invites them over (he lives elsewhere) they are going to go which i guess is why she is iffy about me going home, like she asked me are you going to come via text and i said maybe not sure yet and she never responded me back in three days. My mother flaunts about traveling but not once has mentioned to come visit me in my home yet she says she wants to travel this summer to a nearby country from mines like really?? When her daughter is miles from home and she wont bother to visit me. Also, i told her to come visit me that way i can show her around because it is absolutely beautiful here and she is like its too far blah blah blah and i bet if it were my brother no questions asked. So i dont know if i even want to go home. I sometimes want to express my concerns but she will just ignore them and treat me like a child. Link to post Share on other sites
Msrxchef Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Do what you think will make you happiest. To me it sounds like not going to see your family may be best for you. Unless you feel the need to really see the family idk why because the holiday season is pretty much over... Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 (edited) Don't bother spending holidays with dysfunctional family. I do not spend holidays with mine unless we cannot get out of it at the last minute. My family moans and discusses me but that is fine. I don't need their poison. Edited April 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Calvin's wagon Posted April 9, 2013 Share Posted April 9, 2013 Hi! Ceres12, first of all, I would strongly advise you to read a book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward (available online in PDF 4 free, if you google it). It's extremely helpful (it was to me in my dealing with my parents & other relatives) and from your description I think it will be very relevant not just for this question, but for the future as well! Given how much has passed, I think the holidays are probably already over, but I still hope you'll read this post. If the question is still relevant, please let me know and I'll reply! Best of wishes to you and your family! Link to post Share on other sites
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