Author steveT95 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 In two and a half hours it will be 36 hours no contact. I'm almost back at the point of no contact that I was before. I think I can do it this time. I am slowly building myself up again and feel a bit better already. I am worried about how I will feel tomorrow because it would be our 6th 'monthiversary' so that may be tough. But, it is also then exactly one month until my 18th! Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 I am now nearly at 48 hours NC. Tough ol' day but getting better. Can't really talk about things to my mum anymore because she's getting more stressed than I am. Been talking to Dad but which helps because I manage to highlight all the negatives. Feeling a bit better today, although a little bitter but I don't mind that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 8, 2013 Author Share Posted April 8, 2013 Oh, and I also threw a christmas card and valentines day card in the bin. I found it really tough and almost didn't but realised if I did keep them it would be clinging on to the past hoping for something that would not come. Proud of that step if I'm honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 9, 2013 Author Share Posted April 9, 2013 Now at the longest point of no contact that I have achieved. Nearly 72 hours. Longest amount of time in over 6 months. I feel complete crap but have no desire to contact her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 I am considering getting a lift down to her place today to drop off her stuff. Else we would be leaving it until this time next week and that would mean doing it after or during college. If I go down today I can return stuff and if I feel like breaking down straight away I can because I can get straight in my car. I really don't care about my stuff but want hers out of my house. Chance are I will see her or end up talking to her so I won't to get it done sooner rather than later so I can get back on top with NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Urgh she has text. I shall reply so she is less p*ssed off when I turn up tomorrow at her house. No contact broken at 90 hours no contact Feeling so weak at the moment! I am miserable! She text asking if I still have a drawing she did for me at christmas. It is an amazing drawing and doesn't really bother me or make me think of her much so I will be keeping it on my wall. I spent the majority or the day hating her, reinforcing my thoughts about her with more thoughts about how bad she is (most exaggerate) but this evening things have happened that made me want to just talk to her normally. I miss her hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Urgh she has text. I shall reply so she is less p*ssed off when I turn up tomorrow at her house. No contact broken at 90 hours no contact Feeling so weak at the moment! I am miserable! She text asking if I still have a drawing she did for me at christmas. It is an amazing drawing and doesn't really bother me or make me think of her much so I will be keeping it on my wall. I spent the majority or the day hating her, reinforcing my thoughts about her with more thoughts about how bad she is (most exaggerate) but this evening things have happened that made me want to just talk to her normally. I miss her hugs. Do not reply. Leave her things at her doorstep and the painting and let it be. Who cares if she is pissed off? You won't see her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Well, I replied. It was okay actually because I started missing her and she was all bitchy and trying to be controlling about when I dropped her stuff off. It just made me think of the actual reasons why I should be glad that I am free and has set me in a slightly better mood. Although, I'm guessing it is just a wave that will pass. She will get her stuff, whether she is in or not, it will be left on her doorstep. She can burn my stuff for all I care. And the painting? That is mine! haha who would give away a picture of Micheal C hall!!! Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Well, I replied. It was okay actually because I started missing her and she was all bitchy and trying to be controlling about when I dropped her stuff off. It just made me think of the actual reasons why I should be glad that I am free and has set me in a slightly better mood. Although, I'm guessing it is just a wave that will pass. She will get her stuff, whether she is in or not, it will be left on her doorstep. She can burn my stuff for all I care. And the painting? That is mine! haha who would give away a picture of Micheal C hall!!! As in Dexter? Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Yes!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 Yes!!!! Love me my Dexter too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 (edited) What? haha I'm going to make a dexter thread because I love it so much! And that way this one won't go off topic. Geegirl, go forth to the water cooler and tell me what you think of Hannah McKay!!! :-P (if you want to) lol I just geeked myself Edited April 10, 2013 by steveT95 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 10, 2013 Share Posted April 10, 2013 What? haha I'm going to make a dexter thread because I love it so much! And that way this one won't go off topic. Geegirl, go forth to the water cooler and tell me what you think of Hannah McKay!!! :-P (if you want to) lol I just geeked myself Hannah annoys me! I wish he killed her off that time so we can move on to next love interest! I can't wait to see cat fight between her and Debra! Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 10, 2013 Author Share Posted April 10, 2013 Back on topic, I just made a profile on a dating website, maybe I am not ready but it will be nice to start chatting to some new gals, I am quite excited by the prospect of it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Went down to drop off her stuff and got mine. Felt kind of better for it although I feel worse now. I've not done a good thing, not at all, I text her trying to start an argument. I have been so angry with her these past few days that I have had a constant headache. I just need an outlet. I know an argument was a bad idea. I feel terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 11, 2013 Share Posted April 11, 2013 (edited) Went down to drop off her stuff and got mine. Felt kind of better for it although I feel worse now. I've not done a good thing, not at all, I text her trying to start an argument. I have been so angry with her these past few days that I have had a constant headache. I just need an outlet. I know an argument was a bad idea. I feel terrible. Well, that's finally over. Baby steps eventhough it hurts like hell. I know. After I returned my ex's stuff, the finality hit me like a ton of bricks. I hit rock bottom again. What's the point in starting an argument? I know you have much anger, but you have to channel it elsewhere. It's like you trying to put out a fire with fire. It's only going to ignite more bad feelings and tomorrow, two days from now, you'll be back again where you started, with no resolve for the hurt and injustice you feel. Stop reacting. When you react on emotion, nothing good will come off it. When you feel like reacting -- step back, go into a quiet space, breathe, center yourself, think calmly and rationalize in your head as though you are speaking to yourself looking from the outside as to why, how, what, don't, should, etc. Emotionally driven gets you over the cliff and down into a puff of smoke. Visualize Wiley Coyote everytime you want to go off on her. Edited April 11, 2013 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 Wiley Coyote! Seriously the mention of him just saved me. That is awesome advice. The argument is done. I ended up looking the fool. I regret it but at least it is out in the open. When I left her place it hadn't hit me, when I started the argument, it hadn't hit me. But now... now it is hitting me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author steveT95 Posted April 11, 2013 Author Share Posted April 11, 2013 1 hour NC. We both apologised for the argument. I really didn't want to end things bitter. I am missing our chat so much at the moment. If I focus on the bad stuff I don't miss her but get angry. If I don't focus on anything I miss her like crazy. I can't find the happy middle Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted April 14, 2013 Share Posted April 14, 2013 I feel your pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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