Difference between men's and women's attraction

[Emilia]

Of course, hundreds of female posters have read my OP by now, and any of a number could have shut me up by saying, "Oh. I think little average looking Asian guys and geeky skinny Indian dudes, or guys below 5'7" are smoking hot all the time."

 

But that hasn't happened. Instead what do you hear? A guy can make up for his lack of looks by _____, _____, etc, etc, etc.

 

I, along with other female posters, have stated from time to time that height does not matter to me, in fact I like men my height (5'6'') because I just tend to notice them more than taller ones. I think it's the eyes at my eye level that I get drawn to. I just tend to spot men when I look around who meet my gaze and who are at my height. Just the way it is. Especially when they have an intense gaze.

 

However I don't care for skinny Indian or skinny White or skinny Black dudes because I don't care for skinny dudes. Go to the gym. Easy.

[Lonely Ronin]

90% of men in their 20's are way too shallow and selfish for me.

Narcissism is the new social style. Id rather be alone honestly. I like being single and not having to tend to a man's needs and deal with his bull****

 

 

I'm chocking to death on your hypocrisy.........

[Mme. Chaucer]

That's the problem. You are talking about pure looks when women's attraction is based on SO much more. More meaning "in addition to pure looks". Of course pure looks can generate instant attraction in women--but it only explains a small part of the world of women's attraction.

 

Men who understand the world of women's attraction do just fine.

 

And this team of groaners won't believe us no matter how many hundreds of times we say this. And they won't believe the men who understand women's attraction, either.

 

It seems that they prefer to remain lonely groaners.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I get dates very easily. Men are just too shallow and looks obsessed for me.

 

The fact that you just RATED me proves that.

 

It only "proves" something about that individual poster. Look at his posting history and get an idea of whom you're dealing with. Not exactly a representation of "men." Just a member of "Team Groaner" here on LS.

 

90% of men in their 20's are way too shallow and selfish for me.

Narcissism is the new social style. Id rather be alone honestly.

 

Seriously. Stop. Do you realize that you are just playing the same sick game as "Team Groaner" when you make these sweeping generalizations? You have NO IDEA about 90% of men in their 20's. I agree that people in their 20's often lack depth. Women included. Often. That's all.

 

If you feel better on your own right now, that is valid. I'm not telling you to go out an date. But you are far too young, smart, attractive and funny to become the female mascot of Team Groaner.

[miss_jaclynrae]

You're an exception to the rule.

 

I'd go as far as to say you are THE exception to the rule. The chances of that type of guy running across a woman like you might be the same as being hit in the head with a coconut by a monkey.

 

Of course, hundreds of female posters have read my OP by now, and any of a number could have shut me up by saying, "Oh. I think little average looking Asian guys and geeky skinny Indian dudes, or guys below 5'7" are smoking hot all the time."

 

But that hasn't happened. Instead what do you hear? A guy can make up for his lack of looks by _____, _____, etc, etc, etc.

 

I call it like I see it. I started this thread because of a real life occurrence. Not some fiction that I concocted in my own head.

 

 

 

 

 

I am the same as her... I have been with many HOT men, of all different races, wights, heights, looks. A good looking man is a good looking man to me. Indian, white, black, Asian, short, tall, fat, skinny... All sexy men to me, and all of them pretty damn different from one another.

[Jane2011]

Maybe men in general are just less selective.

 

I think it might be that a little. But I also think (and this is just my opinion), that there are more attractive women in the world than there are attractive men in the world. So the idea that a guy would go out with eight out of ten women he randomly comes across (but a woman would only go out with two or three out of ten random guys she comes across) doesn't speak to him having low standards or being un-selective; it speaks to there being a greater amount of "reasonably attractive" to "very attractive" women around in relation to men.

 

In many social contexts I've observed, attractive women are more prevalent. When I was on OLD, I generally saw pretty women profiles much more often than I saw good-looking men profiles. I've also done speed-dating three or four times (spaced out over six years). Every single time, the collection of men and women entailed plenty of good-looking women but NO good-looking men. In at least two of these speed-dating events, a few of the women left before things even got started because so few men even passed the "reasonably good-looking" test. When I was in grad school, the seminar classes I was in always had about twelve total students. Almost all of the women would be attractive, but none of the men would be. As a teacher of community college students (currently), I have a bunch of cute girls in my classes, but only a handful of truly attractive boys.

 

I think there are good-looking men in the world, mind you. Plenty. I just think there are a lot more good-looking women.

 

It could also be that, even though men and women alike care about looks and personality, for men, initially, looks alone is enough to make them go forth in pursuit, whereas women are attracted as a blend of personality and looks, even just initially. Hence, women are more indifferent to men in general because as people just walking around in the world, none of us knows each other's personality or has experience with the other without active engagement. In effect, men seem less selective because so many women *easily* attract them, while women seem so picky because attraction requires more knowledge of the person, combined with less men even being reasonably good-looking in the first damn place!

[Badsingularity]

Not wanting to attend to a man's every whim and need does not make me narcissistic. I wasted my prime years on relationships where a guy expected me to contribute 80-90% of the relationship while he did 10-20%.

 

As a result, I have acted FAR from self absorbed in all of my relationships and guess where that led me? Very few men are not selfish enough to not do this.

 

Men take women for granted in the long run and feel entitled to it, because well, "they are just being a guy" while when a woman does it, she is a bitch and a cunt.

 

if I did half the crap I see men do on a daily basis I would get called a bitch and a cunt 10x a day

 

 

Kimberlydoll. You had a bad experience, or a few, and you are now putting that on all men.

 

I actively think things like this in my relationship with my wife " Have I been taking her for granted lately? I think I have a little bit, I need to treat her extra special today or this week and make sure she knows I appreciate her" and "Am I being selfish? Is this fair? I think I would be being selfish If I did that. I'm not going to do it." and "How is she feeling lately? Is she feeling a little bit disconnected from me and unloved. I need to show her that I am a man and that I am a man that loves her"

 

I am definitely not perfect, but I do try to keep myself in check.

 

I will say though, that I think it is hard for many women to find men that will do or even know how to do this sometimes.

[Content]

Ive read studies that show 90% of men in their 20's expect sex within the first month of dating. Regardless or whether they really like the girl or not. So sorry, yes 90% of men in their 20's are narcissistic and view women as **** objects instead of human beings. Welcome to reality. My generation is alot different from yours. I should have been born 30 years ago

 

My God ENOUGH WITH YOU AND YOUR STUDIES!!!

 

Go out and live life and hope for the best..nobodies immune to getting hurt it happens to all of us but those of us who get up after we're knocked down instead of blaming an entire gender are the ones who suceed.

[SuperGeek]

Holy generalizations batman! Apparently, _all_ men do the following according to you:

 

1) All men take women for granted

2) All men men contribute nothing to relationships and just sit around

 

You might want to evaluate your belief systems about men. How is any guy going to have a chance in hell at being successful with you if you feel like this? I know dating is rough but I'd likely find this situation impossible as a _guy_. Some women are just so down on men that no matter what I do to show them I'm for real it isn't enough, so I just let them go.

 

SuperGeek

 

Not wanting to attend to a man's every whim and need does not make me narcissistic. I wasted my prime years on relationships where a guy expected me to contribute 80-90% of the relationship while he did 10-20%.

 

As a result, I have acted FAR from self absorbed in all of my relationships and guess where that led me? Very few men are not selfish enough to not do this.

 

Men take women for granted in the long run and feel entitled to it, because well, "they are just being a guy" while when a woman does it, she is a bitch and a cunt.

 

if I did half the crap I see men do on a daily basis I would get called a bitch and a cunt 10x a day

Edited April 3, 2013 by SuperGeek

[StanMusial]

I think it might be that a little. But I also think (and this is just my opinion), that there are more attractive women in the world than there are attractive men in the world. So the idea that a guy would go out with eight out of ten women he randomly comes across (but a woman would only go out with two or three out of ten random guys she comes across) doesn't speak to him having low standards or being un-selective; it speaks to there being a greater amount of "reasonably attractive" to "very attractive" women around in relation to men.

 

In many social contexts I've observed, attractive women are more prevalent. When I was on OLD, I generally saw pretty women profiles much more often than I saw good-looking men profiles. I've also done speed-dating three or four times (spaced out over six years). Every single time, the collection of men and women entailed plenty of good-looking women but NO good-looking men. In at least two of these speed-dating events, a few of the women left before things even got started because so few men even passed the "reasonably good-looking" test. When I was in grad school, the seminar classes I was in always had about twelve total students. Almost all of the women would be attractive, but none of the men would be. As a teacher of community college students (currently), I have a bunch of cute girls in my classes, but only a handful of truly attractive boys.

 

I think there are good-looking men in the world, mind you. Plenty. I just think there are a lot more good-looking women.

 

It could also be that, even though men and women alike care about looks and personality, for men, initially, looks alone is enough to make them go forth in pursuit, whereas women are attracted as a blend of personality and looks, even just initially. Hence, women are more indifferent to men in general because as people just walking around in the world, none of us knows each other's personality or has experience with the other without active engagement. In effect, men seem less selective because so many women *easily* attract them, while women seem so picky because attraction requires more knowledge of the person, combined with less men even being reasonably good-looking in the first damn place!

 

One of the best posts on the topic I've seen.

 

Except for metro types most men are not especially well dressed or groomed. Women usually have all that down. They know how to play up strengths and downplay weaknesses. They can use makeup to hide facial flaws and give the illusion of symmetry and youthful features.

 

For whatever reasons, I am of the opinion that good looking women outnumber good looking men by a significant margin. That margin varies depending on your location.

[Badsingularity]

Ive read studies that show 90% of men in their 20's expect sex within the first month of dating. Regardless or whether they really like the girl or not. So sorry, yes 90% of men in their 20's are narcissistic and view women as **** objects instead of human beings. Welcome to reality. My generation is alot different from yours. I should have been born 30 years ago

 

 

All that proves is that men really like sex with women. Not that men are narcissistic or that they don't view women as human beings.

 

I guarantee that if you had ten times the testosterone flowing through you than you do now and you had a male wired brain you would be the exact same way. Why are you mad at men for being born the way they are? What do you think about the guys that are mad and angry at women for the being born way they are? They are in this thread. You are sounding just like them.

 

Here is a secret that could really benefit women that are thinking the way you are.

 

The kind of women that men, real men, want to commit to and treat right are the kind of women that except men for being men and don't hate them for the way they were born. They try to understand men and accept that the way men are is completely natural not something to hate or punish them for.

 

Men go their whole lives hearing from women how horrible they are and how they are jerks and low lifes and creeps just for being born men.

 

When a man finds a women who embraces a man for being and man and does not think of him horribly for it. He will want to keep her and treat her right.

[Badsingularity]

You do realize WOMEN have been the oppressed for 99% of human existence?

 

 

You do realize that for 99% of human existence women and children were protected by, fed by and kept alive by men.

 

 

Your thinking is very self absorbed.

[miss_jaclynrae]

You do realize WOMEN have been the oppressed for 99% of human existence? The world today is still a male dominated world by far, sorry.

I dont care a guy wants sex...you misinterpreted me. HE EXPECTS SEX WITHIN THE FIRST MONTH WHETHER HE LIKES HER OR NOT. If she doesnt, he writes her off.

 

Im not shouting, the caps is making a point.

 

 

 

 

 

If you are kimberlydoll and dating, you're gonna have a bad time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All joking aside, I am curious as to how your dating life is with this general negativity.

[Badsingularity]

 

Well as long as I feed someone I dont have to treat them as human being. Kept alive? YOU sound like you have a superiority complex yourself there

 

 

Yes, because no men in history ever loved his woman or his children. They were all just horrible abusers. No man ever died fighting for, working for, or defending his woman in history.

 

LOL I have a living in reality thinks for himself anti-delusion complex.

 

Enough of this though. It's off topic.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I dont go in with negativity. Im actually pretty open minded and hope Ill get one of the rare ones. I know being negative scares people away anyway. But in time, it always turns out the same. After the first few months, all the selfish behavior slowly starts to creep in.

Being openminded doesnt cure this problem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I find all humans are selfish. All relationships are about compromise, giving and taking. What exactly are you looking for? A man to be perfect? You can't expect perfection unless you are perfect yourself, and based on what I see, I doubt you are.

You seem to only care about your own well being, how do you expect someone to care only about you when you already care so much about yourself?

[ThaWholigan]

Yes while also being abused, raped, treated like cattle, being told they are inferior on a daily basis, being restricted in their rights when compared to men.

Most of those changes were initiated by women and not men, by the way.

Oh Im so self absorbed because I can interpret a history book.

 

Well as long as I feed someone I dont have to treat them as human being. Kept alive? YOU sound like you have a superiority complex yourself there

Yeah but you have to say, when you and a couple others claim that anywhere over 90% of men are so horrible, you have to expect that even the ones who aren't as you claim are going to be annoyed by this.

 

And how we're not emotional and all this . It's silly - what I want to know is what purpose you think your "truth" is supposed to carry?

[Lonely Ronin]

Not wanting to attend to a man's every whim and need does not make me narcissistic. I wasted my prime years on relationships where a guy expected me to contribute 80-90% of the relationship while he did 10-20%.

 

As a result, I have acted FAR from self absorbed in all of my relationships and guess where that led me? Very few men are not selfish enough to not do this.

 

first off your first paragraph above says a lot more about you than the guys you have dated. You wasted years because you either couldn't weed out looser, or hung onto one hoping he would change.

 

The second paragraph is where the narcissism comes in. I have lost count how many times i have seen you post about all that you have done. That's Vanity, and a key requirement of narcissism. its also coupled to pride another component of narcissism.

 

 

Men take women for granted in the long run and feel entitled to it, because well, "they are just being a guy" while when a woman does it, she is a bitch and a cunt.

 

if I did half the crap I see men do on a daily basis I would get called a bitch and a cunt 10x a day

 

No, the men you have dated and are surrounded with take women for granted. let me guess, your mid 20's in live in a major metropolitan area? me me me is a trait associated with young men & women in that environment.

[debber01]

When a guy is confident and sure of himself women can see it and feel it as soon as they look at him. This will often cause them to feel attracted to him. Add in a good personality and some charisma and he should have no problem with women.

 

After this looks are often just a plus or a minus.

 

^^^ This. I had a guy contact me on POF that is kind of cute, and short (let's not open that can of worms again! lol) but not anything I'd normally go for. He's bold. Confident yet not arrogant. Definitely has personality and maybe a bit of charisma. We have a date Friday night.

[SuperGeek]

Every man should not be punished for what other men have done. It is not my fault that some guy broke your heart and hurt you.

 

The best thing you can do is give each guy you date a clean slate and not pre-judge them based on your past experience with men. I know this is hard to do as I see a lot of girls struggle with this.

 

You sort of remind me of a girl I used to date that I had to let go. She didn't trust men at all because she had been through a series of bad incidents including being raped when she was 19 by some guy (don't know who). She divorced her husband after 10 years because he was 'boring'. She claimed that guys always led her on and that they never committed, but in fact she was the one who didn't commit because she could never trust ANY guy she was with. She had underlying trust issues and no guy could earn her trust, so she always bailed on them, or kept them hanging on a thread until they bailed on her. I bolted after dating her for 6 months as she began to trust me less and less and developed all kinds of paranoia about screwing her over -- I did nothing to earn such distrust. She has since moved from guy to guy to guy over and over in a cycle because she just hasn't resolved her trust issues with men.

 

Also most guys don't have a hard limit on 30 days for required sex. I think most guys just want to see progression and know they aren't wasting their time. Do you like wasting your time on a man? I don't think you do. How long do you think a man should wait? 2 months? 4? a year? How long must you abstain so you 'feel okay' about it? My last relationship which lasted 5 years start out with sex in the first week and she never restricted me from it, even up until the day she left me.

 

You do realize WOMEN have been the oppressed for 99% of human existence? The world today is still a male dominated world by far, sorry.

I dont care a guy wants sex...you misinterpreted me. HE EXPECTS SEX WITHIN THE FIRST MONTH WHETHER HE LIKES HER OR NOT. If she doesnt, he writes her off.

 

Im not shouting, the caps is making a point.

Edited April 3, 2013 by SuperGeek

[xxoo]

Kimberlydoll. You had a bad experience, or a few, and you are now putting that on all men.

 

I actively think things like this in my relationship with my wife " Have I been taking her for granted lately? I think I have a little bit, I need to treat her extra special today or this week and make sure she knows I appreciate her" and "Am I being selfish? Is this fair? I think I would be being selfish If I did that. I'm not going to do it." and "How is she feeling lately? Is she feeling a little bit disconnected from me and unloved. I need to show her that I am a man and that I am a man that loves her"

 

I am definitely not perfect, but I do try to keep myself in check.

 

I will say though, that I think it is hard for many women to find men that will do or even know how to do this sometimes.

 

I love this post. It reminds me of my H.

 

Did I mention he's on the short side? (keeping on topic!)

[Treasa]

Every man should not be punished for what other men have done. It is not my fault that some guy broke your heart and hurt you.

 

The best thing you can do is give each guy you date a clean slate and not pre-judge them based on your past experience with men. I know this is hard to do as I see a lot of girls struggle with this.

 

You sort of remind me of a girl I used to date that I had to let go. She didn't trust men at all because she had been through a series of bad incidents including being raped when she was 19 by some guy (don't know who). She divorced her husband after 10 years because he was 'boring'. She claimed that guys always led her on and that they never committed, but in fact she was the one who didn't commit because she could never trust ANY guy she was with. She had underlying trust issues and no guy could earn her trust, so she always bailed on them, or kept them hanging on a thread until they bailed on her. I bolted after dating her for 6 months as she began to trust me less and less and developed all kinds of paranoia about screwing her over -- I did nothing to earn such distrust. She has since moved from guy to guy to guy over and over in a cycle because she just hasn't resolved her trust issues with men.

 

Also most guys don't have a hard limit on 30 days for required sex. I think most guys just want to see progression and know they aren't wasting their time. Do you like wasting your time on a man? I don't think you do. How long do you think a man should wait? 2 months? 4? a year? How long must you abstain so you 'feel okay' about it? My last relationship which lasted 5 years start out with sex in the first week and she never restricted me from it, even up until the day she left me.

 

I agree with this for the most part. I used to be that girl. Always wanting a dude to save me, even though I wouldn't admit it (even to myself), and basically putting my happiness and future in someone else's hand. I'm a very capable, intelligent person, but I was making the mistake of trying to exercise too much control over someone else and not enough over myself.

 

Once I flipped that, and started making me and ONLY me responsible for my happiness, I stopped having to trust men or have them prove something. I give someone as much access as they need as far as what they've earned (for example, my best friend has access to my house, as he's been my best friend for 16 years), but I don't have to either give or restrict permission when it comes to ME. People can't hurt my feelings unless I let them. It's really true, and it's amazingly empowering when you realize it.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

In many social contexts I've observed, attractive women are more prevalent. When I was on OLD, I generally saw pretty women profiles much more often than I saw good-looking men profiles. I've also done speed-dating three or four times (spaced out over six years). Every single time, the collection of men and women entailed plenty of good-looking women but NO good-looking men. In at least two of these speed-dating events, a few of the women left before things even got started because so few men even passed the "reasonably good-looking" test. When I was in grad school, the seminar classes I was in always had about twelve total students. Almost all of the women would be attractive, but none of the men would be. As a teacher of community college students (currently), I have a bunch of cute girls in my classes, but only a handful of truly attractive boys.

 

I think there are good-looking men in the world, mind you. Plenty. I just think there are a lot more good-looking women.

 

Ding, ding, ding.

 

So, you're in a classroom and 8 or 9 out of 10 guys are attracted to you.

 

Meanwhile, you are attracted to maybe the two, maybe three guys that all the other women are attracted to.

 

Point proved. Thanks for your candidness.

[Revolver]

I disagree. I think men are more like minded in who they find attractive and they find a high percentage of the overall female pop(in their age range of course) attractive physically. Women are more diverse in what they find attractive but they find a much lower percentage of the male Pop physically attractive.

 

Like for example, take any woman our society says is hot. We'll use Mila Kunis for example. They're men who will say she overrated or not as attractive as people say but you'll rarely if ever see a guy say she unnactractive or he wouldn't date/sleep with her given the chance

 

I've heard tons of women say Will smith is ugly, brad Pitt is ugly, Bradley cooper isn't attractive. How many guys wouldn't sleep with Beyonce? Or would say Natalie portman is unnactractive? It's not even close. Men are much more like minded when it comes to physical attractiveness.

 

Now, qualities like Confidence/Assertiveness/strength/being able to provide/protect are universal traits that all women are attracted to. But the box it's wrapped is a whole other story....

[Lonely Ronin]

Ding, ding, ding.

 

So, you're in a classroom and 8 or 9 out of 10 guys are attracted to you.

 

Meanwhile, you are attracted to maybe the two, maybe three guys that all the other women are attracted to.

 

Point proved. Thanks for your candidness.

 

And what you fail to see, is the simple reason for this, is because a lot of guys do nothing to make themselves more visually appealing to women. Those 2 or 3 men that so many guys on LS keep complaining about are the ones focusing the most on making themselves physically appealing to women.

[xxoo]

Ding, ding, ding.

 

So, you're in a classroom and 8 or 9 out of 10 guys are attracted to you.

 

Meanwhile, you are attracted to maybe the two, maybe three guys that all the other women are attracted to.

 

Point proved. Thanks for your candidness.

 

Until I get to know the other guys, and I fall head over heels in lust with one of the guys I didn't notice the first day. And then he's the hottest guy in the class to me.