Is the statement "Once a cheater, always a cheater" really true? Share your stories!

[whitneyblue]

And you didn't end the relationship first because...?

 

 

 

 

There is no justifiable "reason", or more accurately excuse, for cheating.

 

In any case, whether someone believes the phrase or not, you can't blame anyone for holding that view and use it to weed out those that are more than capable of it since they have shown they will use whatever excuse to justify it.

 

Its like jumping in a lion's pit at the zoo, there may be a chance he/she isn't hungry, but I'm not going to take that chance.

 

Lol, wow psycho. I JUST said cheating is terrible and never right, of course there is no excuse!!!! But each circumstance is completely different. if you're cheating because you have legitimate issues or because you're making a one time mistake such as my situation.....this was years ago and I would NEVER do it again...hence answering her question, "once a cheater always a cheater?"....which is obviously incorrect. That's all.

[nofool4u]

Lol, wow psycho.

 

Really? If you want to get into name calling, we can go there if you like.

 

 

I JUST said cheating is terrible and never right, of course there is no excuse!!!!

 

Yup, and I simply stated that. What is so psycho about that?

 

 

But each circumstance is completely different. if you're cheating because you have legitimate issues

 

What legitimate issues? And that sure sounds like trying to make an excuse to me.

 

 

or because you're making a one time mistake such as my situation

 

A mistake is something you didn't mean to do. Cheating isn't a mistake. Call it a piss poor choice, but a mistake? No.

 

 

 

.....this was years ago and I would NEVER do it again...hence answering her question, "once a cheater always a cheater?"....which is obviously incorrect. That's all.

 

And thats fine if you believe that. And all I'm saying is people can play it cautious to never get involved with someone they know has actually cheated in the past. Thats all.

Edited April 26, 2013 by nofool4u

[Dana1313]

If you are cheated on and you take the person back, he or she needs to prove himself....ok...!!! But if this person has a history of cheating in previous relationships and has babymamas and tries to impregnate each woman he meets - run!!!!!!!! Cheating is a state of mind....love of the thrill and the chase...don't put up with it...get out quick!

[Neffer]

Yeah, I mean liberals can where their hearts on their sleeves and champion for "change" as they always do...And that is GREAT, because we need that...we need hope...hope is an amazing thing.

 

But for those of us on planet earth with large brains, it's a numbers game...like everything...What is likely? It's likely you will be cheated on. I look at life like a giant poker game...take risks, but take calculated/worthy risks. If this person is AMAZING and once in a lifetime, then maybe you risk it. But an average joe or jane? You'd need your head examined.

 

And under BOTH scenarios, mathematically, you are taking a very serious risk for heartache.

 

WEAR their hearts. If you are going to talk smack and use "big brains' etc...get the grammar down please. Politics aside....

 

You can create a probability for most things with a negative outcome. Emotion relationships are complex and don't really respond well to such formulas as the formulas themselves are flawed with emotional responses.

All relationships contain risk, can wind up in heartbreak. Calculating odds doesn't change that.

 

There are no hard and fast rules really

[LizardNoyce]

Times have changed and you dont have to go around wearing a red A on your shirt if you cheat. Sure they had a weak moment and obviously it wasnt the best decision, but it's a decision they make because they're human. Anyone has the potential to cheat. It's a matter if you're strong enough to resist temptation. I cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years 6 months ago. He was great enough to forgive me and give it another shot. I will never be able to repay him for what he's done for me, so I live life making sure he's happy and well taken care of. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I thank god every day that he chose to stick with me.

 

There is always a chance he could cheat on you again, but it really depends on the person. If you love him and believe in him enough to take that chance than good for you! I wish you guys the best of luck and I hope he knows now how good he's got it

Edited April 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory language

[nofool4u]

Times have changed and you dont have to go around wearing a red A on your shirt if you cheat.

 

Depends on who you are with. If you cheat on a spouse, and the spouse takes you back, and they see that red A every time they look at you, then you most certainly DO wear that on your shirt.

[NoMoreJerks]

Men that use biology to excuse their selfish behavior are weak, pathetic men.

 

How do you feel about a woman marrying a guy for his money? Or about women choosing men based on money? Did you know there is a biological reason why women do this? Funny, considering men reject that notion even though it is a scientific fact (women who chose men who had the equivalent of money throughout human existence had children that were more likely to survive...yes it is a biological fact in evolutionary psychology) yet say cheating is more acceptable for men due to their DNA. Bottom line: men are weak. They have a "a la carte" approach to thinking. Meaning, they pick out arguments that support their selfish needs and ignore the ones that go against their selfish needs. How convenient.

This is so true...

[MYCluciferase]

Just finished posting some of this elsewhere...

 

Sigh - a qualified 'yes' to the OP's question, because it's very hard to stop cheating once you get into the habit. It seems to take a real shift to get yourself out of that pattern.

 

I once had a relationship with a girlfriend who had a history of cheating, and… well, she cheated on me.

When caught and confronted, she opened up about her addiction to hooking up with men, and it was quite an eye-opener. We carried on for a while with her trying to keep herself under control but promising to be completely honest. Sure enough, one very late night she came home and confessed that she'd just b***ed a co-worker that I knew she was attracted to and had been struggling to keep at a distance. She was in tears, half because she thought she'd lose me, half because she felt like she wouldn't ever manage to be faithful and keep anyone she cared for.

 

She wasn't the most beautiful woman ever (that didn't stop me being in love with her), and she felt 'totally unattractive' if she didn't have guys buzzing around and asking her out. So she'd always dress provocatively and act flirty. When she curbed this behavior, she seemed diminished somehow, less vital. In truth she probably should have had therapy.

 

We tried a half-open relationship (she was allowed to have other boyfriends, I wasn't) and that worked for us for several years. But that addiction… very hard to shake.

[Maleficent]

Well, they recently discovered that a human's brain doesn't come to full maturity until early twenties - sometimes up to 25. This would cause people to do stupid and reckless things without caring for the consequences - such as cheating on your partner.

 

If I met today a man who cheated in his early twenties - it's pretty much sure that once a cheater always a cheater wouldn't apply…

lol

[BeholdtheMan]

Is the statement "Once a cheater, always a cheater" really true?

 

Same question was asked in the Infidelity forum, here's my answer:

 

I'm not silly enough to think "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a literal truth. There are no absolute truths when the subject is human behaviour. Of course it's possible for someone to cheat once and never do it again.

 

"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is a principle to live by. I live by it. If you cheat on me once, it's over. You don't get the benefit of the doubt. If you're honest enough to confess, you'll still have my respect but not my trust. I'll be moving on thank you

 

If I know someone has cheated in the past, the same principle applies. It would be silly if I grant an exception purely because the victim of the cheating is not me. I wouldn't consider a serious relationship with a known cheater. I'll try my luck somewhere else. It's a matter of principle.

[metal_chick]

And this is why there it's impossible to form a reliable picture of the frequency of infidelty in relationships. Who'd 'fess up in the face of such judgment?

[Suave]

If they got away with it once, they're more likely to do it again.

[karnak]

They are probably just cheating with other men.

 

Yep. The same way everyone thought those women had a dream marriage, when they were cheating with him.

[Kassie4]

I'm actually caught in the middle of dealing with something similar. I don't know if the second chance can repair the damage that's done.

I posted a story about it "when in Rome" a few threads down. I would actually really appreciate to hear what people have to say about the situation because no one has posted on it yet!

[BeholdtheMan]

And this is why there it's impossible to form a reliable picture of the frequency of infidelty in relationships. Who'd 'fess up in the face of such judgment?

You say that is if this judgment is unwarranted...

 

If you confess only because you expect to be forgiven, that's a pretty lame confession. It doesn't take courage.

[sammy333]

i honestly think once they cheat they always will ! even if you find out and forgive him he will think oh ..she will forgive me again next time too.

[LilGirlandOW]

The length of the relationship may come into play here too.

 

Married 10+ years, but fallen out of love with eachother, only to fall in love with another person, start an A, I think said married person is capable of being faithful to next partner, sure..

 

On the other hand, your girl/boyfriend of 18mnths cheats on you, your still in the honeymoon phase, s/he should be getting all his needs both physical and emotional taken care of by girl/boyfriend not wandering off, thats a dog whos always out on the prowel.

[chucksagent]

WEAR their hearts. If you are going to talk smack and use "big brains' etc...get the grammar down please. Politics aside....

 

You can create a probability for most things with a negative outcome. Emotion relationships are complex and don't really respond well to such formulas as the formulas themselves are flawed with emotional responses.

All relationships contain risk, can wind up in heartbreak. Calculating odds doesn't change that.

 

There are no hard and fast rules really

 

Thanks for the spelling lesson Mom. And you are wrong that you can't predict probability. You can predict what's likely in just about every scenario...smart people do this all the time.

 

It's like my buddy who always says that I'm only rich because I'm lucky...And how I've never gotten a DUI only because I'm lucky and he has bad luck. Let's look at the facts:

 

His one DUI came leaving a concert and the other came on the night before Thanksgiving. Everyone knows cops are ALL OVER concerts AND that the night before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest drinking nights of the year. He chose to drink and drive on THESE two nights. I never have...in my life...

 

I drank and drove MAYBE 10 times in my entire life...he has probably drank and drove 10 times in a month. So it's like rolling a dice 10 times over 10 years or rolling a dice 1200 times over 10 years...and all you need to roll is snake eyes. Well I challenge you to take out 2 dice and roll them 10 times...You PROBABLY won't roll snake eyes...BUT, if you roll them 1200 times, you may roll them AT LEAST twice...so REALLY, he's MORE lucky than me since he only got busted twice!!!!

 

PROBABILITY!!!!!