Difference between men's and women's attraction

[Woggle]

Believe me, I know that there are dozens (or hundreds) of guys here who aren't clueless, especially not in this particular fashion. It seems limited to a very vocal and whiny population.

 

What frustrates me is, not only will they completely ignore all the women here who tell them what we actually like - and what the real live men we like are like - they also ignore EVERY. SINGLE. GUY. who has some positive experience with women and knowledge to share.

 

Dismissed offhand because evidently all you guys are in the top 1%, or 20%, or whatever the percentage du jour might be. Also, tall.

 

Right.

 

True but to be fair some posters make assumptions and gross generalizations about men as well.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm curious; what do women deem "short"?

 

Under five feet tall. But we can still like you, even if you are under five feet tall.

[Mme. Chaucer]

True but to be fair some posters make assumptions and gross generalizations about men as well.

 

I KNOW. And I have something to say to them, too! And I say it.

 

They are very vocal and bitter, but there does not seem to be a tsunami of threads by them like there are from Team Groaner.

[SteveC80]

Women are just as superficial as men please stop the womens attraction works in different ways and if we like you then you become attractive and blah blah blah:laugh:

 

So an aveerage looking women can become attracted to an average looking men if he wins her heart that doesnt make women not shallow it means most people end up with someone on a smilliar attractiveness level because its what they can get with what they have to offer physically

 

Some of these women make it seem like they could have had a tall handsome ceo of a company but decided on Joe Average lol

[Woggle]

I KNOW. And I have something to say to them, too! And I say it.

 

They are very vocal and bitter, but there does not seem to be a tsunami of threads by them like there are from Team Groaner.

 

I agree. A certain poster in this thread seems to say this stuff in every single thread but I admit she is the exception. I don't this percentage thing some other guys spout either. Sure good looking people have more options but I see all different kinds of people who are paired off.

[GoodOnPaper]

What frustrates me is, not only will they completely ignore all the women here who tell them what we actually like - and what the real live men we like are like

 

I find that most of the LS women who are happy with their relationships paint highly "perfect" pictures of their men. Once in awhile an imperfection slips out, but overall very difficult for a regular guy to relate to and live up to. As dedicated as my wife is to our marriage, I can't imagine that she feels a fraction of that way toward me -- especially in the lust and physical attraction areas.

 

The problem is perspective -- or more accurately, lack of it. On LS we see a lot of people who are very successful and a lot who are very unsuccessful -- not many in between, so trying to make the transition from unsuccessful to successful is very daunting and it's hard to gain a sense of how to tackle things in a baby-step fashion so we don't lose who we are while we're making whatever transformation we supposedly need to make.

 

For those of us with thick heads, I don't know what you can say -- for years, I've been trying to figure out what I could say to my 20-something self (assuming we figure out time travel) that would trigger a little more perspective and self-forgiveness, but I'm still working on it . . .

[iris219]

Is it real, though??? My wife was very drawn to me from the get-go, but the ferocity of it was/is all outside the bedroom. Very tame inside the bedroom. I can't help but think that "ONS attraction", for lack of a better term, is more real . . .

 

Sorry, but this is absurd.

 

Why do you think women who have ONS are crazy attracted to the guy? The following reasons are much, much more common:

 

1. The guy made her feel there was an emotional connection and there would a future so she did it.

2. She was horny and found a guy she deemed not too objectionable to use as a sex toy.

3. She was wasted.

 

I find that most of the LS women who are happy with their relationships paint highly "perfect" pictures of their men. Once in awhile an imperfection slips out, but overall very difficult for a regular guy to relate to and live up to. As dedicated as my wife is to our marriage, I can't imagine that she feels a fraction of that way toward me -- especially in the lust and physical attraction areas.

 

Because when you're happy and in love, everything seems perfect. All relationships have flaws, but love alters your perspective in a positive way.

Edited April 4, 2013 by iris219

[IT Geek]

I think women are attracted to way less men then vice versa at FIRST GLANCE once you open your mouth then you have a better chance.

 

But if a guy is unattractive then a woman won't take the time for him to open his mouth....

[Mme. Chaucer]

I find that most of the LS women who are happy with their relationships paint highly "perfect" pictures of their men. Once in awhile an imperfection slips out, but overall very difficult for a regular guy to relate to and live up to.

 

My husband is far from perfect! Lord, yeah! So am I!

 

The thing is, I am not focussing on the negatives. If we need to work something out, we will do our best. Complaining about his dirty socks and farting here is not going to help anyone or help us, unless someday I might need a good vent. Which could happen. But, I NEVER compare him with other men; I never think "darn, if only he were a tall guy" or anything like that. I chose him. And vice versa; and I'm well aware that I'm not the hottest thing walking around. Especially since I'm elderly.

 

He is very much a "regular guy," except I see a lot of special things in him and I happen to love him.

 

As dedicated as my wife is to our marriage, I can't imagine that she feels a fraction of that way toward me -- especially in the lust and physical attraction areas.

 

My husband doesn't need to live up to the standard presented by other men, and neither do you.

 

The sex / lust part? IMO, it's sometimes work, in a marriage. A conscious effort and choice needs to be made to keep it hot and not to fall into lazy complacency, which usually results in the death of your sex life.

 

Everybody just needs to be true to themselves and try to bring their best to those they care about. I really believe this.

 

 

 

The problem is perspective -- or more accurately, lack of it. On LS we see a lot of people who are very successful and a lot who are very unsuccessful -- not many in between, so trying to make the transition from unsuccessful to successful is very daunting and it's hard to gain a sense of how to tackle things in a baby-step fashion so we don't lose who we are while we're making whatever transformation we supposedly need to make.

 

For those of us with thick heads, I don't know what you can say -- for years, I've been trying to figure out what I could say to my 20-something self (assuming we figure out time travel) that would trigger a little more perspective and self-forgiveness, but I'm still working on it . . .

[IT Geek]

Now come on, quit lying. That NEVER happens:rolleyes:

 

Maybe not to you, but it sure as hell happens so me.

[GoodOnPaper]

Sorry, but this is absurd.

 

Why do you think women who have ONS are crazy attracted to the guy? The following reasons are much, much more common:

 

1. The guy made her feel there was an emotional connection and there would a future so she did it.

2. She was horny and found a guy she deemed not too objectionable to use as a sex toy.

3. She was wasted.

 

Not sure why it's absurd but I'm handicapped by never having had a ONS or experienced casual sex in any form -- it would be fun to be the recipient of reason #2 at least once in my life. I figured the way most women seem to want relationships instead of "just sex", that the raw physical attraction associated with the relationship would be more intense or some other way exceed what there is with "just sex". From my experience, either I am grossly overestimating how intense casual sex is or relationship attraction is just . . . different . . .

 

Could a gender difference be that women want their guys to want them for more than sex while guys want their SOs to want them for "just sex"?

[veggirl]

You usually are one of the more sensible posters on LS when it comes to these sorts of conversations. What crawled up your butt today?

 

Thanks for the first part. As for what crawled up my butt that day...I don't know, this is why I typically avoid these kinds of threads

 

Come on Veg...

 

Both Genders in their 20s generally don't know who they are, know what they want, know what love is, "sowing their wild oats", shallow, superficial, selfish, easy influenced, peer pressure, surrounded by people who are in the same boat they are, etc.

 

I agree. Many girls in their early 20s are TRAINWRECKS.

Maybe we should agree to quit making judgements based on 20somethings, after all its only like 1/8th of our lives. But yet it seems every thread is about 20-25 yr old girls chasing guys who apparently are nothing like the guys on LS.

 

I don't know, it pisses me off when guys act like every girl has loads of guys throwing themselves at her.

 

 

I find that most of the LS women who are happy with their relationships paint highly "perfect" pictures of their men. Once in awhile an imperfection slips out, but overall very difficult for a regular guy to relate to and live up to. As dedicated as my wife is to our marriage, I can't imagine that she feels a fraction of that way toward me -- especially in the lust and physical attraction areas.

 

LOL dude anyone yelling the loudest about greatness is full of s.hit, they are just being proactively defensive. It goes for anything you see on here from threads about boobs to threads about sexual prowess to threads about fashion to threads about relationships to threads about professional success, so on and so forth. The ones yelling the loudest are the most insecure.

[iris219]

Not sure why it's absurd but I'm handicapped by never having had a ONS or experienced casual sex in any form -- it would be fun to be the recipient of reason #2 at least once in my life. I figured the way most women seem to want relationships instead of "just sex", that the raw physical attraction associated with the relationship would be more intense or some other way exceed what there is with "just sex". From my experience, either I am grossly overestimating how intense casual sex is or relationship attraction is just . . . different . . .

 

Could a gender difference be that women want their guys to want them for more than sex while guys want their SOs to want them for "just sex"?

 

For most women casual sex is gross. It is nothing compared to relationship sex for me. I'd much, much rather have good sex with someone I care about than great sex with someone I didn't because, well, great sex, even if the techniques are awesome, isn't possible with a man I don't care about deeply.

 

I would assume men want to be desired for than just sex.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I would assume men want to be desired for than just sex.

 

I'd assume that too. I think a difference is, though, that many men would be okay with being desired only for sex as long as it got them sex. More women would be hurt by being desired only for sex.

[GoodOnPaper]

I would assume men want to be desired for than just sex.

 

In my experience there has never been the "just sex" part. If I've been wanted, it's felt more like 'instead of just sex' as opposed to 'more than just sex'. But . . . I have no frame of reference. I could be blowing things out of proportion in my head. Or am I kidding myself to think that an LTR can erase the stigma of never being able to attract anyone for casual sex?

Edited April 5, 2013 by GoodOnPaper