Not sure

[pofnin9]

Background info: We were together for 2.5 years, lived together about 1 year. Planned to get married and she suspected that I was going to propose soon (true, i was planning on proposing next month)

 

Basically long story short I reached a low period in my life where I was really depressed and angry and I did not treat my gf how I should have. She began to feel unwanted and not good enough.

 

She finally broke up with me around March 1st and began to hangout with this guy from work. He is a good listener and was there as a shoulder to cry on because she was devastated that she had to end things with me because I would not listen and realize what I was doing to her. They slept together and hang out occasionally and sleep together a little bit. She told him that she does not want a relationship or anything because she just ended one with me and she is too hurt. She basically is keeping him there to ease the pain it seems.

 

After a couple of weeks of trying to talk to her I realized that NC would be the best bet. I started NC but after about a week she said that it was too hard and that she needs to be able to talk to me and be my friend. I wanted to continue NC but she freaked out and was threatening to be 'done for good'. I was able to calm her down and she said that part of her wanted to move on but she knew she just couldn't. She also said she understood NC but it was just too painful for her.

 

We talked last night and I finally realized that a lot of this happened because of how I began to treat her in my depressed state and I broke her heart. She said that she wants to try again down the road after we have both grown and when she feels like she wont be hurt again. We had a good chat and cry about everything and I told her how I had learned a lot from what happened and was making some good progress in changing my outlooks on life and being a better person. She said that she still loves me but with everything going on in her life (she basically hit rock bottom as well and has lost faith in her self) that she is just taking things day by day and will want to try again in the future because she used to believe that I was the one and she doesnt want to regret not giving me another chance and not knowing what could have been. She just has too much on her plate and doesnt want to be with anyone at the moment. We hung out most of the day and ended up kissing and sleeping together which I know was a mistake.

 

Basically my question is this: I am not sure if I should go NC again since despite what has happened the past few days she is still sorta seeing this guy. I know that she will get mad again and i feel like I dont want to anger her any more since with the way I began to make her feel unloved and broke her heart I am prob lucky she is even considering giving me a second change eventually. I feel like I want to do NC because it is hard talking to her and not being able to be with her and it would be the best way for us both to grow and for her to miss me. Also I feel like she needs to see that this guy is just a rebound but according to her they just hang and she has said that she does not want a relationship. But like ive said she missed me way too much and got mad and then cried because i wouldnt talk to her, thinking i hated her for what has happened.

 

Sorry if this is confusing but I have been very confused for a while now so it is kinda hard to get it all written out coherently. Let me know if you have any questions and I appreciate any help I can get.

 

-C

Edited April 3, 2013 by pofnin9