6 months of NC, from bad to worse...

[Sailynn]

Six months ago, my ex-GF broke off with me by casting the blame game. I didn't accept her judgements and went ahead and accepted her ending to the relationship. I've had no contact with her since.

 

After nearly six months, I've run into her a couple of times at my health club and it seems she is even angrier at me than ever before. She can't even speak to me to say hello, look at me in the eye, acknowledge me, spit on me, or whatever. She makes it a point of going over to the badmitton courts and flirting with the players, but no one pays attention to her. I have caught her getting brief glances at me (there are mirrors and at just the right angle.......you get the picture).

 

How could NC could have caused this?

I'm wondering if she's miserable and she's blaming it on me?

Is she scared to engage me?

Is she so totally insecure she can't look at me?

Is she guilty and ashamed of something?

I'm wondering if she now hates me because I haven't contacted her?

I have no clue.

 

Hey, I know I shouldn't worry about it, however, I am quite curious as to what makes a person tick. I've never encountered this before and quite to this degree.

[Fayebelle]

Why did you break up? "Casting the blame game" didn't really explain.

[mighty bop]

FIrst of all, what does NC mean? North Carolina where you are from or "no contact"? Why does it seem like she is angrier at you now? I mean, if she isn't even speaking to you, how do you know? Is this an on again off again thing? If it is she is merely playing some kinda game. If not, she is trying to make you jealous or something. Fayebelle is right, you need to tell us more.

 

Chris

[Sailynn]

NC means no contact. A notion that is promoted here on this site and directs us to have no contact with the person that ended the relationship.

 

The reason for the breakup: I was taking some classes a couple nights a week plus, there was one week where I had business meetings, classes and I was absent and she felt neglected, so she broke up with me, blamed me for being self-centered, telling me I was untrustworthy, blaming me for not attending, get this, future events we were planning and bringing up things from months and years ago.

 

I told her I loved her and apologized for the interferences of that particular week and that it was over, but she said her feelings had changed, she no longer loved me and couldn't be friends and did not want to date anymore.

So, I expressed my sadness but that I would respect her wishes and I stood and said good-bye and left and have had no contace since.

[Merin]

How could NC could have caused this?

 

Nobody wants to feel insignificant, even if it was them who initiated the break up she probably thought you would still call her.

 

I'm wondering if she's miserable and she's blaming it on me?

 

She may be unhappy who knows, but she probably does have some baggage from this relationship and maybe she feels she just didn't get the closure she wanted.

 

Is she scared to engage me?

 

Probably not scared, more like pissed off and she doesn't want you to think she misses you.

 

Is she so totally insecure she can't look at me?

 

I don't think it's uncommon after an ugly break up for one or the other person to not want to make direct eye contact not out of insecurity but just out of not wanting that other person to again "think" we might miss them.

 

Is she guilty and ashamed of something?

 

It's been 6 months, she doesn't have any reason to feel guilty or ashamed, you said she blamed you for the end of the relationship, so I stick with she is pissed.

 

I'm wondering if she now hates me because I haven't contacted her?

 

I don't know that she hates you because you haven't contacted her, however I do think that she feels you must not have cared for her the way you had once said otherwise you would have fought for the relationship. She probably thinks it was pretty easy for you to just walk away from it, and that i'm sure hurt her and made her angry. Relationships are a emotional investment, and maybe she has resentment that she didn't get returned to her what she felt she invested.

 

I have no clue.

 

LOL her sentiments regarding you exactly i'm sure!

 

When a relationship ends bad there are bound to be hurt feelings you know? I think that we have certain expectations of our ex's and obviously two people were not on the same page to begin with or things wouldn't have ended, but it is still interesting how we will STILL expect our ex to know how we wanted them to handle the breakup.

[Fayebelle]

She seems very insecure and thought that by "breaking up" she could get the attention she desired. She was prob hurt at the thought that you didn't need her and now you have proved it. Her ultimatum backfired.

[Sailynn]

I can probably say for certain that she felt neglected and that she was not a priority in my life when I became quite busy for a couple of weeks. But I was taking a class to improve myself and improve my status at my career and bring her home a more secure and happy man.

 

I have social friends and I had been invited to go golfing, to go sailing and to attend a college reunion. She became very upset and stated that I should go with my friends so I could have more fun. I offered assurance after assurance to her that I had not accepted the invitations and wanted to be with her. I hugger her, stroked her and reassured her. She started complaining that we were not arguing about this. I retorted that there was no need to argue over something when I had offered promises to her.

 

You know, evidently, she wanted to break up for quite some time, and this was an opportune moment and there was enough happening that she could blame me for it. I think she may have had other offers from another guy. However, if that was the case, I haven't seen about town with anyone and she sure is looking hard for someone at the health club.

 

I honestly think she wanted me to chase her down after she broke up with her because she had done this to me before and each time, I went back with gifts and such. This time, I simply did not chase her down. It was a very difficult thing to do to maintain the no contact rule.

[Merin]

"I honestly think she wanted me to chase her down after she broke up with her because she had done this to me before and each time, I went back with gifts and such. This time, I simply did not chase her down. It was a very difficult thing to do to maintain the no contact rule."

 

 

That is EXACTLY what she wanted you to do. She ran this game on you before, and in the past she always got the response she was looking for. This time she didn't, so now she is pissed, has regret and like Faybelle said it backfired.

[aFighter]

It's been 3 months since my bust-up & I pray to God that she never ever contacts me again. I feel everyday of not seeing/hearing from her is a gift after what she did. When one of my pals asked me if I was ever going to talk to her again I told them flat out not if I can help it. The level of hurt she caused and the depth of burning hate towards them both that I feel would make the sun pale in comparison.

You get the picture

[Sailynn]

Thank you all. I've received a few revelations from this discussion and it really helps.

 

When we first broke up, she sent me e-mail messages telling me she was praying for me and wishing me well and all that kind of stuff. Almost kind hearted. Now, months later, I get the indifference heaped my way. Evidently, I didn't do what she wanted me to do, she's pissed at me, and must be trying to punish me. It's funny that she's the one acting like the one who has been rejected. She wants her pound of flesh and she's not getting it.

 

I just can't believe that she is showing up at my club when I'm there just for her health. She is not even involved in the scheduled classes and is there to just free exercise, so she could come anytime. Somewhere in there, there is a little motivation on her part to torment me.

 

Oh well, move on. I can't control how someone feels about me. Others like me just fine and we smile and laugh. I'll go with that.

[Fayebelle]

Good for you! Look to your future- you don't need her childish games.

[netrie]

Originally posted by Sailynn

The reason for the breakup: I was taking some classes a couple nights a week plus, there was one week where I had business meetings, classes and I was absent and she felt neglected, so she broke up with me, blamed me for being self-centered, telling me I was untrustworthy, blaming me for not attending, get this, future events we were planning and bringing up things from months and years ago.

 

I told her I loved her and apologized for the interferences of that particular week and that it was over, but she said her feelings had changed, she no longer loved me and couldn't be friends and did not want to date anymore.

So, I expressed my sadness but that I would respect her wishes and I stood and said good-bye and left and have had no contace since.

 

It sounds like you are more mature emotionally than she is---If you are telling me the truth. How old are you both?

 

Netalia

[Sailynn]

I'm 51, she's 45.

 

I have no reason, whatsoever, to make this up. I have posted MY reality on this site because it helps me because I want to heal and you and all of the responders have been wonderful.

 

Of course, I am wise enough to know there are two sides to every story. I can clearly see why she felt taken for granted and neglected during my busy week. I take responsibility for that. I have replayed the entire relationship in my head and I've discovered my contributions and causes. I'm working on those. She sometimes had similar busy times over the 2.5 years we dated, but I didn't freak oif feel unloved.