No Contact Rule Doesn"t Always Work :(

[DESI]

I have been reading people's post on here, and it seems like everyone keeps in contact with their ex as friends, or their ex has eventually called them. I am sad because I was with my boyfriend for two years, his longest relationship ever, and we were planning on getting married. Then out of no where he breaks up with me, telling me he just wants a "break" I later found out that it was really a break up. I am just upset because he hasn't tried to contact me at all. The no contact rule doesn't always work. I have not contacted him at all, once he told me it was really a break up. This is extremely hurtful to me, because it makes me feel like he just threw away our whole relationship, and it makes me feel like he has moved on so easily. I feel like I am never on his mind. He just erased me just like that. It has been almost 4 months and still he hasn't tried. He did however call me on the 4th of July to crash at my apartment because he was in the area, which I did not answer the phone call.

 

He also has text messaged me stupid questions about the name of a movie. His mom has called me, because she bought my mom a movie and wanted to give it to her. So she had me go to her house to pick it up, I went there handed her my exes items, she handed me the movie, I handed her a thank you card. She wanted me to stay to have a drink with her, and I told her I had to go. My ex however was home the whole entire time and never came upstairs. She later called me and told me thank you for the card and that it was very sweet, and for me to call her when ever I was in town. I live 2 hours away from her. I told her how my ex doesn't ever talk to me and how he is really mean to me when he does. She told me that he was just hurting and he says things he doesn't mean. I said to her, how could he be hurting when he broke up with me? Then his friend and I talked about it, and he said that is just the way he deals with things.

 

This just really bothers me, how he can never call me or anything. It makes me feel like I meant nothing to him. When we were together after 1 year I caught him talking to his ex girlfriend from like 3 years ago. (We had a rule that he made where we couldn't keep in contact with our exes, so this was a big deal) He said he just needed closure from her, because she cheated on him with his best friend. I thought to myself closure??? Closure after 3 years?? Remind you they were only together for about 3 months.

 

The fact that he contacted her, after she cheated on him, and he doesn't keep in contact with me is just wierd to me. I mean we were very close, my family spend holidays with his family, etc.... I am still heart broken about this whole thing, and I just can't help but feel worthless. I mean if he at least tried to contact me I would feel better. Or if he wanted to try to be friends I would feel better. But he hasn't tried at all. Do you think I am ever on his mind or that he has just moved on so fast? Maybe some people do deal with break-ups by having no contact. I just think that the no contact rule doesn't really work. I've done it since we broke up and he hasn't really called. Any other similar stories would really help me. Please

[Merin]

Desi, a couple of things...........

 

1) Even though to you it seems stupid that he contacted via text about a movie,

logic tells you that he didn't NEED to contact you for that reason, it was an

excuse to contact you and he couldn't think of any better way without "putting

himself out there" so to speak.

 

2) You said that when the 2 of you were involved in the relationship you had

made a rule that neither one of you could remain in contact with EX's right?

Now i'm saying that this is what's happened so don't get upset, but is it

possible that he is in another relationship at this time with that same rule in

place?

 

The No contact rule is ONLY as "useful" or "good" as the two people from the relationship. What I mean by that, is there are some relationships that are just over, regardless if there is No contact or not. One or both people may have just really moved on from the relationship.

 

I know it hurts a lot to have been in this relationship for so long and now to feel insignificant in his life, like you had no impact there...... I know you must have impacted his life a great deal for how long the two of you were together, but I think it is now a matter of accepting that you no longer are going to have that same significance in his life.

 

Hope it gets better;)

[Girlie]

The no contact rule isn't necessarily there to bring them back. It's like that old saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." It's supposed to help you move on by not having this person around all of the time that you want to be with. It doesn't always work that way. Sometimes, the ex misses you when you pull no contact and tries to work things out and sometimes they don't. But as hard as it is, you can't just sit around and wait for them. If he's not going to come back, you've still got your whole life ahead of you. Try to use no contact to move on with your life instead using it to try to lure him back. Good luck to you.

[manofmystrey]

hey desi....

 

The no contact rule is not going to bring him back. I know it hurts allot. My ex and I were together for 7 years and engaged for 2 and she just walked out like i matterd nothing to her and we have not talked since. In fact when she broke up with she did not even tell me face to face or on the phone she just sent me a email that was pretty nasty but she told me that she was done with me and that she wanted nothing to do with me. She did not want to talk to me or hear from and that i was nothing more then a part of her life that she wishes never happened.

 

Its been a long time now since we have talked does it hurt. Very much so. But u have to understand that sometimes in order to love someone we have to be willing to let them go. If he does call what will the two of u talk about? Should u get back together with him, would u be able to trust him? Will u be able to spend the rest of ur life without worrying is he going to get up and walk out again?

 

If my ex called me today, as much as I love her I could never be with her cause the fear of her walking out on me would not allow me to give her all my love.

 

As hard as this sounds u need to get back out there and start seeing other people cause that is the only way u will be able to move on. If u keep worrying about the past u might prevent many great people from entering ur life. You might even miss out on the man of ur dreams. Always remeber that when u lose something good, in time u will always gain something great. Just have faith and be strong.

[I am not logged in]

You did it wrong!!!! If he contacts you, it is okay to contact him a few days later to respond. Just don't be at his beck and call. Hope you didn't totally blow it although it sounds like you did.

 

Everything happens for a reason. Take care Sweetheart!!!!

[DESI]

I did respond back. He called the 4th of July, I called him the niext day to see what he wanted. Then one day he wrote me a text message about a movie, and I didn't respond because I was just so mad. Then I signed online and he imed again asking me if I recieved the text message, I signed off without responded. I few hours later he wrote me another text message saying if your going to be mean I need my stuff back. I ignored that and wrote him a few days laters regarding his stuff. Then one day online he imed me and said Am I ever going to see my stuff again?? I said to him he didn't have to be so rude about it. And we talked for about 45 minutes just arguing back and forth. He basically said to me that we were never good for eachother, that I brought out the worst in him, that I am physcho, that it was all my fault for the break up. etc....

This really hurt coming from his mouth. We were so close for so long, and for him to say all this stuff to me just made me so hurt. I am the one that ended the converstation and told him to have a nice night. After that is when his mom called me and I went to the house and he didn't come upstairs at all. I just don't understand how he could say so many hurtful things, accusing me of using him for his money, that is not the way the relationship was. We always split stuff 50/50 sometimes he paid because he made more then me and he said he wanted to.

I know this sounds like we have had contact, but what I mean is contact that is nice. Contact where he asks me how I am doing. I mean he knew he broke my heart, and he doesn't even call to ever say I miss you, or how are you doing? He is so mean whenever we talk, and I just feel like he hates me.

[Merin]

Desi, as hard as it is, the best possible thing for you to do now is move on.

 

Leave him alone. Don't sweat why he says this or that...... it really doesn't make any difference in the big picture of things.

 

You'll feel a lot better if you just leave his sorry butt alone and move on.

[DESI]

I really appreciate you guys helping me. I know it sounds pathetic that I haven't really moved on all the much after 4 months of us being broken up. It is just that I seriously felt deep down that we were meant for eachother. And he told me he felt the sameway about me. Our families have just grown so close to eachother, and I always had dreams of us being together. I was just so certain, I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Now that we aren't together and he never tried to contact me, or get back together with me I just feel so depressed about it. It is hard for me to concentate in school, I'm a senior in college. We just had all these plans after I graduated of moving in together (we practically already lived together). Then he breaks up with me and blames the whole thing on me. Telling me that I lost the best thing in my life because I screwed up. It just hurts that one week we were saying I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and the week after that its just all over with a snap of a finger.

I know I need to move on, but like everything else that is easier said then done. I find myself obsessing about what happened, what went wrong, how could he do this, and just forget about me. This website really helps me, but then I read about all these breakups where the ex occasionally will call and say they miss you, or want to keep in contact to be friends, and it just makes me feel worse.

I am only 21, and I fee like I am never going to find a guy that I love so much ever again. I feel like this pain is never going to stop.