barbie Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Hi Im here lookin to get advice.Recently I f recieved a phone call from a man who told me to tell my husband to leave his wife alone. after talking to him awhile and in such horrible shock I called my husband demanding to tell me about this girl that he was seeing,he denied and came on home . when he got home he admitted to me about this other girl. I was angry , jealous hurt and so shocked because I have never suspected him, during the time he was seeing this other girl he came home like usual and he loved on me like usual AND during this time his dad was dying of cancer so if their was anything unusual about his behavior I figure it was because it had to do with my husbands concern and grieving for his father who was to go at anytime soon. His father passed away a few days after I have found out about the affair which made talking about the affair harder. Finally when i was able to talk to my husband which consist of alot of yelling, screaming and hearing details about how he had met her. He told that she basically stalked himm down for about a month and then he finally gave in on the day he and I had an arguement. Still hurt I have decided to forgive him and TRIED to forget the whole thing because I do love him and beleive that he is truly sorry for what he has done to me and that he lovesmeand we still are dealing with this matter but are trying to take it one day at a time. HOWEVER I am still angry at her for starting this hoorrible ordeal ,I have never done anything to her except that I had a few words for her and not too many nice things to say to her. She works where my husband works and I know that they are not speaking toeach anymore in fact she has been trying to get him fired over stupid pitythings AND she eeven had a report done on me claiming that I am stalking her which is all false. in fact everytime I do see her I try to kill her with kindness I smile and I hold up my head even tho deep down inside of me I want to seek revenge because pretending to be nice is getting old and I want to seek the ultimate revenge towards her especially after what she has done to me.Anyone with advice???? Barbie PS she is now having an affair with a doctor Link to post Share on other sites
Honesty Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Why are you mad at her? She is not the one that has to be concerned about your feelings it's him, your husband! She does not know you. I have never been in a similar situation, but I put myself in your place and all that comes to my head is WHY DID HE DO THAT TO YOU! He is your husband, the one that is supposed to honor the vows that you took, the one who shares each day with you and you want to take revenge on a total stranger? Yes it is wrong for that woman to go around messing with married man, but God and time will deal with her. I would be more p*ssed of at my husband than at some woman that does not know me and does not owe me anything. He should have cared more for your feelings. There is no excuse for cheating Link to post Share on other sites
Butchey Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I agree. Don't take it out on her. The fact that he was under stress because of his father is no excuse either. Drop it. Get in marriage counciling asap as it will help save your marriage. It sounds like you love him and he loves you too. We all make mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I'd like to point out that she didn't force him into this-he CHOSE to sleep with her. She didn't hold a gun to his head. I would be very suspect with him-from what he's said he had a month to tell you that some other woman was putting the moves on him, and instead of telling you he chose to keep that a secret. Why? It's a good question you need to ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I'm in agreement with the others. You're mad at HER for starting this whole ordeal? Your husband is using the standard "she wouldn't leave me alone and finally I just gave in," excuse. It's old and tired. She may have come onto him, but he is the one who started the ordeal by "giving in." Get things worked out with him if that's what you want, and don't worry about her. Don't be nice to her....just don't acknowledge her at all. But revenge is useless, IMO. She's already moved on and could probably care less what you do to her. Move on with her life and show her this didn't break you or your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 I agree with the others here. Although I know you're hurt, and i'm certain there is no love lost between you and this other woman, the fact is your husband is the one who is married to you, and he is the one who made certain promises to you. It is always easier to see the other person as the bad one or the one soley to blame in things, the reason being it is easier to forgive your mate IF you can take the blame off them and redirect it to the other person in question. IF you really want revenge on this woman, then live well and be happy. You and your husband work on the marriage and find happiness with one another if that is what you choose to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by barbie especially after what she has done to me Your husband cheated on you, not her. You are in denial and need to castrate *him* - get the focus off of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted September 13, 2004 Share Posted September 13, 2004 Hey it's okay to want to seek revenge just as long as you don't actually do it. But seriously Barbie your husband wasn't forced at gun point to have the affair he did so willingly. Oh and by the way things "just don't happen" he had to undo his belt, unzip his trousers, etc., etc. he had lots of time to stop and even more time to not get himself into a situation where this affair could happen. It's your husband's fault for having the affair in your marriage AND it is the other woman's fault for having the affair in her marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
ready2moveon26 Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Hatred is all you can feel towards her...whether she "stalked" him or was just there for him to have sex with, she knew he was married and any woman that would do that is trash! I know how you feel in wanting to get revenge, but just think about it this way...you got him now...you win...or do you?!?! Do you trust him? This happened to me with my husband and it made me not trust anything he said or did. It ended our marriage...I wish you luck with this... Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 BE MAD AT YOUR HUSBAND! I personally have been cheated on and I WILL NEVER TAKE A CHEATER BACK. Period. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Second chances are for those who deserve it, he doesnt. Good luck in your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author barbie Posted September 14, 2004 Author Share Posted September 14, 2004 Thank you all for your resposne, I guess you are all right , I mean I have never looked at it in that wayIt isnt just her fault and YES he did make an awful decision to give in on her . However she has met me before and knows that we were married and that is why I was focusing on her so much, the fact he was married she should have kept her hands off of MY husband and not showed any interest in my husband. No she did nt give a crap about me and I have never ever done anything to her why would she do this to me but I guess she wasnt thinking about what she was doing to me ,she was only thinking about what she wanted forherself. Yes my husband made a horrible mistake and yes he could have stopped the whole thing even tho she started the thing . Basically that is what I hated and yelled at my husband for that he could have put a STOP to this .Anyways thank you ALL again forALL your input. Barbie Link to post Share on other sites
prinkle Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 hi there i too have been cheated on and i desperstly seek revenge on the women that f..ked my marriage up ..even though we are trying to rebuild it ,it will never be the same again...but after reading all the replies on here i know in my heart of hearts that i have to concentrate on my marriage not this women ..but i still cant help having ill feeling towards her ..i suppose this is only natural.i have been round to her house once on the night i found out she wouldnt answer the door so i kicked and kicked it ..it did make me feel better but now thinking about it im kinda glad she didnt answer i think i would of killed her..so thanks all for the replies on here has made me think a lot Link to post Share on other sites
I Survived Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 I can relate and I'm so glad that someone began this topic. My husband was contacted by an old girl friend through the internet. Their "affair" lasted for six months - they never got together, it was phone and email only. He was unemployed and I contributed his distant behavior to his feeling bad about not having a job. I suspected that there was someone else but I would explain it away over and over again. When I found out about her, at first I was very angry at her. I didn't want to focus on him. I couldn't be angry at him, it wasn't his fault. WRONG!!!!! After a lot of crying, screaming, yelling and counseling, we have moved past the pain and our relationship is even better than before because we are communicating. We are so connected and I believe that he understands what he did and I am convinced that it will never happen again. HOWEVER.... the other woman is not letting go. She has not contacted him but she has tried to contact me several times. I read the first email which she said "I believe in my heart he loves me and always will". I did not respond and I immediately deleted the other emails she sent me. Our therapist says to ignore her and the silence will eventually make her go away. I want to tell her to leave us alone, I want to tell her family what she's been up to, I want her to stop bothering us. I'm afraid that when she truly realizes that it's over that she will stalk us and try to intimidate me. Sometimes I'm very afraid, then I get angry and say bring it on. I wish I could just forget about it but sometimes it consumes me. What has he done to our lives???? How do I deal with this?? Link to post Share on other sites
prinkle Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 i hope she gets out of your life for good hun....just keep on ignoring the silly cow im sure she will get bored..my husband has to see th ewomen he was seeing for every week as he goes to a club where she goes i know i just have to let him go and if he is going to do it hes going to do it..i just dont want to hurt no more.. Link to post Share on other sites
I Survived Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Thanks prinkle - I feel the same way - let him go - but I'm convinced that even if a woman threw herself at my husband, he would never do it again. He knows how much it hurt me and he knows that I love him. He won't risk loosing up again. He just didn't think I cared, the dope. Men sure do need a lot of attention. It's funny that they think women are high maintenance. HA! God help the "Silly Cow" if she ever shows up at my door. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Um....duh, she's jealous of you! I'm jealous of a woman, and if I weren't married, I'd spitefully go after her husband...just to knock her down a peg or two Seriously though, I had a guy that I worked with, and we started talking, and his ex found out, and persued him until he took her back. I couldn't stand her, because how DARE she think she's better than me, and steals a guy away from me just because she can. So the first opportunity I got, I made out with her guy just to spite her! Now, whenever she looks at me and thinkg, "hee he, I stole him from you..." I can look at her and think, "hee hee....he cheated on you with me " She did it because she's a spiteful little jealous nobody...like me Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 14, 2004 Share Posted September 14, 2004 Tsk Tsk Monday..... You should have blown him. THAT would have showed her. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 That's actually what I did Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 HA!! Then it is NOT "making out"...... Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Should I have said, "Fooled around with"? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 It depends. If he didn't actualy ejaculate I would term it as "screwing around" but if he DID then I would say "So I blew him". I never agreed with the girls in high school when they would call everything except penetration "making out". But then again, I've always had a different POV. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Butchey: I love your avatar! Hilarious episode!! Hahaha! Barbie....Hey you stole my name! Hahaha J/K I know alot of us are named Barbara and go by Barbie or Barby for short (or just like the name I guess)...anyway about your thread...it is natural to "hate the "other" woman" but like everyone has said...he chose to sleep with her, kiss her, touch her, ect knowing full well that he had YOU to come home to so he's the one you must deal with. If you chose to stay you must know he's capable of such acts again and decide if this is the type of relationship you may be willing to deal with. It's not a "guarantee" he'll cheat again but always a possibility! Link to post Share on other sites
Author barbie Posted September 15, 2004 Author Share Posted September 15, 2004 Barby and everyone else ! Thank you all again for your opinions, thoughts and advices.I am slowly but surely trying to just forget about her .AND I have forgiven my husband for his STUPID mistake he promises me that he won't do it again and that he REALLY regrets what he has done. YOU are all right about him though, noone forced my husband to do what he did and after reading all the post here on Loveshack I even had a talk with my hubby about how I ve been focusing MOST of my anger on HER and not so much on him. I told him that she may have started the whole thing knowing he was married and had a family {she too is married and has a family}BUT that he could have STOPPED the whole thing before it even started. Of course he made his usual excuses and said that he was not in his rt mind at the time. The thing is they work together and I know they have no contact with each other because he HATES her now because after he and her got caught she went on to be with someone{who is also married } else there at the hospital.It makes me mad that she is seeing someone also, because she is messing with someone elses marriage now. Anyways My H called me today from work to see how I was doing and of course I asked my evryday usual question, "Did you see the whore today?' he said "yes"and that for no reason at all she showed up at work to show off her cute little legs in her cute little shorts, which really irritated me {it was her day off } My legs are not fat by any means But they are not cute and little like hers. Knowing her like I do I know that she was just showing off. I know that some of you might think that I am being silly but I do alot of comparing myself to her and I have seen her legs and they are much cuter then mine PLUS she is 10 yrs younger than me and she is pretty, so YES it makes me mad when she does these things and she knows that she is pretty. I used to think that I was pretty but at this time my self esteem is pretty low and Im working on getting it back up. So NOW do you understand why I want to seek revenge,but dont worry I won't How should I handle this situation?I swear to god after I said good bye to my H on the phone ,I got all dressed up with make up and all and went to the gym there at the hospital and signed myself up, Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Ok, first of all you need to stop comparing yourself with her, he is supposed to love you for a reason. He's still feeding you a line of BS by the way, has he ever given you the real reason he porked her? Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 Don't do anything stupid! You may regret it. Seek peace and love and do not follow the other woman/girl around and do not seek revenge. It will backfire on you... Work on YOU. Forget about your husband. What about you? Link to post Share on other sites
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