Difference between men's and women's attraction

[iris219]

I agree that men and women are different in their attraction styles. What some of the men on here fail to understand, OP included, is that many women don't look across a room and find themselves attracted to men they've never met. It might be possible to tell if he's objectively attractive, but that doesn't mean she will be attracted to him. Sometimes I don't even notice a man's attractiveness before talking to him. We are simply not as visual as men. This is a plus for men though.

[xxoo]

Sometimes I don't even notice a man's attractiveness before talking to him. We are simply not as visual as men. This is a plus for men though.

 

For the men I've ultimately been most attracted to, that's been the pattern for me more often than not.

 

I don't understand how men consider that a bad thing Would it be better to be judged as attractive or unattractive on your looks alone? How is that "better"???

[pbjbear]

I generally believe that if you are looking for a mature, healthy relationship you will have bad luck living in a metro area with a surplus of women in that age group (early 20's). Multiple other women in the same situation have said the same on this site (and men in those situations too by the way...) DC, NYC and LA are BAD places for dating (for emotionally mature and levelheaded people anyway) for women.

[Woggle]

It is seriously not healthy to be that angry towards half the population. I know because I used to be the same way in reverse and it didn't make me happy. I made it a woman's duty to prove she wasn't like the rest and even then I always doubted her. It nearly destroyed the best relationship I have ever had with a woman.

 

These days and times are rough for relationship minded people in general since we live in such a disposable society. It is not about gender because both sexes are pretty much as bad as each other.

 

I do agree that men who express opinions that are similar are torn apart on these forums.

[pbjbear]

Woggle I dont even know how you are married. Do you ever freak out?

[Woggle]

Woggle I dont even know how you are married. Do you ever freak out?

 

I did all the time. Circumstances last fall made me take a long hard look at my life and I realized that getting caught up in this crap was not worth it and was only hurting me and my life. Going through some real stuff puts things in perspective.

[somedude81]

And what you fail to see, is the simple reason for this, is because a lot of guys do nothing to make themselves more visually appealing to women. Those 2 or 3 men that so many guys on LS keep complaining about are the ones focusing the most on making themselves physically appealing to women.

Just so you know, not all of us were born tall and good looking.

 

Yesterday I was in the gym doing an upper body work out but had to stop early because I was starting to get a big headache, not sure why.

 

Today I did laps in the pool, which was exhausting as hell, then did some cardio on land.

 

I'm growing my hair out trying a different style but it's very much a work in progress.

 

So don't tell me that I'm not doing anything to be more physically appealing to women.

[ltjg45]

Just so you know, not all of us were born tall and good looking.

 

Yesterday I was in the gym doing an upper body work out but had to stop early because I was starting to get a big headache, not sure why.

 

Today I did laps in the pool, which was exhausting as hell, then did some cardio on land.

 

I'm growing my hair out trying a different style but it's very much a work in progress.

 

So don't tell me that I'm not doing anything to be more physically appealing to women.

 

somedude81, you should know more than anyone else (and even women stated it as well multiple times) that physical attraction is one of the lowest advantages you can have when attracting a female.

 

So you need to work on your approach more than your body.

 

I don't know if that is true or not personally but if almost every female here has said this same thing, it's hard to look at it and call them liars especially when these are the kind of human beings you aim to want. We, as males, is merely getting a glance of how a woman thinks. Regardless if it will benefit me in the long run or not, it is something worth keeping in mind.

[William]

There's no need nor room for discussion of other members, their posting habits and/or decisions or anything relevant to their posting activities. Back to the topic. Thread jack deleted. Thanks.

[veggirl]

MANY men are pigs and will do any girl that is not totally hideous.

 

It's pretty disgusting how you all tell a girl she is negative and all sorts of other unflattering things but then turn around and rate her looks and say you'd take her home?! Point proven....MANY men in their 20s only care about looks. Good looks will override almost any bad personality trait.

 

Most women have much more diverse criteria than "be hot". Most guys in their 20s will take any girl who is attractive, personality be damned, they'll at least try her out for a while. Maybe guys should be more picky and then women wouldn't have so many options and you guys could quit belly-aching non-stop about women having sooo many options. HELLO YOU are the ones giving us all these options. Maybe don't be so quick to "want" a girl just because she is hot. Maybe work on having other criteria :rolleyes:

Edited April 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Woggle]

MANY men are pigs and will do any girl that is not totally hideous.

 

It's pretty disgusting how you all tell a girl she is negative and all sorts of other unflattering things but then turn around and rate her looks and say you'd take her home?! Point proven....MANY men in their 20s only care about looks. Good looks will override almost any bad personality trait.

 

Most women have much more diverse criteria than "be hot". Most guys in their 20s will take any girl who is attractive, personality be damned, they'll at least try her out for a while. Maybe guys should be more picky and then women wouldn't have so many options and you guys could quit belly-aching non-stop about women having sooo many options. HELLO YOU are the ones giving us all these options. Maybe don't be so quick to "want" a girl just because she is hot. Maybe work on having other criteria :rolleyes:

 

There are plenty of good looking and/or rich men who are horrible people but have their pick of women because of those traits. Stop acting like only men are shallow.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Most women have much more diverse criteria than "be hot". Most guys in their 20s will take any girl who is attractive, personality be damned, they'll at least try her out for a while. Maybe guys should be more picky and then women wouldn't have so many options and you guys could quit belly-aching non-stop about women having sooo many options. HELLO YOU are the ones giving us all these options. Maybe don't be so quick to "want" a girl just because she is hot. Maybe work on having other criteria :rolleyes:

 

I disagree with the bolded. Seeing a woman chase after and lust after a tall handsome desirable alpha male is something worthy of a National Geographic special.

 

But absolutely spot on with every other point in your paragraph. And something I work on constantly, discerning between a 'good looking' woman and a 'good' woman.

[SuperGeek]

DIng DIng DING! You win the next prize for completely useless generalizations about men!

 

Unless you've interviewed the entire male population and recorded down which females they'd sleep with, you CANT say you know which women males will sleep with and won't sleep with.

 

I happen to have a very specific criteria and will literally go without sex unless i find what I want. Sex is not all it's cracked up to be and having sex with the wrong women can just be too much of a pain as it creates TONS of drama. I avoid drama at all costs, so if I think a girl is high maintenance, I don't touch her with a 10ft pole.

 

What is with all the generalizations on this site today ? lol.

 

 

 

MANY men are pigs and will do any girl that is not totally hideous.

 

It's pretty disgusting how you all tell a girl she is negative and all sorts of other unflattering things but then turn around and rate her looks and say you'd take her home?! Point proven....MANY men in their 20s only care about looks. Good looks will override almost any bad personality trait

 

 

Most women have much more diverse criteria than "be hot". Most guys in their 20s will take any girl who is attractive, personality be damned, they'll at least try her out for a while. Maybe guys should be more picky and then women wouldn't have so many options and you guys could quit belly-aching non-stop about women having sooo many options. HELLO YOU are the ones giving us all these options. Maybe don't be so quick to "want" a girl just because she is hot. Maybe work on having other criteria :rolleyes:

[JuneJulySeptember]

I agree that men and women are different in their attraction styles. What some of the men on here fail to understand, OP included, is that many women don't look across a room and find themselves attracted to men they've never met. It might be possible to tell if he's objectively attractive, but that doesn't mean she will be attracted to him. Sometimes I don't even notice a man's attractiveness before talking to him. We are simply not as visual as men. This is a plus for men though.

 

For the men I've ultimately been most attracted to, that's been the pattern for me more often than not.

 

I don't understand how men consider that a bad thing Would it be better to be judged as attractive or unattractive on your looks alone? How is that "better"???

 

I would've eaten this crap up for breakfast 10 or 15 years ago.

 

"Yea! Women don't care about looks. If we connect and she gets to know the real me over time, she'll like me! She likes me as a person. We have fun. We talk easily. I must be in!"

 

I also thought I could get rich as a professional blackjack player.

[xxoo]

I disagree with the bolded. Seeing a woman chase after and lust after a tall handsome desirable alpha male is something worthy of a National Geographic special.

 

Yes, we lust over the extremely good looking.

 

But we also lust after men with other qualities. Real lust!

 

How many young men lust after their average looking, 45 year old college professors because of their minds? I got crushes on many of my college profs. They certainly were not conventionally "hot".

 

Sure, I lusted after some of the young, tall athletes. The physical can get the motor running. But the mental gets the motor running much hotter for me.

[TheBigQuestion]

MANY men are pigs and will do any girl that is not totally hideous.

 

It's pretty disgusting how you all tell a girl she is negative and all sorts of other unflattering things but then turn around and rate her looks and say you'd take her home?! Point proven....MANY men in their 20s only care about looks. Good looks will override almost any bad personality trait.

 

Most women have much more diverse criteria than "be hot". Most guys in their 20s will take any girl who is attractive, personality be damned, they'll at least try her out for a while. Maybe guys should be more picky and then women wouldn't have so many options and you guys could quit belly-aching non-stop about women having sooo many options. HELLO YOU are the ones giving us all these options. Maybe don't be so quick to "want" a girl just because she is hot. Maybe work on having other criteria :rolleyes:

 

You usually are one of the more sensible posters on LS when it comes to these sorts of conversations. What crawled up your butt today?

[xxoo]

I would've eaten this crap up for breakfast 10 or 15 years ago.

 

Hmmm.....well, if you are going to disregard our truth as "crap", I guess you must be happier living in your version of reality. I'm not sure what you get out of it, but I'm out....

[SuperGeek]

Uh. My calculus 1 professor was smoking hot. I'm not kidding. She was probably 36 at the time, she worked out 5 days a week and she wore tight pants to class everyday. She was also a MATH professor and I'm a geek so, put that together: Math+SmokingHot = Freaking Awesome!

 

She didn't look like a street walker either ( I know I'm not doing her justice by the description above ) - she was a very classy gal, smart, intelligent, and she knew calculus so well.

 

I sat in the front row and NEVER missed a single day. It was heaven for me and it really was too bad that she was married because I would have tried very hard to date her. In the end I respected that she was married and i never did make a pass, but I KNOW she knew I thought she was smoking hot, I couldn't hide my body language that well.

 

She still is to this day was my fav prof of all time.

 

I was probably 20-21 at the time.

 

SuperGeek

 

 

Yes, we lust over the extremely good looking.

 

But we also lust after men with other qualities. Real lust!

 

How many young men lust after their average looking, 45 year old college professors because of their minds? I got crushes on many of my college profs. They certainly were not conventionally "hot".

 

Sure, I lusted after some of the young, tall athletes. The physical can get the motor running. But the mental gets the motor running much hotter for me.

[somedude81]

Just so you know, not all of us were born tall and good looking.

 

Yesterday I was in the gym doing an upper body work out but had to stop early because I was starting to get a big headache, not sure why.

 

Today I did laps in the pool, which was exhausting as hell, then did some cardio on land.

 

I'm growing my hair out trying a different style but it's very much a work in progress.

 

So don't tell me that I'm not doing anything to be more physically appealing to women.

 

somedude81, you should know more than anyone else (and even women stated it as well multiple times) that physical attraction is one of the lowest advantages you can have when attracting a female.

 

So you need to work on your approach more than your body.

 

I don't know if that is true or not personally but if almost every female here has said this same thing, it's hard to look at it and call them liars especially when these are the kind of human beings you aim to want. We, as males, is merely getting a glance of how a woman thinks. Regardless if it will benefit me in the long run or not, it is something worth keeping in mind.

What women say, and how women react are two very different things.

 

It's pretty much common knowledge if that a guy is tall and good looking, he will not have any trouble with women unless he has a horrible personality.

 

It's also difficult for a man that is not born attractive to change himself so that he would be.

[GoodOnPaper]

But we also lust after men with other qualities. Real lust!

 

Is it real, though??? My wife was very drawn to me from the get-go, but the ferocity of it was/is all outside the bedroom. Very tame inside the bedroom. I can't help but think that "ONS attraction", for lack of a better term, is more real . . .

[PJKino]

Please i know men who are complete aholes but get women because they are good looking women arent any less shallow or visual

 

Also remember womens veiws on mens looks are pretty skewed on whats average, if they are with anyone who looks less then a male model they think that means looks dont matter to them.

 

Most of these "unshallow" women are still going out with guys who are pretty decent looking and if they arent then chances ae they arent that good looking themselves and probably with a guy whos on their level looks wise and pretend their doign the guy a favor by being with him

[TheBigQuestion]

Come on Veg...

 

Both Genders in their 20s generally don't know who they are, know what they want, know what love is, "sowing their wild oats", shallow, superficial, selfish, easy influenced, peer pressure, surrounded by people who are in the same boat they are, etc.

 

We all know, saw or experienced ourselves or our friends" doing this. Not to mention, the countless stories of both men and women in this age group in the dating and break up forum who dated / sleep with idiots, losers, a-holes, trainwrecks, "bad" boys/girls, psychos, cheaters, fwb, etc for the hell of it or the challenge or the drama or they were drunk and horny that particular night.

 

Agreed. Generalizations are great, aren't they? She went on and on about men being shallow for only dating women who are hot and paying little to no attention to personality. The same can be said for women in their 20s constantly pining after men with high social capital (as well as looks) while paying little to no attention to personality traits that are actually conducive to building a good relationship. This is a very common phenomenon. We can go tit-for-tat with these statements all night long, but they ultimately mean nothing.

[pbjbear]

An easy solution for women is to keep their legs closed. That will scare off the shallow and superficial guys who are only looking for sex.

 

I don't want to hear that if you don't sleep with him in a month the guy will ditch you or guys shouldn't want to sleep with women.

 

Women that put out early have no idea if they are giving it up to a guy who likes her, wants her, wants a LTR, is a good guy, a bad guy, wants marriage, sees a future, only wants sex, etc.

 

How can a man be blamed for that? If it's impossible to know who / what kind of guy you are dating on date 1, 2, 3 or hell the first month... How can you sleep with him and then be surprised with it blows up or ends? You can't put that all on men. Where is the personal accountability?

 

The RIGHT guys... Want to get to know you, they want to date / court you, they are totally invested and they don't care / mind waiting for sex.

 

 

Completely unrealistic in NYC. I will be single for the rest of my life if I make a guy wait at least a month to sleep with me. I imagine places like DC and LA, which have similar cultures, are the same. You can say this all you want but for us women in these areas it is NOT doable.

 

I have run out of fingers for the number of guys that have stopped seeing me in NYC because I didnt put out early. The longest I ever had anybody wait before they got ticked off was 6 weeks. When there are tons of beautiful women ready to sleep with you on the first date, the average looking ones with values left get screwed over big time. Geographic location does play a part in dating culture

 

TheBigQuestion- I believe she said she financially supported herself, so she wasnt being a hypocrite.

 

I know I dont chase after high status men. They are usually full of e.g.o.s

Edited April 4, 2013 by pbjbear

[miss_jaclynrae]

I must be one lucky mother effer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My boyfriend is amazing, and even though he is hot to me, he has far more to offer and I think it sucks for all of you negative Nancy's.

[Woggle]

I must be one lucky mother effer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My boyfriend is amazing, and even though he is hot to me, he has far more to offer and I think it sucks for all of you negative Nancy's.

 

I am lucky as well but I know how lucky I am.