He makes me cry, I'm not happy

[Prettybones]

I have been "seeing" this guy on and off for almost 8 months now. We broke it off awhile ago and decided to be just friends. Then I found out he had a girlfriend the entire time and was seeing other women and he begged me to come back so we could talk about it. I had a feeling that was going on but never trusted my gut. Now, after all the other women are gone I stick around thinking he'd change. Things are good and he'll be sweet and then the next day he'll be a total dick to me. I'm getting the feeling he starts being a dick to me when he's feeling guilty about doing something shady. I don't trust him and he's probably going behind my back again. All in all its a dysfunctional relationship but I can't break free from it and walk away because I'd rather put up with it than be alone. I know my issues but I'm scared to walk away.

 

This is really bad, but yesterday I hung out with him and out of nowhere he socked me in the arm (no joke). I was literally sitting there in shock for like 10 minutes and he said nothing. I have a huge bruise now. Pretty sure this is some form of emotional abuse/physical (obviously). He'll "joke" around and call me names and treats me bad. Our whole relationship is about sex. Sometimes he isn't like that, so I guess I'm hanging on to the good things, which are rare. I don't know what his game is. But lately I'm getting more depressed, crying more, and just worrying about nothing.

 

Right now I'm in a really depressed mood about something he said over a text. All he does is bring me down. On top of it, a few weeks ago one of my best friends stopped talking to me and I don't think we're going to be friends anymore. I think I've been depending on him to fill that hole and obviously its bringing me down more. I'm in too deep and I don't know what to do now. How do I save my self respect and self esteem and walk away?

[ltjg45]

You didn't call the police on that loser? He should be arrested for abuse esp. since you got physical proof of it.

 

If not, you need to.

 

Also, get rid of that piece of trash and move on.

[Crila16]

Wow...and this is only the beginning. My boyfriend has never ever laid a hand on me. Not ever, except to hug and kiss me...and other fun stuff. Never violent. This man has violent tendencies. You want to save your self respect, walk away now. He's text book emotionally/physically abusive person. If you don't walk away now, he's going to think that you'll allow this bad behavior and it will only get worse. Run...don't walk away from this creep.

[stillafool]

Why are you putting up with him? Move on already, it's spring!

[Toddbt12y1]

A relationship is one built upon the things that can make both partners happy.

 

With this said, what you happen to have: Is an abusive Relationship(I am aware you already know). This scum, as is any guy who hits a woman, or abuses them......Does not love nor care for you, and is using you at his whim.

 

You have literally become his punching bag, emotionally and physically. Why do you tolerate it? I understand you said, "fear of being alone." But being alone is a much better option to this, and even then, you wouldn't be alone forever. He keeps coming back because he can, you are his doormat.

 

Be a respectable woman, and tell him that you are no longer going to be seeing him, get a restraining order against him, as well. Never know what creeps like him will do. You've developed a co-dependance on him, and maybe to this abuse, and or, are afraid of leaving him due to said abuse. I am no expert, but there are plenty of people on here, who can help you.

 

Either-way, you have to respect yourself, and being alone, with diginity, and without bruises covering your body, is infinitely better than being with someone like this. You are a woman, and you need to handle this like a woman. He is scum, and he will not change: He will keep mistreating you, cheating on you, and abusing you. That is what it means to be a doormat.

 

Do this: Text him, that you and him are no longer together, and that if he bothers you even once, you will have the LAW involved, as you are thoroughly done with his trashy abuse of you, and lack of respect! Do not go and see him; do not give in to his "sweet talk" to have you back, or to meet-up, stay away from him. No good can come of this...

 

Do not meet-him for one last time, before breaking up. Break-up safely over a text. Anyone that will hit you like this, will do worse, if emotionally disturbed...I hope other posters can better shine in on this for you.

[pteromom]

Aiii! Get away from him!!!! Being alone is better than being sad and confused.

[Toddbt12y1]

Seriously, he needs his ass kicked for abusing you like this. Do you have any guy friends to beat his ass? Family? Well, I would say to do this...Really, he should just be executed and save the future women he meets trouble; scum like him cannot profit the world, right? As I once said: Some people should not be allowed to live, and he is one of those people...all too common for women these days to undergo such horrifics.

 

But that is bad advice, to tell you to have his ass beat. Better to call the law, and you will probably need a restraining order...

[todreaminblue]

I have been "seeing" this guy on and off for almost 8 months now. We broke it off awhile ago and decided to be just friends. Then I found out he had a girlfriend the entire time and was seeing other women and he begged me to come back so we could talk about it. I had a feeling that was going on but never trusted my gut. Now, after all the other women are gone I stick around thinking he'd change. Things are good and he'll be sweet and then the next day he'll be a total dick to me. I'm getting the feeling he starts being a dick to me when he's feeling guilty about doing something shady. I don't trust him and he's probably going behind my back again. All in all its a dysfunctional relationship but I can't break free from it and walk away because I'd rather put up with it than be alone. I know my issues but I'm scared to walk away.

 

This is really bad, but yesterday I hung out with him and out of nowhere he socked me in the arm (no joke). I was literally sitting there in shock for like 10 minutes and he said nothing. I have a huge bruise now. Pretty sure this is some form of emotional abuse/physical (obviously). He'll "joke" around and call me names and treats me bad. Our whole relationship is about sex. Sometimes he isn't like that, so I guess I'm hanging on to the good things, which are rare. I don't know what his game is. But lately I'm getting more depressed, crying more, and just worrying about nothing.

 

Right now I'm in a really depressed mood about something he said over a text. All he does is bring me down. On top of it, a few weeks ago one of my best friends stopped talking to me and I don't think we're going to be friends anymore. I think I've been depending on him to fill that hole and obviously its bringing me down more. I'm in too deep and I don't know what to do now. How do I save my self respect and self esteem and walk away?

 

 

I put up with a lot in my last relationship........cheating bad treatment the guy being a dick......because they werent all bad times there were good times in there.......

 

 

 

after saying about the good times i wish i had this photo i could show you.....taken at a place called australias wonderland with a koala...it was just over a year into our relationship that spanned fifteen years...

 

i was pushed into this photo with a fuzzy koala... by the handlers.......practically and literally pushed into it.......i hate my photo taken.......there is a moral to this story just for you, bear with me......

 

 

the photo was of a idealistic girl who hadnt eaten in days holding a koala with heavy makeup on that didnt cover all the bruises on her face, two horrid black eyes, bruises on cheekbones, on her arms, or her neck........the koala looked depressed.... as i handed the koala back.....the handler said to me when you get the photo i want you to keep it, and take it out often until you leave him........i looked over at my partner he wasnt smiling.....i thought ....oh crap he is pissed....shouldnt have had the photo done......i heard what the handler said.....but i worried about what my partner was going to say to me more....

 

now, if i had left him all the way back then i wouldnt have three beautiful girls....and as i said it wasnt all bad........there were good times where he wasnt a dick.....was it worth me staying....yes it was..i used to love him and i had three girls thats the full extent or the product of a fifteen year relationship.......its over now, though has been for years, he left em for an affair....my loyalty stood simply for the the grace of god and what he has given me and my girls........

 

 

 

you need to decide what you will and wont allow to happen to you.....and realize it can get a lot worse, that confusion you feel.....will only intensify.........the one punch to the arm.....see my snapshot above....that could be you holding that koala, i stayed in a relationship for all my twenties half of my thirties .......with a guy who didnt love me.......do you want that snap shot? will it be worth it ....for you.....only you can answer that....deb

[sweetkiwi]

I was in this relationship. Except my abuser told me he loved me and used my weakness for children as leverage. I stayed for many reasons. The most powerful being the bond I had with his child.

 

These men DO NOT get better. You need to get far far away from this man and get yourself some help for your issues so this isn't a recurring theme in your life.

 

I wish you strength and conviction. You'll need them.

[InJest]

He treats you like **** because he doesn't want you, but doesn't have anything else going at the moment. He is probably disgusted that you accept his behavior, and sees you as deserving of it. Maybe that's just me projecting though..

[ascendotum]

He treats you like **** because he doesn't want you, but doesn't have anything else going at the moment. He is probably disgusted that you accept his behavior, and sees you as deserving of it. Maybe that's just me projecting though..

 

I suspect it could be along these lines too, having seen a couple of relationships like this. OP what was your reaction when he punched you in the arm? Were you just quiet and accepting of it, because that's not going to inspire him in the least to be good to you. There is no way you should let him know this "I can't break free from it and walk away because I'd rather put up with it than be alone" because he will continue the love/hate and will continue to screw other girls on the side. As the others have said you are better off being single than being in a toxic relationship...so much better. I don't think there is the need to get cops involved or have others beat your bf. Just walk away. Tell you have found someone better and then go NC.

[Prettybones]

I suspect it could be along these lines too, having seen a couple of relationships like this. OP what was your reaction when he punched you in the arm? Were you just quiet and accepting of it, because that's not going to inspire him in the least to be good to you. There is no way you should let him know this "I can't break free from it and walk away because I'd rather put up with it than be alone" because he will continue the love/hate and will continue to screw other girls on the side. As the others have said you are better off being single than being in a toxic relationship...so much better. I don't think there is the need to get cops involved or have others beat your bf. Just walk away. Tell you have found someone better and then go NC.

 

I was extremely pissed and shocked and asked him, "what the f*** was that for?!" He pretty much said nothing. Everything he does is covered up as a joke. I feel like I've been doing this so long that it's an addiction/bad habit.

[Mantha03]

I have been through a bad relationship myself he was extremely jealous, insecure and controlling. I lost my job, best friend, all my friends actually, my apartment and almost my family. He would cover up his insults and verbal abuse as if it were a joke it drove me crazy. I was miserable nervous wreck all the time who could not bare the thought of being alone or without him forever because everytime I tried to leave I would focus on the good times.

 

There is no right way to do it or right time to wait for. You just have to do it drop him like a bad habit, cold turkey. Keep yourself busy, very busy work, school, family whatever. If your afraid of being alone then don't be try to be around a friend or family member as much as possible. Turn off your phone, leave it at home, change your number. When you start to miss him think of all the bad things, everytime you cried, all the hurt. As the days pass you will start to feel better in the sense of not being upset all the time and not being stressed. Yeah sure, you may get lonely but would you really rather put up with him then be alone? You have to learn to be content alone as well as being content with another person. You come into this world alone and you leave alone all the time in between is precious.

 

It's hard, very hard to leave an unhealthy relationship, it shouldn't be but it is. People will sit there and say thet don't understand why it's so hard for you to leave but that's just it they don't understand; especially if they have never been in a similar situation. The only way to get away and stay away is no contact at all and keep yourself busy. Good luck and stay strong. Time heals all, the trick is to let time do its job.

Edited April 3, 2013 by Mantha03

[geegirl]

I was extremely pissed and shocked and asked him, "what the f*** was that for?!" He pretty much said nothing. Everything he does is covered up as a joke. I feel like I've been doing this so long that it's an addiction/bad habit.

 

We can all share our similar stories with you and tell you this is toxic for you. You identify it is dysfunctional and you acknowledge that you have issues. You state that you've lost your self-respect and self-esteem.

 

With that said, you know what you need to do. Only you can redeem yourself from this. We can't find your self-esteem and self-respect for you. It would be a different story if you are blinded by your situation, with everyone hammering you about how wrong this is. You already know it's wrong and you know he is bad for you.

 

You're too afraid to be alone so you put up with abuse. Best to be alone than to be abused.

 

It's a choice, Prettybones. You can choose to sit in your bubble, hiding from your fears and while doing that, diminishing yourself to nothing. Or you can choose to feel the discomfort of being alone, using that time to help redevelop your sense of self and in time, actually liberate yourself from being indefinitely crippled and emotionally dependent on someone else. It's a choice.

[jennaflorrie]

Please please please listen to me and take my advice.

 

Run. Dont walk. Run.

 

I have been in your shoes....22 years ago....and I should have left then.

 

But I didnt, because he was always sorry, and the sex was nice. And he could be kind. And his puppy dog eyes, made me thing AWWWWWWWWW he is ok, we will be ok.

 

The road you are on is ROCKY. Its hard. Its lonely, its miserable. Get off it.

 

Just go.

[spiderowl]

I am very sorry to hear of your situation. I can imagine it must be terribly painful.

 

You already know his behaviour is unacceptable. The trouble with an abusive relationship is that:

 

- there are some good times and this leaves you feeling confused about what you want (you are pulled and pushed at the same time)

- the abusive person's behaviour demoralises and before long you begin to wonder if there isn't something about you that causes it. You think no desirable/good/confident woman would ever be treated like that and so because you are, you are therefore undesirable/unworthy/lacking confidence and self-respect. People unwittingly add to this internal self-denigration by saying 'why do you put up with it?' and you feel even worse.

 

You need to realise that feeling depressed and unworthy doesn't actually make you so. These are feelings that have been triggered by his lousy behaviour and, in a different relationship, you would be completely the opposite. You are not the unworthy one in this situation.

 

I suspect that, partly, the fear of being alone is made worse because you have come to feel so unworthy. The internal reasoning goes 'If he won't treat me well, who would?'. 'If he thinks I'm deserving of abuse, then maybe I am so I wouldn't ever meet anyone else. I'll be alone forever.' and so on. You need to get out of the situation, find a place of safety, refresh those friendships that matter to you and gradually you will start to feel better and realise that the situation itself was what was dragging you down.

 

Just out of curiosity, why did your best friend stop talking to you? Could it be that he/she was trying to persuade you to leave, supporting you while you struggled with this, and then eventually couldn't bear to see you continue in that situation? If that's the case (and I might be way of the mark), this is a strong sign that you need to act and get out. Your friends have seen the need, but can't help you if you won't take action yourself. Seek out the support of a women's refuge as they can help psychologically and maybe even with finding you somewhere to live and putting a restraining order in place.